Tag: success

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Building community

In conversation with Josh and Cole

We are blessed to call Josh and Cole family. The age gap between us is also large enough for us to have experienced their first date with them, through to their marriage and where they are at now. These two are so genuine and generous of spirit we hope you are inspired by them.

Who is in your family

Josh, Cole, our 3 month old baby, Ben, and our dog, Aria. 

Give us some background to what you both do career wise.

Josh specialises in commercial and residential property acquisitions for individuals and businesses. I am a bid consultant and help businesses win work by helping them develop compelling tenders, proposals and grants. 

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

We’re a bit of a mix. I love to plan and Josh is more relaxed and is really good at going with the flow. So we really balance each other. 

You have a new baby! What has that been like for the two of you?

It has been a really big change for us. We always knew it would be but it was difficult to genuinely understand just what that meant until it happened. Gone are the days of binge watching tv till all hours, sleeping in, and spontaneously going out but it has definitely brought us closer together. We were friends before we dated and married and that has always provided a strong foundation for our relationship. We have done so much together over the last 13 years! We can always rely on one another for support and having a baby has definitely been one of those times when we needed it!

What has changed in your relationship?

I guess the main thing is that there is a new person in it. It had been the two of us (and Aria) for a long time and now we have little Benjamin who needs most of our time, attention and energy, and he needs different things from each of us. 

Did you expect these changes? How have you managed them?

It wasn’t unexpected that life would change and that it would be ‘hard’ but it was difficult to see what life would be like with a baby until we lived it. So we expected it but weren’t fully prepared and I think it has impacted us both as a couple and as individuals. The change is also exacerbated because you have no idea what you’re doing with a brand new baby and you’re sleep deprived to boot!! The current COVID-19 crisis hasn’t made it any easier because it has physically distanced family and friends too. 

But we’re learning as we go and checking in. We’re navigating it by being really honest with each other, having a good sense of humour, and not taking ourselves too seriously. 

We’ve always been really honest with each other which makes life, and life with a new baby, a lot easier. Talking about the change doesn’t make it go away but it definitely makes it easier to manage and manage it together. As I’m sure most new parents do, we tend to concoct a lot of ideas and theories about Ben’s behaviour which are always good to try on someone else when you’re sleep deprived (although we’ve accepted we’ll never really know or have all the answers!) 

What advice would you give to a family with a new baby working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Be honest about what you need and be kind to yourself and one another. And be will to acknowledge that the blueprint may change so flexibility is really important too (think some planning and some go with the flow!) Before Ben, we would often talk about the vision we had for our family so we had a good idea of where we were headed before we became a true family. In the haze of a newborn you’re just trying to survive! So for us, we know we’ll eventually emerge on the other side together and in the general direction we planned.

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Leadership

Blind Spot

A Blind Spot is the difference between intent and impact as a leader, parent,  family member. We all have them. Some are more aware that they exist than others.  

Being open to knowing what our potential blind spots are – will lead to a fuller, richer and more diverse life.

Being closed to our blind spots is like a bulldozer without direction – the impact will the their – it certainly will be there…. but what trail of offense are you leaving behind? When intent and impact are combined, that’s when true positive change occurs.  That’s when new roads are formed. That’s when eyes and hearts are opened to change and a fuller, richer life for everyone in your world.

Take a moment to think about things you may not know about yourself. How others perceive you – due to your behaviour. Do they perceive correctly, or is your well intentioned behaviour having a different kind of impact.

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Leadership

Shaping leaders: Shimon Peres

I am a self-confessed people watcher. To the point when I’m out for dinner or with friends I like to sit where I can see the most action. I have been known to stop sentences abruptly, while watching someone walk past, fascinated by them. I have even been caught by my husband not paying attention to a conversation, as I am too busy wondering about the life of the person running past. To that end, I love history and learning from historical figures and making observations about the learnings or not of the past.

At times, I feel as a society we are not the best at learning and implementing positive change, from the learnings of the past, but alas we should try to.

Lately I have been engrossed in the autobiography of Shimon Peres, No room for small dreams,. He is a historical leader and important figure in the creation of Israel as the state we now know to be. While I purposely do not take political sides as I do not know enough to do so, for me it is fascinating to read about how his life was shaped and how that in turn it shaped his leadership style. I have pulled out many sections of this book and have learnt so much from such an experienced leader. Here is what I have learnt so far…

  • Trust is a key to leading. (and people are like sheep…. Just saying…)

I was assigned a job that was my first true experience as a leader – not of men but sheep. Yet there were striking similarities: a shepherd for example may have authority over his flock, but that alone does not mean he can control it. … we had to find a common language, a common understanding… I had to know their fears as if they were my own, so I could understand where they could not be led- or at least when I’d have to move with more deliberateness. I had to be both empathetic and insistent in stating my intentions – a figure they would follow, even reluctantly, if only out of trust.

Shimon Peres
  • The value robust discussions.

When he ( referring to another leader at the time) had been most frustrated, most intent on walking away, he remained open to the argument made by two young men, with a mere fraction of experience and wisdom. He had nearly given up on the larger debate, but he had not given up on his belief in debate.

Shimon Peres
  • Listening breaks down barriers.

Listening is not just a key element of good leadership, it is the key, the means to unlock doors that have been slammed shut by bitter dispute and resignation.

Shimon Peres
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Victory

#homesofvictory

A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Leadership

look for the good

I love Audrey Hepburn. When I get asked, if you could invite anyone over for dinner dead or alive, she is always at the top of my list. Her life intrigues me, her beauty inside and out is incredible, for me she is inspiring. I also love this quote of hers. It’s not only inspiring but challenging.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Audrey Hepburn

I am challenged, to make sure I have beautiful eyes, to have beautiful lips and to walk with poise. It challenges me, when my child stops to look at an ant on the footpath – do I see how late we are, or do I see the wonder in their eyes? Do I respond to my emotionally charged tween with kindness when all she is doing is spitting out words filled with misguided anger? Do I see the good in people I pass in the street?  Do I see the good in those I interact with at work? Those who pack my groceries? Those who forget to smile when the serve me because they’ve had a bad day.

The challenge for our day and every day is to lead by example and see the good in others and speak words of kindness. The kindness we speak may be the only kindness that person has had all day, week or month.

Once, when I was serving a boy who was around 12 years old at a public library, I helped him with what he wanted and he said thanks. I responded with “no worries sweetheart”. He froze and looked at me. I realised what I said and thought it may have come across inappropriately. All he could say was, “ No one has ever called me that before”. He walked away wiping his eyes. So many emotions pulsed through me in that moment, but I realised that my eyes saw the good in him and words of kindness are powerful. Likewise, when we choose kindness, we don’t go about finding fault in those around us, like so many do in our world. It becomes a habit to point out the positives and build up those around us. Oh! there is so much potential in our world, if all we did was say kind thoughtful words, rather than the first thing that pops into our heads.

How many people do you come across in a day, who may be lonely, sad, hurt, bitter… the list could go on. What kind words could you drop into their life? Will you make an effort to see the good in them, it won’t take much? There is always something good inside of everyone – at times we may just need to look harder to find it.

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Leadership Victory

the notebook

I absolutely love the 2004 movie the notebook. This movie came out right before I got married and it just captured the romantic in me. It spoke to the place in my heart where I wanted to be with my beloved forever and enjoy the life story we will write together.  One thing I do know, is life is not like a movie and things don’t always pan out the way we think or see in our minds. Are you one of those people who plays movies in your mind of what a scenario is going to be like? I do. I have a wild imagination and I always dream of how things will happen, they rarely turn out how they do in my head, but none the less I still dream. Like the time, we were all involved in a wedding and I saw in my mind the kids behaving and us adults having a great time… Reality check – I ended up carrying my child who was the flower girl down the aisle (she was in tears as she wanted the brides bouquet of flowers) in a strapless dress, while trying to shush the other child who noticed the fan on the roof and wanted everyone to know…  Any way you get the point. Imagination vs Reality.

Back to the notebook – well a notebook of a different kind, although still with a romantic notion attached. On our wedding day, we received a notebook from my Dad. My Dad will not like me saying this, but he is a very wise and is extremely thoughtful (and humble) man. The notebook contained some words of wisdom from him that we cherish till this day. On each page was a tip on how to make our marriage work better. The one I love the most as I feel there is layers of wisdom in it is;

Always have a little stash of money put aside for a holiday.

Dad – Homes of Victory

Hands up, how many times you’ve said, wish we could just escape the busy even for the weekend? Exactly. The encouragement to have a little money put aside to do this has been wonderful piece of advice for us. We are definitely time people and this is what we needed to hear straight up. When life gets too busy, we plan a short cheap camping trip as a family. The return on the investment that we get in terms of family time is invaluable. It helps us recharge and get on with life again.

Another wise word from him was:

When you have a fight, YOU take the first step to peace.

Dad – Homes of Victory

We have truly benefited from the words my Dad passed onto us. It is like he has used this notebook to sow wisdom into our marriage and family without us realising.

Do not measure success by today’s harvest. Measure success by the seeds you plant today.

Robert Louis Stevenson- Author

This notebook will become something we pass onto our children when the time comes. It is something we add to as we learn things along the way. It may not be something that you have thought to do, but it may be something you could start to do, even once a year on an anniversary as you think of what advice you could give to your children in the future. We may not remember all of the things we learnt along the way, but by sowing our words as seeds along the way, in due time we will see a harvest in our children. 

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Victory

Being Planted

In life we often celebrate the start, a birth, a business launch, a wedding – the start of something. In time we also celebrate an ending – a graduation, a promotion, a pay rise, final test results, a funeral. Just thought I’d ask, when do we celebrate the hard yakka that going on in between the start and the end?

The end though, is often the result of staying, of working through the challenge, of knuckling down and doing the long hours and hard work. The end is often determined by the ‘ being planted’ in the situation and sticking it out. Are we simply too busy or too occupied with ‘staying’ or ‘being planted’ that we forget to celebrate?

My father- in -law will often crack open a bottle of wine on a Friday night, saying, ” It’s Friday!”. No other reason, other than it’s Friday and in his mind, every week is a great week no matter what has happened or not. Lessons can be learnt from this. The positive thinking, celebrating the small things the list could go on.

What I am trying to say is, if you are in the middle of the ‘ being planted’ , or the ‘ staying’, the digging your heels in because you need to type moment, no matter how good or bad it is, remember to celebrate the good, celebrate your capacity to ride it out and work hard. Celebrate that this is only the middle and not the end. The end will come and a real celebration will happen, but don’t forget the now, don’t forget to see the good in the now. At times it feels like the good is hard to find, but it is there. Use this moment to remain firm in your challenge, to remain committed to seeing the challenge through.

Another way to look at it is, to value the courage it takes to do what you’re doing. You’ve celebrated the launch of a new business, and now it’s crunch time, the workload is increasing or you’re finding a way to increase the workload – celebrate it. Celebrate the courage you are using. Celebrate being brave when you’re not sure of the outcome. Value it. Hold it and use it to spur you on. Their is value in being planted, in staying in the hard times and good times.

On a personal level, project work suits me just fine, as I get bored and move on fairly quickly. In the season of now, in the season of lockdowns and the change of normal, I am learning the value of being planted. The value of seeing a challenge through. I am learning to like it, can’t say I love it, but I’m learning to value my courage and my staying power. I am learning that it is a good thing. (Even though I don’t really have a choice).

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Victory

The value of rest

At the best of times, I am not good at stopping to rest. I am always thinking, planning, or doing. My other half is great at resting. On the weekend I may find him asleep on our outdoor couch, sitting on the deck, admiring nature etc.… I’m the one that bustles over and starts a conversation with “ What do you think about…” He often answers with comments like, are you resting, have you stopped today… can you turn your brain off for 5 minutes. It’s not that I don’t value rest, I just don’t priorities it, until it’s too late and I sleep for a whole day to catch up.

During the recent lockdown and changes to normal, I believe I have started to learn the value of rest. I was stood down from work for seven weeks – which I chose to see as a blessing in disguise, as it is the leave I never take. Although the first thing I did write a list of all the house jobs I wanted to do that never had time to do. With that said, I did focus on my kids and their schoolwork, we developed a closer relationship, we worked together as a team and did get all the house jobs done together. We had no routine, nowhere to be, almost nothing to think about, because there was nowhere to go and no commitments.

I truly have valued this time of together and slowing down. A time to choose what we did at home when we wanted to. Yes, we watched a lot of TV and played far too much Nintendo, we argued over neat writing in schoolbooks and how to show the process for the maths questions. We stayed up late and went to bed early if we felt like it. It was a true unwind and change from the busy of life. I even got to the point where, I didn’t know what day it was, and we missed several zoom ballet classes because of it. Although, I was annoyed at myself for forgetting, but realized that it was a good thing as I had truly stopped and rested.

Now we have returned to normal. I need to learn how to continue to value rest, find it in the busy and take it easier – and go easier on myself. Allow myself to rest.

 Through this time, have you learnt to rest, how to value it or use it to recharge? We would love to know what you think. 

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Victory

the determined leading the determined

My eldest child is incredible as are all my kids but you know the minute your first child is born something happens and you go all gooey and soft while floating on a cloud of amazement. This happened to us… then she grew and so did her determination, until it surpassed her physical size while her ability to negotiate knows no bounds. Granted in the big bad world, these are great skills to have, but when you are a child living in a family context these skills only serve to add a wrinkle or two to your parents faces.

On a positive day, I face her determination which I refuse to call stubbornness, with my own determination, knowing one day she will thank me for taming her just a little. On a bad day… I ask myself, why… then I realise, every.single.time – she is me. We have been known to stare each other down, I always win of course… she will frown at me, the same way I did to my parents as a kid, she always laughs when I tell her I invented that frown. The boys in the family seem to somehow disappear when they know the two girls are butting heads…

So then, how do the determined lead the determined?. At this point, I wish I could just say – with great difficulty – good luck. That would not however be the whole truth. The truth is – it’s a work in progress. It’s a challenge that needs to be met with both stamina and grace.  We may need to dig deep, but the outcome is worth it.

I have been in situations at work, where my determination has clashed with others determination – and not always in a positive way. For example many years ago a team member came up to me and bluntly said, that she should have my job. Purely because she was determined to get it, even though she was not qualified. I’ve had staff sit and literally do nothing, because they wanted a reaction. I’ve even had a customer, say they’ll call the police unless they get their way…   You could say I’ve come up against some very determined people in my career, but I sometimes feel I get the last laugh, as I too am determined.

To paint the picture of it quickly ,as a kid I would call family meetings where everyone had to sit around the dining table and listen to me. The only agenda item was – Dad needed to say yes to a family dog. He always said no. Long story short, we had a cat we (read my Dad – love you Dad) needed okay wanted to give away, so my sister and I agreed to cry until we got a dog. Twelve hours later, Dad said yes to a dog, the tears magically stopped and we went to sleep in the early hours of the morning… I think my Dad is still scarred from the tears…

Leaving the emotions at the door when working with determined ahem stubborn staff, is easier than dealing with determined children. One thing I have had to learn with my determined child, is to try to take the emotion out of it, pick the battle and see the strategic outcomes before you achieve them, I like to think of it like a game of chess. If you are not familiar with the game of chess, now is the time to learn…

Think about it – I as the determined person, am trying to get you another determined person to do what I have asked – and you don’t want to do it – in life, especially family life a stalemate is often not an option.

How do you think a game tug of war is won? At times, it is sheer strength of one team over another, other times is it the timing of one team pulling with all it’s might. Knowing when to hold tight or when to pull and win, is 90% of the battle. The final 10% is knowing what outcomes you want, before they can say no, while taking the emotion out of it.

I have heard some pearlers come out of my daughters mouth, when my only reaction can be silence or a rye smile. She has said things like “I can’t put my clothes away, I’m busy designing my mansion”, ” You have a memory, use it”, ” Can’t help, reading”. Another one, when she was four, she said, ” I need a helper to fold my jammas”.

The thing is also, she isn’t trying to be rude, but she can certainly come across rude – so I am also then navigating her emotions and motives. Not only does the strategy of chess work, it encourages me to look at the big picture and not the tiny battles that may not be worth winning. I set boundaries around her, and often let her use her own way to get to the outcome. It’s a matter of finding what works – I call it her currency. I also apply this to the workplace. Often staff are looking for approval, encouragement, a kind word, to be appreciated. At times, all it takes is a few words or a short email to make a huge difference in their attitude. It can take the determination in some one and enable them to use it for good. Because when they choose not to, like we all can at times, the strength of determination used the wrong way can have a huge ripple effect.

The final thing I will mention is, it looks like my third child, my second daughter is going to be just as determined as the first… wish me luck… I’m gonna need it.

Categories
Victory

Monopoly

What do you think of when I mention the word monopoly? A long board game, family fights, cheating, having to be the banker, getting out of jail… some how passing go, working out how to buy Mayfair…

I feel it is timely to write about a game that truly leaves its mark on family life generationally. I have fond memories of playing monopoly on family holidays growing up, even though the games often ended in tears. My Dad never showed any mercy and would win every game. My brother and I would try to conjure up ways to potentially beat him, but he always seemed to be one step ahead.

Now with my own family, other than to highlight my thankfulness for the shorter version of the game, we are making our own memories. Just to note: I am now Mrs Competitive who is more than happy to wipe the board every time and claim to be the winner… That aside, it is interesting to see the family dynamics play out. One child, must be the banker and real estate agent at the same time, he will also be the one to say, you don’t have much money left can I give you some. He is the risk adverse player and one who invests carefully and thoughtfully. Another child, just plays her own game, not paying attention to what anyone else if doing, she is focused on her property and available cash. Neither of them, are yet to pick up on my ruthless plan that ensures I win every time.

My thought is, how often do we spend time, just watching and thinking about the people in our life – whether family, friends or work colleges? Do we observe them, do we understand who they are ? How they are treated and treat others? Do we even want to know? I would argue we should – then we know how they tick and how we can best be a support to them when the need arises. For example, I know when one of my work mates is stressed, she loves to tell everyone she is stressed. That is my cue, to sit with her and work out what the next hour / day/ week needs to look like to minimise the stress and focus on outcomes. For me, this is not hard, but it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t pick up on her behaviour when she is stressed.

This goes for my kids also. One of my kids, often has a shower to clear their head and reset. I’ve had to say to them, you don’t need to ask to have a shower, just do it. I know, if the shower is on at an odd time of day, the reset button is being pushed.

It may be time, if you haven’t had a family game of monopoly for a while, to play together. Use it to observe the dynamics and how well your family team works together. It may highlight some areas to work on, it may also, make you smile at how your family team works together.

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Leadership

enable

Enable means to provide (someone) with adequate power, means and opportunity or authority (to do something.)

Dictionary.com

Home of Victory has been designed to enable. The platform of Homes of Victory is built from a place of encouragement and seeks to provide opportunities for families to improve things in order to live in victory.

Aside from Homes of Victory, I love to encourage. I feel like it is one of my gifts, even a talent. I love taking kind words and wrapping them up in love and giving them to someone who is unsuspecting, someone who is in need of kind words or someone who doesn’t even  know they need kind words until they receive them.. I’ve always related easily to the word encourage which like enable is a verb meaning :

Encourage means to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence

Dictionary.com

Since learning more about the words and their meaning,  I’ve come to realise enable and encourage are two very different things, although they work really well together, some may say in collaboration. Enable to me is the stronger more practical of the two words as the definition includes the words  adequate power, means, opportunity and authority. While encourage is the quiet strong emotion, as it has the words courage, spirit and confidence in its definition. While I love to encourage, I also love to enable.

What can you do this week to not only encourage someone but enable them? Who can you build up with kind words? Who can you give adequate power to, to ensure they can use their gifts and talents to their potential? Who can you give the means and opportunity to?

It may be one of your children? It may be your other half? It may be a work mate, friend or stranger. Whoever you choose make sure you enable with purpose and enjoy the giving process. This world needs more kindness and it certainly needs more encouragement. Let’s see who we can enable this week.  We can’t wait to hear your stories.

Categories
Blue Print

in conversation with Ben & Christina

Who is in your family?

Benjamin (39), Christina (39), Zachary (6), Abigail (3)

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?
We are planners. Going with the flow is quite stressful for us.

What does your normal week look like?

Well before Covid-19 our normal week was very full. We both work every week day, Zach has school and Abby has day care. In addition we try to fit in extra curricular activities and Ben is at soccer training at least three nights a week.

Weekends are then full of grocery shopping, house chores,squeezing in some rest, birthday parties / socialising, church, getting ready for the week ahead and a soccer game for Ben that generally takes up a whole day.

You are now embarking on an exciting project outside of work, that takes up a lot of time, how do you make that work for yourselves and the whole family?

We are currently developing an app, which is exciting. I knew I couldn’t do it myself so I have employed the services of an app development company. Ben and I have worked through the specifications for the app after the kids have gone to bed. I am the one that has all the interaction with the software company and reads all the documentation. Then I sit down with Ben and explain it to him and get his input into the design and features. We also like to talk about it randomly while we are out and I will take notes on my phone. When we have a version to test I know Zach will be excited to participate in testing.We have made sure that this project doesn’t impact much on family life and as such we are taking it a bit slower and only doing it when we have time.

What advice would you give to a family working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Our family needs to do this too, so first step would be to recognise that you need to do this! We don’t have a blueprint written down but we do have agreement on some things that we adhere to and these have come about from good communication and purposeful planning. Things like taking regular holidays, living on a budget, keeping the kids active, involving our kids in Christian communities, ensuring our kids see us giving our time and resources to help those in need and to help the church. All these things take planning and sacrifice. Our lives are very busy so we have made some very conscious changes this year that is helping a lot:

  • We employ a cleaner to free up more time to spend with the family
  • We use a shared calendar on our phones to improve communication
  • We employ a gardener when needed
  • We have paid for a bus to take the kids to after school activities.
  • We incorporate swimming lessons into the after school care session, so we are making one less trip out.
  • We changed to a daycare centre closer to home, which also has extra curricular activities like swimming available.

These changes have all worked to improve the time we have together as a family and has saved us a lot of running around. Our budget hasn’t suffered either because it means I’m able to maintain my working hours.

Categories
Leadership

Leadership trait: Adaptability

It is not balance you need but adaptability.    

Erwin Raphael McManus   

Ah that word ‘ change’. I feel like the entire world has had an abrupt lesson in adaptability – that no more needs to be said.  What I will say though is – our response to change – influences those around us . Our response to change also determines the outcome whether it is positive or not. It all comes down to choice – how do we choose to respond when we have the responsibility of influence. I can admit my adaptability and the capacity to deal with change, is a learnt skill.

I am awesome at routine and love to be organised and on top of things. Over time, I’ve learnt to be adaptable and deal with change in a positive manner, taking my team along with me for the adventure. I am also now able to walk my children through changes in life, ones we are in control of and ones we aren’t.

Change is the only constant in life. One’s ability to adapt to those changes will determine your success in life.

Benjamin Franklin

How do you approach change? Do you lead by example and make the most of it, not knowing how it will pan out?

Start to look at what you can control and what you can’t. How does that change your sphere of influence and impact your family? Although as challenging as this time of COVID – 19 has been, it has really made me aware of how my words and influence impact my family. I love it, that my eldest child is now telling me all the good things about spending more time as a family… rather than whinging that she can’t see her friends. Over time, even a matter of weeks, our influence in her life has worked for the better. Our youngest, however is still grappling with why I couldn’t use baby wipes to take the germs away from the playground…

Being adaptable, doesn’t only make life easier and rosier for us as adults and leaders, but makes for a smoother transition for the children in our lives. Their capacity to deal with change, enables them to navigate life in a far more positive way, than if they cant. Change is simply a given and they need to be able to adapt. At times we have had our plans changed at the last minutes by other family members and so on, it is interesting to gauge how our children react and how we can talk them through the process.

I will leave you with this last thought, I believe being adaptable makes you less selfish as you are thinking of others, thinking of the big picture and not just of yourself. Rather, seeing where you fit into the bigger picture along with everyone else…

Let us know your thoughts on that…