Tag: innovation

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Victory

Shaping Leaders: Nelson Mandela

Growing up I was obsessed with Nelson Mandela. To me, he was a hero. I’ve always had a social conscience and never understood how segregation based on colour could happen. Perhaps as a child I was naive, or perhaps I was raised learning what loving thy neighbour really meant.  Either way, I loved reading about how he achieved what he did, how he never let his fervour for change diminish. He always had the greater good in mind. He was in my eyes a great example of what one person can do, with their choices, actions and words to literally change the world. 

Whatever your opinion is of Nelson Mandela, his life, his journey, his sacrifice of ‘ normal’ – we can all learn a thing or two from him. Here are the top five things I’ve learnt from his life: 

1. There is power in forgiveness – Nelson Mandela, didn’t let his imprisonment or how he was dreadfully treated rob him of his joy. He chose forgiveness as it would allow him peace, and allow him to continue to work tirelessly. Be the one to take the first steps towards peace, and forgive. It’s not easy, but worth it.

2. It’s not about me – Look with vision at the next generation and the ones to come after that. At times we can be so consumed with the task at hand, we forget to look at the bigger picture. What will your influence be, your legacy, your capacity to impact for good? 

3. It only takes one – One man stood up, and fought for the rights of those around him, soon he was joined by more and change eventually followed, after oppression, imprisonment etc… Are you the one, to make the change, to have the passion, to have the determination to bring about improvements in your sphere of influence?

4. Influence is precious – use it for good. We may never know who we influence how, but it is our responsibility to try our best to influence those around us for the best. Set the example, make the sacrifice and never underestimate your influence. 

5. No season is ever wasted – being sent to prison for standing up for what is right, for what you believe in is no easy feat for Nelson Mandela. In life, seasons good and bad, come and go use each season to learn and in time, wisdom and experience will be your fuel to get through.

I may not be able to portray the magnitude of impact this one man’s life has had on humanity. What I can do is learn from him and apply it to my sphere of influence. This world leader, has certainly shaped the kind of leader I want to be.

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#homesofvictory

You’ll never experience progress without change and challenge

Ken Coleman
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Victory

Finding Strength

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling like I have some sort of COVID fatigue. Where life is still not how it was, even though I don’t really want it to go back to exactly how it was ( read: too busy) , then at the same time, I am liking this somewhat forced down time. Even if it means less in the finances and more in the time tank.

At the beginning of COVID and our first lockdown our family embarked on a daily afternoon walk. We began to love exploring our neighbourhood one street at a time. On one street close to ours, we found written in chalk on a block wall the words,

Stay Strong…. I whispered to my Wi-Fi.

A friendly neighbour…

We loved this ‘encouragement’ and crack a smile every time we pass it. In perfect positioning, our area has terrible internet and with everyone working from home, by lunch time the internet frequently needed a siesta. So this quote is very apt.

Even though this makes us chuckle every time we pass it, and we wanted to ‘socially distant’ high five the person that cheers us up, we soberly realised that we did need to stay strong… we didn’t know how long it would last and sadly we are at the start of a second wave, where lockdowns are starting to occur again.

Here at Homes of Victory, we want to encourage you to stay strong. Tell us how you are staying strong, through this unprecedented year of change. We would love to share your story with other readers to encourage them.

How are you staying strong during this time?

What type of humor reminds you to make the most of the season, even when in all seriousness it is awful?

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Humility

Every person that you meet knows something you don’t: learn from them.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Humility is attractive. Humility is a magnet for integrity, collaboration, appreciation, and acknowledgement.  Humility attracts staff, who will want to work with you, look forward to being around you and motivated by you. They know you will acknowledge their efforts, appreciate their hard work, and offer a human side to leadership.

Likewise, when we are humble in our homes, humble toward our children, we show them reality, the realness of life. Yes, difficulties arise, and challenges are met – not perfectly but to the best of our abilities. Granted it may take humiliation to encourage our humility but if our families witness it firsthand, how much more are they going to value us as parents. How much more are they going to value humility and being humble themselves. In turn they will begin to value integrity, want to receive our appreciation, be acknowledged, and finally behave like this towards others.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis

Never curse a fall. The ground is where humility lives. 

Yasmin Mogahed
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Victory

in conversation with Zafer & Erin

You know when you meet someone and you automatically know you’ll be friends for life… well Erin is that person for me. We grew up together, having sleepovers, playing sport, loving life. As we got older, our husbands came on the scene and as it happens in life, it takes you to places in ways you could never imagine. The one thing that has stayed, is our love for each other and deep rooted friendship. We’ve literally been thousands of miles apart for years, we see each other about once every three or so years, but the friendship has remained. Thank heavens for technology where we can talk anytime and be in contact when we want to be. In this conversation, Erin will show you brave in its rawest form, together they will show you love on a deep level, and show you how life doesn’t have to be what society expects. Enjoy.

Due to COVID-19 and Zafers job, he is currently away and has been for months, unable to get home. So Erin has spoken to me, on his behalf also.

Who are the members of your family?

My husband and I have twin girls who are 9 years old.

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

When he is home we love to plan, it does seem to work out most of the time as his time home is limited so we pack it in to enjoy our time together.  Although we get tired, we have made so many memories this way.

When my husband is not here, I tend to just go with the flow for my girl’s sake and not have every weekend planned, as we have school/sports/extra activities that take a lot of time.  

What does your normal week look like?

When Zafer is home we take turns getting up for school drop-offs. We spend as much time together as possible, but at the same time want to give each other space to see our own friends and have alone time.  Sounds weird?!?! 

Because I’m still learning Turkish and with the cultural inferiority of women (and then Foreign women) I leave the big jobs that need to be done around the house or with the car till when he is home.  This what tends to take up the first few weeks.  

We have many friends and family over on weekends so we can all catch up as they want to see Zafer.  Here, if you are a single parent/ person, you don’t usually get invited or included in other families plans, so when Zafer is home, there is lots of making up for lost time.  

When Zafer is home it takes a huge load off of me parenting, and the kids are happy with this balance, and love showing him how well behaved and responsible they are.

When Zafer is away with work, we all count down the days till he comes home back to us.  It’s hard with no male balance.  In Turkish culture, discipline is nearly nonexistent (no bedtime, sugar whenever the child feels like, Mums cook multiple meals to keep everyone happy, screen time all the time, no basic manners…).  So I do struggle to find a balance between my extremely strict upbringing to the other extreme, of no discipline. I have a very strong support base here of foreigners and Turkish girls who can speak good English.  We support and learn from each other.  

A typical week… school for the girls with basketball training after school 2 days a week.  I attend pottery courses, help out at school, try to see someone from my husbands family (Sister/cousin/aunty) … it’s huge, and they are very lovely warm welcoming people.  I love them.  

Weekends consist of working around basketball training and homework.  We love to go walking in the forest, trying a new breakfast place with friends, ride bikes or rollerblader by the Bosphorus, try to relax… ( but my kids love activity and action…)

Not only does your husband have a job where he is away for months at a time, you also moved to live in his home country, learnt the language and have raised your kids there. How do you ensure your relationship stays in tact?

We worked together in the same environment for three years and together lived with the girls at his workplace for another six years,  I understand the stresses he goes through with his job and I know the people he works with.  Not an easy life to live, but I understand it and he knows that.  We have to share about everything! We share happiness, frustration, stress, joy, big and little things.  This keeps us involved in each other’s lives and we both feel ‘connected’.  

We found at the beginning of him coming that he was VERY  sensitive to stress and negativity, and I was having a hard time moving over and sharing the ‘decision maker/head of the house’ role after him being away for so long.  After the realization that we were not happy when he was home and not happy at all being apart, we then made our action plans to suck it up a bit and move over to make space for the other in a real life setting TOGETHER (not a work environment or trying to tough it out on our own). It has worked!!! We talk about our concerns before he comes home and prepare ourselves so we can each try to control our frustrations.  I have really tried to learn Turkish, and become independent here.  We bought a car and got my drivers license here, so I am fully independent.  I don’t feel restricted in anyway.  I do appreciate that my husband has helped this happen and allows me to live without questioning me at all.  

What is the one thing that is most important to your family, when your Husband / their Dad is away? How do you make it work?

Talking talking talking, also a lot of prayer.We talk almost every day.  We pray for each other that God will protect the heart and eyes from what the devil may try to bring to distract and tempt us.  

The girls are not interested in talking on the phone with their Dad but they do keep a diary (most days) telling him what happened today or how they feel, or just a drawing.  We tell stories about him, reminisce on the times he was home, and what we want to do when we comes home next time.  

If you could give one piece of advice what would it be?

I had no idea THIS was going to be where I would live or how I would live without my husband half the year.  I believe life does not deal you something you are unable to deal with.  You will be pushed and stretched but not broken!! 

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Victory

On the flipside

Here at Homes of Victory we are all about applying leadership and management skills to our home life – to improve it. Simon Sinek – the leadership master flips that on its head by saying 

The closest thing to leadership is parenting. You have to be an infinite student of parenting.

Simon Sinek

Here at Homes of Victory we wholeheartedly agree with this. On a practical level, I know I have used the same tactics I’ve used with my kids with difficult client..  I’ve even got to the point with one extremely difficult customer who continued to yell at me, I simply said, ‘I’m sorry sir, my children behave better than you. When you calm down, I can help you’. He stood in stunned silence in front of me, he took a step back, lowered his voice and replied ‘Really?’ All I could do was nod.

When we stop to think about what our children have taught us and how we have applied those learnings to our family and workplaces, it is amazing how intertwined the learnings are.

One thing, I’ve learnt from my children that I take into the workplace is a really positive attitude to problem solving and the ability to put issues into perspective. After having children, and learning to live life in the fast lane when it comes to scooting out the door for school. The problems I’ve solved in less than 20 seconds, astound even me. I have the ability to pack leftover breakfast, gather my children and get them walking – with shoes on – do I get an amen to that!, to the vague location of the car, while dealing with milk dropped in the fridge without even breaking a sweat. These issues are not life or death – they just require perspective.

Another thing I have learnt from my children is around expectations. I have high expectations of myself and also expect high behaviour levels from my children. I was finding in the workplace I too, placed high expectations of staff – at times – higher than necessary, higher than what was fair. By learning what are fair expectations verses unrealistic ones, I am a better parent and better leader.

What are some things your children have taught you, that you were able to use in the workplace? 

I’ll leave you with one more quote, to stir your thoughts, 

Leadership is not a title, it’s a choice. Leaders take care of those in their care.

Simon Sinek

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But… I Dreamt Big and Worked Hard

Over the last few months, I’m sure you can agree, that life hasn’t been what we’ve expected. What we planned 2020 to be. What we imagined our business, our home life, our everything to look like. This week, I was talking to a friend who lives on the other side of the world with two children, she told me that although she loves to plan, and dream and plan some more, she hates being disappointed when things don’t turn out the way she expected. This isn’t a control thing, in her case, it’s a ‘ but I dreamt big, worked hard’ and it still didn’t happen. 

Another sobering conversation we had this week with some friends, was the impact COVID was having in their circle of influence, those they have built multiple companies with, those they work with closely. The impacts have ranged from being hit so hard with the unexpected that decisions based on the now are being made like divorce or worse. In comparing the conversations, the whole ‘ I dreamt big, worked hard and it didn’t happen’ feeling of disappointment resounds. It impacts everyone, from Mums and Dads, to corporate highflyers and everyone in between. I believe this season has impacted every person – somehow. How has it impacted you? Your family? Your friends? 

How often during this season, have you felt like, everything you’ve worked for, dreamt of and even at times achieved is simply gone? 

Hold that thought, now I challenge you, to write down all your achievements – go back as many years as you like, then, balance that against your dreams. Are you encouraged by what you’ve achieved? Are you still dreaming? Keep it up – look forward. 

Homes of Victory implores you during this unsettling, full to overflowing time of the unexpected that you take stock of what really matters in your life. Those plans you had, may need to go on hold, or morph into something more spectacular. Remember life is not what we own, wear, or do. We influence those around us, more than we can imagine. Seek assistance when and if you need to. We’ve been finding that although we feel we don’t need professional help at this point, we have been catching up with the encouragers and positive people in our lives, to boost us and to inspire us during this season. 

Who in your network inspires and encourages you? Who do you inspire and encourages? It may be the perfect time to catch up and talk about this season. You’ll gain perspective and hopefully a smile. 

We may feel that our world is crumbling , but one thing remains –  who we are in terms of character and integrity. It may be the time to take a long hard positive look in the mirror. This season will not last forever, this season will change us in ways we didn’t expect, let it change you for the better, learn the lessons of this season, they will not go unused in the future.

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Victory

The A team

Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him — or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.

Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night

We want to hear from you about who inspires you?

Who has had a great influence in your life?

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Victory

Remedy

Don’t find the fault, find the remedy.

Henry Ford

I love the word remedy – it makes me think of old fashioned rest and recuperation, it makes me think of jelly beans at the doctors surgery, it also conjures up images of fixing things before they get worse.

The definition of remedy is

Something that cures or relieves a disease or bodily disorder; a healing medicine, application, or treatment, something that corrects or removes an evil of any kind.

Dictionary.com

Framing ‘ remedy’ in leadership terms strips back the meaning to something that curers or relieves. It also indicates that the remedy is known and then applied. At times we do not know the remedy to apply, we may not know the potential outcomes or risks involved. What we do know is, at times the remedy needs to go against the grain of fixing and issue and looking at preventing it. An example of an evidence based preventative model is one that stands out was developed in Iceland and is now in Australia. It successfully worked on significantly reducing drug and alcohol addiction in teens. Check out the whole story here.

This type of remedy: evidence based preventative model – is a form of remedy that I have come to understand and be impressed by. So often, the issues in our communities do not have a quick fix, seem like they will never change, or feel like the stigma will never leave. This example of a remedy is inspiring and possible. It shows by thinking outside the box and being creative, solutions to the impossible are made all the more possible. 

In your sphere of influence, how would the remedy of preventative measures change outcomes when used instead of reactionary measures? On a large scale some counties have what they call a ‘ fantasy council’ where it is their brainstorming opportunity to find solutions to the somewhat impossible. 

How do you create the opportunity for brainstorming and problem solving within your work environment and home?

Do you include your children in the problem solving?

You may be surprised by their contribution – their minds don’t see the obstacles and challenges like we do.

Encourage the positive and explore the opportunities the outcome will be far better than you expect.

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Courage

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow’.

Mary Anne Radmacher

Courage is not always about gritting your teeth and digging your heels in. Courage is not always about making a song and dance about bravery. All courage need to be at times, is just turning up. Just trying again tomorrow. Just making a decision to give it another crack.

Courage means to have the:

ability to do something that frightens one; bravery and / or strength in the face of pain or grief.

Dictionary.com

Courageous leaders are the ones, who stand in the face of adversity, and keep believing in their dream, believing in their goals, believing in their team. Courageous leaders are the ones who turn up each day for their team, not knowing what the day will bring.

Courageous parents are the ones, who get out of bed every day, are the ones who do everyday with their kids however the everyday may look.  Courage is exciting, courage is brave and courage is contagious.

You may not feel courageous when your kid drags you out of bed before sunrise, you may not feel courageous when you’re cranky running late for work, you may not feel courageous when you face the washing and household tasks, but know that you have the strength in you, the bravery in you, to face your day, to face your family – no matter the circumstances.

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Leadership

Will of Steel

I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.

Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

I hear the strain in your voice, when you try to get your point across. I see the furrow of your brow, when the response is a blank stare. I hear your heart break, when they seem to purposely choose hurtful words, when they do the opposite of what you asked, just because they can, not because they should. I see your silent tears when they think it’s bravery but you think it’s stupidity. I hear your hearts voice saying, ‘ if only they knew’, I hear the thumping of your heart grow quicker each time they stomp down the hallway ready to tell you their opinion. I see the tiredness and I hear the exasperation, I see the walking away – so you don’t say out loud what you think.

Mumma bear, I hear the laugh in your heart, when incredible things come flowing from their mouth, the same mouth that was throwing poison darts at you only moments ago. I hear the joy, when there is no fight getting into the car, I see the silent – ‘that’s my girl’ spark in your eyes when they take matters into their own hands. I hear the kind words you speak into their hearts when the time is right, I see you snuggle in tight when the day is done. I hear you, ask without fail – how was your day – knowing the answer will be negative. I see you turn up all day, every day because she is yours.

We may never know what thoughts travel through their minds, we may indeed never know the strength of our own strong wills. What we do know is, determination is a mighty skill to have, being able to negotiate and stand your ground – is only for the brave. Being true to yourself, is rare in this world. Speak life into their hearts, and tell them they’re amazing – even when you want them to change and be compliant… we’ve all been there.

I’ve come to learn to spread the boundaries wide, give them the tools to make good decisions, based on the principles you teach them. Hold them as close as you can – they still need you, even if their behaviour says otherwise. Swallow your pride and be the one to always take the first steps to peace. Always, always, always speak life into their hearts. Use as many conversations as you can, at the right time to teach and mentor, to lead and guide them. Our babies may have more determination than their own body weight, they may have better negotiation skills, they may have more grit and more courage than we have ever witnessed, but they are ours and we get to be the only one in the world they call mum.  

So Mumma bear this is for you – I see you and I hear you. Though like Charlotte Bronte said, I am a free human being with an independent will – we need to make sure our strong willed kids are wrapped in our love almost without knowing it, wrapped in kindness and protection. They need to know we are always available and will always take the first steps to peace. Likewise, recharge yourself, take time out to take a deep breath. Think of all the billions of people in the world, who is it that you get to call daughter or son. Isn’t it an amazing thought.

Dream of who they will be one day… the achievements their strong will, will allow them to achieve. The challenges they will stroll through, the innovation they will delight in creating. The list of amazing possibilities goes on.

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Leadership

Blind Spot

A Blind Spot is the difference between intent and impact as a leader, parent,  family member. We all have them. Some are more aware that they exist than others.  

Being open to knowing what our potential blind spots are – will lead to a fuller, richer and more diverse life.

Being closed to our blind spots is like a bulldozer without direction – the impact will the their – it certainly will be there…. but what trail of offense are you leaving behind? When intent and impact are combined, that’s when true positive change occurs.  That’s when new roads are formed. That’s when eyes and hearts are opened to change and a fuller, richer life for everyone in your world.

Take a moment to think about things you may not know about yourself. How others perceive you – due to your behaviour. Do they perceive correctly, or is your well intentioned behaviour having a different kind of impact.

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Leadership

Shaping leaders: Shimon Peres

I am a self-confessed people watcher. To the point when I’m out for dinner or with friends I like to sit where I can see the most action. I have been known to stop sentences abruptly, while watching someone walk past, fascinated by them. I have even been caught by my husband not paying attention to a conversation, as I am too busy wondering about the life of the person running past. To that end, I love history and learning from historical figures and making observations about the learnings or not of the past.

At times, I feel as a society we are not the best at learning and implementing positive change, from the learnings of the past, but alas we should try to.

Lately I have been engrossed in the autobiography of Shimon Peres, No room for small dreams,. He is a historical leader and important figure in the creation of Israel as the state we now know to be. While I purposely do not take political sides as I do not know enough to do so, for me it is fascinating to read about how his life was shaped and how that in turn it shaped his leadership style. I have pulled out many sections of this book and have learnt so much from such an experienced leader. Here is what I have learnt so far…

  • Trust is a key to leading. (and people are like sheep…. Just saying…)

I was assigned a job that was my first true experience as a leader – not of men but sheep. Yet there were striking similarities: a shepherd for example may have authority over his flock, but that alone does not mean he can control it. … we had to find a common language, a common understanding… I had to know their fears as if they were my own, so I could understand where they could not be led- or at least when I’d have to move with more deliberateness. I had to be both empathetic and insistent in stating my intentions – a figure they would follow, even reluctantly, if only out of trust.

Shimon Peres
  • The value robust discussions.

When he ( referring to another leader at the time) had been most frustrated, most intent on walking away, he remained open to the argument made by two young men, with a mere fraction of experience and wisdom. He had nearly given up on the larger debate, but he had not given up on his belief in debate.

Shimon Peres
  • Listening breaks down barriers.

Listening is not just a key element of good leadership, it is the key, the means to unlock doors that have been slammed shut by bitter dispute and resignation.

Shimon Peres
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Victory

Being Planted

In life we often celebrate the start, a birth, a business launch, a wedding – the start of something. In time we also celebrate an ending – a graduation, a promotion, a pay rise, final test results, a funeral. Just thought I’d ask, when do we celebrate the hard yakka that going on in between the start and the end?

The end though, is often the result of staying, of working through the challenge, of knuckling down and doing the long hours and hard work. The end is often determined by the ‘ being planted’ in the situation and sticking it out. Are we simply too busy or too occupied with ‘staying’ or ‘being planted’ that we forget to celebrate?

My father- in -law will often crack open a bottle of wine on a Friday night, saying, ” It’s Friday!”. No other reason, other than it’s Friday and in his mind, every week is a great week no matter what has happened or not. Lessons can be learnt from this. The positive thinking, celebrating the small things the list could go on.

What I am trying to say is, if you are in the middle of the ‘ being planted’ , or the ‘ staying’, the digging your heels in because you need to type moment, no matter how good or bad it is, remember to celebrate the good, celebrate your capacity to ride it out and work hard. Celebrate that this is only the middle and not the end. The end will come and a real celebration will happen, but don’t forget the now, don’t forget to see the good in the now. At times it feels like the good is hard to find, but it is there. Use this moment to remain firm in your challenge, to remain committed to seeing the challenge through.

Another way to look at it is, to value the courage it takes to do what you’re doing. You’ve celebrated the launch of a new business, and now it’s crunch time, the workload is increasing or you’re finding a way to increase the workload – celebrate it. Celebrate the courage you are using. Celebrate being brave when you’re not sure of the outcome. Value it. Hold it and use it to spur you on. Their is value in being planted, in staying in the hard times and good times.

On a personal level, project work suits me just fine, as I get bored and move on fairly quickly. In the season of now, in the season of lockdowns and the change of normal, I am learning the value of being planted. The value of seeing a challenge through. I am learning to like it, can’t say I love it, but I’m learning to value my courage and my staying power. I am learning that it is a good thing. (Even though I don’t really have a choice).

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Victory

The value of rest

At the best of times, I am not good at stopping to rest. I am always thinking, planning, or doing. My other half is great at resting. On the weekend I may find him asleep on our outdoor couch, sitting on the deck, admiring nature etc.… I’m the one that bustles over and starts a conversation with “ What do you think about…” He often answers with comments like, are you resting, have you stopped today… can you turn your brain off for 5 minutes. It’s not that I don’t value rest, I just don’t priorities it, until it’s too late and I sleep for a whole day to catch up.

During the recent lockdown and changes to normal, I believe I have started to learn the value of rest. I was stood down from work for seven weeks – which I chose to see as a blessing in disguise, as it is the leave I never take. Although the first thing I did write a list of all the house jobs I wanted to do that never had time to do. With that said, I did focus on my kids and their schoolwork, we developed a closer relationship, we worked together as a team and did get all the house jobs done together. We had no routine, nowhere to be, almost nothing to think about, because there was nowhere to go and no commitments.

I truly have valued this time of together and slowing down. A time to choose what we did at home when we wanted to. Yes, we watched a lot of TV and played far too much Nintendo, we argued over neat writing in schoolbooks and how to show the process for the maths questions. We stayed up late and went to bed early if we felt like it. It was a true unwind and change from the busy of life. I even got to the point where, I didn’t know what day it was, and we missed several zoom ballet classes because of it. Although, I was annoyed at myself for forgetting, but realized that it was a good thing as I had truly stopped and rested.

Now we have returned to normal. I need to learn how to continue to value rest, find it in the busy and take it easier – and go easier on myself. Allow myself to rest.

 Through this time, have you learnt to rest, how to value it or use it to recharge? We would love to know what you think.