The thing about patience is, you can only learn to be patient by being patient. Patience is a skill and an art all in one. Growing up, us kids knew when my Dad was being patient, he would clear his throat. As though he was just giving us a little time to start behaving, as we knew better, or waiting for us to say what we needed to say or a little time for him to choose his words wisely. His leadership in this area, has impacted the way I do things. Granted I am not as patient as him, but I try to allow time to pass before making decisions, before correcting my kids, before doing most things. Patience allows time – time for strategic thinking, time for clear evaluation, time for things to settle on their own, time for things to work out. Demonstrating patience in the workplace and home, shows strength. The key is to know when patience or action is required.
We are a dynamic parenting duo with three incredible kids in our lives. We have embarked on diverse careers paths including project management, product design, program coordination, innovation economy development and leading people at the same time as building a family while continuing our careers. Along the way we somehow lost sight of the goals we had before parenthood, we lost sight of who we are as individuals and as a couple, aside from children. After a couple of years of intense stress, we stopped to take a deep breath and set aside time to reset due to the growing realisation that if we didn’t make the necessary adjustments, we could risk losing each other and everything we had dedicated to achieve. Now we want to support those of you experiencing similar challenges and changes that comes with having children. We are focused on supporting parents in the season of kids (of any age), we get that it can be joyful, overwhelming, exciting, scary, eye opening and downright hard. Join us on this adventure, that in one sense is living the dream and in another sense so crazy and wild that we wish we could press the pause button… just for a minute.
you are just as important as any other factor in the family equation
Justin and Alicia – Homes of Victory
Hello & Welcome.
Homes of Victory is a platform for families using leadership and management tools to create a family blueprint going forward. It is designed to support you and enable you to design the home life you want, while living with a victorious mindset in the middle of the craziest season of life: kids.
Even though at this time in history our whole world seems like it has upended, we decided to stick to our plans and launch homes of victory to bring hope and encouragement.
We started Homes of Victory out of our love for people and families. We wanted to create a space where we can encourage and provide a framework of not giving up, in a day and age where it is so easy to. We ourselves have experienced layers of stress in our family to the point where we literally didn’t know what to do. This was the grim reality for us at the time. However, we committed to working through the obstacles so that we would come out the other side better and stronger, rather than separately and in despair. We understand every situation is different and every person handles life’s challenges differently. What we also understand is, life is challenging like an obstacle course but we can learn from it and if we decide to be in it together, then lets be in it the best way possible.
Their is always a solution – we just need to find it.
Homes of Victory
Throughout this blog, we will post a series activities designed to do with the one you do life with, that combines to create a family blueprint. In doing so you will be designing and living the family life you want – through the thick and thin. Creating a family blueprint going forward.
Lastly, this is not a parenting blog, nor it is a blog about children, it’s about the parents in the family who often neglect their own relationships in favor of ensuring their kids are okay and life is ticking over. We’re here to say that you are just as important as any other factor in the family equation.
Here at Homes of Victory we are genuinely so excited for you and your family. We hope you feel more equipped, have grown closer together as a family and most of all had fun.
You should be so proud of yourselves that you worked through creating a family values statement, learnt more about yourselves and each other, set goals and created a family action plan. We would love to hear how it works for you and your family so drop us a line, you never know who else you will encourage to create a family blueprint.
As a parent I know my persuasion skills have hit a new level. I feel I am now fully qualified to get what I want, when I want… most of the time without a tantrum from the kid involved. I do think it comes down to practice and by the time I reached the third kid, they know the look in my eye, when I just need to get my own way this time for whatever reason… any one agree?
I do wonder but, what my influencing skills are like and will I ever really know my reach?
In a nutshell, there is are subtle differences between the two words:
Influence means the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behaviour of someone or something, or the effect itself.
Persuasion means the action or process of persuading someone or of being persuaded to do or believe something.
When we influence our family it may come down to our mood and how we say things – who has had a child repeat a word the same way you say it? In my home at the moment, my youngest says ‘ seriously’. I know she gets it from me, and she does a good job mimicking me. It may come down to the type of words we choose to use – encouraging or not, how we speak about other people, do we gossip?, do we uplift? The list goes on. Everything we do and say as a parent has influence.
In the workplace, I love to talk to staff about their sphere of influence. What they do and don’t have influence over – how this impacts their work and them as a person. It is really uplifting when you understand, your sphere of influence and how you can impact others for good. I’ve seen staff flourish tenfold when they get it – really get it. They may not be in positions of leadership, but they certainly lead in their sphere of influence. It’s amazing to watch whole teams transform, when individual staff realise their sphere of influence and focus on what they can do rather than what they can’t.
At times, I just love to watch my kids interact with other kids and other adults. I watch to see how the behave when they think I’m not there. The smiles and pride comes when I see them do the things I’ve taught them and come to expect of them. Like my daughter holding the door open for another family at ballet, my son collecting the cones at the end of footy training without being asked, my daughter reaching out to a sick friend in an email to see how she is, those kinds of behaviours make me feel like I’ve done something right in terms of influence.
On the flipside, I have seen behaviours in my kids, where I cringe and think, oh no…, I need to remember to behave better myself next time. Like when I get a bit cranky on the roads and call someone an idiot… or when I’ve yelled because I think no one is listening, they yell at me when they think I’m not listening. Influence works both ways, it does not differentiate between good and bad…
Influence like words, is powerful, more powerful than we give it credit for. Unlike words where we can choose to say nothing, influence never switches off. Even our silence is a type of influence. Luckily, we have a choice to make about how we influence – in a positive or negative way. No one is ever going to be perfect, but we can try little by little to bring a positive spin to our sphere of influence.
I have worked extensively in customer service roles and I can still remember some customers who walk into a space and light up the room without saying a word. This is influence of the best kind. It uplifts and it brings joy. It also shows the power of influence in all its glory.
The next generation we are raising needs us, their family to influence them in a positive way. We need to be the loudest and most positive voice in the hustle and bustle of growing up. Too much of the world relies on the negative to fuel sources of conversation, to fuel the need to feel loved, the need to feel better about themselves. The children we are raising, already have influence and as they get older, the reach of their influence will expand.
Peggy O’Mara states that:
The way we talk to our children, becomes their inner voice.
Peggy O’Mara
Stay tuned for the second part of this post tomorrow. We have more to share on this topic.
What words are soaking into your kids hearts as you raise them? What words will then rise up within them when they face the trials in life? What influence will spill out of them as their sphere of influence grows? I know I want my kids, to hear the words in their heart saying to them, ‘ I am loved”, “ I am good enough”, “ I can do this”, “ I am stronger than I think I am”,“ I am safe”, “ I am cared for”, “ I can tell Mum…”, “ I can tell Dad…” the list goes on. I may not always be there but I know my words will be carried in their heart. They will hear what I have said to them, ring true when the need arises.
For years, I saw the strength of my influence over my children, as a great responsibility and it is, but it was burdensome. Deep down I am a perfectionist and I wanted more than anything to be the best type of influence I could be. The burden became so great, that I probably, no definitely let my influence slip into the negative because I was so hard on myself. After realising this quote, and some soul searching of the most emotional kind, I came to realise it is not a burden but a rather a privilege and like all things parenting I am never going to be perfect and get it right 100% of the time.
In the end, we may not know how much influence we have, but what we will know is that we made the effort to influence for good. I’ll leave you with this thought:
Leadership is influence
John C. Maxwell
Take time to reflect on the influence you have?
Do you see it as a responsibility or burden?
Think of times you’ve seen your kids behave in a way where you know it was your influence shining through? How does it make you feel?
It has been interesting how in the returning to some what normal, the busy has crept back into our lives – almost without us realising. One thing we have noticed in our home especially is that lack of time we as parents put aside for each other. Time to chat, time to hang out, time to relax. Time to invest into our relationship.
This was highlighted to us, in a conversation had with a health professional. We were talking about camping and she mentioned how she loved to go with her teenage kids. She kept mentioning ” we” so innocently, we asked who “we” is. The look of dispair came across her face, and she said, my husband and I are only just ‘ we’ at the moment. I work 12 hour days and we never get to see each other. We are trying to find time together but it is near impossible. She continued that they are committed to trying to make their marriage work, and not let growing apart be the reason they are no longer together.
How many of us, inch into that zone without realising, work, life, everything else seems to be ‘ important’ but we miss the real ‘importance’ of continually building relationships with those we live with, with those we love to do life with, those we have committed till death do us part.
Today’s encouragement is this: carve out some time to invest into those you do life with. It may be a 10 minute coffee, it may be a family game, it may be booking a date night – be proactive today and do something to show your committment to family, committment to marriage, committment to what is really important.
This week has been one of opportunity and disappointment. Highs and lows all rolled into one. Both the opportunity and disappointment have been caused by the opinion and decision of others. We also received valuable unwarranted encouragement while also struggling to comprehend the knock back of a well-rounded argument for an amazing collaboration opportunity. It is something we have no control over. In the middle of a download about why the we felt disappointed, we started talking about the positives of the situation, how we were building resilience and that the encouragement came at the perfect time.
To put the brakes on the disappointment, we had an interesting conversation about making a choice about who and what we were going to listen to and to allow the disappointing moment wash over us as we continued on with our work. We decided in the moment to listen and remember the words of the encouragers rather than the naysayers. We would use the disappointment to form our determination for future opportunities. The choice we made lead for a brighter end of the week and lessons learnt.
The question I have for you in your situation is.. In your moment of opportunity or disappointment, do you choose which voice you listen to, or do you listen to them all? Chances are if you do,
The negative voices in your life will speak the loudest and linger the longest in your thoughts. Don’t listen to them.
Do you listen to the encourager, the naysayer, the ‘you can do it’ voice or the ‘don’t even try’ voice? Only you get to choose which words stick and which ones you need to let slide off. Likewise, in your life whether at home or work, are you the encourager or the naysayer? Do you see opportunity or feel threatened by great ideas? Are you someone who enables another to thrive, or do you like to do all the thriving?
In life everything comes down to the choices we make and when. Make choices today the contribute to building others up, that encourage others while seeking to find the best solutions. Wouldn’t it be a better world if we all encouraged one another, gave constructive feedback, and had the capacity to see what others see in terms of their dreams and visions.
Side note – May Homes of Victory be a positive voice in your life, may you see the passion and encouragement behind each post. Live each day making choices that lead towards victory in this season.
To be honest crisis management is something that we don’t often come into contact with in a formal sense. From a business perspective, there is always one ticking over in the background and pending the type of business the frequency of its activation is determined. Applying this to home life, is more than a financial contingency plan which I find most common – the suggested saving of three months wages for the just in case – for more info read TheBarefoot Investor for families by Scott Pape. A crisis management plan is not so much a plan as a process that can be divided into three sections pre – crisis, crisis response and post crisis.
By building this into your family blueprint, as a family you will be prepared to an extent for a crisis, emergency or disaster. The idea behind having this type of plan, even briefly mapped out is to reduce the fear involved and enable the navigation of it to be the focus.
To lay it all out on the table crisis, disaster and emergency are defined as:
A crisis is a time of intense difficulty or danger.
dictionary.com
An emergency is a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.
dictionary.com
A disaster is a sudden accident or a natural catastrophe that causes great damage or loss of life.
dictionary.com
As you can see, it is a sliding scale of impact on your family and community. None are ideal, but in life these types of situations are not an ‘if’ but ‘ when’ scenario. No one is immune from unkind situations. Here at Homes of Victory we are going to give you some framework to create a crisis management plan to enable you to navigate these seasons in life and hopefully feel more equipped.
Pre-crisis plan
First up, we have the pre-crisis plan. The following series of questions will assist you in creating a list of actions regarding the contents of your family a pre-crisis plan. We have included the basics of what we believe will contribute effectively to your family blueprint. You and your family may have other aspects to add to this part of the plan.
Red Cross have a great online plan that lists everything you need to consider in an emergency or disaster type situation for example bushfires and floods.
When it comes to other life situations such as a crisis like an injury or illness with financial impacts there are other aspects to consider.
Documentation & medication information:
The Red Cross has a great plan for these details. This is a great template to use, for listing important documents and medication information.
Insurance:
Do you have an up to date will?
Is your superannuation up to date? Do you know how much insurance you have under your superannuation?
Are all of your insurance policies up to date – home, car etc… ?
Do you have all medicare and medical insurance up to date?
Financial:
Do you have a savings plan in place, in case of loss of employment or unexpected expenses?
Do you have other investments you could rely on?
Do you have plans for multiple income streams?
Education:
What tools are you going to use in your family life, to keep the crisis in perspective?
Is there any education you need to invest in? e.g. first aid training, financial management, resilience, stress management etc…
Are you aware of each other’s personality types? Keeping in mind we generally revert to this personality type under stress.
Look for ways to be able to talk to your children about particular situations. Check out your local library for books that explain the experience.
Do your children know how to phone emergency services? Relay their address?
Assistance:
Do you have family you could call on for help when needed? Who is it, and do you need to have a conversation about it?
Do you have a network of friends you could call on for help with the children.
By having a pre-crisis plan available to you and your family, it enables a level of organisation to be available for when life gets tricky.
Crisis Response
I feel this is one thing that is hard to define. For business it is all about making the crisis look minimal on the outside, while on the inside the business scrambles to mitigate the impact. From a family perspective this is far harder to do. I know for us, at time we do go quiet while dealing with issues that pop up in life, we take in a sense time out to deal, and then resurface. We are quite independent and over time have learnt to share what is happening in life and to accept support from friends and family. We tend to be the support rather than the supported. With all of that said, over time, we have also learnt to put measures in place, like what was discussed in the pre-crisis plan to enable us to navigate the obstacle as best we can. In the post – beware the layers, we share how we went through a hectic season of one crisis after another which brought us to our knees. One thing that pulled us through was our determination to continue to communicate, to continue building on the foundations of our relationship we had set, and deal the best with could with the layers of stress. These experiences have shown us how tough we are and we realised we are way stronger than we have ever given ourselves credit for. It also showed us, that in the end, we could be proud of how we managed it, as we did our best and that is all we can ask of ourselves. It wasn’t a fun experience, nor was it exciting. It was hard work, day in / day out – to stay afloat while staying grounded and keeping it all in perspective.
Take some time to think about situations that your family have faced. How did you pull through?
Were you proud of the way the crisis was handled?
What changes in your behaviour or thinking could you make to reduce the impact of it on your family?
Keep some space in your notebook, for the next crisis – take note of how you handled it and what improvements you’ve made. It does sound a little gloomy, but it is something to celebrate when you can see improvements on how you and your family deal with the not so nice situations in life.
Post crisis
When things settle down, and life carries on, it is important to look in retrospect at the situation or season and take some time to let the learnings sink in. When you are ready, take some time to look at:
What are your learnings?
How will what you’ve learnt equip you for the next crisis?
Who can you share your learnings with? Who will benefit from them?
What could you do to be more prepared next time?
We do acknowledge that we can never be prepared for everything in life but the more we learn as life goes on, the better we can deal with unexpected situations together.
Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.
Christine Caine – co-founder of A21
This absolutely represents what I believe should happen through our experiences in life – even the dark places, we can learn and grow, and something good will come out of it. It may take time, but eventually we will see the good.
Passion is contagious. Passion oozes out of you without you knowing. I was once offered a job, while I was talking about a project I was on, as I spoke with passion and that is what this company wanted in their management team. When we are passionate about our families, relationships, children, life we are living, whatever it is– we can’t help but let it ooze out. We can’t help but take others along for the ride. We can’t help but enable others to join us in our passion. Passion impacts everyone we come into contact with and leaves a lasting impression.
Question: What are you passionate about? What could you do to share it more with those around you?
Homes of Victory 