Tag: unity

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Victory

Hard…only cause we care

We found ourselves talking to our kids about having more respect towards each other and us – and indeed everyone they have a conversation with. Words are powerful right. Thanks to the teenage stage, our well-intended correctional chat was met with ” Why do you even care, it’s my choice what I say”. Oh and throw in an eye roll for good measure.

The response was valid and true… but what our teen failed to take into account in this conversation is we care because we love. Our response to this remark was ” We care because we love you. If we didn’t love you, then we honestly wouldn’t care”. Can I also add here in all honesty – sometimes it would be way easier not to care, way less effort to just let things slide, way more peaceful if we didn’t care. By the way we never say this to our kids, it’s merely a back of mind thought.

Love is often in this context the balance between emotion, fun, joy and the other end of the spectrum discipline. The tightrope us parents walk to make sure we build relationship and connection while guiding and correcting.

This response of we care because we love you, works 9 times out of 10. It stops them in their tracks. Why? It makes them think about what I call the train track of being a kid. We have a goal to grow our kids to get them to the station if you like of adulthood with the hope, they are amazing and wonderful and everything in between. However, the only way to get there – is via the track – one side is love and the other is discipline. The two tracks run parallel – sometimes we lean more into one side then the other – but to raise our kids into amazing adults – we need both sides of the track. They too need the boundaries; they need to be valued, and they need to be seen. You can’t have all of that without some form of discipline.

Tired Dad puts it this way

We don’t just raise kids. We raise future adults! who will one day reflect on how they were loved, guided and seen.

Tired Dad

So, dig deep, keep going through the hard. It will absolutely be worth caring in the end.

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Victory

The Line Through Obstacles

We are reposting a post we wrote back in 2020, it highlights some things we learnt as we spent our time navigating covid and learning to mountain bike. These lessons are still relevant today, and we are still thankful for this lesson we leant. Enjoy!

During ISO our family has discovered that the bush reserve we live near has a ton of mountain bike tracks. Almost every day we have been taking the kids on their bikes exploring the tracks. We have all learnt something very important on these bike rides.

When you are going up or down a large hill, on a dirt track full of gravel, rivets and eroded dirt, it is easy to give up. The obstacle in front of you can seem difficult, it would be easier not to bother.

Going down a large hill, can be scarier than going up a big hill. What we have taught our kids to look for at the top of the hill, is the path the bike wheels are going to take down the hill. We’ve taught them to look for the safest path to go down, avoiding the rocks, roots and whatever other obstacle is in the way. To think about the speed, they need to go down, take a breath and do it – confidently. Why? Because you’ve already chosen the path to take. In teaching them this, we have been able to talk about resilience and also looking for the path that leads them out of the obstacle. Every time, they roll down the hill and onto the flatter part of the track, the smile on their faces says – I did it, I knew I could, that was fun, I can do it again.

I am not belittling the challenges we are all facing in life at the moment, as many are life changing for individuals and families. What I am wanting to share is:

1) Don’t focus on the obstacle at hand. Look for the line, that potentially takes you through it.

2) Take your time. Spend some time in nature. Take notice of the little things and be inspired to relax, think clearly and rationally. Take deep breaths and breathe in all the things you are grateful for. It is easier to make decisions when you are not stressed and under pressure. Thinking clearly and slowly will benefit you and your family.

3. Think about the best path to take. When you are figuratively speaking at the top of a hill, think about the best path to take, and take a leap of faith.

You can do it.

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Victory

Soft is strong

To the Mumma of boys who have soft hearts, I see the silent tears fall, as they tell you about their day. Afraid to ask to play, as the others seem so rough. I see your heart breaking as he navigates friends that have come and gone and friends that are still to come. The softness in his heart is not the lack of brave – but far from it. The pursuit of justice in his mind, is the making of a warrior. He will one day stand tall, undeterred by the arrows that fly by day, or the shadows that creep by night, until then precious one, take heart.

Your boy is stronger than he thinks, wiser than he knows, braver than he gives himself credit for. He can run as he chooses; he seeks truth and justice, he gives with all his might. Others may not see it, others may take advantage, but one thing is for sure- the warrior within is only just getting started. Nurture him, love him, encourage him, push him safely out of his comfort zone to prove he is capable, to show him, he can – when he thinks he can’t.

To the Mumma of boys why are soft hearted, take courage for one day, when he stands like a warrior, he will remember you, he will have the words you spoke into his life, safely tucked into his heart. He will know the value of the nurturing, the value of your patience and the value of your never-ending love.

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Victory

One step of courage

All things are difficult before they are easy.

Thomas Fuller

I need to admit, that the mid year slump is a real thing for me this year. Although I still feel great, I have energy, I have motivation, I have even reviewed my goals and set new ones…. What I think I’m losing as the year is flying by is patience. We have a lovely, wonderful 5 year old, who is giving us a run for our money. I feel like every form of leading, guiding and parenting I’ve learnt in the years gone by is not even closely relevant to how I need to parent at the moment.

One thing I am learning from this and want to encourage you in, is no matter what we do, we need to start somewhere and simply give it a go. It may feel like a looming mountain in the distance, it may look like a deep lake of the unknown, but what remains is, things change when we simply start. As we step through the unknown, it becomes known, as we walk the road of difficult perspective is gained, and aspects become easier than they previously were.

I feel I am relearning to parent again, I feel like I am referring to parenting blogs for ideas, reading up on what I could do, implementing changes into my home, doing something to make the ‘difficult’ easier. What I am finding as I do this, is that I am gaining perspective, I am gaining an broader and deeper understanding of what I am experiencing. We as a family are growing and working it out together as we go. It’s never going to be perfect

Please know that you are not alone as you find things difficult. Please know that you as you find yourself in the middle of easy, that what was difficult is no longer. Be encouraged, it won’t stay difficult for long, it will take time, but you will be able to look back and see the journey to easy that you started by simply taking a step of courage.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

That’s what I consider true generosity –you give your all and yet you feel as if it costs you nothing

Simone deBeauvoir
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Victory

let me rephrase that…

If we ask the right questions, we can change the world with the right answers.”

Ogwo David Emenike

I feel like everytime I speak to my kids they give me a life lesson in return. At the moment, my four year old is giving me a run for my money. The latest phrase out of her mouth is, ” I’m four, I can do what I want”- all said with a hand on her hip. That might very well be true in her mind, but the reality is far removed from that. She pulls the phrase out in context which makes me proud and on the other hand completely frustrated.

The thing I am learning through this season is, if I direct her in a way that she doesn’t realise she is being directed in then she complies. She still feels like she is in charge and is doing ‘ what she wants’.

In leadership – at times, we need to sit back and look at challenges and issues within our teams and projects and pinpoint the RIGHT question to get to the RIGHT answer. It is great to brainstorm the issue and circle back around to parked ideas, and label something as innovative… but if the right question is not asked – the right answer will not be found.

It’s the same with my four year old – if I fight her on the issue of ‘doing what she wants’, I wouldn’t be achieving my goals of getting her to do what I want – like brushing her teeth. If I roll with the punches so to speak, I need to ask the right questions and get her to give me the ‘right’ answer which is in essence obedience. Are you following me?

The question may not be a matter of how, it may be a matter of who. The answer may not be a matter of when, it may be a matter of why. If we ask questions others are afraid to ask, if we seek the answers that others may be too meek to seek, things will start to change – for the better.

Going back to my example – my home is actually calmer because I chose to rephrase my questions to make sure I still get the ‘ right’ answer – but I only get that by asking the ‘ right’ question. She can believe what she wants in her mind – she may think she is doing what she wants – but she’s not. What the outcome is – is a calm home – a change for the greater good of my family. I know she will grow out of this, and I know we will move onto the next challenge.

If I am prepared to rephrase, I am prepared for the best outcome.

Homes of Victory

How can you rephrase your questions / directions / etc… in your home?

How could you apply this in your role as a leader in your home and sphere of influence?

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Victory

Silence

Silence is of different kinds and breathes different meanings.

Charlotte Brontë, author of Villette

What do you think about when you hear the word silence. For me it is two fold. My first thought is my kids must be doing something sneaky – or they are asleep (which is highly unlikely). My second thought is – I really want it sometimes. Just for a moment, but it seems elusive. What do you think of when you hear the word silence?

The things is, when I do get to a place where there is silence, my thoughts fill my mind and their seems to be an outpouring of thoughts, voices, ideas etc… It almost feels noisier in my mind than in the world that surrounds me. The thing about silence that I particularly love is, it gives me a chance to thread my thoughts, learnings and ideas into a meaningful pattern, that gives me more go, when the real life noise starts again. For me silence doesn’t happen during meditation or actual physical silence, it usually occurs for me, somewhere in the early hours of the morning, as I sit on my back deck listening to the birds as they call to one another as the sun rises. For me it’s thinking time, its figuring out time, its rising and shining time.

I love it how Charlotte Bronte frames the idea of silence. Silence is different things to different people – the thing is what do you do with your silence? Are you recharged by it? Are you too busy listening to the negative that you can’t escape even in the silence? Are you refusing to stop and let the silence, take you to a place of rejuvenation? A place of working things out – of taking time to process decision, challenges and the like.

It’s a challenge – don’t get me wrong I know it. I’ve had days where I’ve just taken a walk, stepped outside and given myself time out from the dramas of the kids or the day. At lunch time at work, I go for a walk to clear my head, I change my framework for a moment – to get silence and clarity. What do you do?

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Success for leadership is . . . knowing the great art of directing others without their noticing it.

Anonymous
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Victory

#homesofvictory

The most influential of all educational factors is the conversation in a child’s home.

William Temple

As parents prepare for the school year ahead (in Australia), one thing to remember and hold close is, we as parents are our kids first teacher. They look to us for everything – unconditional love, guidance, discipline, growth and development. What words are you speaking into your child’s heart – no matter if they are 1, 10 or 30… What conversations do you have as a family about other people, about the world we live in. These are critical to their education – make them positive, make them a special part of their day, use it to learn together, be curious together and most of all grow together. That’s how families living in victory are made – together.

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Leadership

Leadership Trait: Coaching

In my home we love watching AFL and Rugby League – suffice to say we love football. What I do love to watch is the coaches barking orders during the game and watching the emotion of the game – the highs and lows on their faces. This is only a tiny window in to the work of the coach – the time the effort and energy they put into their team. The aim of the coach is to make their team the best – the best in the competition. To do that, each individual player needs to be their best, on top of their game and contribute to the team as a whole.

As leaders, whether in our work life or in our homes, it is our responsibility to develop those around us to succeed, and to prepare them for their future roles. When my children start to argue about the disciple or rules in our home, more often than not I reply with – “ It is my role to turn you into a good adult…” We are their coaches, their mentors, their supporters, their cheerleaders.

I am sure we could all name and shame a leader in our working life who is not a coach and makes no effort to be a coach. The one thing I’ve learnt from that kind of leader is what not to do. Let’s make an effort to be generous with our skills, develop those around us, encourage them to flourish in their own skill sets and prepare them for their future.

Not only will our own children benefit from this attitude in our homes, but those in the workplace who look up to us, whether we are in a leadership position or not – will benefit.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why. 

Stephen King
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Leadership

Leadership trait: Passion

Passion is contagious. Passion oozes out of you without you knowing. I was once offered a job, while I was talking about a project I was on, as I spoke with passion and that is what this company wanted in their management team. When we are passionate about our families, relationships, children, life we are living, whatever it is– we can’t help but let it ooze out. We can’t help but take others along for the ride. We can’t help but enable others to join us in our passion. Passion impacts everyone we come into contact with and leaves a lasting impression.

Question: What are you passionate about? What could you do to share it more with those around you?