Tag: change management

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Victory

Shaping Leaders: Susanna Wesley

I am taking a step back in history to the late 1600’s and early 1700’s and examining the amazing leadership style of a woman named Susanna Wesley. What is she famous for you ask? Why choose her as a leader? She is the mother of two world movers and shakers – John and Charles Wesley. In fact, she was a mother to 19 children, tragically by the time she passed away only 8 were still alive. Being a mother is important, being a father is important – being a parent is the greatest leadership role you will ever have.

For those unfamiliar with the work of John and Charles Wesley – here is a super quick run down: John Wesley single handedly started the Methodist denomination – focused on charity works that has spread globally and is still in operation today. His brother Charles Wesley wrote some 6000 hymns in his lifetime some of which are still sung today – 300 years later. To say both men changed the world is an understatement but you get the idea.

Back to their mother – Susanna. She lived a life of hardship – her husband was frequently jailed for gambling debts, their house burnt down twice – she managed to rebuild it, she even stopped her husband from living in the family home for a period of time due to an unresolved dispute. She was tough, strong and courageous. When she was without her husband (read big deal back in the 1690’s) she continued to run a tight household as noted in a letter to her husband:

I am a woman, but I am also the mistress of a large family. And though the superior charge of the souls contained in it lies upon you, yet in your long absence I cannot but look upon every soul you leave under my charge as a talent committed to me under a trust. I am not a man nor a minister, yet as a mother and a mistress I felt I ought to do more than I had yet done. I resolved to begin with my own children; in which I observe the following method: I take such a proportion of time as I can spare every night to discourse with each child apart.

Susanna Wesley

I love it how through all the hardships she faced in her life – lack of money being the most prominent and impacting, she decided to do more than she had yet done, and began with her family. She invested and invested and invested into her children’s lives. Each child’s adult life makes for a great read. I could say so much more about her leadership – how she persisted during hard times, she was consistent with her household, she never wavered from her faith and her beliefs. She had resolve and resilience. It has been said of her that:

Although she never preached a sermon or published a book or founded a church, (she) is known as the Mother of Methodism. Why? Because two of her sons, John Wesley and Charles Wesley, as children consciously or unconsciously, applied the example and teachings and circumstances of their home life.

I love this quote about Susanna Wesley as it sums up her leadership – she set the example, lead with teaching rather than expecting and created a home environment full of learning and wonder. What more could we want for our own homes, than to have it conducive to raising world changers.

If we think about it – she sounds like one of the original Homes of Victory – it’s not about anything else other than the people in it doing life together- being courageous, intentional and generous.

Lastly, I will leave you with this thought – When you start to think ‘ I am only a Mum/ Dad” remember you are never ‘ only’ a Mum/ Dad – you are a person of great influence in your families lives. You and your influence and resolve will leave a lasting and incredible impact on your child/ren’s lives.

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Leadership

#homesofvictory

 I am personally convinced that one person can be a change catalyst, a “transformer” in any situation, any organization. Such an individual is yeast that can leaven an entire loaf. It requires vision, initiative, patience, respect, persistence, courage, and faith to be a transforming leader.

 Stephen R. Covey

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Victory

Unity

Where there is unity there is always victory.

Publilius Syrus

Ah… the elusive word unity. What does it mean and how does it apply to us in a family context. Going back to the definition of the word unity, it is defined as:

The state of being one ; a whole or totality as combining all its parts into one.

Dictionary.com

How often have you found yourselves in your home, at odds with one another. Over time, over money, over space, over decisions that are overwhelming, over things that happen that we have no control over. I know we’ve been there and are probably there more often than we realize.

What strikes me about unity, especially in a family context, is once you know you are all on the same side, battling the same thing, it gets a whole lot easier. If we remove battling each other before we even get to the issue, the battle is almost won.

One thing we say in our home, and we are a work in progress like everyone else is, we are on the same side. We try to take the emotion out of the battle and keep the unity as foundational to the issue. When our kids know we are on their side, when they know we are in it together, there is almost a sigh of relief as they navigate the emotion behind the issue, rather than fight against us as parents. Once we remind each other in our marriage that we are on the same side, the personal attacks that sometimes creep in, dissipate and we focus in unity on the issue at hand. Overcoming far more than we could otherwise.

Now don’t get me wrong, there is no perfection in our home when it comes to unity. But… and I emphasise this, it is the goal. It is foundational to us, that we always remember we are on the same side, the same team and in it together. In doing so, we are stronger, work smarter and are a whole lot happier.

If we aim to live in unity think of the victories that could be won…

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Victory

Your focus needs focus

I know I am not the only one, when I say, I wish my kids listened the first time, or even the second time… I’m not sure what it is, but this is the phase we are going through, where we – as in my children and I, have different expectations of when I ask them to do something. I’m pretty sure no matter how I ask them to do something – like pop your lunch box on the bench as we walk in the door from school, they hear it and interpret it as – at any point in the future I will do it, if I remember to or feel like it, or I could just ignore the instruction and pretend I’m so tired from school that I couldn’t possibly do anything as difficult as unzip my school bag. Sorry – that rant just happened…. Does anyone else have this kind of rant? or situation in their home?

On the weekend we watched the Karate Kid – the one from 2010. Our kids loved it and we realised this was their first taste of a kung fu / karate movies- oh the can of worms we’ve now opened… The takeaway quote from the whole movie for them was – “I’m focusing”… ” No your focus needs focus”. They laughed about it, repeated it over and over to us and each other.

It raises the question – do we need to refocus our focus? Do I as a parent need to refocus my opinions and thoughts of my kids not listening the first time. Do I need to reduce how much I care about it- and focus on what really matters? I’m not saying I will now remove all responsibility and allow them to do anything they like. They’re part of my family and team so we all have a role to play – but what I will do for my own benefit, is change my focus. I need to give them room to breathe, room to be obedient and take responsibly. The only person upset about the situation is me. Why – because of what I am focusing on.

In our homes, in our workplaces, in our sphere of influence what do we need to focus our focus on? Are we currently looking at what really matters and do it well?

I say, not yet to this question, but I want to. I’m not sure how I will personally get there, time will tell. It’s up to each of us to decide how that will work – but set that goal – have a laugh about how ‘ your focus needs focus’ and work out the best way to refocus on what really matters.

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Leadership

#homesofvictory

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

Epictetus
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Leadership

#homesofvictory

When it comes to developing character strength, inner security and unique personal and interpersonal talents and skills in a child, no institution can or ever will compare with, or effectively substitute for, the home’s potential for positive influence.

Stephen Covey
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Leadership Victory

#homesofvictory

Winning doesn’t always mean being first. Winning means you’re doing better than you’ve done before.

Bonnie Blair
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Victory

Leadership Trait: Influence

To be a true influencer is to have an impact on the behaviours, attitudes, opinions and choices of others. A leader’s ability to have influence is based on trust. The more trust there is, the more influence you have. Be careful not to confuse influence with coercion or manipulation. Just because trust is involved doesn’t mean it can be taken advantage of.

As a leader, you must constantly aware of how you influence those around you. The way you speak – will influence the culture of your workplace, the way you work will set the level of expectation, the way you carry yourself during stressful situations will set the standard for others, the way you do what you do – will influence how your staff, your family, whoever you are leading – behaves . It sets the tone of expectation, it sets the standard to which you expect tasks completed. Choose how you influence. Choose how you impact those around you.

Here are four specific areas, the skills of an influencer targets:

  1. Organizational Intelligence: Understand how to get things done and embrace the reality of working within organizational politics. ( What I like to call sticky red tape)
  2. Team Promotion: Leaders with influence learn how to honestly promote themselves. Bearing in mind they also promote what is good for the entire organization
  3. Building trust: With your team, your peers and others in leadership positions.
  4. Collaboration: No leader works alone, connect with others in you network – be empowered by this, and empower others.

These skill areas can be translated into your home and friendships. We are leaders in our home ( organisation equivalent) working within the constraints of family / income/ time etc… as parents with influence, we can learn to promote ourselves to our children – not in a selfish egotistical way, but rather in a ‘ setting the example’ type way. Trust is self-explanatory and so too is collaboration – the older you children get – there will be more ways to collaborate and empower them to make decisions, be part of the decision making process, or simply learn how to work well with others – using all strengths for the greater good.

The last thing I was add about influencing as a leadership trait is: influence must never be confused with coercion or manipulation. Being influential / being an influencer  – needs to be accomplished in a positive manner – where you are setting a standard for expectations, using your influence to benefit those around you and most of all have a positive impact on behaviours, attitudes and choices.

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Victory

it’s the little things

Victory is about recognizing all the work that went into achieving your dream. 

Tommy Hilfiger

One catch phrase that is often spoken in our home is “a little bit of help goes a long way”. Whether it is putting one dish in the dishwasher and not on the bench, whether it is getting all of the clothes into the actual clothes basket – those things as parents where we mutter, why do I have to do that, when you are old enough… any way enough of my ranting.

When we realise, a little bit and a little bit more and then some more equals achievement. Goals suddenly become achievable. Unlike goal setting when we are in charge of the goals we set and work towards, life has a way of challenging us, growing us and keeping us on our toes. When we break down what we have succeeded in – whether you got through one load of washing with your baby today, or drove your teenager to footy training without yelling, or even cooking dinner at a reasonable time – these things all add up. These things contribute to the bigger picture of family life – the victories in life.

I picked up my son from a friends house one day and the friends dad wanted to speak to me. I had this sharp split second thought of ‘on no what did he do’. He asked me if it was normal for my boy to put his dishes in the sink after dinner… I said yeah, we all do after dinner. He looked so surprised and said, I didn’t know kids did that. What I didn’t say was, every night for the last seven years we have asked him to put his dishes in the sink, the victory being he happened to remember to do it at a friends house. It’s perspective. Kids can do it – little by little, it may seem repetitive as a parent, but the little by little turns into a victory.

This is only a simple example, but what I am saying is – whatever it is that you are working towards – in your family life, in your career, in your personal journey through life – change is possible, your goals are possible – but it will be one step at a time – bit by bit. One other thing, it will be done out of sight – what we taught our boy (all of our kids) wasn’t done in public – it was in the privacy of our own home. What he learnt in here – he applied out there.

One last thing – don’t let the victory no matter how small go un- celebrated. I told my son I was proud of his behaviour at his friends house – spoke that encouragement over his life – it was a victory worth celebrating.

The great victory, which appears so simple today, was the result of a series of small victories that went unnoticed.

Paulo Coelho
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Victory

What are you fighting for?

Do you want to learn how to fight for your marriage rather than just fight in it? Start attacking the problems that arise rather than attacking each other.

Lisa Bevere

Sometimes we get hung up on the who and what and forget about the why. We can admit, that we have been caught in the cycle of ‘ attacking’ each other rather than the problems in our marriage. We have been there… but once we made a decision to lay it all out on the table, look at the issue not the person, the real issues were laid bare and the work of problem solving began.

Only then, were we able to start attacking the problems and issues in our marriage rather than each other. The thing is, it took a conscious effort to change how we both thought, it took time and calm to lay it all out, it took steps of peace from both of us, to start working on the real issues at hand.

Don’t let the little things, build into big things, where it seems like it’s gone beyond the point of no return. If communication is a problem – work out a better way to communicate, if busy is a problem – work out a way to adjust the busy, if finances are a problem – work together on finding a solution –get professional help, be disciplined, cheer each other on – rather than tear each other apart. If we have learnt one thing, on the journey of marriage – and boy we’ve had ups and downs – is this:

There is always a solution, you just need to find it.

Homes of Victory

You may have the “I love you but don’t like you days” – you may have the I’m trying to keep loving you days, but if you both keep taking steps towards peace and resolution – you’ll take your marriage to a whole new level of wonderful. Fight for what is worth fighting for.

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Leadership

#homesofvictory

  Become the kind of leader that people would follow voluntarily; even if you had no title or position.

Brian Tracy