Failure is coming into its own after what seems like forever – it is no longer seen as a ‘ bad’ thing, a thing to avoid, a thing to hide from those around us. Modern day Failure – is what I like to call it, is being celebrated, is being acknowledged, spoken about, and most importantly learnt from. Some companies have even started ‘ Failure parties’ that celebrate the lessons learnt from failures along the way.
Even the very definition of failure is changing, as what may have been viewed as a failure in years gone by, is now seen as a valuable lesson learnt, or even better – used to fuel more research, more trial and error and eventually a greater outcome.
Failure wrapped up in the positive, at the end of the day is still failure, and it can bring with it the emotions of disappointment, frustration, and even anger. Failure in its raw form, is still hard to swallow. What I love about Failure now is, that it is talked about, it is thought about it is dissected to a point where, greater understanding of the process behind the failure can occur.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways
Thomas Edison
that won’t work.
In team situations and family situations alike, we deal with failure in all of its glorious forms. As a leader it is critical to have empathy when failure is concerned. It may be us as leaders who have failed – we then to make sure we are humble about it. It may be our team our family, our loved ones who are dealing with a perceived failure.
Recently my daughter struggled with two perceived failures in one week. She felt so disappointed. She was dreadfully critical of herself as she tried to unpack what happened and how she felt about it all. After listening to her talk as I drove her to her ballet lesson, I turned to her and said, ” Does this change who you are? Just because someone doesn’t think at this point you have what it takes – does that change who you are?” She looked out the window – silent. My heart sunk a little, as I hoped what I said, was received with love. She finally looked at me with a smile and said, “no”.
Sometimes failure can blind us to the reality of who we are – we are not the failure itself. Our actions etc… may have contributed to a failure, but we ourselves are not the failure.
When it comes to our family, when it comes to teams we lead – it is easy to take it on and feel like it is our fault. Take responsibility for your actions but do so with a positive mindset. One thing an amazing supervisor once taught me was, whenever we had a perceived failure, she would never finger point or blame. She was sit back in her chair, looking very relaxed – she would say ” What can we learn from this?” She never had preconceived ideas of what we could learn, but she encouraged everyone in the working group to reflect, and to learn for next time. That’s how I want my mindset to be. The first response to failure being “What can I learn from this?”
Of course, disappointment will still come, emotions will enter the mix, but if we choose to have a positive mindset and set our minds beyond the failure, we may just keep stepping in the right direction and face great achievements and discoveries.
You always pass failure on the way to success.
Mickey Rooney
Homes of Victory 