Tag: connection

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Victory

Your focus needs focus

I know I am not the only one, when I say, I wish my kids listened the first time, or even the second time… I’m not sure what it is, but this is the phase we are going through, where we – as in my children and I, have different expectations of when I ask them to do something. I’m pretty sure no matter how I ask them to do something – like pop your lunch box on the bench as we walk in the door from school, they hear it and interpret it as – at any point in the future I will do it, if I remember to or feel like it, or I could just ignore the instruction and pretend I’m so tired from school that I couldn’t possibly do anything as difficult as unzip my school bag. Sorry – that rant just happened…. Does anyone else have this kind of rant? or situation in their home?

On the weekend we watched the Karate Kid – the one from 2010. Our kids loved it and we realised this was their first taste of a kung fu / karate movies- oh the can of worms we’ve now opened… The takeaway quote from the whole movie for them was – “I’m focusing”… ” No your focus needs focus”. They laughed about it, repeated it over and over to us and each other.

It raises the question – do we need to refocus our focus? Do I as a parent need to refocus my opinions and thoughts of my kids not listening the first time. Do I need to reduce how much I care about it- and focus on what really matters? I’m not saying I will now remove all responsibility and allow them to do anything they like. They’re part of my family and team so we all have a role to play – but what I will do for my own benefit, is change my focus. I need to give them room to breathe, room to be obedient and take responsibly. The only person upset about the situation is me. Why – because of what I am focusing on.

In our homes, in our workplaces, in our sphere of influence what do we need to focus our focus on? Are we currently looking at what really matters and do it well?

I say, not yet to this question, but I want to. I’m not sure how I will personally get there, time will tell. It’s up to each of us to decide how that will work – but set that goal – have a laugh about how ‘ your focus needs focus’ and work out the best way to refocus on what really matters.

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Victory

Soft is strong

To the Mumma of boys who have soft hearts, I see the silent tears fall, as they tell you about their day. Afraid to ask to play, as the others seem so rough. I see your heart breaking as he navigates friends that have come and gone and friends that are still to come. The softness in his heart is not the lack of brave – but far from it. The pursuit of justice in his mind, is the making of a warrior. He will one day stand tall, undeterred by the arrows that fly by day, or the shadows that creep by night, until then precious one, take heart.

Your boy is stronger than he thinks, wiser than he knows, braver than he gives himself credit for. He can run as he chooses; he seeks truth and justice, he gives with all his might. Others may not see it, others may take advantage, but one thing is for sure- the warrior within is only just getting started. Nurture him, love him, encourage him, push him safely out of his comfort zone to prove he is capable, to show him, he can – when he thinks he can’t.

To the Mumma of boys why are soft hearted, take courage for one day, when he stands like a warrior, he will remember you, he will have the words you spoke into his life, safely tucked into his heart. He will know the value of the nurturing, the value of your patience and the value of your never-ending love.

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Victory

Leadership trait: Imperfection

It’s been a while since we’ve shared about leadership traits and what makes a leader a leader. We’ve shared about a wide range of leadership traits, like courage, integrity, resilience and adaptability… what we haven’t really shared about is the deeper leadership traits that are sometimes easier to ignore, make us feel uncomfortable and to an extent believe we don’t possess.

Often, we look to those in leadership positions with the expectation of perfection. We place often unrealistic assumptions on their behaviour that they will make the best decisions (that matches ours of course), that always takes into account the greater good, that never faulters, that always leads well under pressure, always, always, always…

I want to flip that narrative and ask the question, in your family, in your sphere of influence who do you lead perhaps without realising? Who looks to you to lead? How close to perfection do you get?

There are two positives I wish to pull out of this somewhat gloomy leadership trait of imperfection:

  1. Humility is key. Humility is one of those words that can be misrepresented and misinterpreted. This definition spells it out so clearly, humility is “Modesty, lacking pretence, not believing that you are superior to others.” We lead whether we like it or not and at times, we do get it wrong. You can lead, be in a position of leadership and / or authority but still have humility. It is knowing that you are not superior to others, that you like everyone else, makes mistakes, perhaps to the detriment of your team or not… either way, when we lead with imperfection – we also need to lead with humility. To be able to admit when we are wrong, to be able to say I wasn’t my best that day, to be able to reflect on what can we learn.
  2. Growth is the goal. When we can admit, even in our own minds, that we are imperfect, we can use it as an opportunity to grow. I am not saying strive for perfection, that just isn’t possible. What is possible, is growing in knowledge, growing in capacity, growing in understanding, growing in your leadership abilities, once we grasp that it is 100% okay to lead with imperfection. The freedom that comes with this understanding will transform you and impact the influence you have.

We can take these positives with us into our home and friendships. We can share our learnings, we can keep each other accountable, and we can be human together.

The last thing I want to add about imperfection as a leadership trait is, that there is no use, using the excuse as imperfect to beat ourselves up about the mistakes we make. It is all about acknowledging that imperfection is simply once facet to leadership that exists.

What we choose to do with our imperfection, how we grow and how we process our learnings has the capacity to contribute to an atmosphere of positivity and encourage those around us to have growth mindsets.

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Victory

Navigating hang ups and bang ups

In the last post, hang ups and bang ups we looked at how hang ups and bang ups happen, and how we respond is our choice. As hard as that may be at times, to choose the right response, the integrity filled response, the unexpectedly kind response. After one particular hang up and bang up, I was sent this quote.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

Charles R Swindoll

What I’m interested to hear is what is your first response to this quote?

My first response when reading this quote with a stream of thoughts starting with yes, I can see how that is true, then I moved onto, wait I have no control over what happens to me and how could I possibly try to respond positively all the time to ‘ what happens’… the reality is, there is no real answer. But what we do have in this quote, which is very thought provoking, is once again a choice, we need to step back and make every time we need to respond to something that happens -whether it’s negative or positive. What happens to us, as per the quote, isn’t what we are in control of, what we are in control of is our response. A little daunting isn’t it. Yet, with a little perspective though, it’s easier to see what we do have control of and how our response matters the most.

I am for want of a better word and avid people watcher. I love to observe, I love to chat, and I love to listen to people’s stories. What amazes me, is how different people respond to trauma, how different people celebrate milestones and how people admit to strangers their deepest darkest secrets. Part of my amazement is the learnings and growth in my own life that come from listening and gleaning during these conversations.

What I want to encourage you with, is how you navigate the hang ups and bang ups in life, can inspire others to see their own hang ups and bang ups differently. Sharing your story in the right context with the right person at the right time can make such a huge difference and truly inspire others to live in victory and rethink how they respond to what happens in life.

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Victory

Bang ups and Hang ups

Recently, we visited our niece and all she wanted to do was read books. Reading is my favourite thing to do, encouraging kids to read is a close second, and reading to kids is one of my love languages. The joy that comes from exploring the pages, the pictures, and the words – fills my tank.

At one and a half my niece picked Oh the places you’ll go by Dr Seuss. She wasn’t really interested in the words but the beautifully wild, colourful images. We flicked to the page where it starts…

I’m sorry to say so, but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

Dr Seuss, Oh the Places You’ll go

She just loved the images, she pointed and squealed, and tried to keep turning the pages…I realized in that split second, that’s exactly how I was feeling – that some hang-ups and bang-ups have happened in the last little while. I realized I felt battered in a mental sense, tired from thinking way too much and giving too much credit to the hang-ups and bang-ups that I thought I left in 2023.

Reading on it’s incredible, the joyful spin that Dr. Seuss puts on the bang-ups and hang-ups, he really puts it in perspective. In reality yes, they are not nice, they will happen, but also, in reality, we can move on from the hang-ups and from the bang-ups and into the wonder that is the adventure of life.

So, taking the squealing advice from my niece – keep flicking the pages, to see what happens at the end… zoom out and give your hang-ups and bang-ups some perspective.

When we gain that perspective, we then have a choice to make on how we navigate the hang-ups and bang-ups – because often, these occur thanks to those in our world and it often makes it all the more hurtful – our family, friends, work colleagues, and at times strangers. The choice we have is to process our hurt absolutely, but we have a choice to make in terms of our own behaviour and response.

How will we react, respond, and move on? Often what is harder than experiencing the hang-ups or bang-ups, is choosing to do the right thing, choosing to take the moral high ground, continue to ensure we behave with integrity, and stick to the values we have foundationally in our lives. What we do after the hang-ups and the bang-ups is the most important part of the equation.

The question that now hangs in the air is, what are you going to do next time you have a hang-up or bang-up happen to you? How are you going to approach the situation, knowing at the end of the day you are responsible for your own behaviour and response?

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Building community

Asking questions without fearing the answer 

” How are you?” Is such an Aussie thing to ask, as you say hi to someone – whether it’s someone we know or a complete stranger. Often, it’s said without any intention of listening to the answer and responded to with little more than ‘good’.  Take a moment to think about all the times, you say ‘How are you?’ without thinking about listening to the answer or assuming the answer will be ‘good’. How often you respond with ‘good’ – even when things are not good and the response ‘good’ hides the reality you don’t want to share. How often have you heard someone respond to you with the word ‘good’, and wonder are they really? All too often we hide behind our fear of having real conversations simply because we may feel it’s a weakness to admit we are not good, we may feel alone in our struggle, we may feel no one cares the list could go on.  Granted, strangers in our lives may not care, but we can certainly care for those around us whether they are strangers or not.

I’ve become so much more aware of my words and their sincerity, after having a conversation with a man, who was ex-army and found himself in a precariously low point in his life. On the outside he had everything, on the inside he said he had nothing. He went on to tell me that one night, he found himself alone and not really knowing what to do wondered into a church. He went on to say, someone walked up to me and said hi. They asked me how I was, they asked me how I really was… I didn’t know what to say he went on, as the person was silent, waiting for me to respond. So… I told him the truth. He said, this person took the time to listen, took the time to get my number and texted me the next day and the week after that, just to see how I was. The one thing that he went on to say that struck me was… he listened to my answer when he asked me how I was – no one does that anymore. He went on to say these words:

We need to start asking questions without fearing the answer.

This changed my whole perspective on the conversations I have – in the workplace, at home, with strangers. My awareness of others has significantly increased as I keep thinking about asking questions without fearing the answer. A few things I’ve found, as I’ve played those words over and again in my mind is:

  • Asking questions without fearing and genuinely listening builds connection
  • Genuinely listening and asking curious questions builds trust
  • Asking curious questions leads to problem solving, encouragement and broader perspectives.

With this in mind, think about what you are really asking next time you say, “Hey how are you?” Are you wanting to know? Do you really care? The challenge is becoming more aware of the response you receive as you take the time to ask questions without fearing the answer. By listening without fear you could change someone’s life.

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Victory

Not so small any more

I have so many notebooks tucked away at my place, with thoughts, ideas and little stories that it truly a time of reflection when I read these little snippets in time, written not knowing what the future held. This year has been a year of my mumma heart letting go just a little more as another baby hit high school. Not sure what it is, but this time around seemed harder than the last. When I read what I wrote seven years ago, when my son was 5 years old and only just starting school, it made me realise how fast the years fly by. With that said, it also reminded me just how much we need to treasure the now, the things that seem so routine and normal, because in time to come they will no longer be. Here is what I wrote, I hope you as a parent of a child at any age can relate.

“ Push me Mumma!” My not so small anymore but not yet big 5 year old asked. As I pulled back the swing and pushed as hard as I could – to squeals of laughter. I wondered in the depth of my heart if this could be the last time he asked me to push him on the swing. The setting was perfect and I hid it in my heart just in case. We were at a park tucked in the trees with a view of the beach between the leaves and scattered tree trunks. The wind was howling and the clouds had gathered but in that moment it all felt perfect. 

As I stood there encouraging him to swing higher while adding in my own pushes every now and then, I realised I didn’t know how long it had been since my older child had asked me to push her on the swings or to even wash her hair for that matter… I realised I was raising these little people who were creeping towards a point in time when they wouldn’t need me 

It is true raising kids is a moment by moment, day by day, week by week journey – until a year has passed and the hard, tired moments seem lost in a sea of wonderful happy memories. While the gut- wrenching moments of feeling out of your depth are replaced with the thought of “ I must have done something right” when you see how your child problem solves or shares without being asked or shows incredible kindness only found in their own hearts.

For now, that time pushing my son on the swings is tucked away in my heart. It’s been added to all of the other amazing memories and life lessons my children have taught me. In the meantime just to cement that memory I jumped on the swing next to him, I swung just as high as him and closed my eyes. Remembering in that moment how good it is to be a kid. The reward was when I opened my eyes to see my boy smiling and laughing at me, telling me he was better than me at swinging. Why? Because he was the kid… then he asked for another push. 

What do you feel is routine and normal now, that may no longer be the case in a year or more? I often wonder if I will miss making school lunches, but all the same, I need to find a way to treasure these moments. For now, I will be happy just to treasure the text messages and chats with my big kids and hang on to the hugs just a little longer. My youngest still hugs me the longest and I will forever try to soak each one up knowing she is growing older and one day mum hugs won’t be as cool as she once thought. What is one little thing you can treasure just a little bit more today?

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Victory

lean into the discomfort

I posted this blog post in April 2021… I wanted to share it again as we all have a story to share, a story to encourage and a story to touch lives around you… enjoy.

Last night I was privileged to go to the graduation of a leadership development program of which my husband was part of. What amazed me – was the journey that every participant of which their was 20 went on, to get to the end of the program. The program was jam packed with leadership tools which formed a final toolkit, it involved more soul searching and personal development that you could poke a stick at the the most wonderful part of it was – the stories of victory, the stories of ‘we made it’ that shone through.

Often at a graduation ceremony we don’t get to hear – just how much blood, sweat and tears went into the achievement. We only tend to see the smile, the handshake, the certificate and camera flash. This ceremony was different. Each and every graduate had an opportunity to share a few words about their experience – in an in-conversation style presentation. My eyes brimmed with tears, as one by one the stories of transformation were explained. The stories of growing confidence, the stories of how now, they are closer to their families because of what they learnt, the stories of how they felt like they took up too much space in this world – but now realize that they as a person are amazing.

Do you have a story to tell? Have you experienced a growth journey of some kind? It may not be as intense as what these graduates experienced. It may not have been a facilitated type of personal or professional growth – but at some point, you must have lent into the discomfort and come out bigger, better and stronger for it. To the leaning in – I say thank you – thank you for wanting to be a better person, thank you for putting in the effort to change yourself and therefore your world.

Homes of Victory started out because we as a family experienced the most trying times of our lives. We made a choice to stick it out, to lean into the discomfort – even if it meant gritting our teeth and saying I love you – even when those thoughts were in our hearts but it was dreadfully hard to say Our heart for people of every stage of life and especially those with young families is to be supported and encouraged to lean into the discomfort – to grow – to influence – to live life victorious.

We know life throws us into all sorts of wild situations – ones we never imaged, ones we wouldn’t wish on any one – but you know what – you are brave, you are made for this moment. Even when it seems overwhelming and overbearing – lean into it, learn from it, grow from it. When the season changes – you’ll be able to look back and reflect. Make sure you do – reflect and reflect until you feel you have celebrated the wins, the best you can, when you have unpacked the disappointments the best you can, when you can pick up the growth in yourself and those who have experienced with you. Use each season to become a better person, to be all that you can be. Don’t be scared of expectations – what you expect of yourself or what others expect. Change your perspective and simply lean in.

After the learning, after the wild has calmed down remember to share your story. Share it with intention to encourage, share it with the intention to show others that it can be done. Your story is a powerful tool that will change the lives of those around you.

It’s a story about victory that will touch the lives of everyone… It’s powerful.  

Derek Luke

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Victory

Who are your people?

Over the years I have written about us needing connection and community with others. At times we’ve probably all felt we would like it, not sure how to get it and question if we actually really do need it.

I’ve been prompted to write this after a few conversations lately that have just shown me, the spectrum of response people have to the question of if we need connection with others.

My short answer is yes. I firmly believe we are hardwired as people to live in community and connection with others. What I also believe is, we as people often ignore this and hope for the best in how we live, with others around us, but not really knowing anyone or having anyone know us. Why? Because it actually takes effort.

I’ve been reading a book called “Find your People: Building Deep Connections in a lonely world” by Jeannie Allen. She talks about in order to find our people, and they could be those few people in our inner circle, those we bump into incidentally ( our village) and then acquaintances, we need to be humble, available and vulnerable.

Can I simply ask, how hard is it to be vulnerable? How hard is it to be available? How hard can it be to be humble? When I first read this my mind ticked over, well I am available after school one day a week and I could maybe find time between sport on a Saturday and oh boy, why would some one want me to be vulnerable with them – life gets messy… In summary, building connections with others and community takes effort. Effort we may not have the energy for….

After spending some time processing these thoughts, I realized we all have messy lives and we all need to get over that and love people in their mess and importantly allow people to love us in our mess. I need to confess my hypocritical behavior here.. When I go to some one’s home I never judge the cleanliness of it. I get the mess of life, the busy, the muddy dog prints, the washing the everything. I often ask if I can help out if them seem a bit overwhelmed. But, when people come to my place I try my hardest to have it all clean. I judge myself before I judge others… Any one with me?

Last weekend, when I literally ran out of time to mop the floors before we had visitors (coming to our house for the first time), because it had rained and my dog ran her muddy paws through the house, I apologized to our friends at the front door. Their immediate response was – don’t worry, we get it. End of story, not mentioned again, we had a great meal together. It was the first time, I felt that I could just let that go.

In hindsight, it was a way of being humble and vulnerable. I had done it. Yes, it felt hard, yes it felt awkward and not normal – but none the less it happened. What I loved the most was, sharing the meal was about the people, not how clean or unclean my house was.

My challenge for you is, who are you being humble, available and vulnerable with in your sphere of influence? I’m not saying open your life up to everyone, but who can you think of, that would benefit from you loving them in the mess of life and you allowing yourself to be loved in the mess of life.

Building community takes effort we may not have the energy for.. but building community brings energy as we are all in it together.

Homes of Victory
Categories
Blue Print

blueprint foundations

The outcome of this set of activities is to piece together the top five things you value under six categories that combine to make up family life. The six categories are broad enough to make this activity work for your situation. The commitment for this activity to be of most use is a regular, respectful, truthful and open minded conversation. Set a regular time to stop, relax and chat. Approaching this positively will enable the best outcome of creating a blueprint foundation, but also bring clarity and closeness to your relationship. Be prepared to talk about everything and be open about your feelings. The more transparent you are now, the more relevant and beneficial the final blueprint will be for your family.

How the activity works:
1. Take a notebook and label a page with each relevant category.

2. Write down seperately 5 or more things that are of most value to you under that topic.

3. Reveal your answers to eachother.

4. If some of your responses are the same that’s awesome! They will form the final list of 5 values.

5. Spend some time talking about the other answers that don’t match. Share why and how much you value each point.

6. The aim of the conversation is to have a final list of 5 points that you both agree on to be your priority for now.

To note: Other items on the list that don’t make it to the top 5 or cannot be agreed upon, need to first and foremost respected and then kept in mind. These values will become a piece of the blue print later on. The top five priorities listed here for each theme will feed into an operational plan that looks at the short term ( 1 – 3 years). It is important at this stage to limit the list as only so much can be achieved successfully in a short space of time.

One last thing to note is, some topics may be easier that others to discuss. If the need arises dont’ be afraid to stop the conversation and start again another time, this will make the conversation more worth while and fruitful. You may be surprised by what you find easy or hard to discuss – either way it will be worth it. Stay focused on the outcome and the reasons why you started this activity.

So lets go…

Category One is:

Family Values – What are the core things you value? What do you want your family to be like behaviour wise?  

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Blue Print

Creating a family blueprint

Homes of Victory is a platform for families using leadership and management tools to create a family blueprint going forward. It is designed to support and enable you to create the home life you want, while living with a victorious mindset in the middle of the wildest season of life; kids.

Each week we will post an activity for you and your loved one / ones to complete. The activities are aimed at the adults in your home, but children of all ages can contribute. All of the activities will combine to create a family blueprint – perfect for your family. If you miss a week, simply select the ‘blueprint tag’ for all of the family blueprint activities.

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Victory

One step of courage

All things are difficult before they are easy.

Thomas Fuller

I need to admit, that the mid year slump is a real thing for me this year. Although I still feel great, I have energy, I have motivation, I have even reviewed my goals and set new ones…. What I think I’m losing as the year is flying by is patience. We have a lovely, wonderful 5 year old, who is giving us a run for our money. I feel like every form of leading, guiding and parenting I’ve learnt in the years gone by is not even closely relevant to how I need to parent at the moment.

One thing I am learning from this and want to encourage you in, is no matter what we do, we need to start somewhere and simply give it a go. It may feel like a looming mountain in the distance, it may look like a deep lake of the unknown, but what remains is, things change when we simply start. As we step through the unknown, it becomes known, as we walk the road of difficult perspective is gained, and aspects become easier than they previously were.

I feel I am relearning to parent again, I feel like I am referring to parenting blogs for ideas, reading up on what I could do, implementing changes into my home, doing something to make the ‘difficult’ easier. What I am finding as I do this, is that I am gaining perspective, I am gaining an broader and deeper understanding of what I am experiencing. We as a family are growing and working it out together as we go. It’s never going to be perfect

Please know that you are not alone as you find things difficult. Please know that you as you find yourself in the middle of easy, that what was difficult is no longer. Be encouraged, it won’t stay difficult for long, it will take time, but you will be able to look back and see the journey to easy that you started by simply taking a step of courage.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.

Desmond Tutu
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Victory

Greener grass

A few of our friends, love their grass – love making it greener, love mowing it, love the way it looks and spend time comparing their grass photo, their tips and tricks etc… We on the other hand, have grass in our yard, it gets mowed when it needs it and that’s the extent of how much we love our grass. Reading the group chats about grass, makes me smile but I also ponder how some one could love grass so much – it’s just not my jam.

How many of us have wondered about greener grass when it comes to life, where we work, our family, even our selves? I have never really gelled with the phrase, “the grass is always greener on the other side” because I love to question and generally respond to the phrase “Is it really?” I like to see the proof.

Last summer, as we spent time as a family reflecting on the year that finished and the year ahead – we started a family book club – sorry its nerdy but we love it. We started to read Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart. It has turned into a competition to see who can read it the quickest as their is so much gold in this book. It is actually hard not the highlight every word in the book as we are learning so much from it and want to remember all that we have learnt. In one chapter Brown talks about comparison. In this chapter she uses the grass is greener analogy and unpacks it. I never knew this about grass but here it is paraphrased for you (This comes from page 21 of Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown, 2021)

Due to the physics of how grass grows, when we peer over the fence at our neighbors grass it actually does look greener – even if it is truly the same lushness as our own grass. The grass actually looks greener on the other side but that means nothing comparatively its all about perspective.

My encouragement to you, when it comes to asking ourselves if things could be better – yes of course they could be… but are we saying that in light of comparison or perspective? Some times it is hard to tease these two topics apart, but we need to simplify our thinking and ask ourselves the hard questions. Would I be thinking this, if that person didn’t say that to me, if I didn’t see that in their home, if I didn’t see it on the socials. Before we act out of comparison, to change the way we do things/ to change what we have or don’t have because of… stop and check your perspective. Take stock of your own green grass so to speak. Yes we can always improve, we can always be learning and growing, but aim to do it with perspective rather than that of comparison.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

When you talk, you are only repeating something you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

Dalai Lama