True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.
Rick Warren, Author of The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?
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Tag: connection
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Vision writing
Often as a leader, we set the pace for the team we lead and the direction of it through a vision statement. In the workplace the vision guides the team throughout the year and points to required outcomes and project deliverable . Writing a vision for your team can be time consuming and thought provoking as it sets the team up for a win and encourages the writing of goals and actions.
Stepping out of the business world for a moment and into the world of family for a moment, I want to challenge you with this question: Have you ever written a vision statement for your marriage or family?
As 2020 is drawing to a close, we are leaving behind unprecedented times, while what is to come globally for 2021 is also unprecedented and unknown, take charge of what you have control of and make your future, the best it has ever been for you and your family.
As parents – as a couple – what impact do you feel writing a vision for your marriage / family would have in your home? Would it be beneficial and set the tone for the year ahead?
Homes of Victory is here to support you and your family when writing a family or marriage vision. The family blueprint is designed to walk you through the process of planning your vision, encourage you to dream big and align it with your family values and goals. To see all the Family Blueprint posts – select the tag below or check out the family Blueprint tab at the top of the page.
It’s never too late to write the vision for your marriage
Lisa Bevere
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Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!
Audrey Hepburn
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We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why.
Stephen King
It’s been six months since we launched Homes of Victory. We have been blown away by your support and would like to humbly thank each of you. We truly appreciate the time you take to read and absorb what we have to share.
As we are all about families – supporting and enabling you to create the home life you want – we can’t wait to continue this journey with you. If you have any topic you would like us to cover please let us know. Likewise if you would like to be a guest blogger please contact us. We would love to hear from you.
Until then, share Homes of Victory with your mates and let’s encourage each other to live in victory.
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Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.
John F. Kennedy
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connection
I grew up in the era of dial up internet – the one where you connect over the home phone line, the one where you got to hear it dial up and connect. It was probably the first time in my life, I realised how impatient I was, that was until these days when wi-fi doesn’t work how it should – that’s a whole other story.
As a kid I knew that the dial up sound, meant connection – to the world wide web. I knew that the connection needed to occur before anything else could. In our fast paced, internet reliant society, the art of connection seems to have been lost. We can text a friend, without asking how they are, we can rush through grocery shopping and not say hi to the cashier, we can scoot through school pick up and not even have to wave to anyone we know, we can even add comments online anonymously. Where has the real connection gone? I even question where has the desire for connection gone?
Sadly, it seems we are all somehow ever so subtly moving towards connection through devices and social media, emails and other group chats etc… Don’t get me wrong, the advancements in technology have greatly benefited the world, families and business, on the flip side though for these great advancements and benefits have come at a social cost.
Is lack of real connection one of the reasons, mental health statistics are increasing faster than ever before? Is it one of the reasons why families are crumbling faster than they can be built? Is it one of the reasons why kids are committing suicide younger and younger and depression rates for 15 – 25 year olds is through the rood?
How can we connect to each other in an already “connected” world? How can we disconnect from the technology around us, even for a moment, to simply connect with our loved ones and friends in a way that equals real connection. The type that fills the soul with joy, the type that encourages and uplifts, the type that fills the love tank.
Connection is needed on so many levels – in family life, in the workplace, in the friendship circles, in the village we are crafting for our children to grow up in. For the support during tough times and the celebrations during the good times – an emoji cannot replicate a real smile, a real high five, a hug or a shared meal.
What if we all for one day, put our tech away – not just on silent, but away, and really made an effort to connect with those around us? What difference do you think it could make?
Think about ways you could connect more with those around you?
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The first place we must win the victory is in our own minds. If you don’t think you can be successful, then you never will be.
Joel Osteen
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blueprint finale
Hooray! Congratulations! Well Done!
Here at Homes of Victory we are genuinely so excited for you and your family. We hope you feel more equipped, have grown closer together as a family and most of all had fun.
You should be so proud of yourselves that you worked through creating a family values statement, learnt more about yourselves and each other, set goals and created a family action plan. We would love to hear how it works for you and your family so drop us a line, you never know who else you will encourage to create a family blueprint.
Once again – whooo hoooo! You are amazing!
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What are you fighting for?
Do you want to learn how to fight for your marriage rather than just fight in it? Start attacking the problems that arise rather than attacking each other.
Lisa Bevere
Sometimes we get hung up on the who and what and forget about the why. We can admit, that we have been caught in the cycle of ‘ attacking’ each other rather than the problems in our marriage. We have been there… but once we made a decision to lay it all out on the table, look at the issue not the person, the real issues were laid bare and the work of problem solving began.
Only then, were we able to start attacking the problems and issues in our marriage rather than each other. The thing is, it took a conscious effort to change how we both thought, it took time and calm to lay it all out, it took steps of peace from both of us, to start working on the real issues at hand.
Don’t let the little things, build into big things, where it seems like it’s gone beyond the point of no return. If communication is a problem – work out a better way to communicate, if busy is a problem – work out a way to adjust the busy, if finances are a problem – work together on finding a solution –get professional help, be disciplined, cheer each other on – rather than tear each other apart. If we have learnt one thing, on the journey of marriage – and boy we’ve had ups and downs – is this:
There is always a solution, you just need to find it.
Homes of Victory
You may have the “I love you but don’t like you days” – you may have the I’m trying to keep loving you days, but if you both keep taking steps towards peace and resolution – you’ll take your marriage to a whole new level of wonderful. Fight for what is worth fighting for.
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blueprint strategy 3
Action plan
By now, you should have five or more goals written down, that you are both or all happy about and agreed upon. How do you feel? Excited? Daunted?
For those of you who are not planners, and setting goals seems so foreign, please do not feel that this is not for you. It is, as much as it is for a planner. The action plan that you will create, can be as detailed as you like, it can be at the forefront of all family decisions or not. It can be what you want it to be for your family situation. For us, we are half- half planners. We love to have goals ticking over in the background, while we get on with it and have fun along the way. At times we get really distracted and need to remind ourselves of the goals we set and why, but day to day, we are not dictated by our goals. We know what they are and how much of them we have achieved, but we still like to have an element of flexibility and improvisation.
To put everything in perspective, a strategic plan (which we call the family blueprint) gives you a place to record your vision, purpose and values (which is your family values statement), as well as your long-term goals (the goals you’ve written) and the action plans you’ll use to reach them (what we will now do).
As overwhelming as an action plan can sound, you will get your groove on, once you get started. We found the easiest thing to do, was ask a set of questions, write down our answers and then tweak it as we go along. We’ve added in the questions we asked to form our family action plan. For this we didn’t include our children, but if they have been involved in the process of developing goals or even your family values statement, it may be good to include them in some if not all of the action plan creation.
Activity: Answer the following questions according to each individual goal set.
- What: (The goal – as per family values list)
- When: (Time frame)
- Why: (motivations and how does it link to your family values statement)
- Actions required: Include when you plan to complete each task
- Measure of success: What criteria will be used, how will failure be dealt with
- Link to family budget: Estimated cost and savings plan
Creating an action plan will take time. Work through each goal at your own pace, work together to come up with an action plan for each one.
Once you’ve completed your action plan, take some time to let the goals and outcomes sink in.
Ask, is the plan as a whole realistic for your family?
What adjustments could I make, to ensure every goal is achieved?
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Sometimes the most influential thing we can do is listen.
Bob Burg
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Influence and Persuasion part 2
In the last post on influence and persuasion we shared about influence and how we get to choose whether it is positive or negative. Today, we are continuing the conversation about how our words have influence also.
Peggy O’Mara states that:
The way we talk to our children, becomes their inner voice
Peggy O’Mara
What words are soaking into your kids hearts as you raise them? What words will then rise up within them when they face the trials in life? What influence will spill out of them as their sphere of influence grows? I know I want my kids, to hear the words in their heart saying to them, “I am loved”, “ I am good enough”, “ I can do this”, “ I am stronger than I think I am”,“ I am safe”, “ I am cared for”, “ I can tell Mum…”, “ I can tell Dad…” the list goes on. I may not always be there but I know my words will be carried in their heart. They will hear what I have said to them, ring true when the need arises.
For years, I saw the strength of my influence over my children, as a great responsibility and it is, but it was burdensome. Deep down I am a perfectionist and I wanted more than anything to be the best type of influence I could be. The burden became so great, that I probably, no definitely let my influence slip into the negative because I was so hard on myself. After reading this quote, and doing some soul searching of the most emotional kind, I came to realise it is not a burden but rather a privilege and like all things parenting I am never going to be perfect and get it right 100% of the time.
In the end, we may not know how much influence we have, but what we will know is that we made the effort to influence for good.
I’ll leave you with this thought:
Leadership is influence
John C. Maxwell
Take time to reflect on the influence you have?
Do you see it as a responsibility or burden?
Think of times you’ve seen your kids behave in a way where you know it was your influence shining through? How does it make you feel?
Here at Homes of Victory we love to share thoughts and real life with you. This was written by a career woman, who has three young children. She always questioned how to balance life and work, children and career. This is shared with permission and we hope it encourages you and inspires you.
Hey my babies one, two and three.
I wonder if you’ll ever know how much I love you. When the day dawns and the crazy begins I hope you see it’s love that motivates me. When we’re all tired but we need to keep going I know you feel the warmth in my hands when I hug you, the empathy in my voice when I encourage you and the pride that radiates from my heart.
I feel the guilt of work and yet another kind of guilt if I don’t. As I pick you all up after a long day I breathe you all in – one, two, three I miss you dreadfully yet worry I won’t find the strength to make it to bed time. I know at times I’m cranky more than I should be. I know at times I’m in auto pilot. I never wish time away but some days I only want my bed. I wonder if you’ll ever see that I draw my strength from Christ and no one else. I wonder if you see the love I have for you that drives me every moment to keep on going. I’d never quit, never thought to but some days I’ve had to dig deeper than I knew possible just to get you through the day and off to sleep peacefully.
When I hear you wake during the night it is love that draws me to your side. I sleepily step towards your room saying mumma coming it’s okay. My eyes are full of sleep but my heart is always about you my one, two, three.
If it’s a bottle, nappy or cuddle I’m right there. I wonder if you’ll remember my hugs with two hands holding you tight knowing tomorrow you’ll be that little bit bigger and that little bit older.
My babies one, two, three I wonder if you ever notice my long tight hugs. They’re more than just annoying they’re me holding you close to me. One day hugs just won’t be the same so I cherish each one. So much about you is hidden in my heart. Saved and savored. Every day you remind me to laugh and find joy in the little things.
Then, when I tuck you in tight and kiss you goodnight, you whisper with your eyes closed ,”I love you Mumma”. Then, and only then, do I realise, I have wondered in vain and I realise I have been too hard on myself. Forever I will love you one, two, three. Forever you will be my motivation, my joy, my completeness. It won’t matter how big you grow or how fast the years go by – I will always know my heart belongs to you on, two and three. I know your heart too, will always have a special place for me.
Love your Mumma Bear
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carve out time
It has been interesting how in the returning to some what normal, the busy has crept back into our lives – almost without us realising. One thing we have noticed in our home especially is that lack of time we as parents put aside for each other. Time to chat, time to hang out, time to relax. Time to invest into our relationship.
This was highlighted to us, in a conversation had with a health professional. We were talking about camping and she mentioned how she loved to go with her teenage kids. She kept mentioning ” we” so innocently, we asked who “we” is. The look of dispair came across her face, and she said, my husband and I are only just ‘ we’ at the moment. I work 12 hour days and we never get to see each other. We are trying to find time together but it is near impossible. She continued that they are committed to trying to make their marriage work, and not let growing apart be the reason they are no longer together.
How many of us, inch into that zone without realising, work, life, everything else seems to be ‘ important’ but we miss the real ‘importance’ of continually building relationships with those we live with, with those we love to do life with, those we have committed till death do us part.
Today’s encouragement is this: carve out some time to invest into those you do life with. It may be a 10 minute coffee, it may be a family game, it may be booking a date night – be proactive today and do something to show your committment to family, committment to marriage, committment to what is really important.
Homes of Victory 