When you talk, you are only repeating something you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.
Dalai Lama
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In the quiet…
As a kid, my Dad would take me and my siblings to the beach almost every week. He would swim out behind the breakers with us – he would explain the tide, the current, point out the rips and show us where the best waves were breaking. He didn’t do this in a few sentences, he would do this between body surfing waves while we would be left to tread water. We never seemed to worry about Dad coming back to find us, he always did. We didn’t worry about how long he took, as we were strong swimmers. Sure, other people worried about us; we would have other adults watch us curiously from a distance until Dad swam back to us. One time, even a lifesaver checked on us.
What this picture doesn’t tell you is, during the week we would be at swim squad, at 5.30am four days a week. We would swim lap after lap, do different training routines, even do sit ups on the side of the pool if we talked too much during training. We were being prepared and strengthened. We built resilience and became psychologically strong for the conditions of the surf. Our beach expeditions were not without dramas, we did get dumped by massive waves, we did get swept out towards the next beach, but the fear was reduced because of what we did quietly during the week, lap after lap in the pool. Building strength and resilience.
When we look at others, and when they in turn look at us, we don’t always see the full picture. God does. You see he prepares us, in the quiet, in the stillness, in the times we draw near to Him, so that when we are taken out of our depths, taken out of our comfort zone, taken beyond the breakers, we have the strength and resilience – we have everything we need.
In this season of busy, joy, fun and for some disappointment and sadness, make sure you take the time to step out of the rush, step out of the busy and take time to be quiet. To be still, to reflect, recharge and wonder.
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It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
Epictetus
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The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.
Ken Blanchard
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“I am not an angel,” I asserted; “and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself.”
Charlotte Bronte – Jane Eyre
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When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
Abraham Joshua Heschel
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Influencers are not leaders, but leaders are influencers.
Richie Norton
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Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
Judy Garland
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Logic will take you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
Albert Einstein
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May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.
Nelson Mandela
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It boils down to choice…
This is by no means a place where we feel we know it all, have it all together, or are any type of expert. Homes of Victory for us, is not even about sharing opinions in a world that has way too many of those being blurted out from every possible platform. What we aim to do rather is start conversations – that lead hopefully in a positive way – to a shift in the way you do things, in a way you think about yourself and how you see your family.
At the moment, I am turning over in my mind, more and more the question of being busy. The question of how did I get to this point where I can’t even seem to find time to order groceries online. Ok so its not my favorite task and I am therefore not too motivated to do it, but none the less it is a task that need to happen – in order for my family of 5 to live.
At times, I think about what I need to get done in a week, or a day as ask why… why do I feel that I need to be doing all of these things. Why have I committed to these things in the first place and why can I not just slow down. It actually comes down to choice – would you agree? I choose what I commit to – and yes it is often way to much or far more than what is reasonable. ( I have high expectations of myself!) I can choose what activities my kids are involved in… I am even blessed enough to choose my work hours – within reason. So why then, do I see the lack of time, the rush, the tiredness, the never ending to do list as something of an obligation rather than a choice…
I actually don’t have an answer for that question. But one thing I would like to highlight, mention, suggest at this point is – Does my ( yours / our) busi-ness align with our personal / family goals and values? I need to reign myself in at times, because my love of over – commitment plays havoc with the values I have for my family – the ones where I value dinner time together, and value time together, value speaking life into my children (even when I am tired), the value of time with my husband – and continually learning more about him and how we can be a better team as we lead our family…
I know when my over- committedness – I’m pretty sure that is a word – tips my family values out of sync. The one thing I haven’t nailed yet – is knowing where my line of too much starts, and where my line of it’s all good stops. For everyone this will be different according to capacity – but what this will show is your ability to make good choices. I’m not sure about you but at my kids school – they are encouraged to make good choices – this seems to be the way they are disciplined – told to make a good choice rather than a bad one. We as parents, as family leaders need to remember that the outcome for our families, our marriage, our children is the a result of the choices we make. Whether they are seen to be good or not.
The thought I want to leave with you today is, don’t let life happen to you and spend your days wondering why you are so busy – with not a lot of time for what you want to do. Think about the choices you make to commit to things and the impact it has on yourself and your family. How do those impacts then work for or against your family values?
It may take time to think all of these things through, but take the time over days even weeks – their is nothing like a slight change in your week to make a huge difference to your family life.
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There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
C.S. Lewis
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Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try.
Ernest Hemingway
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You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have.
Jim Rohn
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Consistency is in the doing
In our last post we talked about how consistency is powerful when it came to our behaviour and choices we make as we navigate an unprecedented time of disappointments and seemingly lack of control in most areas of our life.
Another aspect to consistency is how we deal with stress and what feels like blow after blow of COVID related frustrations and disappointments. When we went through an incredibly stressful time in our lives about 4 years ago, my Dad made a comment that I’ve never forgotten. He simply said “beware the of the layers”. After that comment we talked about how stress and external pressures sometimes are a bit onion like layers upon layers.
What I am hearing more and more in this COVID season, is mental health across our nation is in sharp decline and in all honesty I am not surprised. When we start to talk to anyone around us, it seems the layers of worry, stress and anxiety comes out in both words and facial expressions.
I was listening to a pod cast yesterday where the speaker said, the 18 months to 2 years of COVID gives us what scientists call pandemic brain. The amount of decisions and stress our brains have dealt with over this time period is equivalent to 10 years – no wonder we feel tired. (Podcast: Miracle in the Mismatch)
So, how do we stay consistent in the middle of this unprecedented time?
Talk
- Talk about what measures you can take as an individual and family to bring the stress and anxiety down. This may also be a conversation to have in the workplace also. Think about the stressors in your life, write them down – acknowledge them – then talk about how it could be changed from a stressor to neutral or even better from a stress to a source of strength and motivation. Talking is not easy – but it will get you thinking out loud, you’ll be processing it with some one else and brainstorming together.
- Talk to someone who can help you make sense of your stress – whether it is a friend, family member or professional – just start talking – get support and the help you need. Their is no shame in dealing with stress, pressures and anxieties.
- Talk about bringing back the fun. COVID has dampened many plans and exciting things we thought we might be able to do but can’t. At the moment I am lamenting travelling but as a family we brought back the fun and started listing places we could go based on our names. Sounds kind of not fun and a bit silly, but we enjoyed looking up places, dreaming about what some places would be like etc… It is a list we could never afford to fulfill but it gave us some fun and allowed us to dream.
Do
Now that you’ve talked about the serious stuff and everything in between – it is time to take action. Make a list of actions – plan your actions – motivate yourself to fulfil your actions. To give you an idea – as a family we talked about how we are talking to each other could be improved. Our action was to learn about left and right brain and how we flick sides in the use of our brain when we are angry for example. We learnt ways to flick back to calm ( at least calm-ish) and have been practicing that. It has reduced a layer of stress in our home. It was just one way we could remove a stress from the stress column in our minds and move it to neutral.
Keep Going
You’ve got this. None of us were prepared back in 2019 for what 2020 to now would bring – to ourselves, our families, our city, our nation and world. All of us have been touched some how, impacted some how by COVID.
Once you have talked and started to do – keep going. Keep finding ways to bring back the fun, to turn stressors into neutral. Give yourself some grace, allow your self to be sad, be tired, be hurting – but remember to pick yourself up and keep going. One step in front of the other is all it takes. Just take one step at a time. You’ve got this.
What are some ways you are trying to keep yourself even keeled? How are you working towards being consistent?
Homes of Victory 