There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
C.S. Lewis
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#homesofvictory
Tag: connection
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#homesofvictory
Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try.
Ernest Hemingway
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You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have.
Jim Rohn
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Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.
Albert Einstein
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Consistency is powerful
In what feels like a long and never ending COVID season – the impacts of change, are being felt far and wide. I’ve spoken to people this week – who are anxious about keeping up with the ever changing restrictions – wanting to do the right thing, but are unsure about the restrictions that are in place. I’ve spoken to people who are locked down to the point, where the only way the teenagers in the home have ‘fun’ is swap the room they are working in at lunch time. I’ve spoken to families who are doing it really tough and those who are making the most of lockdowns and changing restrictions.
Though we face a season of let downs, changing landscapes, a need to keep going, their is a glimmer of hope – a silver lining. We have a choice to make when it comes to our behavior and consistency. We hold control over that. We are responsible for that. We essentially hold the gaming control when it comes to who we are and how we behave.
I must admit aside from everything COVID I am not as disciplined as I would like to be or imagine I should be. The idea of doing the same thing every day – like go for a walk, sounds nice in my head in theory, but when I do it, I get bored pretty quick and try to change it up. I grew up with my Dad being so consistent, and disciplined in his routines that I wondered if he found it boring… what I did learn after observing him year after year, is the progress he made, the slow and steady pace of consistency paying off over time, time and time again. He is now – still a very fit man, enjoying early retirement ( less the travel plans), he has a wide range of hobbies and interests because over time, he was consistent in his learning – consistent in expanding his interests.
One thing I would like to challenge you with, is – what is your consistency like? I am always trying to work on being more consistent with the simple things. Like taking the time to have dinner as a family – carving out that time daily. I am trying to develop a routine that works with my new flexible hours at work. What is it that you have control over, in this time of seemingly lack of control.
Think about how you can be more consistent ? How you can harness control over the things that you can control – like consistency and behavior. While not thinking about the things you / me / us no longer have control over – like when borders will reopen, and when can I plan a holiday that won’t get cancelled by lockdowns.
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Apple Pie and Kindness
A week ago my beautiful Nana went home to be with the Lord. It wasn’t expected but equally not unexpected. The shock has slightly worn off, the practical thoughts have kicked aside the lingering sadness for now, while the fun memories and good times have trickled through my mind like a refreshing stream. Apple pie, peanut biscuit’s, chocolate slice, the sewing, the tea cups, the roast lunches, the love of flowers the list goes on.
She was a lovely person, a kind person, never said a bad word – kind of person. She was resourceful and stoic in her strength. She faced every season with a smile. Her heart full of kindness was shared with those around her through cups of tea, her baking and her love for her family and everyone she met. My Nana always dressed immaculately but it wasn’t her clothing that made her stand out, it was her kindness and loveliness.
If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
Roald Dahl
Like my Nana, I try to focus on the good so I am like sunshine to those around me. Although she isn’t with us any more, the warmth that comes when we think of her is more than enough. It encourages me to live a life warm to those around me, to be present and aware, to be kind and unwavering, to be even and thoughtful through every season life throws at me. It saddens me to think, that it has taken this experience of losing someone precious to realize, just how important it is to be who you are – to let the sunshine and goodness in us shine into the lives of those around us.
I may not be able to bake like my Nana, but I sure can encourage those around me with kind words and thoughtfulness.
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personal retreat
In my workplace it is strongly suggested that we have a retreat day every quarter. Time where we step out of the office and into nature to regroup, reflect and reset. This is such a foreign concept to me who pretty much doesn’t know how to have down time, as I am always doing something.
To be honest I have been researching what a personal retreat day is – so I can plan one, confidently knowing I will make the most of the retreat day. Anyone laughing at me yet? I’ve been asking my team mates -what do you even do on a retreat day? How do you make it work with your family? All of the logistical questions that I think of.
The crux of it is, is to reboot and enjoy the process. So in my planning of my retreat day – which at the moment has a schedule… includes good food, some time in nature, a time of reflecting and a time of writing. I have decided to purposely leave my computer at home and not check any work emails. I am determined to be completely switched off for a whole day. I am literally hoping I can do it.
Do you take the time to have a personal retreat day? Have you even considered doing one? In our hustle and bustle – not just in our workplaces, but families, and even our minds – I am beginning to look forward to this day of difference. Where I can step out of the normal, step into the slow and still ‘feel’ productive, while knowing I am setting time aside for me to reboot and reset.
What are somethings you do to reboot, reflect and reset?
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here we go again
I’m sitting here at 9:30am in my PJ’s – one of my kids is painting – the other two are playing Ring Fit – with the argument of it is technically exercise so it doesn’t count as screen time. My husband is sitting next to me working… I should be working – and in all honesty I have been working hard through this latest round of lockdowns… but not in my usual rhythm. For one thing, I am never in my PJ’s at this time of day, I am never normally this unmotivated nor willing to allow myself some grace and work according to my motivation levels. After four days of lockdown with three to go … I know I am blessed – we’ve been relatively lucky in terms of how many lockdowns we’ve experienced and generally they are not too long…. I am realizing my motivation to be productive is sliding lower by the day.
Usually I take the challenge of changing life rhythms and run with it, but this time, my motivation has been hit big time. The routine of life changes the instant lockdown announcements are made, the kids think its school holidays again – rather than thinking about school work from home, my mind goes into ‘how will we do this mode’ and the puppy well she is just super excited to have us all around all the time. The change and the thought of here we go again seems bigger this time – have you ever felt that? You’re not alone. The thing is, we need to give ourselves more grace – even when it’s hard to.
In our ever change landscape of life – be kind to yourself. Listen to the words you tell yourself – are they kind or critical? Check yourself – when you’re feeling it – when the down times come – what is the language you use? Flip it into a positive- allow yourself the time to do it.
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#homesofvictory
Winning doesn’t always mean being first. Winning means you’re doing better than you’ve done before.
Bonnie Blair
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The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born-that there is a genetic factor to leadership. That’s nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true. Leaders are made rather than born.
Warren Bennis
In the rhythms of my new workplace -of which I have now been at for 6 months – I can’t believe how time flies – the one thing I love about it, is the encouragement of self-care. We all run at a fast pace from week to week, and the first question asked at our last team meeting was – What are you going to do over the next 3 months to look after yourself? This question was asked before our planning took place, before all of the details of the next 3 months were spread out – like a clogged calendar of work… I wish to highlight at this point – this question was asked at the start of the meeting – not after all of the work was laid out and self-care was forced to slip in somewhere, maybe along the way if possible. No, it was first. It needs to be priority. We had some laughs as we went around the room, about how we all intended to self-care – answers ranged from booking annual leave to watching the Olympics – while trying to not get too tired to planning work flows better so it’s not overwhelming.
Recognizing the need for self-care in a way that you as an individual needs it– is becoming more common in the workplace – so too is empathy and all sorts of other emotional tools that we can use to relate better to each other, work better together, achieve greater goals, and ultimately become better individuals.
Bene Brown aptly states that:
It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol
Brene Brown
What status symbol are you chasing? Have a good think about it, What is it that you are chasing? My question to you is why? After why, I’m going to ask again – why?
I’ve struggled over time with this question of: What I am chasing and the reason behind it. I’ve struggled with the question of what am I sacrificing to chase, what am I gaining – it’s has to be more than the thrill of the chase. Keep asking yourself why – until you are satisfied with the answer. If all you are getting at the end of the day is exhaustion at the expense of rest and play – ask yourself, is it really worth it?
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Comparison will lead you down the path of compromise and competition. Believe me, you don’t want to go there.
Lisa Bevere
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Together is the answer
Loneliness is something we often think of as – out there. We know that loneliness exists – but in truth it happens everywhere. We can’t see it and we don’t know it until we are told about it. Loneliness never looks the same for any one and never discriminates. The thing is loneliness has always existed but now in 2021 it has become a pandemic in its own right – a killer of sorts (as suicide rates are skyrocketing) a destroyer of confidence, like a broken wire in the capacity to connect. I am not trying to dwell on the negative but give a foundation to both a challenge and new perspective. A new perspective that perhaps we all need.
To put loneliness into context… Britain has a minister for loneliness, Japan has also just nominated one… loneliness is not just something that we feel alone in our homes. The world around us, is experiencing loneliness of pandemic proportions that national governments, are making it a parliamentary priority. I am not sure I can list too many other social issues (not crime related) that have this level of priority.
As much as I hate this, it is so clear, that loneliness is all around us – magnified by COVID and the ramifications of lockdowns, job losses, family separated by halted travel and the list continues. The perspective I want to encourage is that of looking outwards, not focusing on the negative that may be impacting us, but how we can be the answer to those around us. I frame the perspective with the words – TOGETHER is my answer to loneliness. Together meaning if we all – as individuals make a choice to change our perspective and to step just a little out of our comfort zone, the difference with can make is enormous.
If we ALL look out for the ones when we go through our day – the ones, who may be carrying loneliness, the ones who may be carrying isolation, grief, loss the list goes on. If we challenge ourselves to speak to someone, we’ve never met, if we show an interest in others – this challenge will be met – slowly, steadily, and positively. The more we notice the ones, the more those around us will take note and be encouraged to be part of the answer. If we all begin to notice those in our lives during the week, those that may need a word of encouragement, a listening ear, someone to acknowledge them – be mindful and take the time to just do it – take the time to chat, take the time to be kind, take the time to notice. Be the one, who makes a difference in some ones day.
You will be surprised and so encouraged by the outcome of your kindness and thoughtfulness. What will you plan to do today to perhaps -lend a listening ear, be the one to acknowledge some one, to give an encouraging word…
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obstacle course 2
Who we are?
So you think you know each other… Answer me this, how you would your other half respond to the following questions?
We came across this book in Typo … ” What if”
Guess the other person’s answer, then ask them for their answer and have good laugh. If your kids are old enough have some family time and ask them these questions too. We had some great family laughs listening to the ‘why’ in their answer.
- If you could be a professional sports player, what sport would you play and why?
- If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
- If you were given an aeroplane ticket to any where, where would you go and why?
- If you could be a character in a book, who would you be and why?
- If you could be famous, what would you be famous for and why?
Did you already know your partners answers? Did some answers surprise you? At times, we think we know the person we do life with, other times we are surprised, perhaps disappointed or other times completely in awe of how they handled a situation.
A great place to start when navigating life’s obstacle course is to really know the person you do life with. Not just as friends or lovers, but know how they really tick – in all circumstances. Know how they will handle stress, if they are a fight or flight kinda person or if they will lead the charge – just know who they are.
We came across a great website through some work training we did, Http://16personalities.com/. We have never before come across such a detailed and accurate personality test. The results work through the personality strengths and weaknesses, parenting style, career paths, friendships, romantic relationships and workplace habits.
The interesting thing about the results was, I learnt so much more about the guy I do life with, and I thought I knew him well. His response to my results were to predict what I was going to say as I read them out loud to him. Jokes aside we both learnt more about each other, even though we’ve been together for 17 years. Even though our kids are too young to take this personality test, we can see some of our personality traits in them, by knowing who they are in a more detailed way we have been able to connect with our kids better. It has also, made us both aware of each others strengths and weaknesses and we can work together on strengthening the weaknesses – which is always a good thing.
In case you are wondering I am married to a protagonist and I am a defender.
Take the time to go through the quiz and enjoy learning more about yourself and each other. It will absolutely help lay the foundations for navigating the obstacle course – as you will get to know eachother better.
Write down 5 things you learnt about yourself and about the one you do life with. Use these things to grow your relationship and build a firm foundation of understanding each other.
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Goals are dreams with work boots on…
Dave Ramsey
Homes of Victory 