Tag: homesofvictory

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Leadership

Weed Free Garden

I love to garden. I love being outside, I love being in the sun, I love dirt and I love plants. Everything about it makes me happy. In another life, I wouldn’t be a cat lady, I would be a crazy plant lady – with a home full of plants. For now I am happy with my deck covered in pots and my garden overflowing with natives.

One thing I have learnt from cultivating the same garden for about ten years, is if you don’t pull out the weeds from the roots they come back – often multiplying. When we first moved into the house we live in now, the yard was barren, the garden beds that spread around the perimeter of the yard, contained unkept palms, green looking plants that were more than likely weeds, a lot of clay like dirt and weeds. As time went on, we slowly improved the soil, eventually chopped down the bat attracting palms, planted and planted and planted. While the plants were little the weeds tried to strangle them, outgrow them and take the new nutrients we had added to the soil.

Now our garden brings delight to us and our kids. The natives attract birds and bees. They flower and provide shade for the yard. We love being outside and enjoying the garden that has grown out of sheer hard work and tending to it, season after season.

Applying this same type of effort and tending to, to our own lives, is at times harder and more complex. I find it way easier to pull weeds out of my garden, then out of my heart. In our home, we try to be self-aware and look for ways to be better – not just for those around us, but for ourselves. It does start, by looking for the weeds, and pulling them out by the root. Not always easy, not always fun – but worth it.

In the back corner of our garden, we have a spot that still needs plants in it, the weeds grow freely and I actually refuse to pull them out. My husband often says, ‘ when you have time, pull out those weeds’… I refuse and say, ‘when I have something to replace them with I will, or they’ll grow back.’ He concedes it’s a fair point. In our own lives, make sure when you find a weed in your heart – something that holds you back, something that is unwanted – make sure you not only pull it out by the roots, but replace it with something worthy – something that brings joy and peace. Something that will multiply in a positive way.

Spend some time thinking about what is in your life that is a ‘weed’? Is it an addiction, a habit, something that is not productive or positive for your family?

What could you replace it with?

Think about some steps you could take to remove the ‘weeds’ from your heart? This isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.

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Victory

I have not failed…


Failure is coming into its own after what seems like forever – it is no longer seen as a ‘ bad’ thing, a thing to avoid, a thing to hide from those around us. Modern day Failure – is what I like to call it, is being celebrated, is being acknowledged, spoken about, and most importantly learnt from. Some companies have even started ‘ Failure parties’ that celebrate the lessons learnt from failures along the way.

Even the very definition of failure is changing, as what may have been viewed as a failure in years gone by, is now seen as a valuable lesson learnt, or even better – used to fuel more research, more trial and error and eventually a greater outcome. 

Failure wrapped up in the positive, at the end of the day is still failure, and it can bring with it the emotions of disappointment, frustration, and even anger. Failure in its raw form, is still hard to swallow. What I love about Failure now is, that it is talked about, it is thought about it is dissected to a point where, greater understanding of the process behind the failure can occur.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways
that won’t work.

Thomas Edison

In team situations and family situations alike, we deal with failure in all of its glorious forms. As a leader it is critical to have empathy when failure is concerned. It may be us as leaders who have failed – we then to make sure we are humble about it. It may be our team our family, our loved ones who are dealing with a perceived failure. 

Recently my daughter struggled with two perceived failures in one week. She felt so disappointed. She was dreadfully critical of herself as she tried to unpack what happened and how she felt about it all. After listening to her talk as I drove her to her ballet lesson, I turned to her and said, ” Does this change who you are? Just because someone doesn’t think at this point you have what it takes – does that change who you are?” She looked out the window – silent. My heart sunk a little, as I hoped what I said, was received with love. She finally looked at me with a smile and said, “no”.  

Sometimes failure can blind us to the reality of who we are – we are not the failure itself. Our actions etc… may have contributed to a failure, but we ourselves are not the failure. 

When it comes to our family, when it comes to teams we lead – it is easy to take it on and feel like it is our fault. Take responsibility for your actions but do so with a positive mindset. One thing an amazing supervisor once taught me was, whenever we had a perceived failure, she would never finger point or blame. She was sit back in her chair, looking very relaxed – she would say ” What can we learn from this?” She never had preconceived ideas of what we could learn, but she encouraged everyone in the working group to reflect, and to learn for next time. That’s how I want my mindset to be. The first response to failure being “What can I learn from this?”

Of course, disappointment will still come, emotions will enter the mix, but if we choose to have a positive mindset and set our minds beyond the failure, we may just keep stepping in the right direction and face great achievements and discoveries.  

You always pass failure on the way to success.

Mickey Rooney
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Victory

Your focus needs focus

I know I am not the only one, when I say, I wish my kids listened the first time, or even the second time… I’m not sure what it is, but this is the phase we are going through, where we – as in my children and I, have different expectations of when I ask them to do something. I’m pretty sure no matter how I ask them to do something – like pop your lunch box on the bench as we walk in the door from school, they hear it and interpret it as – at any point in the future I will do it, if I remember to or feel like it, or I could just ignore the instruction and pretend I’m so tired from school that I couldn’t possibly do anything as difficult as unzip my school bag. Sorry – that rant just happened…. Does anyone else have this kind of rant? or situation in their home?

On the weekend we watched the Karate Kid – the one from 2010. Our kids loved it and we realised this was their first taste of a kung fu / karate movies- oh the can of worms we’ve now opened… The takeaway quote from the whole movie for them was – “I’m focusing”… ” No your focus needs focus”. They laughed about it, repeated it over and over to us and each other.

It raises the question – do we need to refocus our focus? Do I as a parent need to refocus my opinions and thoughts of my kids not listening the first time. Do I need to reduce how much I care about it- and focus on what really matters? I’m not saying I will now remove all responsibility and allow them to do anything they like. They’re part of my family and team so we all have a role to play – but what I will do for my own benefit, is change my focus. I need to give them room to breathe, room to be obedient and take responsibly. The only person upset about the situation is me. Why – because of what I am focusing on.

In our homes, in our workplaces, in our sphere of influence what do we need to focus our focus on? Are we currently looking at what really matters and do it well?

I say, not yet to this question, but I want to. I’m not sure how I will personally get there, time will tell. It’s up to each of us to decide how that will work – but set that goal – have a laugh about how ‘ your focus needs focus’ and work out the best way to refocus on what really matters.

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Victory

Leadership trait: Imperfection

It’s been a while since we’ve shared about leadership traits and what makes a leader a leader. We’ve shared about a wide range of leadership traits, like courage, integrity, resilience and adaptability… what we haven’t really shared about is the deeper leadership traits that are sometimes easier to ignore, make us feel uncomfortable and to an extent believe we don’t possess.

Often, we look to those in leadership positions with the expectation of perfection. We place often unrealistic assumptions on their behaviour that they will make the best decisions (that matches ours of course), that always takes into account the greater good, that never faulters, that always leads well under pressure, always, always, always…

I want to flip that narrative and ask the question, in your family, in your sphere of influence who do you lead perhaps without realising? Who looks to you to lead? How close to perfection do you get?

There are two positives I wish to pull out of this somewhat gloomy leadership trait of imperfection:

  1. Humility is key. Humility is one of those words that can be misrepresented and misinterpreted. This definition spells it out so clearly, humility is “Modesty, lacking pretence, not believing that you are superior to others.” We lead whether we like it or not and at times, we do get it wrong. You can lead, be in a position of leadership and / or authority but still have humility. It is knowing that you are not superior to others, that you like everyone else, makes mistakes, perhaps to the detriment of your team or not… either way, when we lead with imperfection – we also need to lead with humility. To be able to admit when we are wrong, to be able to say I wasn’t my best that day, to be able to reflect on what can we learn.
  2. Growth is the goal. When we can admit, even in our own minds, that we are imperfect, we can use it as an opportunity to grow. I am not saying strive for perfection, that just isn’t possible. What is possible, is growing in knowledge, growing in capacity, growing in understanding, growing in your leadership abilities, once we grasp that it is 100% okay to lead with imperfection. The freedom that comes with this understanding will transform you and impact the influence you have.

We can take these positives with us into our home and friendships. We can share our learnings, we can keep each other accountable, and we can be human together.

The last thing I want to add about imperfection as a leadership trait is, that there is no use, using the excuse as imperfect to beat ourselves up about the mistakes we make. It is all about acknowledging that imperfection is simply once facet to leadership that exists.

What we choose to do with our imperfection, how we grow and how we process our learnings has the capacity to contribute to an atmosphere of positivity and encourage those around us to have growth mindsets.

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Victory

Compassion

I am reading the most amazing book at the moment. The Compassion Project : A case for hope and human kindness from the town that beat loneliness by Julian Abel and Lindsay Clarke. It speaks volumes of the possibilities available to us as people, if we use what we already have within it. It speaks of how we all have compassion within us – some in bucket loads, others just a cup full – but we all have it. If we activate it and use it for good, entire communities are transformed. Now I don’t use the word transformed lightly – but the way this book goes into great detail about the hope, kindness, courage and community formed out of activating compassion shows just how simple it is to reconstruct our community to be a place of belonging rather than a place filled with loneliness.

In my new role, I come across loneliness. I am not just talking about meeting people who are socially isolated, but those who have a life full of people around them – yet feel lonely. Feel like they don’t fit in. The challenge to each and every one of us, is to notice. Their are no loud blaring signs that tell us someone is lonely – in the middle of busy and hectic. Their are no arrows pointing to the homes, where some one is socially and physically isolated. Loneliness comes in different forms and attaches itself to every person differently. If we simply take time to chat to those we come across in our world – whether its a work mate, a family member, a person at a shop, another parent at school pick up – where ever your day takes you – take time to notice and include. The greatest gift we can give anyone is to include them. Ask how their day is, listen to their response – don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and encourage some one – you never know the impact you will have on their life.

Compassion is defined:
as a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

dictionary.com

Although that sounds heavy – we can paraphrase it as – simply put yourself in some one else’s shoes. To be included is what we all want – to have some one notice us on a bad day or a good day – to have some one care.

Who have you noticed today?

Who will you intentionally connect with this week?

Let’s be compassionate to a world that truly needs it.

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Victory

lean into the discomfort

I posted this blog post in April 2021… I wanted to share it again as we all have a story to share, a story to encourage and a story to touch lives around you… enjoy.

Last night I was privileged to go to the graduation of a leadership development program of which my husband was part of. What amazed me – was the journey that every participant of which their was 20 went on, to get to the end of the program. The program was jam packed with leadership tools which formed a final toolkit, it involved more soul searching and personal development that you could poke a stick at the the most wonderful part of it was – the stories of victory, the stories of ‘we made it’ that shone through.

Often at a graduation ceremony we don’t get to hear – just how much blood, sweat and tears went into the achievement. We only tend to see the smile, the handshake, the certificate and camera flash. This ceremony was different. Each and every graduate had an opportunity to share a few words about their experience – in an in-conversation style presentation. My eyes brimmed with tears, as one by one the stories of transformation were explained. The stories of growing confidence, the stories of how now, they are closer to their families because of what they learnt, the stories of how they felt like they took up too much space in this world – but now realize that they as a person are amazing.

Do you have a story to tell? Have you experienced a growth journey of some kind? It may not be as intense as what these graduates experienced. It may not have been a facilitated type of personal or professional growth – but at some point, you must have lent into the discomfort and come out bigger, better and stronger for it. To the leaning in – I say thank you – thank you for wanting to be a better person, thank you for putting in the effort to change yourself and therefore your world.

Homes of Victory started out because we as a family experienced the most trying times of our lives. We made a choice to stick it out, to lean into the discomfort – even if it meant gritting our teeth and saying I love you – even when those thoughts were in our hearts but it was dreadfully hard to say Our heart for people of every stage of life and especially those with young families is to be supported and encouraged to lean into the discomfort – to grow – to influence – to live life victorious.

We know life throws us into all sorts of wild situations – ones we never imaged, ones we wouldn’t wish on any one – but you know what – you are brave, you are made for this moment. Even when it seems overwhelming and overbearing – lean into it, learn from it, grow from it. When the season changes – you’ll be able to look back and reflect. Make sure you do – reflect and reflect until you feel you have celebrated the wins, the best you can, when you have unpacked the disappointments the best you can, when you can pick up the growth in yourself and those who have experienced with you. Use each season to become a better person, to be all that you can be. Don’t be scared of expectations – what you expect of yourself or what others expect. Change your perspective and simply lean in.

After the learning, after the wild has calmed down remember to share your story. Share it with intention to encourage, share it with the intention to show others that it can be done. Your story is a powerful tool that will change the lives of those around you.

It’s a story about victory that will touch the lives of everyone… It’s powerful.  

Derek Luke

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Victory

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People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision.

John Maxwell
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Victory

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When you talk, you are only repeating something you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

Dalai Lama
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Leadership

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When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.

Abraham Joshua Heschel
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Leadership

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Influencers are not leaders, but leaders are influencers.

Richie Norton
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Leadership

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Logic will take you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.

Albert Einstein

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Leadership

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 May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.

 Nelson Mandela
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Victory

It boils down to choice…

This is by no means a place where we feel we know it all, have it all together, or are any type of expert. Homes of Victory for us, is not even about sharing opinions in a world that has way too many of those being blurted out from every possible platform. What we aim to do rather is start conversations – that lead hopefully in a positive way – to a shift in the way you do things, in a way you think about yourself and how you see your family.

At the moment, I am turning over in my mind, more and more the question of being busy. The question of how did I get to this point where I can’t even seem to find time to order groceries online. Ok so its not my favorite task and I am therefore not too motivated to do it, but none the less it is a task that need to happen – in order for my family of 5 to live.

At times, I think about what I need to get done in a week, or a day as ask why… why do I feel that I need to be doing all of these things. Why have I committed to these things in the first place and why can I not just slow down. It actually comes down to choice – would you agree? I choose what I commit to – and yes it is often way to much or far more than what is reasonable. ( I have high expectations of myself!) I can choose what activities my kids are involved in… I am even blessed enough to choose my work hours – within reason. So why then, do I see the lack of time, the rush, the tiredness, the never ending to do list as something of an obligation rather than a choice…

I actually don’t have an answer for that question. But one thing I would like to highlight, mention, suggest at this point is – Does my ( yours / our) busi-ness align with our personal / family goals and values? I need to reign myself in at times, because my love of over – commitment plays havoc with the values I have for my family – the ones where I value dinner time together, and value time together, value speaking life into my children (even when I am tired), the value of time with my husband – and continually learning more about him and how we can be a better team as we lead our family…

I know when my over- committedness – I’m pretty sure that is a word – tips my family values out of sync. The one thing I haven’t nailed yet – is knowing where my line of too much starts, and where my line of it’s all good stops. For everyone this will be different according to capacity – but what this will show is your ability to make good choices. I’m not sure about you but at my kids school – they are encouraged to make good choices – this seems to be the way they are disciplined – told to make a good choice rather than a bad one. We as parents, as family leaders need to remember that the outcome for our families, our marriage, our children is the a result of the choices we make. Whether they are seen to be good or not.

The thought I want to leave with you today is, don’t let life happen to you and spend your days wondering why you are so busy – with not a lot of time for what you want to do. Think about the choices you make to commit to things and the impact it has on yourself and your family. How do those impacts then work for or against your family values?

It may take time to think all of these things through, but take the time over days even weeks – their is nothing like a slight change in your week to make a huge difference to your family life.

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Leadership

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Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try.

Ernest Hemingway
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Leadership

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You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have.

Jim Rohn