Tag: innovation

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Leadership

Weed Free Garden

I love to garden. I love being outside, I love being in the sun, I love dirt and I love plants. Everything about it makes me happy. In another life, I wouldn’t be a cat lady, I would be a crazy plant lady – with a home full of plants. For now I am happy with my deck covered in pots and my garden overflowing with natives.

One thing I have learnt from cultivating the same garden for about ten years, is if you don’t pull out the weeds from the roots they come back – often multiplying. When we first moved into the house we live in now, the yard was barren, the garden beds that spread around the perimeter of the garden, contained unkept palms, green looking plants that were more than likely weeds, a lot of clay like dirt and weeds. As time went on, we slowly improved the soil, eventually chopped down the bat attracting palms, planted and planted and planted. While the plants were little the weeds tried to strangle them, out grow them and take the new nutrients we had added to the soil.

Now our garden brings delight to us and our kids. The natives attract birds and bees. They flower and provide shade for the yard. We love being outside and enjoying the garden that has grown out of sheer hard work and tending to it, season after season.

Applying this same type of effort and tending to, to our own lives, is at times harder and more complex. I find it way easier to pull weeds out of my garden, then out of my heart. In our home, we try to be self aware and look for ways to be better – not just for those around us, but for ourselves. It does start, by looking for the weeds, and pulling them out by the root. Not always easy, not always fun – but worth it.

In the back corner of our garden, we have a spot that still needs plants in it, the weeds grow freely and I actually refuse to pull them out. My husband often says, ‘ when you have time, pull out those weeds’… I refuse and say, ‘when I have something to replace them with I will, or they’ll grow back.’ He concedes its a fair point. In our own lives, make sure when you find a weed in your heart – something that holds you back, something that is unwanted – make sure you not only pull it out by the roots, but replace it with something worthy – something that brings joy and peace. Something that will multiply in a positive way.

A leadership trait that is so important is being self aware. It is hard to follow a leader when you see glaring issues, that you feel they do not address. I’ve worked for some leaders like this. I had one manager who when she was stressed would yell. Yell as in, you could hear her through a closed door. One time, she called me into her office, closed the door and proceeded to yell at me. The issue at hand, was in my mind minor and not worth yelling about or even being stressed about. I ended up saying, when you calm down we can talk about this as I walked out of the office, closing the door behind me. This to me, is a trait where, she needed to be more self aware and work on the issue at hand.

Spend some time thinking about what is in your life that is a ‘weed’? Is it an addiction, a habit, something that is not productive or positive for your family?

What could you replace it with?

Think about some steps you could take to remove the ‘weeds’ from your heart? This isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.

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Victory

Do we need to be grown for success?

As I write this, I have been turning over these thoughts in my mind. Long term success, success that has deep foundations and substance, is often determined by our response to events that have occurred. Life changing events, determined learning and application, growth through challenges.

Often we see the ‘ overnight’ success stories, of people often young adults leaping onto center stage, with seemingly little life experience, but none the less successful in their chosen field.

At times, we also see is the success stories of people, who are far older than we expect, taking a risk beyond what we would ever be prepared to do, just to see if it works.

Success comes in a range of ways, and is completely biased towards those who are determined and never give up. Rarely do we as outsiders see the development over thousands of hours of hard work and the growth that takes place behind closed doors.

This is where my question comes into play- to be really successful – more than just having 5 minutes of fame, do we need to be developed behind closed doors in order to be successful ? What happens if our development happens in front of the world? Are we praised or seen to be epic failures? Or is the only thing that matters our response to our success or perceived failure?

Tell us what you think… we would love to hear from you.

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Victory

the determined leading the determined

My eldest child is incredible as are all my kids but you know the minute your first child is born something happens and you go all gooey and soft while floating on a cloud of amazement. This happened to us… then she grew and so did her determination, until it surpassed her physical size while her ability to negotiate knows no bounds. Granted in the big bad world, these are great skills to have, but when you are a child living in a family context these skills only serve to add a wrinkle or two to your parents faces.

On a positive day, I face her determination which I refuse to call stubbornness, with my own determination, knowing one day she will thank me for taming her just a little. On a bad day… I ask myself, why… then I realise, every.single.time – she is me. We have been known to stare each other down, I always win of course… she will frown at me, the same way I did to my parents as a kid, she always laughs when I tell her I invented that frown. The boys in the family seem to somehow disappear when they know the two girls are butting heads…

So then, how do the determined lead the determined?. At this point, I wish I could just say – with great difficulty – good luck. That would not however be the whole truth. The truth is – it’s a work in progress. It’s a challenge that needs to be met with both stamina and grace.  We may need to dig deep, but the outcome is worth it.

I have been in situations at work, where my determination has clashed with others determination – and not always in a positive way. For example many years ago a team member came up to me and bluntly said, that she should have my job. Purely because she was determined to get it, even though she was not qualified. I’ve had staff sit and literally do nothing, because they wanted a reaction. I’ve even had a customer, say they’ll call the police unless they get their way…   You could say I’ve come up against some very determined people in my career, but I sometimes feel I get the last laugh, as I too am determined.

To paint the picture of it quickly ,as a kid I would call family meetings where everyone had to sit around the dining table and listen to me. The only agenda item was – Dad needed to say yes to a family dog. He always said no. Long story short, we had a cat we (read my Dad – love you Dad) needed okay wanted to give away, so my sister and I agreed to cry until we got a dog. Twelve hours later, Dad said yes to a dog, the tears magically stopped and we went to sleep in the early hours of the morning… I think my Dad is still scarred from the tears…

Leaving the emotions at the door when working with determined ahem stubborn staff, is easier than dealing with determined children. One thing I have had to learn with my determined child, is to try to take the emotion out of it, pick the battle and see the strategic outcomes before you achieve them, I like to think of it like a game of chess. If you are not familiar with the game of chess, now is the time to learn…

Think about it – I as the determined person, am trying to get you another determined person to do what I have asked – and you don’t want to do it – in life, especially family life a stalemate is often not an option.

How do you think a game tug of war is won? At times, it is sheer strength of one team over another, other times is it the timing of one team pulling with all it’s might. Knowing when to hold tight or when to pull and win, is 90% of the battle. The final 10% is knowing what outcomes you want, before they can say no, while taking the emotion out of it.

I have heard some pearlers come out of my daughters mouth, when my only reaction can be silence or a rye smile. She has said things like “I can’t put my clothes away, I’m busy designing my mansion”, ” You have a memory, use it”, ” Can’t help, reading”. Another one, when she was four, she said, ” I need a helper to fold my jammas”.

The thing is also, she isn’t trying to be rude, but she can certainly come across rude – so I am also then navigating her emotions and motives. Not only does the strategy of chess work, it encourages me to look at the big picture and not the tiny battles that may not be worth winning. I set boundaries around her, and often let her use her own way to get to the outcome. It’s a matter of finding what works – I call it her currency. I also apply this to the workplace. Often staff are looking for approval, encouragement, a kind word, to be appreciated. At times, all it takes is a few words or a short email to make a huge difference in their attitude. It can take the determination in some one and enable them to use it for good. Because when they choose not to, like we all can at times, the strength of determination used the wrong way can have a huge ripple effect.

The final thing I will mention is, it looks like my third child, my second daughter is going to be just as determined as the first… wish me luck… I’m gonna need it.

Categories
Victory

Monopoly

What do you think of when I mention the word monopoly? A long board game, family fights, cheating, having to be the banker, getting out of jail… some how passing go, working out how to buy Mayfair…

I feel it is timely to write about a game that truly leaves its mark on family life generationally. I have fond memories of playing monopoly on family holidays growing up, even though the games often ended in tears. My Dad never showed any mercy and would win every game. My brother and I would try to conjure up ways to potentially beat him, but he always seemed to be one step ahead.

Now with my own family, other than to highlight my thankfulness for the shorter version of the game, we are making our own memories. Just to note: I am now Mrs Competitive who is more than happy to wipe the board every time and claim to be the winner… That aside, it is interesting to see the family dynamics play out. One child, must be the banker and real estate agent at the same time, he will also be the one to say, you don’t have much money left can I give you some. He is the risk adverse player and one who invests carefully and thoughtfully. Another child, just plays her own game, not paying attention to what anyone else if doing, she is focused on her property and available cash. Neither of them, are yet to pick up on my ruthless plan that ensures I win every time.

My thought is, how often do we spend time, just watching and thinking about the people in our life – whether family, friends or work colleges? Do we observe them, do we understand who they are ? How they are treated and treat others? Do we even want to know? I would argue we should – then we know how they tick and how we can best be a support to them when the need arises. For example, I know when one of my work mates is stressed, she loves to tell everyone she is stressed. That is my cue, to sit with her and work out what the next hour / day/ week needs to look like to minimise the stress and focus on outcomes. For me, this is not hard, but it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t pick up on her behaviour when she is stressed.

This goes for my kids also. One of my kids, often has a shower to clear their head and reset. I’ve had to say to them, you don’t need to ask to have a shower, just do it. I know, if the shower is on at an odd time of day, the reset button is being pushed.

It may be time, if you haven’t had a family game of monopoly for a while, to play together. Use it to observe the dynamics and how well your family team works together. It may highlight some areas to work on, it may also, make you smile at how your family team works together.

Categories
Leadership

Leadership trait: Adaptability

It is not balance you need but adaptability.    

Erwin Raphael McManus   

Ah that word ‘ change’. I feel like the entire world has had an abrupt lesson in adaptability – that no more needs to be said.  What I will say though is – our response to change – influences those around us . Our response to change also determines the outcome whether it is positive or not. It all comes down to choice – how do we choose to respond when we have the responsibility of influence. I can admit my adaptability and the capacity to deal with change, is a learnt skill.

I am awesome at routine and love to be organised and on top of things. Over time, I’ve learnt to be adaptable and deal with change in a positive manner, taking my team along with me for the adventure. I am also now able to walk my children through changes in life, ones we are in control of and ones we aren’t.

Change is the only constant in life. One’s ability to adapt to those changes will determine your success in life.

Benjamin Franklin

How do you approach change? Do you lead by example and make the most of it, not knowing how it will pan out?

Start to look at what you can control and what you can’t. How does that change your sphere of influence and impact your family? Although as challenging as this time of COVID – 19 has been, it has really made me aware of how my words and influence impact my family. I love it, that my eldest child is now telling me all the good things about spending more time as a family… rather than whinging that she can’t see her friends. Over time, even a matter of weeks, our influence in her life has worked for the better. Our youngest, however is still grappling with why I couldn’t use baby wipes to take the germs away from the playground…

Being adaptable, doesn’t only make life easier and rosier for us as adults and leaders, but makes for a smoother transition for the children in our lives. Their capacity to deal with change, enables them to navigate life in a far more positive way, than if they cant. Change is simply a given and they need to be able to adapt. At times we have had our plans changed at the last minutes by other family members and so on, it is interesting to gauge how our children react and how we can talk them through the process.

I will leave you with this last thought, I believe being adaptable makes you less selfish as you are thinking of others, thinking of the big picture and not just of yourself. Rather, seeing where you fit into the bigger picture along with everyone else…

Let us know your thoughts on that…