Every person that you meet knows something you don’t: learn from them.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Humility is attractive. Humility is a magnet for integrity, collaboration, appreciation, and acknowledgement. Humility attracts staff, who will want to work with you, look forward to being around you and motivated by you. They know you will acknowledge their efforts, appreciate their hard work, and offer a human side to leadership.
Likewise, when we are humble in our homes, humble toward our children, we show them reality, the realness of life. Yes, difficulties arise, and challenges are met – not perfectly but to the best of our abilities. Granted it may take humiliation to encourage our humility but if our families witness it firsthand, how much more are they going to value us as parents. How much more are they going to value humility and being humble themselves. In turn they will begin to value integrity, want to receive our appreciation, be acknowledged, and finally behave like this towards others.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.
C. S. Lewis
Never curse a fall. The ground is where humility lives.
I love to garden. I love being outside, I love being in the sun, I love dirt and I love plants. Everything about it makes me happy. In another life, I wouldn’t be a cat lady, I would be a crazy plant lady – with a home full of plants. For now I am happy with my deck covered in pots and my garden overflowing with natives.
One thing I have learnt from cultivating the same garden for about ten years, is if you don’t pull out the weeds from the roots they come back – often multiplying. When we first moved into the house we live in now, the yard was barren, the garden beds that spread around the perimeter of the yard, contained unkept palms, green looking plants that were more than likely weeds, a lot of clay like dirt and weeds. As time went on, we slowly improved the soil, eventually chopped down the bat attracting palms, planted and planted and planted. While the plants were little the weeds tried to strangle them, outgrow them and take the new nutrients we had added to the soil.
Now our garden brings delight to us and our kids. The natives attract birds and bees. They flower and provide shade for the yard. We love being outside and enjoying the garden that has grown out of sheer hard work and tending to it, season after season.
Applying this same type of effort and tending to, to our own lives, is at times harder and more complex. I find it way easier to pull weeds out of my garden, then out of my heart. In our home, we try to be self-aware and look for ways to be better – not just for those around us, but for ourselves. It does start, by looking for the weeds, and pulling them out by the root. Not always easy, not always fun – but worth it.
In the back corner of our garden, we have a spot that still needs plants in it, the weeds grow freely and I actually refuse to pull them out. My husband often says, ‘ when you have time, pull out those weeds’… I refuse and say, ‘when I have something to replace them with I will, or they’ll grow back.’ He concedes it’s a fair point. In our own lives, make sure when you find a weed in your heart – something that holds you back, something that is unwanted – make sure you not only pull it out by the roots, but replace it with something worthy – something that brings joy and peace. Something that will multiply in a positive way.
Spend some time thinking about what is in your life that is a ‘weed’? Is it an addiction, a habit, something that is not productive or positive for your family?
What could you replace it with?
Think about some steps you could take to remove the ‘weeds’ from your heart? This isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.
Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.
Nelson Mandela
The road is getting tougher and tougher, yet you keep on walking. Life is getting to you, yet you keep going, finding strength you didn’t know you had. You get through it, stronger and more victorious that you expected.
Hello increased resilience. Face the battle with your weapons of determination and perseverance, standing fast knowing when you succeed and you will, you will be stronger and better for it.
The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.
A good leader inspires people to have confidence in the leader; a great leader inspires people to have confidence in themselves.”
Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady of the United States
This quote really speaks to the heart of us as parents. It’s really a simple truth: being a good leader in your home means you have the trust of your family, your kids, your loved ones. But being a great one? That’s when they start trusting themselves to make decisions, to put into practice what they’ve learnt, what they’ve experienced, what they’ve observed.
Our job as parents isn’t to have all the answers, it’s to help our kids, our family believe that they do. Lift them up, and they’ll surprise you every time.
We love it when our sporting team is undefeated. It’s such a strong word. One that sends a clear message. Momentum builds when a team keeps winning: the joy of the streak, the confidence that others are trying and still can’t break through. Undefeated carries both strength and quiet authority.
It got me thinking… are we living undefeated? Are we living in victory?
So often, we feel the need to defend ourselves, our thoughts, our opinions, our integrity, who we are at our core. Pause for a moment and ask: why?
Why do we, as humans, feel this need?
Dare I suggest ego? Dare I say the desire to be heard? Or perhaps the need to feel elevated, validated, or more knowledgeable?
It doesn’t take much to see this play out. Read the news. Scroll through online forums. Take discussions about something as simple as personal car use or travel choices, the list goes on. We see identity and worth tangled up in opinion. Yet our identity and perspective are not meant to be dictated by external factors.
Yes, the current global climate affects every one of us. But our response, our attitude, whether or not we live in victory, remains our choice.
To live undefeated means nothing is truly defeating us.
To live in victory doesn’t mean we never face battles. It doesn’t mean life will be perfect; it never will be. It doesn’t mean every dream will come to pass, some may not.
What itdoesmean is this: Our reaction, our response, our disposition toward life can be the best it can be and that is a choice we get to make.
In a wild and noisy world, I want to encourage you to lift your eyes above it all and choose to live undefeated. Choose to live in victory. It’s not about what’s happening around us, it’s about remembering that we have a choice.
In my life I’ve been called strong and I’ve been called stubborn. I’ve called my kids strong to their faces and stubborn behind their backs. Is one trait better than the other or do they hold their own merit?
Stubbornness is a skill and an art. A person can be thought stubborn for no reason other than they have dug their heels in. Likewise a person can be thought stubborn for not giving up and being persistent until the goal is achieved.
In leadership being stubborn tends to have negative connotations, while the trait of being strong tends to imply a positive.
How then can we have the right tension between stubborn and strong. How can we still be perceived as a strong leader without the negative pull of being stubborn.
An example of this rang true in my home one afternoon. My 10 yr old approached me and asked if she could do a $10 pocket money job. Usually at my place the going rate for a pocket money job is $1 with the max of $2 for a car wash. … I suggested she could fold the washing for $2 as I was feeling generous. She asked for $3, I said $2 and the back and forth negotiation continued for some time. I finally said, it’s my final price if you want it do it, if not don’t. I was testing her resolve as I knew she wanted money to buy books. ( Side note: she is a book worm and spends every cent she gets on books) She walked off a little upset, turned around and said in a quiet voice, “Oh well you miss out….” She thought she could one up me by implying that I now needed to do the folding… when I assumed she missed out on pocket money as the task wasn’t done. By the way the folding still didn’t get done for a few days…
Can you see it – we are both stubborn and strong. We at times go toe to toe and I rarely pull out the line – “I’m just as stubborn as you, I’ve got all day….” I figure I have that privilege for want of a better word, as I am the parent. Placing this in a work environment, I would never make this type of comment, nor would I accept this level of stubborn. I would on the other hand accept this type of strong – if it was respectful. What I would also accept and action is working with staff on their stubbornness – turning it into a positive.
In our modern day and age of busy – do we take the time to look at the stubborn and see the potential? The potential determination, the strength and the tenacity? Or do we see the perceived weakness and dismiss it? I try so hard, to not tell my children they are stubborn – I’m not perfect, but I try to use the word determined or tenacious. I try to flip the perceived negativity around the word stubborn into the perceived positive of strength, tenacity and determination. These traits you will all agree are awesome to have as an adult in the real world, but when your a child – living in a family environment – stubborness is not always the most sought after skills. Likewise, when you are a parent of a stubborn child – it is not the most desirable either.
To balance the tension between strong and stubborn it is vital to connect with the character behind the stubborn, connect with the character behind the strong and you will be delighted with what you find. Draw out the positives, direct and steer them towards determination, tenacity, never giving up attitudes and leadership. They will not let you down.
I am taking a step back in history to the late 1600’s and early 1700’s and examining the amazing leadership style of a woman named Susanna Wesley. What is she famous for you ask? Why choose her as a leader? She is the mother of two world movers and shakers – John and Charles Wesley. In fact, she was a mother to 19 children, tragically by the time she passed away only 8 were still alive. Being a mother is important, being a father is important – being a parent is the greatest leadership role you will ever have.
For those unfamiliar with the work of John and Charles Wesley – here is a super quick run down: John Wesley single handedly started the Methodist denomination – focused on charity works that has spread globally and is still in operation today. His brother Charles Wesley wrote some 6000 hymns in his lifetime some of which are still sung today – 300 years later. To say both men changed the world is an understatement but you get the idea.
Back to their mother – Susanna. She lived a life of hardship – her husband was frequently jailed for gambling debts, their house burnt down twice – she managed to rebuild it, she even stopped her husband from living in the family home for a period of time due to an unresolved dispute. She was tough, strong and courageous. When she was without her husband (read big deal back in the 1690’s) she continued to run a tight household as noted in a letter to her husband:
I am a woman, but I am also the mistress of a large family. And though the superior charge of the souls contained in it lies upon you, yet in your long absence I cannot but look upon every soul you leave under my charge as a talent committed to me under a trust. I am not a man nor a minister, yet as a mother and a mistress I felt I ought to do more than I had yet done. I resolved to begin with my own children; in which I observe the following method: I take such a proportion of time as I can spare every night to discourse with each child apart.
Susanna Wesley
I love it how through all the hardships she faced in her life – lack of money being the most prominent and impacting, she decided to do more than she had yet done, and began with her family. She invested and invested and invested into her children’s lives. Each child’s adult life makes for a great read. I could say so much more about her leadership – how she persisted during hard times, she was consistent with her household, she never wavered from her faith and her beliefs. She had resolve and resilience. It has been said of her that:
Although she never preached a sermon or published a book or founded a church, (she) is known as the Mother of Methodism. Why? Because two of her sons, John Wesley and Charles Wesley, as children consciously or unconsciously, applied the example and teachings and circumstances of their home life.
I love this quote about Susanna Wesley as it sums up her leadership – she set the example, lead with teaching rather than expecting and created a home environment full of learning and wonder. What more could we want for our own homes, than to have it conducive to raising world changers.
If we think about it – she sounds like one of the original Homes of Victory – it’s not about anything else other than the people in it doing life together- being courageous, intentional and generous.
Lastly, I will leave you with this thought – When you start to think ‘ I am only a Mum/ Dad” remember you are never ‘ only’ a Mum/ Dad – you are a person of great influence in your families lives. You and your influence and resolve will leave a lasting and incredible impact on your child/ren’s lives.
Failure is coming into its own after what seems like forever – it is no longer seen as a ‘ bad’ thing, a thing to avoid, a thing to hide from those around us. Modern day Failure – is what I like to call it, is being celebrated, is being acknowledged, spoken about, and most importantly learnt from. Some companies have even started ‘ Failure parties’ that celebrate the lessons learnt from failures along the way.
Even the very definition of failure is changing, as what may have been viewed as a failure in years gone by, is now seen as a valuable lesson learnt, or even better – used to fuel more research, more trial and error and eventually a greater outcome.
Failure wrapped up in the positive, at the end of the day is still failure, and it can bring with it the emotions of disappointment, frustration, and even anger. Failure in its raw form, is still hard to swallow. What I love about Failure now is, that it is talked about, it is thought about it is dissected to a point where, greater understanding of the process behind the failure can occur.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Thomas Edison
In team situations and family situations alike, we deal with failure in all of its glorious forms. As a leader it is critical to have empathy when failure is concerned. It may be us as leaders who have failed – we then to make sure we are humble about it. It may be our team our family, our loved ones who are dealing with a perceived failure.
Recently my daughter struggled with two perceived failures in one week. She felt so disappointed. She was dreadfully critical of herself as she tried to unpack what happened and how she felt about it all. After listening to her talk as I drove her to her ballet lesson, I turned to her and said, ” Does this change who you are? Just because someone doesn’t think at this point you have what it takes – does that change who you are?” She looked out the window – silent. My heart sunk a little, as I hoped what I said, was received with love. She finally looked at me with a smile and said, “no”.
Sometimes failure can blind us to the reality of who we are – we are not the failure itself. Our actions etc… may have contributed to a failure, but we ourselves are not the failure.
When it comes to our family, when it comes to teams we lead – it is easy to take it on and feel like it is our fault. Take responsibility for your actions but do so with a positive mindset. One thing an amazing supervisor once taught me was, whenever we had a perceived failure, she would never finger point or blame. She was sit back in her chair, looking very relaxed – she would say ” What can we learn from this?” She never had preconceived ideas of what we could learn, but she encouraged everyone in the working group to reflect, and to learn for next time. That’s how I want my mindset to be. The first response to failure being “What can I learn from this?”
Of course, disappointment will still come, emotions will enter the mix, but if we choose to have a positive mindset and set our minds beyond the failure, we may just keep stepping in the right direction and face great achievements and discoveries.
I am personally convinced that one person can be a change catalyst, a “transformer” in any situation, any organization. Such an individual is yeast that can leaven an entire loaf. It requires vision, initiative, patience, respect, persistence, courage, and faith to be a transforming leader.
There have been times when I feel the world generally speaking, sees ‘busy’ as a status symbol. Where employers expect far too much of employees and feel that the dollar will buy them what they want – which is more dollars, giving no thought to the person behind the task. Other times, I feel that the ones closest to us, miss out on the best of us, when we are too busy – trying to make a go of it.
Mother Teresa once said,
If you want to change the world go home and love your family.
Mother Teresa
I have three take away points I’d like to share with you based on this quote.
1. You are a world changer – your circle of influence is far better because you are in it. No matter what you think of yourself, whether you are confident or not, negative or positive – you change the world of those you influence. It may not be the whole world, but to many you do change their world.
2. Your family is your world – imaging your life without your family or your family without you? How does that make you feel? How would they individually feel? Mother Teresa subtly states in this quote that family is your world and family should be your first love. They need you as much as you need them. How amazing do you feel after a long hard day, your little one squeals with excitement that your home and runs full pelt into you for a hug. If your family is in need of some TLC, work through it together, commit to change and work on it. No other achievement will be worth more than loving your family to the core and have them love you too.
3. Love is the foundation of everything – Love, is the foundation of belonging, it is the foundation of confidence, it forms a basis for decision making, it is a safety net it is wide open arms ready for a hug, it is forgiveness, it is grace, it is everything in between. Stop seeing your career or other achievements as the measurement of success in life. Measure your success by the foundation of love you bring to your family and home. Adjust how you see your family, how you see your world, how you see yourself – you are a world changer and your love for your family means the world to them.
Sometimes we cannot change the whole world, but we can change the lives of those in our world.
Ah… the elusive word unity. What does it mean and how does it apply to us in a family context. Going back to the definition of the word unity, it is defined as:
The state of being one ; a whole or totality as combining all its parts into one.
Dictionary.com
How often have you found yourselves in your home, at odds with one another. Over time, over money, over space, over decisions that are overwhelming, over things that happen that we have no control over. I know we’ve been there and are probably there more often than we realize.
What strikes me about unity, especially in a family context, is once you know you are all on the same side, battling the same thing, it gets a whole lot easier. If we remove battling each other before we even get to the issue, the battle is almost won.
One thing we say in our home, and we are a work in progress like everyone else is, we are on the same side. We try to take the emotion out of the battle and keep the unity as foundational to the issue. When our kids know we are on their side, when they know we are in it together, there is almost a sigh of relief as they navigate the emotion behind the issue, rather than fight against us as parents. Once we remind each other in our marriage that we are on the same side, the personal attacks that sometimes creep in, dissipate and we focus in unity on the issue at hand. Overcoming far more than we could otherwise.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is no perfection in our home when it comes to unity. But… and I emphasise this, it is the goal. It is foundational to us, that we always remember we are on the same side, the same team and in it together. In doing so, we are stronger, work smarter and are a whole lot happier.
If we aim to live in unity think of the victories that could be won…
You’ve dreamed, you’ve come up with some statements, words or phrases that represent your family. Now it’s time to dig a little deeper and really tease out what your family core values are and what they look like in action.
Identify Your Family Core Values
Your family’s values are the heartbeat of your culture. They define how you live, not just what you believe.
Choose 3–5 values that best describe your family. Examples include:
Faith – We trust God and follow His Word.
Gratitude – We find joy in every season.
Service – We use our time and gifts to bless others.
Courage – We do hard things together.
Unity – We cheer for one another and stay connected.
Once chosen, describe what each value looks like in action. For instance:
“Faith means praying before decisions.” “Unity means forgiving quickly.”
The clearer you define them, the easier they’ll be to live out daily.
Write Your Family Vision Statement
Now it’s time to capture your heart in words. A Family Vision Statement should be short, memorable, and inspiring.
It’s not a list of goals — it’s a declaration of identity.
Examples:
“We are a family who loves deeply, serves joyfully, and lives with faith and courage.” “Our home is a place of laughter, purpose, and peace — where every person is seen and valued.”
Once written, display it somewhere visible — on your wall, fridge, or family calendar. Let it become the anthem of your home.
Keep it simple
When writing your vision for your family keep it simple. It can be easy to do one of the following,
Overcomplicate it — Vision should be clear, not corporate.
Leaving it to parents only — Include your children’s voices.
Treating it as a task — It’s about heart, not homework.
Forgetting to live it — The power is in the daily follow-through.
Your vision only works when it’s lived, not laminated.
Every family is building something—whether they realize it or not. The question is: are you building with intention, or just reacting to whatever life brings? Decide today what tomorrow looks like.
At Homes of Victory, we believe that great families don’t happen by accident. They are shaped by a clear, shared vision — one that aligns hearts, guides decisions, and gives every family member a sense of purpose.
2026 is the perfect time to create that vision for your home — a declaration of who you are becoming, not just what you’re doing.
For the month of January we will be looking at creating a family vision, to help you set the course for the year ahead.
What Is a Family Vision?
A family vision is a statement of identity and direction. It’s the picture of what your family is called to build together.
It defines:
Purpose – Why your family exists.
Values – The principles you live by.
Direction – Where you’re heading together.
When you have a vision, you stop living by default and start living by design. It becomes the compass that helps you make choices, stay aligned, and lead with clarity in every season.
Dream Together
Vision starts with unity — not perfection. Gather your family for a “Vision Night” — a time to pray, talk, and dream together.
Ask open-ended questions like:
What do we want our home to feel like this year?
How do we want to treat each other?
What do we want to be known for as a family?
What kind of legacy do we want to build?
Encourage everyone — from toddlers to teens — to share their thoughts. Write down words, phrases, and ideas that reflect who you want to become together.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how both thinking too highly or not highly enough of yourself can be your own worst enemy. Yet at times it is really difficult to have an honest idea of who you are while realistically understanding your gifts and talents along with your weaknesses that need to be worked on.
As I was reflecting on how to have a healthy view of yourself, I remembered something that happened a number of years ago that puts this topic into perspective.
One thing we’ve taught our kids from a young age is to think about three things you love about someone and add those things to their birthday and Christmas card. My eldest daughter decided one year to write each person in her class a detailed Christmas card, using this method. During the last week of school, one mum grabbed me on my way to pick up. She asked if I had read the Christmas cards my daughter wrote before she gave them out… I realized I hadn’t as I slowly shook my head. She smiled a huge smile and pulled a Christmas card out of her bag. My child wrote… thank you for being such a great friend. I love playing with you. Over the holidays maybe try to talk less so next year you don’t get into trouble in class….
I can’t even put into words my response – this was like a grade 3 version of a performance appraisal. The mums grin put me at ease as I profusely apologized. She said, her child cried after reading it out to her. I still didn’t know what to say. I was shocked, sad and completely at a loss of what to say.. she then went on to say, the card made her laugh, as it was true and her daughter simply couldn’t handle the truth…
I’m not saying we should go to bed crying because of what others think of us or even bluntly tell people what we think of them… rather listen to those around us, like this mum who knew the truth about her daughter, and hear how we can grow our weaknesses rather than hide from them.
Who do you have in your life that is prepared to tell you the truth?
Who do you speak life into, as you let others know the truth?
Homes of Victory 