Tag: Management

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Leadership

moody teenager

On a family holiday in 2019 my husband took the time to take each kid out for a treat – just one on one time. His ulterior motive was to chat to the kids about our family values and how they were tracking. We often use our kids responses in these moments to see how we are tracking as a team. We take stock of how my husband and I can work better as a team and lead our kids… this treat time becomes almost like a performance appraisal without the kids really knowing… wanna know how it went??

Miss 9 went first. The conversation was going well with many positives and a chat about how we as parents can be silly but also strict – when we need to. My husband asked Miss 9 if she had any other questions… “ Yes, why do you behave like a moody teenager?”. A little stunned my husband responded with – “I like to be silly and have fun… “ no Dad, the times you get moody”…. The silence was followed by a nearby stranger stifling a laugh… Looking around to find the source of the laugh, the kind stranger looked at Miss 9 and said, “you need to listen to your Daddy, he is saying some very wise things”. Miss 9 smiled and said “I know.”

A great conversation with the stranger ensued and it turned out that he missed these kinds of opportunities with his kids and wife who now live in another country. He recently left his high flying corporate job to work with families in this space… connecting and thriving – while enabling parents to also thrive under the stress of the season of kids.

Now to Mister 7… he was up next. While eating ice cream… the planned conversation began … his response “ Look at that bird Dad, if he doesn’t move he will be smashed by the tram…”

Trying again, the conversation continued about how in the family it’s okay to be silly and at times we need to be strict… “I don’t think that bird values his life Dad”… not one to give up easily, my husband tried again… “ yes Dad I love you and everything is good”… sweet… performance appraisal complete… although we both think the bird was more thoroughly analysed.

Next was Miss 3… she arrived home after her walk with Dad yelling,” I did dancing and (jump) and(jump) and (jump) I touched a dine-saur (deep breath while jumping) and it tried to eat my body”… so there you have it success all round….

On a serious note, we can sometimes sail through the routine of life and forget to take stock of how the kids are feeling. Are they enjoying family life, are they getting the rest they need, the attention they need. Why are we mentioning this when the focus of this blog is parents in this season.

We believe the kids will reflect the reality of the family. If as parents you’re stressed it will be reflected. If you’re moody and tired… it will be noticed… the list goes on. The next conversation on my husbands list is a with me… even though they can be tough at times the outcome is always amazing. New goals are set, clearer values are developed and it’s like the whole team is now set for the next year.

Who’s next on your ‘to have conversation with’ list?

Categories
Victory

Revive the roots

Hey just checking into see how your end of 2020 is going? Here in Australia along with other countries around the world, COVID is popping up again, and making life a little hectic and stressful. Like everyone touched by COVID, our Christmas plans are becoming more vauge as final decisions cannot be made yet. Life has it’s way of throwing curve balls at us, but at the end of the day its how we respond.

We get it that, we are sick of responding in a half hearted positive way as our energy is sapped with the trying part. We get it that so many changes to what we planned, what we dreamed of, what we are working towards – is draining. We are coming to the end of the year exhaused and wanting to nap.

During this time of uncertainty, take a moment to remember what you are thankful for. List them out. Even if it is one thing. Write it down. Remember it during this time.

Also, take time to rest, not just your body but your mind. Do something that allows you to rest – walk, sleep, exercise – whatever it is – rest.

Lastly, we want to encourage you at the end of the year – to revive your roots. The strength you have found during this year – needs to be acknowledged, the hard days you’ve got through, the unexpected fun days, the changes you’ve made to your family life, the changes to your role at work, the changes to your employment – all needs acknowledgment. These influences have contributed to foundational changes in your ability to deal with stress, change and flexibility due to cirumstances beyond your control – Hooray. See it for what it is. Your roots are going deeper, your capacity has enlarged and you’ve gained life experience that perhaps other generations will never know.

End this year, knowing you’ve grown, you’ve changed and your stronger for it.

We would love to know how your year has gone for you and what skills you have picked up along the way…

Categories
Leadership

Manage & Lead

In the busyness of my household one morning, I found myself saying out loud to no one in particular “ Why am I always managing your things, put your own dishes away and pick up the mess”… I caught myself remembering a quote I had read at a business event.

you manage things, you lead people

Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hooper

No one responded by the way, so I guessed the other four occupants of my house were clearly not listening or interested in what I had to say. I continued to huff and puff around the kitchen in the bustle of a work / school day morning. Putting milk away, dirty dishes in the dishwasher, finding school lunch boxes, uniforms, wayward socks and whatever else needed doing in between.

We’ve all been there. Caught in the moment of feeling like the maid, the servant, the recipient of the ‘don’t worry Mum will do it’ award… I caught myself as I realized, I was managing the house, but I was also managing the people in it – not leading them how I planned to. Big difference with very different outcomes. So how do we lead the people in our home, when managing comes more naturally, when time constraints encourage the management of rather than the leading of, when managing is just plain easier than leading.

The question I felt I needed to go back to is “Why?”. Why do I want to lead my kids and not manage them? The how, to lead, will follow. The why for me is, I want my kids to grow up resilient, grow up with manners, grow up well rounded, grow up with the capacity to do life, basically to grow up and be amazing… Sound familiar? This all sounds nice in theory and in reality the practical outworking of a goal like this often comes to a grinding halt on a Monday morning… in my case, my reality check came out of the mouth of my 9 year old.

One evening while I was cooking dinner (in my work clothes as I had literally walked through the front door and into the kitchen to start cooking), she sat at the kitchen bench and looked at me. She said very matter of fact, “I don’t ever want kids”. I responded by saying that’s a bit sad kids are fun. She answered “Yeah but I don’t want to have to do everything like you”. Ouch. I must put a disclaimer here that my husband is very hands on around the home and is often in the kitchen or cleaning on weekends. I don’t do everything, and we encourage the kids to carry the load too. What I realised was, it was how I was leading,  without even realising, “ doing everything” is what my behaviour was telling my child. It wasn’t my words, it was my actions. Although that thought hurt, it was a truth bomb that I needed to hear. It made me realise I wasn’t focused on the “why” I want to lead my kids, or even “how” any more, I had compartmentalised chores and kids in separate categories. 

Coming back to the thought of managing things and leading people;

What is your motivation behind leading your family?

How easily does it drop off the radar for you?

What are some ways to keep it in the forefront of your mind?

How does the outworking of this goal happen in your home?

After the truth bomb dropped ever so eloquently in my kitchen that night, I decided to write it out and make it clear to myself what leading the people in my home should look like. How will I involve the kids, how will I carve out more time with them, how will I alter some of my actions, to make sure what I do matches what I say.

In the end I know that there is no perfect solution to the “how to”, but keeping in mind the why, and the desired outcome will keep me on track to achieving my goal of leading my people and managing things.  How about you?

What does leading your children look like for your family?

Do your actions speak louder than words when it comes to leading?

Categories
Victory

why: victory

 you are just as important as any other factor in the family equation  

Justin and Alicia – Homes of Victory

Hello & Welcome.

Homes of Victory is a platform for families using leadership and management tools to create a family blueprint going forward. It is designed to support you and enable you to design the home life you want, while living with a victorious mindset in the middle of the craziest season of life: kids.

Even though at this time in history our whole world seems like it has upended, we decided to stick to our plans and launch homes of victory to bring hope and encouragement.

We started Homes of Victory out of our love for people and families. We wanted to create a space where we can encourage and provide a framework of not giving up, in a day and age where it is so easy to. We ourselves have experienced layers of stress in our family to the point where we literally didn’t know what to do. This was the grim reality for us at the time. However, we committed to working through the obstacles so that we would come out the other side better and stronger, rather than separately and in despair. We understand every situation is different and every person handles life’s challenges differently. What we also understand is, life is challenging like an obstacle course but we can learn from it and if we decide to be in it together, then lets be in it the best way possible.

Their is always a solution – we just need to find it.

Homes of Victory

Throughout this blog, we will post a series activities designed to do with the one you do life with, that combines to create a family blueprint. In doing so you will be designing and living the family life you want – through the thick and thin. Creating a family blueprint going forward.

Lastly, this is not a parenting blog, nor it is a blog about children, it’s about the parents in the family who often neglect their own relationships in favor of ensuring their kids are okay and life is ticking over. We’re here to say that you are just as important as any other factor in the family equation.

 

Categories
Victory

Habit Kickers

It’s that time of year when we are winding down, getting a little bit reflective about the year it was. Can I just pause here and emphasis the words ‘ the year that was’. No one could have predicted what would occur globally in 2020, nor could we have predicted the type of year we as individuals and families would have.

One thing we do, to take control in a way of life – is to set goals. Goals help us focus, help us navigate the noise of life and find success. Here at Homes of Victory we have shared often about goal setting, how your family measures success and living in victory. This post flips that concept on its head, as we start to reflect on the year that was, and look at habits we may have formed, habits we have quietly agreed to – habit unlike goals that may not be the best for us.

I know this year, I have been guilty of dropping the discipline a little by drinking way too much tea, eating way too much chocolate and cheese, and watching way too much Netflix while ignoring every type of exercise ( pretty sure I’m now allergic to sweat) and the ever-growing number of baskets of washing that needs folding… It doesn’t seem like much, but my thinking behind it, is a little dangerous/ unhealthy/ alarming… for want of a better word. I keep saying to myself, it’s ok, if I need to stop because I can and I will. It’s okay, I will start to exercise when I want to – I rarely do – well not like I used to. These habits cannot be broken by one thought – I’ve realized as time has kept ticking, the days have kept passing, that breaking my Covid habits may not be as easy as I would like it to be. 

Habits are one of those things that can be positive or negative. Habits – happen little by little. When my kids were little and I was trying to get them to sleep all night in their own beds, I read that after three nights a habit was formed. Never worked with my kids by the way… Another theory floating around is it takes 21 days for it to become a solid habit and another 90 days to become part of normal life. Either way, there are somethings about habits – whether positive or negative that we need to remember at this time of year – especially as we take time to reflect on the year that was and the year ahead:

Habits need:

  • Commitment to be formed and broken.
  • Time to be formed and broken.
  • Discipline to be formed and broken.

What habits have you formed this year that are positive?

What negative habits have you formed this year?

Think about the actions you need to take to make negative habit more positive? 

Categories
Victory

Brave Feet

At times we come across moments in our life where we need to make a decision that may seem daunting, that may seem overwhelming, but at the same time feels right. Sometimes we just need to take a step, to the point where we can’t turn back and the decision is set in motion. Then over time the decision seems less impossible, less daunting and more incredible and more satisfying as you discover it was the right decision.

In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.

Abraham Maslow

By taking that brave step into the unknown (think of Anna as she sings this song on frozen…apologies if that song is now in your head), we take ourselves out of our comfort zone and into a place of growth. Fear seems to tag along for the ride when we step out, when we take risks, when we are brave. It’s all part and parcel of becoming who we are. The choice to be brave takes us to places we never dreamed of, being brave takes us towards achievements we only dreamt of.

     Being brave doesn’t mean we have no fear – it means we refuse to be overcome by it.

 Steven Furtick

Having brave feet that set decisions in motion may look ordinary, may look like regular work boots, stilettos or sneakers. However your brave feet look, remember only you can take the step, determine its path and be responsible for your growth. Own the steps you are taking. Don’t belittle the ordinary looking feet, taking brave steps – mine are often bare feet with sand between my toes, breathing in the depth of decision, and exhaling brave.

Where will your step of bravery take you today? What exciting, challenging opportunity will you take, just by taking a deep breath and taking a brave step. It may take many brave steps to get to where you are going, but take them,one at a time. Take them fast or slow, but keep growing and keep being brave. You can do it.

Categories
Victory

Vision writing

Often as a leader, we set the pace for the team we lead and the direction of it through a vision statement. In the workplace the vision guides the team throughout the year and points to required outcomes and project deliverable . Writing a vision for your team can be time consuming and thought provoking as it sets the team up for a win and encourages the writing of goals and actions.

Stepping out of the business world for a moment and into the world of family for a moment, I want to challenge you with this question: Have you ever written a vision statement for your marriage or family?

As 2020 is drawing to a close, we are leaving behind unprecedented times, while what is to come globally for 2021 is also unprecedented and unknown, take charge of what you have control of and make your future, the best it has ever been for you and your family.

As parents – as a couple – what impact do you feel writing a vision for your marriage / family would have in your home? Would it be beneficial and set the tone for the year ahead?

Homes of Victory is here to support you and your family when writing a family or marriage vision. The family blueprint is designed to walk you through the process of planning your vision, encourage you to dream big and align it with your family values and goals. To see all the  Family Blueprint posts – select the tag below or check out the family Blueprint tab at the top of the page.

It’s never too late to write the vision for your marriage

Lisa Bevere
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Victory

#homesofvictory

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!

Audrey Hepburn

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Victory

#homesofvictory

We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why. 

Stephen King
Categories
Victory

Thank you

It’s been six months since we launched Homes of Victory. We have been blown away by your support and would like to humbly thank each of you. We truly appreciate the time you take to read and absorb what we have to share.

As we are all about families – supporting and enabling you to create the home life you want – we can’t wait to continue this journey with you. If you have any topic you would like us to cover please let us know. Likewise if you would like to be a guest blogger please contact us. We would love to hear from you.

Until then, share Homes of Victory with your mates and let’s encourage each other to live in victory.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.

John F. Kennedy

Categories
Building community

connection

I grew up in the era of dial up internet – the one where you connect over the home phone line, the one where you got to hear it dial up and connect. It was probably the first time in my life, I realised how impatient I was, that was until these days when wi-fi doesn’t work how it should – that’s a whole other story.

As a kid I knew that the dial up sound, meant connection – to the world wide web. I knew that the connection needed to occur before anything else could. In our fast paced, internet reliant society, the art of connection seems to have been lost. We can text a friend, without asking how they are, we can rush through grocery shopping and not say hi to the cashier, we can scoot through school pick up and not even have to wave to anyone we know, we can even add comments online anonymously. Where has the real connection gone? I even question where has the desire for connection gone?

Sadly, it seems we are all somehow ever so subtly moving towards connection through devices and social media, emails and other group chats etc… Don’t get me wrong, the advancements in technology have greatly benefited the world, families and business, on the flip side though for these great advancements and benefits have come at a social cost.

Is lack of real connection one of the reasons, mental health statistics are increasing faster than ever before? Is it one of the reasons why families are crumbling faster than they can be built? Is it one of the reasons why kids are committing suicide younger and younger and depression rates for 15 – 25 year olds is through the rood?

How can we connect to each other in an already “connected” world? How can we disconnect from the technology around us, even for a moment, to simply connect with our loved ones and friends in a way that equals real connection. The type that fills the soul with joy, the type that encourages and uplifts, the type that fills the love tank.

Connection is needed on so many levels – in family life, in the workplace, in the friendship circles, in the village we are crafting for our children to grow up in. For the support during tough times and the celebrations during the good times – an emoji cannot replicate a real smile, a real high five, a hug or a shared meal.

What if we all for one day, put our tech away – not just on silent, but away, and really made an effort to connect with those around us? What difference do you think it could make?

Think about ways you could connect more with those around you?

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

The first place we must win the victory is in our own minds. If you don’t think you can be successful, then you never will be.

Joel Osteen
Categories
Blue Print

blueprint finale

Hooray! Congratulations! Well Done!  

Here at Homes of Victory we are genuinely so excited for you and your family. We hope you feel more equipped, have grown closer together as a family and most of all had fun.

You should be so proud of yourselves that you worked through creating a family values statement, learnt more about yourselves and each other, set goals  and created a family action plan. We would love to hear how it works for you and your family so drop us a line, you never know who else you will encourage to create a family blueprint.

Once again – whooo hoooo! You are amazing!

Categories
Victory

What are you fighting for?

Do you want to learn how to fight for your marriage rather than just fight in it? Start attacking the problems that arise rather than attacking each other.

Lisa Bevere

Sometimes we get hung up on the who and what and forget about the why. We can admit, that we have been caught in the cycle of ‘ attacking’ each other rather than the problems in our marriage. We have been there… but once we made a decision to lay it all out on the table, look at the issue not the person, the real issues were laid bare and the work of problem solving began.

Only then, were we able to start attacking the problems and issues in our marriage rather than each other. The thing is, it took a conscious effort to change how we both thought, it took time and calm to lay it all out, it took steps of peace from both of us, to start working on the real issues at hand.

Don’t let the little things, build into big things, where it seems like it’s gone beyond the point of no return. If communication is a problem – work out a better way to communicate, if busy is a problem – work out a way to adjust the busy, if finances are a problem – work together on finding a solution –get professional help, be disciplined, cheer each other on – rather than tear each other apart. If we have learnt one thing, on the journey of marriage – and boy we’ve had ups and downs – is this:

There is always a solution, you just need to find it.

Homes of Victory

You may have the “I love you but don’t like you days” – you may have the I’m trying to keep loving you days, but if you both keep taking steps towards peace and resolution – you’ll take your marriage to a whole new level of wonderful. Fight for what is worth fighting for.