Tag: empathy

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Victory

here we go again

I’m sitting here at 9:30am in my PJ’s – one of my kids is painting – the other two are playing Ring Fit – with the argument of it is technically exercise so it doesn’t count as screen time. My husband is sitting next to me working… I should be working – and in all honesty I have been working hard through this latest round of lockdowns… but not in my usual rhythm. For one thing, I am never in my PJ’s at this time of day, I am never normally this unmotivated nor willing to allow myself some grace and work according to my motivation levels. After four days of lockdown with three to go … I know I am blessed – we’ve been relatively lucky in terms of how many lockdowns we’ve experienced and generally they are not too long…. I am realizing my motivation to be productive is sliding lower by the day.

Usually I take the challenge of changing life rhythms and run with it, but this time, my motivation has been hit big time. The routine of life changes the instant lockdown announcements are made, the kids think its school holidays again – rather than thinking about school work from home, my mind goes into ‘how will we do this mode’ and the puppy well she is just super excited to have us all around all the time. The change and the thought of here we go again seems bigger this time – have you ever felt that? You’re not alone. The thing is, we need to give ourselves more grace – even when it’s hard to.

In our ever change landscape of life – be kind to yourself. Listen to the words you tell yourself – are they kind or critical? Check yourself – when you’re feeling it – when the down times come – what is the language you use? Flip it into a positive- allow yourself the time to do it.

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Leadership

Courage to put yourself first… in a good way

In the rhythms of my new workplace -of which I have now been at for 6 months – I can’t believe how time flies – the one thing I love about it, is the encouragement of self-care. We all run at a fast pace from week to week, and the first question asked at our last team meeting was – What are you going to do over the next 3 months to look after yourself? This question was asked before our planning took place, before all of the details of the next 3 months were spread out – like a clogged calendar of work… I wish to highlight at this point – this question was asked at the start of the meeting – not after all of the work was laid out and self-care was forced to slip in somewhere, maybe along the way if possible. No, it was first. It needs to be priority. We had some laughs as we went around the room, about how we all intended to self-care – answers ranged from booking annual leave to watching the Olympics – while trying to not get too tired to planning work flows better so it’s not overwhelming.

Recognizing the need for self-care in a way that you as an individual needs it– is becoming more common in the workplace – so too is empathy and all sorts of other emotional tools that we can use to relate better to each other, work better together, achieve greater goals, and ultimately become better individuals.

Bene Brown aptly states that:

It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol

Brene Brown

What status symbol are you chasing?  Have a good think about it, What is it that you are chasing? My question to you is why? After why, I’m going to ask again – why?

I’ve struggled over time with this question of:  What I am chasing and the reason behind it. I’ve struggled with the question of what am I sacrificing to chase, what am I gaining – it’s has to be more than the thrill of the chase. Keep asking yourself why – until you are satisfied with the answer. If all you are getting at the end of the day is exhaustion at the expense of rest and play – ask yourself, is it really worth it?

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Building community Victory

Together is the answer

Loneliness is something we often think of as – out there. We know that loneliness exists – but in truth it happens everywhere. We can’t see it and we don’t know it until we are told about it. Loneliness never looks the same for any one and never discriminates. The thing is loneliness has always existed but now in 2021 it has become a pandemic in its own right – a killer of sorts (as suicide rates are skyrocketing) a destroyer of confidence, like a broken wire in the capacity to connect. I am not trying to dwell on the negative but give a foundation to both a challenge and new perspective. A new perspective that perhaps we all need.

To put loneliness into context… Britain has a minister for loneliness, Japan has also just nominated one… loneliness is not just something that we feel alone in our homes. The world around us, is experiencing loneliness of pandemic proportions that national governments, are making it a parliamentary priority. I am not sure I can list too many other social issues (not crime related) that have this level of priority.
 
As much as I hate this, it is so clear, that loneliness is all around us – magnified by COVID and the ramifications of lockdowns, job losses, family separated by halted travel and the list continues. The perspective I want to encourage is that of looking outwards, not focusing on the negative that may be impacting us, but how we can be the answer to those around us. I frame the perspective with the words – TOGETHER is my answer to loneliness. Together meaning if we all – as individuals make a choice to change our perspective and to step just a little out of our comfort zone, the difference with can make is enormous.
 
If we ALL look out for the ones when we go through our day – the ones, who may be carrying loneliness, the ones who may be carrying isolation, grief, loss the list goes on. If we challenge ourselves to speak to someone, we’ve never met, if we show an interest in others – this challenge will be met – slowly, steadily, and positively. The more we notice the ones, the more those around us will take note and be encouraged to be part of the answer. If we all begin to notice those in our lives during the week, those that may need a word of encouragement, a listening ear, someone to acknowledge them – be mindful and take the time to just do it – take the time to chat, take the time to be kind, take the time to notice. Be the one, who makes a difference in some ones day.

You will be surprised and so encouraged by the outcome of your kindness and thoughtfulness. What will you plan to do today to perhaps -lend a listening ear, be the one to acknowledge some one, to give an encouraging word…

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Victory

The hard question

I’ve worked in various roles that have always involved at one time or another – asking a hard question. It could be asking staff if they feel their behavior is appropriate, it could be asking a customer if how they are speaking is beneficial to the situation, it could be asking management to reconsider their decision… but when I get asked a hard question it’s a whole other level of feeling uncomfortable.

You see what I find the hardest question to answer is – what are you afraid of…How did you react to reading that? Is it a hard question for you to answer?

I used to think it was easy… snakes was always my first response. I know I’ve grown up in Australia where snakes are just a thing, to be honest I’ve only ever come across about 5 in their natural habitat. None of which were aggressive – but that fear still exists in my psyche.

Now… I feel it is such a reflective question – where at times we can bury our greatest fears in our goals and ambitions, our actions and thoughts. When I drill down past my fear of snakes – I get to a point where I fear failure – I still see it as negative… brushing past that – I fear that I won’t raise my kids well… do you see where I’m going with this??

We need to ask ourselves the hard question – not wait for someone else to challenge us – but really take time and take an honest look at what we fear? Why – so we can conquer it and look forward without fear and without any anchor dragging behind us.

As a leader it’s so important to lead your team – whether in the workplace or as a family on this journey as fear holds us all back in some form. With that said as a leader it is so valuable to be vulnerable and answer that question for yourself. Not with a 10 second answer like my snake answer – but a well thought out reflective answer. It may just change the way you lead for the better.

Ask the hard question in your home and in your sphere of influence. You may not get to hear the answer – or you may – but remember that fear is like an anchor dropped in the ocean – dragging behind you, slowing you down every time you reach up towards that goal. Don’t be held back. Name the fear – learn from it – grow from it and use it to fuel your motivation rather than hold you back.

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Victory

work vs deed

When have we as a society stopped doing deeds for others and thought of generosity, acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, as work?


Is it just me or do you feel our culture in general is becoming more inward focused, selfish, and unkind? Is the rush of life, the desire to be somewhere, the overbooking of calendars etc… making us weary, without a capacity to think of others?


I’ve been mulling over these two words deed and work for some time, as the meaning of both words has ‘ accomplish’ in both definitions. I would argue although the definition of work has the terms ‘ exertion’ and ‘ effort’ in the definition, at times, when we carry out a deed towards someone else ( I am referring to this in a positive sense) it also does take ‘ exertion’ and ‘effort’.


work – noun: exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something. (labor/toil)

dictionary.com

deed- noun something that is done, performed or accomplished; an act… often deeds, an act or gesture, especially as illustrative of intentions, one’s character.

dictionary.com


What are your thoughts on this? I find as a leader, we can easily set the example by doing random acts of kindness that don’t often take much effort or exertion – but make a huge difference to the day of someone else. When was the last time you send a word of encouragement? When was the last time you thanked someone at work for organizing an event or meeting? When was the last time you noticed something your kids did well or did without being asked?

Don’t see kindness as work. See kindness for what it is – intentionally making some ones day that bit better. It may not take a lot of time, it may not take too much effort but what it does is brightens the world, encourages the ripple effect of smiles and kindness in a world that truly needs more kind in it.

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Victory

Can you see it?

We often joke in our marriage that my husband is the dreamer and I am the realist. To further describe it, he is the risk taker, I’m not, he is Mr Adventure, I am Mrs Risk Assessment first. After 16 years of marriage and many jokes about our personality types, I’ve come to realize, that he can see things that I can’t see and vice versa. Another way to put this is, he chooses to see things I don’t and I choose to see things he doesn’t. The next realization is – do I trust what he can see, even if I can’t? The answer is yes, but it’s always tentative, why – because I want to be able to see what he sees.

My better half will put risk into the equation because he knows / sees / believes the outcome will more than likely outweigh the risk. Can I add that he is spot on 99% of the time…

In life, what is it that you choose to see? What is it that you are encouraged to see? What is is that you may not be able to see straight up?

I’ve been really challenged by this thought lately. What is it that I don’t see – that perhaps if I did, could lead to a different outcome. As a mega organized, ahem reformed control freak, I like to plan and know how things are going to work. These last few months I’ve been testing myself in a way to see how I would cope if my comfort zone was to be pushed out – by me. The results – the kids did run out of milk one morning – not sure why running out of milk was a fear but anyway – thanks to an early morning servo run, the kids had breakfast, I applied for a dream job and was appointed in the role… I was even able to wake up with the kids on the holidays and not have the day planned. For me this is a huge achievement – for some it maybe normal – for me a huge shift

Hear me out – what you don’t see – is exactly that. When you begin to become aware that there are things unseen – things in life such as behaviors, attitudes and thought patterns that could be holding you back… why not try to see them. Why not explore a change in your comfort zone – push yourself a little. My example may not resonate with you, but think of a way to make yourself uncomfortable – I’m sure you will be fine – more fine than you give yourself credit for.

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Victory

What are you empty of?

I don’t know about you, but in the hustle and bustle of life, how full does your brain feel? Mine feels… overflowing. I’ve recently started a new job which is AMAZING, and our family has been adjusting fairly well to the changes with that. But one thing my husband said to me over the weekend caught my attention. You see, in taking up this new role, I went in with eyes wide open, and a mindset of not only doing the task well but making sure my family and marriage came first and remained first. All other things would flow from that. The thing he said to me was, “I didn’t tell you…… during the week, you looked like you had too many tabs open in your mind”.

Now I am a sucker for starting to read two or three books at a time, I’ve always had a busy mind. I will write shopping lists, to do lists – and exhaust those just watching me get organised. But… what I need to realise – and wish I had done so earlier was that my brain – actually needs space to be my brain and simply function. I overload it with things that really shouldn’t come anywhere near the priority list. Are you with me? I realised I worry about people and events I read about in the news, I scroll through snap shots of other peoples lives and start to grow stories in my mind of the what if’s and could be’s. All of this is unnecessary. All of this is just overwhelming – especially when we add it to our daily intake of stuff.

Not only am I trying to work out dinner for my family, and listen to the battles of their day, work out the bickering between the kids and so on, I am taking on the worries of the world – when really, I don’t need to and really, I shouldn’t. This may I add is different to empathy – empathy is great and amazing – at the right time and place. What I am talking about here is taking on the worries of the world and carrying them like a burden – a backpack of worry.

How many of us are guilty of this? Filling our minds with what isn’t ours to worry about? Filling the gaps of precious down time we have with everything else but just being still and enjoying the moment. I came across this quote which came at a very apt time, when all of these thoughts about what I take in each and every day. Augustine once said

We must empty ourselves of all that fills us so we may be filled with what we are empty of. 

Augustine

Now ask yourself, what is it that fills up your brain? Work, living, chores, anxiety, worry, feeling overwhelmed? What is it that you need to take away or empty yourselves from, so that you can be filled again?

To put Augustine’s quote to the test, and to personally challenge my scrolling addiction, I jumped off the social media bandwagon for 21 days. Can I just say, it was hard at first, but it got easier and better. I filled my usual scrolling time with reading and chatting to my kids and being more present that I already was. I feel I have started a new habit of scrolling less and connecting more.

What are you going to do?

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Victory

Village building

The age old saying, rings true when raising children – it takes a village. But what if you don’t have a village, what if you are lone rangers, completely independent and don’t have family to step in when you need or want them to.

You build your own village, one person at a time.

Homes of Victory

Raising children is hard work, we cannot beat around the bush. Yes it is rewarding, yes it can be fun and all of those things, but break it all down, it is hard work: Emotionally, physically and we can’t forget financially.

If there is one thing that will make raising children easier and fun-ner (is that even a word?), is doing life with other like-minded people. You may already have your village set and be totally content. On the other hand, you may be feeling alone, and don’t know how to meet like minded people, let alone strangers.

Rest assured, as the leader in your home, as a person of influence in your home, you have all the the tools you need to build a village. It will take time and effort, but your efforts will be greatly rewarded by a sense of belonging, a sense of not doing it on your own, a sense of being able to connect. Life is better together right!

Homes of Victory is designed to be a place of support and a place of community. We are here to assist and point you in the right direction for help. Please reach out and contact us and allow up to support you in building your own village.

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Victory

let me rephrase that…

If we ask the right questions, we can change the world with the right answers.”

Ogwo David Emenike

I feel like everytime I speak to my kids they give me a life lesson in return. At the moment, my four year old is giving me a run for my money. The latest phrase out of her mouth is, ” I’m four, I can do what I want”- all said with a hand on her hip. That might very well be true in her mind, but the reality is far removed from that. She pulls the phrase out in context which makes me proud and on the other hand completely frustrated.

The thing I am learning through this season is, if I direct her in a way that she doesn’t realise she is being directed in then she complies. She still feels like she is in charge and is doing ‘ what she wants’.

In leadership – at times, we need to sit back and look at challenges and issues within our teams and projects and pinpoint the RIGHT question to get to the RIGHT answer. It is great to brainstorm the issue and circle back around to parked ideas, and label something as innovative… but if the right question is not asked – the right answer will not be found.

It’s the same with my four year old – if I fight her on the issue of ‘doing what she wants’, I wouldn’t be achieving my goals of getting her to do what I want – like brushing her teeth. If I roll with the punches so to speak, I need to ask the right questions and get her to give me the ‘right’ answer which is in essence obedience. Are you following me?

The question may not be a matter of how, it may be a matter of who. The answer may not be a matter of when, it may be a matter of why. If we ask questions others are afraid to ask, if we seek the answers that others may be too meek to seek, things will start to change – for the better.

Going back to my example – my home is actually calmer because I chose to rephrase my questions to make sure I still get the ‘ right’ answer – but I only get that by asking the ‘ right’ question. She can believe what she wants in her mind – she may think she is doing what she wants – but she’s not. What the outcome is – is a calm home – a change for the greater good of my family. I know she will grow out of this, and I know we will move onto the next challenge.

If I am prepared to rephrase, I am prepared for the best outcome.

Homes of Victory

How can you rephrase your questions / directions / etc… in your home?

How could you apply this in your role as a leader in your home and sphere of influence?

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Victory

Silence

Silence is of different kinds and breathes different meanings.

Charlotte Brontë, author of Villette

What do you think about when you hear the word silence. For me it is two fold. My first thought is my kids must be doing something sneaky – or they are asleep (which is highly unlikely). My second thought is – I really want it sometimes. Just for a moment, but it seems elusive. What do you think of when you hear the word silence?

The things is, when I do get to a place where there is silence, my thoughts fill my mind and their seems to be an outpouring of thoughts, voices, ideas etc… It almost feels noisier in my mind than in the world that surrounds me. The thing about silence that I particularly love is, it gives me a chance to thread my thoughts, learnings and ideas into a meaningful pattern, that gives me more go, when the real life noise starts again. For me silence doesn’t happen during meditation or actual physical silence, it usually occurs for me, somewhere in the early hours of the morning, as I sit on my back deck listening to the birds as they call to one another as the sun rises. For me it’s thinking time, its figuring out time, its rising and shining time.

I love it how Charlotte Bronte frames the idea of silence. Silence is different things to different people – the thing is what do you do with your silence? Are you recharged by it? Are you too busy listening to the negative that you can’t escape even in the silence? Are you refusing to stop and let the silence, take you to a place of rejuvenation? A place of working things out – of taking time to process decision, challenges and the like.

It’s a challenge – don’t get me wrong I know it. I’ve had days where I’ve just taken a walk, stepped outside and given myself time out from the dramas of the kids or the day. At lunch time at work, I go for a walk to clear my head, I change my framework for a moment – to get silence and clarity. What do you do?

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Victory

#kidlogic: compromise

I need to admit that I have taught my children the word compromise in its full definition. It’s the only way, I can get what I want without them realising… Yes, this has also backfired, as it does with most kids who learn a new word.

Turning up late and in a flurry at kindy to do the usual pick up, I was stopped by Lalee’s beautiful teacher. I feel we have a great relationship and can talk about things that occur . On this particular day, months after my ‘compromise’ technique had been implemented and was working nicely. Miss K began to tell me that she asked the whole class to start packing up the toys ready for story time. Lalee, proceeded to tell her teacher that she thought they should compromise, so she could continue to play  for 5 minutes while the others packed up. ( yes , she was very specific about the whole 5 minute thing). Upon being told ‘ no… we all pack up together’. Lalee took things into her own hands. She told the teacher that the ‘ naughty boys’ in her class (who actually listen to her), to clean up her section while she proceeded to go to the other side of the room to continue playing. When she was asked to help, her response was, “ I compromised with the boys, they are packing up while I play.”… I apologise unreservedly for teaching my child the word compromise. It selfishly helps me at home, but works against the whole system outside of my home. Looks like, the next word I’ll teach her, definition and all is team work.

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Victory

Surrender

As we find ourselves, waking up this Good Friday, the day we remember the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made, dying on a Roman cross in order to conquer death for all of humanity. I find myself asking the question,

What if victory means surrender?

Often, we think of victory as winning, as being the best, as making the biggest sacrifice in order to make it to the top. When I think of Victory, in context of the cross, in terms of Jesus death and resurrection, the word that plays over and over in my heart is surrender. For Jesus to be Victorious He Surrendered.

Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.

Luke 22: 42 (NIV)

The humanness of surrender seems like such a difficult concept in the 21st Century.   The advocacy of “me” and “what I want” seems to drown out any other social concept in humanity.  Jesus was the ultimate servant leader, who put himself last, who laid down His life, the ultimate sacrifice, in doing so conquering death for all of humanity. When we gather this Easter, however that may look for you – together as a family, with friends or for those who are still only able to connect online, take some time to consider, that to be victorious – it takes surrender. Surrender to the one who is victorious over death, the one who sacrificed it all – that we might live. Jesus didn’t come to Earth, with a set of rules, nor did He come with any other intention of bringing freedom wrapped up in love, mercy, and grace.

Whatever your opinion is of church, Christians, and religion, set those thoughts aside and focus on Jesus and the victory He has over death, the surrender, the sacrifice He made for you. For all of humanity. Take a moment to pause and reflect.

  16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16 (NIV)

Want to know more about Jesus, more about Easter, more about the bible

Alpha: https://www.alpha.org.au/try or search for an online Easter service online.

Please contact us, if we can help you any further. Love to you all this Easter.

.

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Victory

Leadership Trait: Influence

To be a true influencer is to have an impact on the behaviours, attitudes, opinions and choices of others. A leader’s ability to have influence is based on trust. The more trust there is, the more influence you have. Be careful not to confuse influence with coercion or manipulation. Just because trust is involved doesn’t mean it can be taken advantage of.

As a leader, you must constantly aware of how you influence those around you. The way you speak – will influence the culture of your workplace, the way you work will set the level of expectation, the way you carry yourself during stressful situations will set the standard for others, the way you do what you do – will influence how your staff, your family, whoever you are leading – behaves . It sets the tone of expectation, it sets the standard to which you expect tasks completed. Choose how you influence. Choose how you impact those around you.

Here are four specific areas, the skills of an influencer targets:

  1. Organizational Intelligence: Understand how to get things done and embrace the reality of working within organizational politics. ( What I like to call sticky red tape)
  2. Team Promotion: Leaders with influence learn how to honestly promote themselves. Bearing in mind they also promote what is good for the entire organization
  3. Building trust: With your team, your peers and others in leadership positions.
  4. Collaboration: No leader works alone, connect with others in you network – be empowered by this, and empower others.

These skill areas can be translated into your home and friendships. We are leaders in our home ( organisation equivalent) working within the constraints of family / income/ time etc… as parents with influence, we can learn to promote ourselves to our children – not in a selfish egotistical way, but rather in a ‘ setting the example’ type way. Trust is self-explanatory and so too is collaboration – the older you children get – there will be more ways to collaborate and empower them to make decisions, be part of the decision making process, or simply learn how to work well with others – using all strengths for the greater good.

The last thing I was add about influencing as a leadership trait is: influence must never be confused with coercion or manipulation. Being influential / being an influencer  – needs to be accomplished in a positive manner – where you are setting a standard for expectations, using your influence to benefit those around you and most of all have a positive impact on behaviours, attitudes and choices.

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Victory

my own makerspace

In recent times, maker spaces have become extremely popular in public libraries. A space where members have free access to tools, equipment and the like, things they would not normally have access to. Some libraries, house sewing machines, 3D printers, wood lathes, jigsaws, drills, tools that can be borrowed such as screwdrivers etc… It has become popular to borrow the item or use it at the library rather than buy it for one particular task. From the growth of makerspaces, communities with similar interests have grown, no longer are public libraries about book clubs, they are about sewing groups and budding designers. Libraries are also introducing STEM packs for parents to borrow like robots and coding information, toy swags and other innovative ways to bring to library to the home and users.

Upon reflecting on this, even though I work in this field and love it, I feel I actually have no time to spend in these kinds of creative spaces. What I need is a makerspace in my mind… a way to make space for creativity, a way to reduce my open tabs to none and just have the capacity to be creative. I need to admit that my creativity of late has been reduced to moving my pot plants around on my deck – in a bid to make it ‘ look nicer’ and to try my hand at painting. Of which I feel I am failing miserably at, as I sit down to focus on a tutorial and within 10 minutes I’m up because I forgot to do something (more) important.

Usually, I am a swimmer and swimming laps, although boring for some, actually helps me clear my mind and focus. My best thinking occurs, following the black line up and down the pool. I’ve let my discipline slip and allowed my incredible capacity to make up excuses take over… oh the pool is shut, no… it’s open again… wow its winter and it’s gonna be cold in a heated pool…All of which holds little truth, but it’s enough to keep me warm in bed, when I should be swimming rather than complaining that I don’t have any maker space left in my brain… 

What I am getting at is, we all need a makerspace in our minds – to be able to deal better with the everyday. To deal better when our kids throw the tenth tantrum of the day or when our other half can’t find what they’re looking for, even when it’s right in front of them… ( sorry love but it’s true)… 

What provides you with your maker space? Meditation? Sport? Reading? Sewing? Drawing? Creating? 

Do you allow yourself time to have that headspace?

What impacts does it have on you when you don’t have time to yourself?

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Victory

#kidlogic: animals

Sparkie@4yrs old (S): Hey Mum I really want to ride a flamingo

Mum(M): Oh darling, I don’t think they would like that

S: Why?

M: They’re not that big and you are heavy

S: I’m four, it should be okay

M: Maybe think of another animal to ride, like a horse

S: Hey Mum, can I touch a sloth

M: Probably not, I don’t think they like being touched.

S: Can you go tell the zoo I want to touch a sloth, quietly when its asleep

M: Oh the zoo is a long way away and I can’t do that now

S: Ok Mum, tomorrow?