Tag: Leadership

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Integrity

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year’s fashions. 

 Lillian Hellman

Being honest and having strong moral principles is what integrity is all about. Having this leadership trait means you are undivided and confident in your dealings and  decisions. Nothing sways you. This trait when applied to the home, will bring a lasting memory for your children and other half, about how over time your integrity goes before you and that is how you will be known. Having integrity is not always easy and often hard decisions need to be made. Stick to your guns and keep your integrity. It will hold you in good stead over the long term. You will never regret having integrity.

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

Oprah Winfrey
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Victory

#homesofvictory

Audacious vision never cowers in the darkness.

Steven Furtick, Author or Sun Stand Still; What Happens When you Dare to Ask God for the Impossible.
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Leadership

consistent & persistent

To be able to lead our family and especially our children there needs to be some grounding and basis for what we do. We cannot choose to do it one day and not the next. We are being watched by our children every day – on our good days and bad days and every day in between.

A few years ago we traveled with extended family to Malaysia. I remember being in a crowded food court with my two of my children and my mother in law. One child was having an epic meltdown, and really wasn’t coping with the noise, smell and crowds. I looked at her with questioning eyes, as I didn’t know what to do. She burst out laughing, saying the melt down she was witnessing was exactly how my husband would melt down 30 years ago… . She suddenly became serious and just said,

Be consistent and persistent

Rebekah

I felt like I was on the receiving end of an old Chinese proverb. It really struck a chord with me.

Her words have resounded in my ears every time, I don’t know what to do, every time my children have a meltdown, every time I want to stay in bed and pretend it’s still night time. I love these words as they are simple yet so true. Another way to put it is, just turn up. Be available for your family – I’m not saying literally be available 24/7 – balance is vital, but be consistent in your expectations and behaviour, be persistent in your responses and attitude and reap the benefits.

Even now, years after having those pearls of wisdom dropped in my heart, I do struggle at times to be persistent in discipline and consistent in my moods, but you know what, we are all a work in progress doing the best we can.

How do the words consistent and persistent resonate with you?

How could you show your family more consistency?

Is there a way you could be more persistent in certain areas of your family life?

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Building community

In conversation with Josh and Cole

We are blessed to call Josh and Cole family. The age gap between us is also large enough for us to have experienced their first date with them, through to their marriage and where they are at now. These two are so genuine and generous of spirit we hope you are inspired by them.

Who is in your family

Josh, Cole, our 3 month old baby, Ben, and our dog, Aria. 

Give us some background to what you both do career wise.

Josh specialises in commercial and residential property acquisitions for individuals and businesses. I am a bid consultant and help businesses win work by helping them develop compelling tenders, proposals and grants. 

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

We’re a bit of a mix. I love to plan and Josh is more relaxed and is really good at going with the flow. So we really balance each other. 

You have a new baby! What has that been like for the two of you?

It has been a really big change for us. We always knew it would be but it was difficult to genuinely understand just what that meant until it happened. Gone are the days of binge watching tv till all hours, sleeping in, and spontaneously going out but it has definitely brought us closer together. We were friends before we dated and married and that has always provided a strong foundation for our relationship. We have done so much together over the last 13 years! We can always rely on one another for support and having a baby has definitely been one of those times when we needed it!

What has changed in your relationship?

I guess the main thing is that there is a new person in it. It had been the two of us (and Aria) for a long time and now we have little Benjamin who needs most of our time, attention and energy, and he needs different things from each of us. 

Did you expect these changes? How have you managed them?

It wasn’t unexpected that life would change and that it would be ‘hard’ but it was difficult to see what life would be like with a baby until we lived it. So we expected it but weren’t fully prepared and I think it has impacted us both as a couple and as individuals. The change is also exacerbated because you have no idea what you’re doing with a brand new baby and you’re sleep deprived to boot!! The current COVID-19 crisis hasn’t made it any easier because it has physically distanced family and friends too. 

But we’re learning as we go and checking in. We’re navigating it by being really honest with each other, having a good sense of humour, and not taking ourselves too seriously. 

We’ve always been really honest with each other which makes life, and life with a new baby, a lot easier. Talking about the change doesn’t make it go away but it definitely makes it easier to manage and manage it together. As I’m sure most new parents do, we tend to concoct a lot of ideas and theories about Ben’s behaviour which are always good to try on someone else when you’re sleep deprived (although we’ve accepted we’ll never really know or have all the answers!) 

What advice would you give to a family with a new baby working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Be honest about what you need and be kind to yourself and one another. And be will to acknowledge that the blueprint may change so flexibility is really important too (think some planning and some go with the flow!) Before Ben, we would often talk about the vision we had for our family so we had a good idea of where we were headed before we became a true family. In the haze of a newborn you’re just trying to survive! So for us, we know we’ll eventually emerge on the other side together and in the general direction we planned.

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Leadership

Will of Steel

I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.

Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

I hear the strain in your voice, when you try to get your point across. I see the furrow of your brow, when the response is a blank stare. I hear your heart break, when they seem to purposely choose hurtful words, when they do the opposite of what you asked, just because they can, not because they should. I see your silent tears when they think it’s bravery but you think it’s stupidity. I hear your hearts voice saying, ‘ if only they knew’, I hear the thumping of your heart grow quicker each time they stomp down the hallway ready to tell you their opinion. I see the tiredness and I hear the exasperation, I see the walking away – so you don’t say out loud what you think.

Mumma bear, I hear the laugh in your heart, when incredible things come flowing from their mouth, the same mouth that was throwing poison darts at you only moments ago. I hear the joy, when there is no fight getting into the car, I see the silent – ‘that’s my girl’ spark in your eyes when they take matters into their own hands. I hear the kind words you speak into their hearts when the time is right, I see you snuggle in tight when the day is done. I hear you, ask without fail – how was your day – knowing the answer will be negative. I see you turn up all day, every day because she is yours.

We may never know what thoughts travel through their minds, we may indeed never know the strength of our own strong wills. What we do know is, determination is a mighty skill to have, being able to negotiate and stand your ground – is only for the brave. Being true to yourself, is rare in this world. Speak life into their hearts, and tell them they’re amazing – even when you want them to change and be compliant… we’ve all been there.

I’ve come to learn to spread the boundaries wide, give them the tools to make good decisions, based on the principles you teach them. Hold them as close as you can – they still need you, even if their behaviour says otherwise. Swallow your pride and be the one to always take the first steps to peace. Always, always, always speak life into their hearts. Use as many conversations as you can, at the right time to teach and mentor, to lead and guide them. Our babies may have more determination than their own body weight, they may have better negotiation skills, they may have more grit and more courage than we have ever witnessed, but they are ours and we get to be the only one in the world they call mum.  

So Mumma bear this is for you – I see you and I hear you. Though like Charlotte Bronte said, I am a free human being with an independent will – we need to make sure our strong willed kids are wrapped in our love almost without knowing it, wrapped in kindness and protection. They need to know we are always available and will always take the first steps to peace. Likewise, recharge yourself, take time out to take a deep breath. Think of all the billions of people in the world, who is it that you get to call daughter or son. Isn’t it an amazing thought.

Dream of who they will be one day… the achievements their strong will, will allow them to achieve. The challenges they will stroll through, the innovation they will delight in creating. The list of amazing possibilities goes on.

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Leadership

Blind Spot

A Blind Spot is the difference between intent and impact as a leader, parent,  family member. We all have them. Some are more aware that they exist than others.  

Being open to knowing what our potential blind spots are – will lead to a fuller, richer and more diverse life.

Being closed to our blind spots is like a bulldozer without direction – the impact will the their – it certainly will be there…. but what trail of offense are you leaving behind? When intent and impact are combined, that’s when true positive change occurs.  That’s when new roads are formed. That’s when eyes and hearts are opened to change and a fuller, richer life for everyone in your world.

Take a moment to think about things you may not know about yourself. How others perceive you – due to your behaviour. Do they perceive correctly, or is your well intentioned behaviour having a different kind of impact.

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Leadership

a juggle or awesome logistics?

One thing that makes me a little cross are the words…how do you juggle work and kids – as a matter of fact any questioning along these lines… really makes me wonder why do ‘people’ think it’s a juggle. It always seems to be in a negative context with a sigh involved. I don’t know about you but I hear the word juggle and think of the circus, I think of a ball trick that is perfected over time to a point where the juggler may not even need to think about how to juggle, they just do. 

The meaning of juggle is: to continuously toss into the air and catch (a number of objects) so as to keep at least one in the air while handling the others. 

When I add myself to this scene – as the juggler – I start to chuckle. Usually I pick up any ball game easily but when it comes to juggling, no matter how many times I’ve literally tried to learn, I simply cannot conquer it. Now add children, career, family, friends etc.. into the equation and if each of these represented a ball I needed to juggle, they would all end up dropped one after the other. With all of that said, I believe I do a damn fine job of making sure my kids are loved beyond measure, where they need to be even if it’s at two places at once, friends are cared for, family is a priority and my career is given enough focus… I call it awesome logistics. Any mumma bear will tell you on any given day how many quick decisions with the potential ripple effects considered are made. 

So no I don’t agree that it’s a juggle, I chose to have kids. I chose to pursue my career and I choose everyday to make it work for everyone in my home. I may not be perfect, life may not be perfect but I give it a good crack. I also know that if I ever wanted a job in logistics I’d have some great experiences to share and skills to draw on. 

What are your thoughts on this? Does the term juggle come across as a positive or negative to you? 

In all the hustle and bustle of life do you feel like you juggle, or have awesome logistics skills? 

Take some time to ponder this. Write down the positive experiences you’ve had, making life work for your family.  We hope this makes you realise how amazing you are! 

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Victory

#homesofvictory

A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Leadership

Why


I have a love-hate relationship with the word Why. That stage in the life of a toddler when all they do is ask why. It makes me smile at their curiosity and the wonder. At the moment in my house, our youngest is asking, ‘Does a shark have a heart?’… ‘Why?’… ‘Does a Lion have a heart?’… ‘Why?’… On it goes… I do try to explain why, but the logic and reasoning hasn’t sunk in yet. I love the curiosity.


In taking the question of why from a toddlers perspective, into the world of an adult, it can be used as a great problem solving tool. The 5 whys technique was created in the 1930’s by Sakichi Toyoda, a Japanese industrialist, inventor, and founder of Toyota Industries. Asking why as a problem solving technique became popular globally in the 1970s, and Toyota still uses it to solve problems today.

In a nut shell, you simply ask why five times. At the end of the five whys you will likely find a solution or the root cause of an issue that can then be addressed. This technique can be used to solve a known problem, an unexpected issue arising or simply a way to figure out how to do something better. So how does it work. Here are some examples:

For example:
I want to run my own business
Why: I want to be in control of my time
Why: I can have more flexibility during the work day
Why: I can work from home if I want to
Why: I can be available for my children
Why: So I can continue to provide but also have time with my children.
The last answer here becomes the root cause of motivation.

Another example:
We were running late for school and work again
Why: We slept in
Why: The alarm didn’t go off
Why: Mum forgot to set it
Why: Mum fell asleep in Miss 3’s bed
Why: Miss 3 wouldn’t go to sleep
This then becomes the root cause of the issue. Using the identified issue we can then look at ways to prevent this. Options may include – set a recurring alarm. Set different bedtime rules or routines etc..

By identifying the root cause of the problem, or the root .cause of your motivation whether positive or not, it becomes easier to identify and work around. This tool may be useful for you as a family. I use it to get to the bottom of the latest round of arguments. I use it to get to the point when my kids can’t find the words to say, it encourages them to focus and think about one thing at a time. You or the kids may not get the answers they hoped for, but the real motivations and emotions get discovered during this process. At times when I keep asking why, my kids get really frustrated. I encourage them to take their time, sometimes they come back to me hours later.. it’s giving them time and space to answer the simple question of why. I love using this tool at home and in the workplace, mostly because it uses one word, and secondly because it cuts through the layers and gets to the point – almost always.


Why not try it!

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Victory

The value of rest

At the best of times, I am not good at stopping to rest. I am always thinking, planning, or doing. My other half is great at resting. On the weekend I may find him asleep on our outdoor couch, sitting on the deck, admiring nature etc.… I’m the one that bustles over and starts a conversation with “What do you think about…” He often answers with comments like, are you resting, have you stopped today… can you turn your brain off for 5 minutes. It’s not that I don’t value rest, I just don’t prioritise it, until it’s too late and I sleep for a whole day to catch up.

During the recent lockdown and changes to normal, I believe I have started to learn the value of rest. I was stood down from work for seven weeks – which I chose to see as a blessing in disguise, as it is the leave I never take. Although the first thing I did write a list of all the house jobs I wanted to do that never had time to do. With that said, I did focus on my kids and their schoolwork, we developed a closer relationship, we worked together as a team and did get all the house jobs done together. We had no routine, nowhere to be, almost nothing to think about, because there was nowhere to go and no commitments.

I truly have valued this time of together and slowing down. A time to choose what we did at home when we wanted to. Yes, we watched a lot of TV and played far too much Nintendo, we argued over neat writing in schoolbooks and how to show the process for the maths questions. We stayed up late and went to bed early if we felt like it. It was a true unwind and change from the busy of life. I even got to the point where, I didn’t know what day it was, and we missed several zoom ballet classes because of it. Although, I was annoyed at myself for forgetting, but realized that it was a good thing as I had truly stopped and rested.

Now we have returned to normal. I need to learn how to continue to value rest, find it in the busy and take it easier – and go easier on myself. Allow myself to rest.

 Through this time, have you learnt to rest, how to value it or use it to recharge? We would love to know what you think. 

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Leadership

in conversation with Luke & Heidi

I would like to introduce our second in-conversation session. Sometimes it’s encouraging to hear how other families do life. We’ve known Luke and Heidi for eight years and met at a parenting course – of which they were presenting. These guys have been a source of encouragement to us over the years. Teaching us to see the positive in everything and to not sweat the small stuff – everything is small by the way. They’ve run businesses for many years and now Luke is a state manager and Heidi works as a pediatric nurse. They live a life of adventure and fun. We hope you are encouraged by this conversation.

Who are the members of your family?

Luke (40), Heidi (40), Ariella (15), Noah (13), Sian (11), Rose(8)

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

Hmmmm – a bit of both. We have a lot of things planned like sports certain days and all sorts of school activities the kids like to be involved in. But we also can go with the flow if needed… like last minute dinner parties with friends work well for us, we more plan things as we go than have them booked in months in advance. Unless you mean planners with what type of family we want? In that case we are definitely planners rather than go with the flow. We deliberately talk about the type of family we want to be like and intentionally work towards that.

What does your normal week look like?

Sometimes chill and sometimes crazy!!!!! My big two kids like to join every team (multiple sports teams, debating team, musical, study groups) so at times between them we have something on every day, then there are seasons ( or terms) where it’s pretty chilled and calm. It also depends on my work – sometimes I work random shifts all over the place and other times just one day a week. So we kind of need to be able to adapt and go with the flow or we would fall apart! I keep the mindset “ it always works out in the end”… and it always does. Sometimes one week may just be crazier than others! One thing the same everyday if every week – we always have dinner together. Always. No TV during the week either.

Your family is passionate about foster care. What effect does this have on your family life?

Sometimes it’s a huge effect – like when we suddenly had a newborn baby with a days’ notice! And he stayed for 5 months. Or when we had two toddlers for a weekend who were extreme levels of activity and behaviour which took every single second and me and Luke’s time to watch them and keep them safe. Other times it’s just lovely and adds to our home. Some little babes we have had for a weekend and the kids adore them. It’s like a fun playmate all weekend and they absolutely love having them to care for. The conversations we get to have around topics such as “ why is this child in care”, “ why they have been taken away from their parents”, “ why certain foster children behave the way they do”, “ why the teenagers in foster homes might act the way they do.. I feel it brings a huge level of compassion, understanding, empathy and life lessons for our children they may not have been exposed to otherwise.

What measures have you put in place to make it a great experience for your family?

I have heard from many grown adults whose parents used to foster, they hated it. So we go to great lengths to make sure the kids have a positive experience with it – or as much as we possibly can. This means keeping the negative conversations about foster care and the system to grownups. We allow the kids the express their feelings openly – so they feel comfortable to say , ‘ I wish the baby wasn’t here” – knowing that it is okay you feel that way today, but remember this baby has nowhere to be other than right here, right now. They have not been cared for well and had a tough time, isn’t it a blessing we can help them? They won’t be here long but aren’t we blessed we get to impart some love and joy into their lives for a short time” – etc…

I also made a conscious effort to not say to my children ‘ I can’t do that” or “ I don’t have time for you because of the baby” so sometimes that is exhausting for me. To suddenly have a newborn and be living on that sudden lack of sleep – but not say to your biological children you don’t want to read to them a book because you’re tired is hard. But I feel it is important to do. Another measure we have put in place is we have told the department we only take children under a certain age.

What advice would you give to a family working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Think long term not short term. Think about the outcomes you want. It’s worth putting some effort into making the blueprint for your family. If you have a goal then you can focus on that… over time it will hopefully come to pass. We have always been big on manners and respect. Sometimes when they are young you can think it’s not working and it’s futile and then one day you get a text from a friend saying ” your kid was the only good one at the party who said thank you for dinner”. and you suddenly realise it’s all paying off.

Family life – what kind of life do you want? If you don’t plan it, you may find you’re quickly going through life thinking ‘ This isn’t what I wanted for my life’. But if you never take the time to plan it, it won’t change. It’s not hard to create the life you imagine, you just need to take time to plan it and focus on achieving it. What’s important to you? What do you see in the future for your family? What steps do you need to take to achieve that?

My advice is pick a few main family goals and work towards those. For example ours are:

  1. To create contributing human beings, acting in their giftings knowing and bringing love, joy, peace… knowing life is about more than them and they should serve a greater vision.
  2. To create family dynamic that will last until we die- true family connection that will support each other, laugh with each other and cry with each other into each other’s old age.
  3. Fun – adventure – health.

Does the blue print work for a family like yours where planning isn’t your thing?

Yes. When you answer the long term questions you don’t need to wake up each day trying to answer the little questions. When the big questions are answered, the little questions don’t need to be thought about and discussed all the time as we already know the answer to the day to day questions. For example ‘ Should we go to church today?” – the long terms goal is God loving, church going, Christ honoring family – therefore short term questions of should we go to church doesn’t need to be asked as the long term goal, already tells us yes.

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Victory

Do we need to be grown for success?

As I write this, I have been turning over these thoughts in my mind. Long term success, success that has deep foundations and substance, is often determined by our response to events that have occurred. Life changing events, determined learning and application, growth through challenges.

Often we see the ‘ overnight’ success stories, of people often young adults leaping onto center stage, with seemingly little life experience, but none the less successful in their chosen field.

At times, we also see is the success stories of people, who are far older than we expect, taking a risk beyond what we would ever be prepared to do, just to see if it works.

Success comes in a range of ways, and is completely biased towards those who are determined and never give up. Rarely do we as outsiders see the development over thousands of hours of hard work and the growth that takes place behind closed doors.

This is where my question comes into play- to be really successful – more than just having 5 minutes of fame, do we need to be developed behind closed doors in order to be successful ? What happens if our development happens in front of the world? Are we praised or seen to be epic failures? Or is the only thing that matters our response to our success or perceived failure?

Tell us what you think… we would love to hear from you.

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Leadership

Proud in the crazy

Homes of victory as you know is based on encouragement, real life situations and of course building community. I need to admit that this morning was a trial of all kinds, and it really put me to the test. Our whole family has struggled with tiredness after we stayed up too late playing games. We set the week up for disaster without realising, as we were having too much fun. To make it worse, I’ve been a little unmotivated lately and flounder around when I should be getting everyone ready for kindy / school and work.

I was thankful that this morning I remembered to ask the kids if they had anything else they needed to pack for the day and although not totally unexpected, no one had actually done anything or thought about the day in any shape or form and as you know, we were suddenly running late.

To add to it, one child forgot an assessment they needed to hand in and only told me at the school gate after I had battled the kindy and school run traffic. I took a deep breath and put it all in perspective. This was the first time in six years of schooling that something had been forgotten. I knew that she knew it was her fault and I knew it wasn’t on purpose. It was just how it was.

In that moment, I chose to respond gracefully – in fact I responded far more gracefully than I expected myself to.  It was one of those hi-five yourself moments. I detoured back past home, back to school in the crazy traffic (what is it with drivers at that time of day), dropped off the assessment and got to work late – the first time in about 10 years mind you. I was unhappy about being late, as I am always on time every time, I was a little proud that I didn’t get upset and rant and rave as I would have in the past. I lead by example. I lead by putting the situation in perspective. I lead by staying clam and looking at the facts. 

I always tell my kids,

I don’t expect perfection, but I want you to do your best.

Leesh – Homes of Victory

I also, know that they expect that of me. Today I feel I out did myself and took a step up in terms of leadership.  I know that they will remember how I responded to that situation, and how I spoke to them. They will hopefully at some point reflect that in their life too.

Have  you had a moment, where despite everything going on, you chose the high road? A give yourself a hi-five moment.

What kind of moments have you had, where you were proud of how you lead your children? Lead your family?

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Blue Print

in conversation with Ben & Christina

Who is in your family?

Benjamin (39), Christina (39), Zachary (6), Abigail (3)

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?
We are planners. Going with the flow is quite stressful for us.

What does your normal week look like?

Well before Covid-19 our normal week was very full. We both work every week day, Zach has school and Abby has day care. In addition we try to fit in extra curricular activities and Ben is at soccer training at least three nights a week.

Weekends are then full of grocery shopping, house chores,squeezing in some rest, birthday parties / socialising, church, getting ready for the week ahead and a soccer game for Ben that generally takes up a whole day.

You are now embarking on an exciting project outside of work, that takes up a lot of time, how do you make that work for yourselves and the whole family?

We are currently developing an app, which is exciting. I knew I couldn’t do it myself so I have employed the services of an app development company. Ben and I have worked through the specifications for the app after the kids have gone to bed. I am the one that has all the interaction with the software company and reads all the documentation. Then I sit down with Ben and explain it to him and get his input into the design and features. We also like to talk about it randomly while we are out and I will take notes on my phone. When we have a version to test I know Zach will be excited to participate in testing.We have made sure that this project doesn’t impact much on family life and as such we are taking it a bit slower and only doing it when we have time.

What advice would you give to a family working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Our family needs to do this too, so first step would be to recognise that you need to do this! We don’t have a blueprint written down but we do have agreement on some things that we adhere to and these have come about from good communication and purposeful planning. Things like taking regular holidays, living on a budget, keeping the kids active, involving our kids in Christian communities, ensuring our kids see us giving our time and resources to help those in need and to help the church. All these things take planning and sacrifice. Our lives are very busy so we have made some very conscious changes this year that is helping a lot:

  • We employ a cleaner to free up more time to spend with the family
  • We use a shared calendar on our phones to improve communication
  • We employ a gardener when needed
  • We have paid for a bus to take the kids to after school activities.
  • We incorporate swimming lessons into the after school care session, so we are making one less trip out.
  • We changed to a daycare centre closer to home, which also has extra curricular activities like swimming available.

These changes have all worked to improve the time we have together as a family and has saved us a lot of running around. Our budget hasn’t suffered either because it means I’m able to maintain my working hours.

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Leadership

beware the layers

This post was written pre COVID-19, but we feel this is as relevant today as any other day. We hope you are encouraged by it.

Have you ever had a year that you would rather forget? A season where you wished you could press the off button just for a minute to catch your breath? Well we were there two years ago, and feel like we have only just recovered. With that said, the stress experienced and the ensuing dramas, have taught us so many things, and led us to a better place in our family life, that honestly may not have happened if we didn’t experience all that we did. To give you an insight into our season, it began with plans to renovate our home.  Those plans were ticking over in the background when a beloved family member passed away and we found out we were pregnant with our much longed for third baby. Renovations commenced, the baby decided that four hours of sleep in twenty four hours was plenty – no joke (this lasted until she was 16 months old), my husband changed jobs due to the job market, I went back to work after nine months to a new boss, the newly renovated home got broken into, we finally moved back into our home – which was amazing, but I didn’t enjoy it for the first two months as the baby and I got dreadfully ill.

During this time, I was talking to my Dad, who just couldn’t believe what was going on in our world. Every time we spoke, something else had happened or was delayed or impacted our family. One time, as I tearfully added to the list of what was going on, he just said “ beware of the layers”. When he first said it I laughed as it reminded me of Donkey in Shrek – when they talk about how onion have layers…

We had seriously got to the point, where we practically lived on no sleep – thanks to the baby, we had decisions to make left, right and center with the reno, we still tried to work out some family time with our other kids who didn’t understand why we were so tired all the time. We simply had no idea on how to handle the building layers of stress, while continuing to work and do life. That word of encouragement, beware the layers – made such a huge difference to our mindset. We were able to compartmentalise some of the stressful things going on. We were able to almost categorise them into the level of urgency they had to be attended to. In the end, we sought the advice of a psychologist on how to handle what was going on. When he looked at me and said, tell me what’s going on… I started with the lack of sleep… his response, “ What do you mean?” I answered, “ I literally get four hours of broken sleep a night”.  I will never forget the look on his face and the nervous laugh of my husband. He asked me how I function… I laughed and replied not well, that’s why we are here. We did use his advice to work through our layers, and to build strategies that helped us deal with the layers of stress bound up in a ball of lack of sleep

I hope you don’t find yourself in a season like this, where although you learn a lot and you needed to go through the fire to get there, remember the phrase beware of the layers. Use it as a tool, to work through the various stressful situations, use it to motivate you – that you will get through the layers in due time. Use it to understand where your capacity is, and when you need to reach out for help. One thing I can tell you two years after this season is, I have got my sleep back,(I realised I am actually a nice person when I’m not sleep deprived) and I know that I am tougher and stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. In the end it was worth it.