Tag: Leadership

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Blue Print

time summary

Getting a grip on time management in family life can be challenging. I often hear parents say, “how to I make time when I have none – I can’t even shower alone”, “how can I work on my relationship when we are like ships in the night”. Here are some final thoughts on time – in family life.

Be intentional

Block out time in your calendar for family time. Nothing can override that time and it needs to be a priority.

Also, block out time for each other. Even if it’s one hour a week – to just stop and chat, play a game, discuss a book, learn about each other. This is not a time to watch TV or look at a screen, but time to really invest into your relationship.

One on one time

This may be at home or out and about – but make sure every family member gets a chance to feel special, feel listened to and feel encouraged. It could be a matter of taking a child with you to get petrol, it could be taking one of them to do groceries, it could be a parent / child date night – whatever it is, there is great value in one on one time – even if it’s squeezed into the busy of life.

One change

What is one thing that can be changed to make a big difference? Is it a matter of adjusting work hours, could it be changing a child’s music lesson to another day, is it deciding that take out is in order on a particular night of the week, so everyone gets to bed on time?

However you make time management work for your family, take heart you are doing the best you can. Be encouraged that the investment you make now in your family, will never return to you void.

Do not fool yourself into thinking it’s about the amount of time, or how you managed it, it will be about the quality time you carved out in the busy that will make all the difference.   

Homes of victory

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Victory

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Of the few things you still control… your choices, your attitude both determine your future. Choose carefully. 

Dave Ramsey

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Victory

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Some of the best advice I’ve been given: Never take critisim from people you would never go to for advice.

Morgan Freeman

What a wonderful reminder. In our world of keyboard warriors who seek nothing more than to destroy confidence, this advice is outstanding. Remember who you go to advice for and why. It’s never going to be the anonomys person on the other end of the wi-fi.

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Victory

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If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.

Simon Sinek

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Victory

time 2

I’ve listed below a few things that have helped our family work on our time management skills in every sense of the word.

1. Boundaries of  busy

As a parent I always felt like I was juggling and only one ball away from dropping them all. I love to be busy, I love to achieve, I love to come up with projects at home to work on etc. I just love to be busy. When kids came along I was no longer just busy with what was inside my brain, but busy with what you need to do when raising a family. I had all these perceptions that I could do it all, but in reality I literally didn’t have time – that’s if I included time to sleep and eat.

Over time we have developed a few boundaries, that are still flexible but there to remind us (but mostly me), of our time management plans and the level of busy we feel is optimal for our family. At times I have found these boundaries hard to stick to, as I am sucker for punishment, and feel I can achieve more in a small space of time than what is actually possible. I think at this point I will blame my personality type… With that said, I do believe and agree with the boundaries that we have put in place as a family, as it ensures we have down time, headspace and time to enjoy each other.

 Do you have agreements in place, that are hard to stick to? Take the time to remember the benefits and why you made the decision in the first place.

Do you need to put some boundaries in place to reduce the busy in your life?

2. Quality over Quantity

How much do you value time in your family? When I say time in this context I am not talking about an amount of time but rather the quality of it. As a family we decided to prioritise dinner time as family time. Every family member knows dinner is at 6pm and they need to be at the table ready. Even my husband who has a busy job, knows that he is expected (by all of us)to be home and at the table – unless he is lets us know. My husband has an amazing capacity to switch off, spend quality time with us (as expected) and resume his work after dinner if he needs to. For us as a family this is the quality we crave. It may only be half an hour a day, but it is a chance to share, joke, laugh and even cry sometimes.

Have a think about how you could spend frequent quality time with your family? How does it fit into your routine and schedule? What changes could you make to add quality time to your routine? 

3. Bring in the help

Along the way we have started using some apps that have literally revolutionised how we communicate about logistics and it has saved us time in the process.

shared calendar

A shared calendar has revolutionised our lives and made communicating so much easier and quicker. It also gave us more freedom. We simply said when it comes to the calendar whoever has their event in first, gets it- mind you we have negotiated at times . I remembered to use the calendar fast as I am awesome at having everything in my head and not in the a calendar. ( There is more on communication tools in the communication plan posts)

money tracker

We’ve been using pocketbook for our money conversations. We can track spending and savings and also see where we are at when unexpected circumstances arise. It has been a great tool, and has saved us time and enabled more effective communication.

Other types of help that can alleviate time pressures is outsourcing some tasks, work creatively to divvy up household tasks, potentially work less hours, review how you work out the logistics of your week.

What do you currently use to help with your time management? Spend some time researching some apps that would be suitable for your situation and encourage better time management.

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Victory

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A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.

Max Lucado
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Victory

Shaping Leaders: Nelson Mandela

Growing up I was obsessed with Nelson Mandela. To me, he was a hero. I’ve always had a social conscience and never understood how segregation based on colour could happen. Perhaps as a child I was naive, or perhaps I was raised learning what loving thy neighbour really meant.  Either way, I loved reading about how he achieved what he did, how he never let his fervour for change diminish. He always had the greater good in mind. He was in my eyes a great example of what one person can do, with their choices, actions and words to literally change the world. 

Whatever your opinion is of Nelson Mandela, his life, his journey, his sacrifice of ‘ normal’ – we can all learn a thing or two from him. Here are the top five things I’ve learnt from his life: 

1. There is power in forgiveness – Nelson Mandela, didn’t let his imprisonment or how he was dreadfully treated rob him of his joy. He chose forgiveness as it would allow him peace, and allow him to continue to work tirelessly. Be the one to take the first steps towards peace, and forgive. It’s not easy, but worth it.

2. It’s not about me – Look with vision at the next generation and the ones to come after that. At times we can be so consumed with the task at hand, we forget to look at the bigger picture. What will your influence be, your legacy, your capacity to impact for good? 

3. It only takes one – One man stood up, and fought for the rights of those around him, soon he was joined by more and change eventually followed, after oppression, imprisonment etc… Are you the one, to make the change, to have the passion, to have the determination to bring about improvements in your sphere of influence?

4. Influence is precious – use it for good. We may never know who we influence how, but it is our responsibility to try our best to influence those around us for the best. Set the example, make the sacrifice and never underestimate your influence. 

5. No season is ever wasted – being sent to prison for standing up for what is right, for what you believe in is no easy feat for Nelson Mandela. In life, seasons good and bad, come and go use each season to learn and in time, wisdom and experience will be your fuel to get through.

I may not be able to portray the magnitude of impact this one man’s life has had on humanity. What I can do is learn from him and apply it to my sphere of influence. This world leader, has certainly shaped the kind of leader I want to be.

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Victory

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You’ll never experience progress without change and challenge

Ken Coleman
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Victory

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If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.

Maya Angelou
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Blue Print

measuring success 3

I’ve worked in several workplaces, experienced and facilitated a range of performance appraisals. Apologies, I can hear you sighing already – but stay with me. At one workplace, I copied and pasted my answers to each appraisal question for seven years and no one noticed. In my current workplace, performance appraisals are taken seriously and actually contribute to motivating and encouraging staff. Performance appraisals often use stagnant criteria to measure success without taking into account the person, but rather just their output. I love conducting performance reviews as it allows me to connect with my team members, encourage them on a personal level and get to know their personal and corporate goals.

In your family, how do you measure your success? What kind of appraisal do you give your self? What motivates you? In all honesty, for several years our goals slipped by the way side and if we could bath, feed and get our kids to sleep we were winners. All too often though, we would flop into bed and ask each other if we felt defeated. Not a nice feeling.

One thing that we have started to do, is not only set goals that have easy to use success measures, but have found a way for our kids to appraise our performance as parents without them knowing. We’ve taught them to write cards to us every Christmas, birthday, Mothers and Fathers day. They need to tell us three things they like and why. At times the words out of the mouth of babes, have been a source of encouragement and joy. Its easy to be negative and think about what you could have done better but sometimes you need a little wisdom from the younger generation. Once my daughter wrote at the ending of her card that I was the best cook in the world. Hilarious, my cooking is mediocre at best – but not to her. If she sees the best in me, then maybe I should try to do the same. One time our boy wrote that his favourite time with Dad was at home. Nothing spectacular but it shows how he enjoys the every day. Another note we got was about how funny Dad’s, Dad jokes are. It showed us in the silly and the busy that we are doing okay. Our kids notice the little things and so should we.

Navigating success or the feeling of it where kids are kids, life is busy and no end seems to be in sight, it often feels like an ongoing negotiation where we just need to find a solution. I recently learnt that the reward for navigating one challenge is the next challenge. It doesn’t sound too inspiring does it, but in reality it is. The season of kids when working though what family life looks like with additional people in it, is often hard to measure let alone be seen as a success. I encourage you that as a family, learn from each challenge – look for the small wins.” I folded some washing today”, ” I was thanked for lunch today”. Once you start speaking the good, you’ll think of more good. See the good and it will flow into your feeling of success. This in turn will encourage you to keep on keeping on and setting goals and living the life you want.

Think about how your kids encourage you? What things do they say or do that really gives you an idea of how they see you?

List some things that you have learnt due to facing some challenges in the season of children.

Encourage one another as a family to talk about the good things that have come from the challenges you have faced. See the joy of overcoming challenges.

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Victory

On the flipside

Here at Homes of Victory we are all about applying leadership and management skills to our home life – to improve it. Simon Sinek – the leadership master flips that on its head by saying 

The closest thing to leadership is parenting. You have to be an infinite student of parenting.

Simon Sinek

Here at Homes of Victory we wholeheartedly agree with this. On a practical level, I know I have used the same tactics I’ve used with my kids with difficult client..  I’ve even got to the point with one extremely difficult customer who continued to yell at me, I simply said, ‘I’m sorry sir, my children behave better than you. When you calm down, I can help you’. He stood in stunned silence in front of me, he took a step back, lowered his voice and replied ‘Really?’ All I could do was nod.

When we stop to think about what our children have taught us and how we have applied those learnings to our family and workplaces, it is amazing how intertwined the learnings are.

One thing, I’ve learnt from my children that I take into the workplace is a really positive attitude to problem solving and the ability to put issues into perspective. After having children, and learning to live life in the fast lane when it comes to scooting out the door for school. The problems I’ve solved in less than 20 seconds, astound even me. I have the ability to pack leftover breakfast, gather my children and get them walking – with shoes on – do I get an amen to that!, to the vague location of the car, while dealing with milk dropped in the fridge without even breaking a sweat. These issues are not life or death – they just require perspective.

Another thing I have learnt from my children is around expectations. I have high expectations of myself and also expect high behaviour levels from my children. I was finding in the workplace I too, placed high expectations of staff – at times – higher than necessary, higher than what was fair. By learning what are fair expectations verses unrealistic ones, I am a better parent and better leader.

What are some things your children have taught you, that you were able to use in the workplace? 

I’ll leave you with one more quote, to stir your thoughts, 

Leadership is not a title, it’s a choice. Leaders take care of those in their care.

Simon Sinek

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Integrity

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year’s fashions. 

 Lillian Hellman

Being honest and having strong moral principles is what integrity is all about. Having this leadership trait means you are undivided and confident in your dealings and  decisions. Nothing sways you. This trait when applied to the home, will bring a lasting memory for your children and other half, about how over time your integrity goes before you and that is how you will be known. Having integrity is not always easy and often hard decisions need to be made. Stick to your guns and keep your integrity. It will hold you in good stead over the long term. You will never regret having integrity.

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

Oprah Winfrey
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Victory

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Audacious vision never cowers in the darkness.

Steven Furtick, Author or Sun Stand Still; What Happens When you Dare to Ask God for the Impossible.
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Leadership

consistent & persistent

To be able to lead our family and especially our children there needs to be some grounding and basis for what we do. We cannot choose to do it one day and not the next. We are being watched by our children every day – on our good days and bad days and every day in between.

A few years ago we traveled with extended family to Malaysia. I remember being in a crowded food court with my two of my children and my mother in law. One child was having an epic meltdown, and really wasn’t coping with the noise, smell and crowds. I looked at her with questioning eyes, as I didn’t know what to do. She burst out laughing, saying the melt down she was witnessing was exactly how my husband would melt down 30 years ago… . She suddenly became serious and just said,

Be consistent and persistent

Rebekah

I felt like I was on the receiving end of an old Chinese proverb. It really struck a chord with me.

Her words have resounded in my ears every time, I don’t know what to do, every time my children have a meltdown, every time I want to stay in bed and pretend it’s still night time. I love these words as they are simple yet so true. Another way to put it is, just turn up. Be available for your family – I’m not saying literally be available 24/7 – balance is vital, but be consistent in your expectations and behaviour, be persistent in your responses and attitude and reap the benefits.

Even now, years after having those pearls of wisdom dropped in my heart, I do struggle at times to be persistent in discipline and consistent in my moods, but you know what, we are all a work in progress doing the best we can.

How do the words consistent and persistent resonate with you?

How could you show your family more consistency?

Is there a way you could be more persistent in certain areas of your family life?

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Building community

In conversation with Josh and Cole

We are blessed to call Josh and Cole family. The age gap between us is also large enough for us to have experienced their first date with them, through to their marriage and where they are at now. These two are so genuine and generous of spirit we hope you are inspired by them.

Who is in your family

Josh, Cole, our 3 month old baby, Ben, and our dog, Aria. 

Give us some background to what you both do career wise.

Josh specialises in commercial and residential property acquisitions for individuals and businesses. I am a bid consultant and help businesses win work by helping them develop compelling tenders, proposals and grants. 

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

We’re a bit of a mix. I love to plan and Josh is more relaxed and is really good at going with the flow. So we really balance each other. 

You have a new baby! What has that been like for the two of you?

It has been a really big change for us. We always knew it would be but it was difficult to genuinely understand just what that meant until it happened. Gone are the days of binge watching tv till all hours, sleeping in, and spontaneously going out but it has definitely brought us closer together. We were friends before we dated and married and that has always provided a strong foundation for our relationship. We have done so much together over the last 13 years! We can always rely on one another for support and having a baby has definitely been one of those times when we needed it!

What has changed in your relationship?

I guess the main thing is that there is a new person in it. It had been the two of us (and Aria) for a long time and now we have little Benjamin who needs most of our time, attention and energy, and he needs different things from each of us. 

Did you expect these changes? How have you managed them?

It wasn’t unexpected that life would change and that it would be ‘hard’ but it was difficult to see what life would be like with a baby until we lived it. So we expected it but weren’t fully prepared and I think it has impacted us both as a couple and as individuals. The change is also exacerbated because you have no idea what you’re doing with a brand new baby and you’re sleep deprived to boot!! The current COVID-19 crisis hasn’t made it any easier because it has physically distanced family and friends too. 

But we’re learning as we go and checking in. We’re navigating it by being really honest with each other, having a good sense of humour, and not taking ourselves too seriously. 

We’ve always been really honest with each other which makes life, and life with a new baby, a lot easier. Talking about the change doesn’t make it go away but it definitely makes it easier to manage and manage it together. As I’m sure most new parents do, we tend to concoct a lot of ideas and theories about Ben’s behaviour which are always good to try on someone else when you’re sleep deprived (although we’ve accepted we’ll never really know or have all the answers!) 

What advice would you give to a family with a new baby working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Be honest about what you need and be kind to yourself and one another. And be will to acknowledge that the blueprint may change so flexibility is really important too (think some planning and some go with the flow!) Before Ben, we would often talk about the vision we had for our family so we had a good idea of where we were headed before we became a true family. In the haze of a newborn you’re just trying to survive! So for us, we know we’ll eventually emerge on the other side together and in the general direction we planned.