Tag: Leadership

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Leadership

a juggle or awesome logistics?

One thing that makes me a little cross are the words…how do you juggle work and kids – as a matter of fact any questioning along these lines… really makes me wonder why do ‘people’ think it’s a juggle. It always seems to be in a negative context with a sigh involved. I don’t know about you but I hear the word juggle and think of the circus, I think of a ball trick that is perfected over time to a point where the juggler may not even need to think about how to juggle, they just do. 

The meaning of juggle is: to continuously toss into the air and catch (a number of objects) so as to keep at least one in the air while handling the others. 

When I add myself to this scene – as the juggler – I start to chuckle. Usually I pick up any ball game easily but when it comes to juggling, no matter how many times I’ve literally tried to learn, I simply cannot conquer it. Now add children, career, family, friends etc.. into the equation and if each of these represented a ball I needed to juggle, they would all end up dropped one after the other. With all of that said, I believe I do a damn fine job of making sure my kids are loved beyond measure, where they need to be even if it’s at two places at once, friends are cared for, family is a priority and my career is given enough focus… I call it awesome logistics. Any mumma bear will tell you on any given day how many quick decisions with the potential ripple effects considered are made. 

So no I don’t agree that it’s a juggle, I chose to have kids. I chose to pursue my career and I choose everyday to make it work for everyone in my home. I may not be perfect, life may not be perfect but I give it a good crack. I also know that if I ever wanted a job in logistics I’d have some great experiences to share and skills to draw on. 

What are your thoughts on this? Does the term juggle come across as a positive or negative to you? 

In all the hustle and bustle of life do you feel like you juggle, or have awesome logistics skills? 

Take some time to ponder this. Write down the positive experiences you’ve had, making life work for your family.  We hope this makes you realise how amazing you are! 

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Victory

#homesofvictory

A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Leadership

Why


I have a love-hate relationship with the word Why. That stage in the life of a toddler when all they do is ask why. It makes me smile at their curiosity and the wonder. At the moment in my house, our youngest is asking, ‘Does a shark have a heart?’… ‘Why?’… ‘Does a Lion have a heart?’… ‘Why?’… On it goes… I do try to explain why, but the logic and reasoning hasn’t sunk in yet. I love the curiosity.


In taking the question of why from a toddlers perspective, into the world of an adult, it can be used as a great problem solving tool. The 5 whys technique was created in the 1930’s by Sakichi Toyoda, a Japanese industrialist, inventor, and founder of Toyota Industries. Asking why as a problem solving technique became popular globally in the 1970s, and Toyota still uses it to solve problems today.

In a nut shell, you simply ask why five times. At the end of the five whys you will likely find a solution or the root cause of an issue that can then be addressed. This technique can be used to solve a known problem, an unexpected issue arising or simply a way to figure out how to do something better. So how does it work. Here are some examples:

For example:
I want to run my own business
Why: I want to be in control of my time
Why: I can have more flexibility during the work day
Why: I can work from home if I want to
Why: I can be available for my children
Why: So I can continue to provide but also have time with my children.
The last answer here becomes the root cause of motivation.

Another example:
We were running late for school and work again
Why: We slept in
Why: The alarm didn’t go off
Why: Mum forgot to set it
Why: Mum fell asleep in Miss 3’s bed
Why: Miss 3 wouldn’t go to sleep
This then becomes the root cause of the issue. Using the identified issue we can then look at ways to prevent this. Options may include – set a recurring alarm. Set different bedtime rules or routines etc..

By identifying the root cause of the problem, or the root .cause of your motivation whether positive or not, it becomes easier to identify and work around. This tool may be useful for you as a family. I use it to get to the bottom of the latest round of arguments. I use it to get to the point when my kids can’t find the words to say, it encourages them to focus and think about one thing at a time. You or the kids may not get the answers they hoped for, but the real motivations and emotions get discovered during this process. At times when I keep asking why, my kids get really frustrated. I encourage them to take their time, sometimes they come back to me hours later.. it’s giving them time and space to answer the simple question of why. I love using this tool at home and in the workplace, mostly because it uses one word, and secondly because it cuts through the layers and gets to the point – almost always.


Why not try it!

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Victory

The value of rest

At the best of times, I am not good at stopping to rest. I am always thinking, planning, or doing. My other half is great at resting. On the weekend I may find him asleep on our outdoor couch, sitting on the deck, admiring nature etc.… I’m the one that bustles over and starts a conversation with “ What do you think about…” He often answers with comments like, are you resting, have you stopped today… can you turn your brain off for 5 minutes. It’s not that I don’t value rest, I just don’t priorities it, until it’s too late and I sleep for a whole day to catch up.

During the recent lockdown and changes to normal, I believe I have started to learn the value of rest. I was stood down from work for seven weeks – which I chose to see as a blessing in disguise, as it is the leave I never take. Although the first thing I did write a list of all the house jobs I wanted to do that never had time to do. With that said, I did focus on my kids and their schoolwork, we developed a closer relationship, we worked together as a team and did get all the house jobs done together. We had no routine, nowhere to be, almost nothing to think about, because there was nowhere to go and no commitments.

I truly have valued this time of together and slowing down. A time to choose what we did at home when we wanted to. Yes, we watched a lot of TV and played far too much Nintendo, we argued over neat writing in schoolbooks and how to show the process for the maths questions. We stayed up late and went to bed early if we felt like it. It was a true unwind and change from the busy of life. I even got to the point where, I didn’t know what day it was, and we missed several zoom ballet classes because of it. Although, I was annoyed at myself for forgetting, but realized that it was a good thing as I had truly stopped and rested.

Now we have returned to normal. I need to learn how to continue to value rest, find it in the busy and take it easier – and go easier on myself. Allow myself to rest.

 Through this time, have you learnt to rest, how to value it or use it to recharge? We would love to know what you think. 

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Leadership

in conversation with Luke & Heidi

I would like to introduce our second in-conversation session. Sometimes it’s encouraging to hear how other families do life. We’ve known Luke and Heidi for eight years and met at a parenting course – of which they were presenting. These guys have been a source of encouragement to us over the years. Teaching us to see the positive in everything and to not sweat the small stuff – everything is small by the way. They’ve run businesses for many years and now Luke is a state manager and Heidi works as a pediatric nurse. They live a life of adventure and fun. We hope you are encouraged by this conversation.

Who are the members of your family?

Luke (40), Heidi (40), Ariella (15), Noah (13), Sian (11), Rose(8)

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

Hmmmm – a bit of both. We have a lot of things planned like sports certain days and all sorts of school activities the kids like to be involved in. But we also can go with the flow if needed… like last minute dinner parties with friends work well for us, we more plan things as we go than have them booked in months in advance. Unless you mean planners with what type of family we want? In that case we are definitely planners rather than go with the flow. We deliberately talk about the type of family we want to be like and intentionally work towards that.

What does your normal week look like?

Sometimes chill and sometimes crazy!!!!! My big two kids like to join every team (multiple sports teams, debating team, musical, study groups) so at times between them we have something on every day, then there are seasons ( or terms) where it’s pretty chilled and calm. It also depends on my work – sometimes I work random shifts all over the place and other times just one day a week. So we kind of need to be able to adapt and go with the flow or we would fall apart! I keep the mindset “ it always works out in the end”… and it always does. Sometimes one week may just be crazier than others! One thing the same everyday if every week – we always have dinner together. Always. No TV during the week either.

Your family is passionate about foster care. What effect does this have on your family life?

Sometimes it’s a huge effect – like when we suddenly had a newborn baby with a days’ notice! And he stayed for 5 months. Or when we had two toddlers for a weekend who were extreme levels of activity and behaviour which took every single second and me and Luke’s time to watch them and keep them safe. Other times it’s just lovely and adds to our home. Some little babes we have had for a weekend and the kids adore them. It’s like a fun playmate all weekend and they absolutely love having them to care for. The conversations we get to have around topics such as “ why is this child in care”, “ why they have been taken away from their parents”, “ why certain foster children behave the way they do”, “ why the teenagers in foster homes might act the way they do.. I feel it brings a huge level of compassion, understanding, empathy and life lessons for our children they may not have been exposed to otherwise.

What measures have you put in place to make it a great experience for your family?

I have heard from many grown adults whose parents used to foster, they hated it. So we go to great lengths to make sure the kids have a positive experience with it – or as much as we possibly can. This means keeping the negative conversations about foster care and the system to grownups. We allow the kids the express their feelings openly – so they feel comfortable to say , ‘ I wish the baby wasn’t here” – knowing that it is okay you feel that way today, but remember this baby has nowhere to be other than right here, right now. They have not been cared for well and had a tough time, isn’t it a blessing we can help them? They won’t be here long but aren’t we blessed we get to impart some love and joy into their lives for a short time” – etc…

I also made a conscious effort to not say to my children ‘ I can’t do that” or “ I don’t have time for you because of the baby” so sometimes that is exhausting for me. To suddenly have a newborn and be living on that sudden lack of sleep – but not say to your biological children you don’t want to read to them a book because you’re tired is hard. But I feel it is important to do. Another measure we have put in place is we have told the department we only take children under a certain age.

What advice would you give to a family working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Think long term not short term. Think about the outcomes you want. It’s worth putting some effort into making the blueprint for your family. If you have a goal then you can focus on that… over time it will hopefully come to pass. We have always been big on manners and respect. Sometimes when they are young you can think it’s not working and it’s futile and then one day you get a text from a friend saying ” your kid was the only good one at the party who said thank you for dinner”. and you suddenly realise it’s all paying off.

Family life – what kind of life do you want? If you don’t plan it, you may find you’re quickly going through life thinking ‘ This isn’t what I wanted for my life’. But if you never take the time to plan it, it won’t change. It’s not hard to create the life you imagine, you just need to take time to plan it and focus on achieving it. What’s important to you? What do you see in the future for your family? What steps do you need to take to achieve that?

My advice is pick a few main family goals and work towards those. For example ours are:

  1. To create contributing human beings, acting in their giftings knowing and bringing love, joy, peace… knowing life is about more than them and they should serve a greater vision.
  2. To create family dynamic that will last until we die- true family connection that will support each other, laugh with each other and cry with each other into each other’s old age.
  3. Fun – adventure – health.

Does the blue print work for a family like yours where planning isn’t your thing?

Yes. When you answer the long term questions you don’t need to wake up each day trying to answer the little questions. When the big questions are answered, the little questions don’t need to be thought about and discussed all the time as we already know the answer to the day to day questions. For example ‘ Should we go to church today?” – the long terms goal is God loving, church going, Christ honoring family – therefore short term questions of should we go to church doesn’t need to be asked as the long term goal, already tells us yes.

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Leadership

Weed Free Garden

I love to garden. I love being outside, I love being in the sun, I love dirt and I love plants. Everything about it makes me happy. In another life, I wouldn’t be a cat lady, I would be a crazy plant lady – with a home full of plants. For now I am happy with my deck covered in pots and my garden overflowing with natives.

One thing I have learnt from cultivating the same garden for about ten years, is if you don’t pull out the weeds from the roots they come back – often multiplying. When we first moved into the house we live in now, the yard was barren, the garden beds that spread around the perimeter of the garden, contained unkept palms, green looking plants that were more than likely weeds, a lot of clay like dirt and weeds. As time went on, we slowly improved the soil, eventually chopped down the bat attracting palms, planted and planted and planted. While the plants were little the weeds tried to strangle them, out grow them and take the new nutrients we had added to the soil.

Now our garden brings delight to us and our kids. The natives attract birds and bees. They flower and provide shade for the yard. We love being outside and enjoying the garden that has grown out of sheer hard work and tending to it, season after season.

Applying this same type of effort and tending to, to our own lives, is at times harder and more complex. I find it way easier to pull weeds out of my garden, then out of my heart. In our home, we try to be self aware and look for ways to be better – not just for those around us, but for ourselves. It does start, by looking for the weeds, and pulling them out by the root. Not always easy, not always fun – but worth it.

In the back corner of our garden, we have a spot that still needs plants in it, the weeds grow freely and I actually refuse to pull them out. My husband often says, ‘ when you have time, pull out those weeds’… I refuse and say, ‘when I have something to replace them with I will, or they’ll grow back.’ He concedes its a fair point. In our own lives, make sure when you find a weed in your heart – something that holds you back, something that is unwanted – make sure you not only pull it out by the roots, but replace it with something worthy – something that brings joy and peace. Something that will multiply in a positive way.

A leadership trait that is so important is being self aware. It is hard to follow a leader when you see glaring issues, that you feel they do not address. I’ve worked for some leaders like this. I had one manager who when she was stressed would yell. Yell as in, you could hear her through a closed door. One time, she called me into her office, closed the door and proceeded to yell at me. The issue at hand, was in my mind minor and not worth yelling about or even being stressed about. I ended up saying, when you calm down we can talk about this as I walked out of the office, closing the door behind me. This to me, is a trait where, she needed to be more self aware and work on the issue at hand.

Spend some time thinking about what is in your life that is a ‘weed’? Is it an addiction, a habit, something that is not productive or positive for your family?

What could you replace it with?

Think about some steps you could take to remove the ‘weeds’ from your heart? This isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.

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Victory

Do we need to be grown for success?

As I write this, I have been turning over these thoughts in my mind. Long term success, success that has deep foundations and substance, is often determined by our response to events that have occurred. Life changing events, determined learning and application, growth through challenges.

Often we see the ‘ overnight’ success stories, of people often young adults leaping onto center stage, with seemingly little life experience, but none the less successful in their chosen field.

At times, we also see is the success stories of people, who are far older than we expect, taking a risk beyond what we would ever be prepared to do, just to see if it works.

Success comes in a range of ways, and is completely biased towards those who are determined and never give up. Rarely do we as outsiders see the development over thousands of hours of hard work and the growth that takes place behind closed doors.

This is where my question comes into play- to be really successful – more than just having 5 minutes of fame, do we need to be developed behind closed doors in order to be successful ? What happens if our development happens in front of the world? Are we praised or seen to be epic failures? Or is the only thing that matters our response to our success or perceived failure?

Tell us what you think… we would love to hear from you.

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Leadership

Proud in the crazy

Homes of victory as you know is based on encouragement, real life situations and of course building community. I need to admit that this morning was a trial of all kinds, and it really put me to the test. Our whole family has struggled with tiredness after we stayed up too late playing games. We set the week up for disaster without realising, as we were having too much fun. To make it worse, I’ve been a little unmotivated lately and flounder around when I should be getting everyone ready for kindy / school and work.

I was thankful that this morning I remembered to ask the kids if they had anything else they needed to pack for the day and although not totally unexpected, no one had actually done anything or thought about the day in any shape or form and as you know, we were suddenly running late.

To add to it, one child forgot an assessment they needed to hand in and only told me at the school gate after I had battled the kindy and school run traffic. I took a deep breath and put it all in perspective. This was the first time in six years of schooling that something had been forgotten. I knew that she knew it was her fault and I knew it wasn’t on purpose. It was just how it was.

In that moment, I chose to respond gracefully – in fact I responded far more gracefully than I expected myself to.  It was one of those hi-five yourself moments. I detoured back past home, back to school in the crazy traffic (what is it with drivers at that time of day), dropped off the assessment and got to work late – the first time in about 10 years mind you. I was unhappy about being late, as I am always on time every time, I was a little proud that I didn’t get upset and rant and rave as I would have in the past. I lead by example. I lead by putting the situation in perspective. I lead by staying clam and looking at the facts. 

I always tell my kids,

I don’t expect perfection, but I want you to do your best.

Leesh – Homes of Victory

I also, know that they expect that of me. Today I feel I out did myself and took a step up in terms of leadership.  I know that they will remember how I responded to that situation, and how I spoke to them. They will hopefully at some point reflect that in their life too.

Have  you had a moment, where despite everything going on, you chose the high road? A give yourself a hi-five moment.

What kind of moments have you had, where you were proud of how you lead your children? Lead your family?

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Blue Print

in conversation with Ben & Christina

Who is in your family?

Benjamin (39), Christina (39), Zachary (6), Abigail (3)

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?
We are planners. Going with the flow is quite stressful for us.

What does your normal week look like?

Well before Covid-19 our normal week was very full. We both work every week day, Zach has school and Abby has day care. In addition we try to fit in extra curricular activities and Ben is at soccer training at least three nights a week.

Weekends are then full of grocery shopping, house chores,squeezing in some rest, birthday parties / socialising, church, getting ready for the week ahead and a soccer game for Ben that generally takes up a whole day.

You are now embarking on an exciting project outside of work, that takes up a lot of time, how do you make that work for yourselves and the whole family?

We are currently developing an app, which is exciting. I knew I couldn’t do it myself so I have employed the services of an app development company. Ben and I have worked through the specifications for the app after the kids have gone to bed. I am the one that has all the interaction with the software company and reads all the documentation. Then I sit down with Ben and explain it to him and get his input into the design and features. We also like to talk about it randomly while we are out and I will take notes on my phone. When we have a version to test I know Zach will be excited to participate in testing.We have made sure that this project doesn’t impact much on family life and as such we are taking it a bit slower and only doing it when we have time.

What advice would you give to a family working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Our family needs to do this too, so first step would be to recognise that you need to do this! We don’t have a blueprint written down but we do have agreement on some things that we adhere to and these have come about from good communication and purposeful planning. Things like taking regular holidays, living on a budget, keeping the kids active, involving our kids in Christian communities, ensuring our kids see us giving our time and resources to help those in need and to help the church. All these things take planning and sacrifice. Our lives are very busy so we have made some very conscious changes this year that is helping a lot:

  • We employ a cleaner to free up more time to spend with the family
  • We use a shared calendar on our phones to improve communication
  • We employ a gardener when needed
  • We have paid for a bus to take the kids to after school activities.
  • We incorporate swimming lessons into the after school care session, so we are making one less trip out.
  • We changed to a daycare centre closer to home, which also has extra curricular activities like swimming available.

These changes have all worked to improve the time we have together as a family and has saved us a lot of running around. Our budget hasn’t suffered either because it means I’m able to maintain my working hours.

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Leadership

beware the layers

This post was written pre COVID-19, but we feel this is as relevant today as any other day. We hope you are encouraged by it.

Have you ever had a year that you would rather forget? A season where you wished you could press the off button just for a minute to catch your breath? Well we were there two years ago, and feel like we have only just recovered. With that said, the stress experienced and the ensuing dramas, have taught us so many things, and led us to a better place in our family life, that honestly may not have happened if we didn’t experience all that we did. To give you an insight into our season, it began with plans to renovate our home.  Those plans were ticking over in the background when a beloved family member passed away and we found out we were pregnant with our much longed for third baby. Renovations commenced, the baby decided that four hours of sleep in twenty four hours was plenty – no joke (this lasted until she was 16 months old), my husband changed jobs due to the job market, I went back to work after nine months to a new boss, the newly renovated home got broken into, we finally moved back into our home – which was amazing, but I didn’t enjoy it for the first two months as the baby and I got dreadfully ill.

During this time, I was talking to my Dad, who just couldn’t believe what was going on in our world. Every time we spoke, something else had happened or was delayed or impacted our family. One time, as I tearfully added to the list of what was going on, he just said “ beware of the layers”. When he first said it I laughed as it reminded me of Donkey in Shrek – when they talk about how onion have layers…

We had seriously got to the point, where we practically lived on no sleep – thanks to the baby, we had decisions to make left, right and center with the reno, we still tried to work out some family time with our other kids who didn’t understand why we were so tired all the time. We simply had no idea on how to handle the building layers of stress, while continuing to work and do life. That word of encouragement, beware the layers – made such a huge difference to our mindset. We were able to compartmentalise some of the stressful things going on. We were able to almost categorise them into the level of urgency they had to be attended to. In the end, we sought the advice of a psychologist on how to handle what was going on. When he looked at me and said, tell me what’s going on… I started with the lack of sleep… his response, “ What do you mean?” I answered, “ I literally get four hours of broken sleep a night”.  I will never forget the look on his face and the nervous laugh of my husband. He asked me how I function… I laughed and replied not well, that’s why we are here. We did use his advice to work through our layers, and to build strategies that helped us deal with the layers of stress bound up in a ball of lack of sleep

I hope you don’t find yourself in a season like this, where although you learn a lot and you needed to go through the fire to get there, remember the phrase beware of the layers. Use it as a tool, to work through the various stressful situations, use it to motivate you – that you will get through the layers in due time. Use it to understand where your capacity is, and when you need to reach out for help. One thing I can tell you two years after this season is, I have got my sleep back,(I realised I am actually a nice person when I’m not sleep deprived) and I know that I am tougher and stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. In the end it was worth it.

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Adaptability

It is not balance you need but adaptability.    

Erwin Raphael McManus   

Ah that word ‘ change’. I feel like the entire world has had an abrupt lesson in adaptability – that no more needs to be said.  What I will say though is – our response to change – influences those around us . Our response to change also determines the outcome whether it is positive or not. It all comes down to choice – how do we choose to respond when we have the responsibility of influence. I can admit my adaptability and the capacity to deal with change, is a learnt skill.

I am awesome at routine and love to be organised and on top of things. Over time, I’ve learnt to be adaptable and deal with change in a positive manner, taking my team along with me for the adventure. I am also now able to walk my children through changes in life, ones we are in control of and ones we aren’t.

Change is the only constant in life. One’s ability to adapt to those changes will determine your success in life.

Benjamin Franklin

How do you approach change? Do you lead by example and make the most of it, not knowing how it will pan out?

Start to look at what you can control and what you can’t. How does that change your sphere of influence and impact your family? Although as challenging as this time of COVID – 19 has been, it has really made me aware of how my words and influence impact my family. I love it, that my eldest child is now telling me all the good things about spending more time as a family… rather than whinging that she can’t see her friends. Over time, even a matter of weeks, our influence in her life has worked for the better. Our youngest, however is still grappling with why I couldn’t use baby wipes to take the germs away from the playground…

Being adaptable, doesn’t only make life easier and rosier for us as adults and leaders, but makes for a smoother transition for the children in our lives. Their capacity to deal with change, enables them to navigate life in a far more positive way, than if they cant. Change is simply a given and they need to be able to adapt. At times we have had our plans changed at the last minutes by other family members and so on, it is interesting to gauge how our children react and how we can talk them through the process.

I will leave you with this last thought, I believe being adaptable makes you less selfish as you are thinking of others, thinking of the big picture and not just of yourself. Rather, seeing where you fit into the bigger picture along with everyone else…

Let us know your thoughts on that…

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.

Warren Bennis

In our homes we are leaders whether we think we are or not. Our little ones who may not be so little any more, can’t help but see us as leaders.

What is it that you see in your future? What step, no matter how big or little can you take today to make it a reality?

May these words spark something inside of you today, that inspires you to take your dreams and vision for your family and make it a reality.