Category: Victory

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Influence and Persuasion part 2

In the last post on influence and persuasion we shared about influence and how we get to choose whether it is positive or negative. Today, we are continuing the conversation about how our words have influence also.

Peggy O’Mara states that:

The way we talk to our children, becomes their inner voice

Peggy O’Mara

What words are soaking into your kids hearts as you raise them? What words will then rise up within them when they face the trials in life? What influence will spill out of them as their sphere of influence grows? I know I want my kids, to hear the words in their heart saying to them, “I am loved”, “ I am good enough”, “ I can do this”, “ I am stronger than I think I am”,“ I am safe”, “ I am cared for”, “ I can tell Mum…”, “ I can tell Dad…” the list goes on. I may not always be there but I know my words will be carried in their heart. They will hear what I have said to them, ring true when the need arises.

For years, I saw the strength of my influence over my children, as a great responsibility and it is, but it was burdensome. Deep down I am a perfectionist and I wanted more than anything to be the best type of influence I could be. The burden became so great, that I probably, no definitely let my influence slip into the negative because I was so hard on myself. After reading this quote, and doing some soul searching of the most emotional kind, I came to realise it is not a burden but rather a privilege and like all things parenting I am never going to be perfect and get it right 100% of the time. 

In the end, we may not know how much influence we have, but what we will know is that we made the effort to influence for good.

I’ll leave you with this thought:

Leadership is influence

John C. Maxwell

Take time to reflect on the influence you have?

Do you see it as a responsibility or burden?

Think of times you’ve seen your kids behave in a way where you know it was your influence shining through? How does it make you feel?

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I wonder…

Here at Homes of Victory we love to share thoughts and real life with you. This was written by a career woman, who has three young children. She always questioned how to balance life and work, children and career. This is shared with permission and we hope it encourages you and inspires you.

Hey my babies one, two and three.

I wonder if you’ll ever know how much I love you. When the day dawns and the crazy begins I hope you see it’s love that motivates me. When we’re all tired but we need to keep going I know you feel the warmth in my hands when I hug you, the empathy in my voice when I encourage you and the pride that radiates from my heart.

I feel the guilt of work and yet another kind of guilt if I don’t. As I pick you all up after a long day I breathe you all in – one, two, three I miss you dreadfully yet worry I won’t find the strength to make it to bed time. I know at times I’m cranky more than I should be. I know at times I’m in auto pilot. I never wish time away but some days I only want my bed. I wonder if you’ll ever see that I draw my strength from Christ and no one else. I wonder if you see the love I have for you that drives me every moment to keep on going. I’d never quit, never thought to but some days I’ve had to dig deeper than I knew possible just to get you through the day and off to sleep peacefully.

When I hear you wake during the night it is love that draws me to your side. I sleepily step towards your room saying mumma coming it’s okay. My eyes are full of sleep but my heart is always about you my one, two, three.

If it’s a bottle, nappy or cuddle I’m right there. I wonder if you’ll remember my hugs with two hands holding you tight knowing tomorrow you’ll be that little bit bigger and that little bit older.

My babies one, two, three I wonder if you ever notice my long tight hugs. They’re more than just annoying they’re me holding you close to me. One day hugs just won’t be the same so I cherish each one. So much about you is hidden in my heart. Saved and savored. Every day you remind me to laugh and find joy in the little things.

Then, when I tuck you in tight and kiss you goodnight, you whisper with your eyes closed ,”I love you Mumma”. Then, and only then, do I realise, I have wondered in vain and I realise I have been too hard on myself. Forever I will love you one, two, three. Forever you will be my motivation, my joy, my completeness. It won’t matter how big you grow or how fast the years go by – I will always know my heart belongs to you on, two and three. I know your heart too, will always have a special place for me.

Love your Mumma Bear

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carve out time

It has been interesting how in the returning to some what normal, the busy has crept back into our lives – almost without us realising. One thing we have noticed in our home especially is that lack of time we as parents put aside for each other. Time to chat, time to hang out, time to relax. Time to invest into our relationship.

This was highlighted to us, in a conversation had with a health professional. We were talking about camping and she mentioned how she loved to go with her teenage kids. She kept mentioning ” we” so innocently, we asked who “we” is. The look of dispair came across her face, and she said, my husband and I are only just ‘ we’ at the moment. I work 12 hour days and we never get to see each other. We are trying to find time together but it is near impossible. She continued that they are committed to trying to make their marriage work, and not let growing apart be the reason they are no longer together.

How many of us, inch into that zone without realising, work, life, everything else seems to be ‘ important’ but we miss the real ‘importance’ of continually building relationships with those we live with, with those we love to do life with, those we have committed till death do us part.

Today’s encouragement is this: carve out some time to invest into those you do life with. It may be a 10 minute coffee, it may be a family game, it may be booking a date night – be proactive today and do something to show your committment to family, committment to marriage, committment to what is really important.

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Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.

Christine Caine co-founder of A21

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Who is the loudest?

This week has been one of opportunity and disappointment. Highs and lows all rolled into one. Both the opportunity and disappointment have been caused by the opinion and decision of others. We also received valuable unwarranted encouragement while also struggling to comprehend the knock back of a well-rounded argument for an amazing collaboration opportunity. It is something we have no control over. In the middle of a download about why the we felt disappointed, we started talking about the positives of the situation, how we were building resilience and that the encouragement came at the perfect time.

To put the brakes on the disappointment, we had an interesting conversation about making a choice about who and what we were going to listen to and to allow the disappointing moment wash over us as we continued on with our work. We decided in the moment to listen and remember the words of the encouragers rather than the naysayers. We would use the disappointment to form our determination for future opportunities. The choice we made lead for a brighter end of the week and lessons learnt.

The question I have for you in your situation is.. In your moment of opportunity or disappointment, do you choose which voice you listen to, or do you listen to them all? Chances are if you do,

The negative voices in your life will speak the loudest and linger the longest in your thoughts. Don’t listen to them.

Do you listen to the encourager, the naysayer, the ‘you can do it’ voice or the ‘don’t even try’ voice?  Only you get to choose which words stick and which ones you need to let slide off. Likewise, in your life whether at home or work, are you the encourager or the naysayer? Do you see opportunity or feel threatened by great ideas? Are you someone who enables another to thrive, or do you like to do all the thriving?

In life everything comes down to the choices we make and when. Make choices today the contribute to building others up, that encourage others while seeking to find the best solutions. Wouldn’t it be a better world if we all encouraged one another, gave constructive feedback, and had the capacity to see what others see in terms of their dreams and visions. 

Side note – May Homes of Victory be a positive voice in your life, may you see the passion and encouragement behind each post. Live each day making choices that lead towards victory in this season.

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In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.

Theodore Roosevelt
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Propel the positive

Don’t walk in my head with your dirty feet.

Leo Buscaglia, Living, Loving & Learning

I read this quote and it made me stop and me smile because of its truth. How often do we let the negative of what others say, walk right in and make themselves at home. Lounging on the couch in our minds, multiplying into more negative thoughts.

Instead, why don’t we start making a conscious effort to let our positive out into the world. Any negative comment can be flipped into a positive one. Be conscious of it, when you are speaking and connecting with others. You will never know the positive difference you can make in someone’s day.

Don’t fuel the negative – propel the positive.  

Homes of Victory
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Do what you feel in your heart to be right–for you’ll be criticized anyway.

Eleanor Roosevelt
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It always seems impossible until it is done

Nelson Mandela
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Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.

Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?
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Always…

We are basketball fans in our house, actually when I say we – I mean my husband is, and I grew up collecting basketball cards with my brother and loving the Charlotte Hornets purely because their jersey colours matched my netball uniform… Any way, the Lakers are a favourite team in our home and as the playoffs are in full swing in America, we thought it apt to quote perhaps one of the greatest players of his generation LeBron James.

always strive for greatness

LeBron James

At Homes of Victory, we couldn’t agree with this more. It’s not always about winning, or achieving, it’s about always striving – trying – making an effort. Whether your love of basketball like my husband or like myself – remember in life it is not always about winning but the process behind it – the effort – the thought behind every decision to grow and achieve.

What greatness are you striving for in your home? In your family?

What greatness are you striving for in life?

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Building Resilience

Resilience, in its finest form, is like wearing armour with our feet firmly planted, ready to do battle with the season we’re in.

When looking at the 5 pillars of resilience or what we as individuals can do to build resilience, these characteristics are very internal facing. They are: self-awareness, mindfulness, self-care, positive relationships & purpose. By equipping ourselves with these types of weapons and armour we will be better equipped to be resilient and remain resilient. I am guilty here of lacking in self-care… I tend to always focus on doing, rather than taking time out to just relax. You could say I’m good at burning myself out. I get bored when it’s quiet – can anyone relate to that? With time I am slowly learning to stop and take care of myself. 

What area do you need to work on to increase your resilience?

Another way to look at resilience or the qualities that work together to form resilience is known in psychology as the 7 C’s:

  • Confidence
  • Competence
  • Connection
  • Contribution
  • Character
  • Coping and
  • Control

Without some measure of these in our repertoire, we are not going to thrive in terms of resilience as well as we could. These skills can be learnt over time, and do take practice. With that said, we have added some practical ideas for ways to build resilience in yourself, your family and your home life.

Building Social Resilience:

  • Learn to communicate effectively
  • Learn to resolve conflict
  • Be present
  • Listen to one another
  • Care for one another
  • Look beyond yourself
  • Put yourself in others shoes
  • Learn to appreciate those around you and;
  • Use humor where appropriate

Building Physical Resilience:

  • Exercise
  • Participate in a sport or activity that stretches your fitness
  • Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing

Building Mental Resilience:

  • Do not isolate yourself – stay connected to friends and family – those around you – even if you are physically isolated, do not disconnect from friends and family.
  • Ask for help when you need it
  • Be consciously flexible towards situations
  • Ask: What is your purpose and how can you fulfil this starting with everyday tasks
  • Learn new things – find things you are interested in and go through the learning process. 

Building Emotional Resilience:

  • Practice self-care – be kind to yourself
  • Learn to manage strong feelings
  • Be self-confident,
  • Be able to see the big picture
  • Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. 

Try some of these ideas this week and see how you go. Building resilience takes time and thought. It will also bring a greater capacity to see the world as a better place, and guide your leadership to a more positive mindset.

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Learning to lead using freedom

We’ve just had a week away camping at the beach. We feel incredibly blessed as where we live Covid restrictions have lifted to the point where we could do this, as it is our absolute favourite thing to do.

Every time we camp on the drive home we chat about what improvement we could make to the set up and experience. Bit by bit we add to our camping gear to make camping that little bit more organised, enjoyable and easier.

The addition to this trip was a set of walkie talkies… our kids don’t have phones ( they’re 10,8 and 4) and our camping trips are screen free as much as possible. We take bikes and scooters and love to give our kids freedom to ride, play and meet other kids so these walkie talkies were perfect. They allowed them freedom with boundaries. We could relax knowing we could contact them.

Reflecting on this camping trip we realized our kids had learnt some valuable lessons by being given freedom. All of which contribute to their developing leadership skills.

  • Confidence: They could choose where they went knowing we could still keep them safe and were available if they needed us. The walkie talkies gave them the confidence to be apart and meet up again as they chose.
  • Communication: This section was three fold. 1) The kids were able to communicate with us, when they wanted , and thought through the process before contacting us. 2) They communicated with each other clearly and decisively – as they were having too much fun to spend too long talking. 3) Having a communication tool on hand made them feel safe – while having the freedom to explore together or alone. The fun part was the kids allocated every one a bird name as our ‘ code name’ for the walkie talkies. It added humour and fun to the conversations.
  • Decision making – they knew the boundaries of where we stayed and knew to stay within them. They did explore further – but communicated that to us first. We showed trust in their decisions and they in turn displayed communication and trust.

Without even knowing it, they spent the week learning a different dimension to their current leadership skills. The freedom we gave them – along with the trust, gave them the confidence to do what they wanted to and explore.

Likewise in the workplace- we too can give freedom to our staff – possibly not with walkie talkies on a camping trip, but freedom within their role – as we observe mentor – freedom for some – opens up so many possibilities and will get the creative thoughts flowing.

What ways can you build freedom into your family life?

What ways can you build freedome into your staff?

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Be the best you can be until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

Maya Angelou

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Under the microscope: Resilience

Resilience is the talk of the town here at HOV this week. Considering the year we have had – personally, as a community, as a nation and globally, I am sure we can all relate to the quest for finding resilience and remaining resilient through prolonged seasons of stress, overwhelming situations and isolation. Resilience is not putting happy pants on and doing a dance then being ready to face the day with a plastered smile on your face, resilience is so much more than that. Resilience at times can be treated with contempt, as we wonder what next, in our stressful situations. Resilience, however, will offer us a look into the positive, could-be’s and may-be’s that negativity does not allow for. Resilience, in its finest form, is like wearing armour with our feet firmly planted, ready to do battle with the season we’re in.

We all have varying levels of resilience, at times we may feel we have bucket loads, other times, we wonder where we can find more… So, let’s take a closer look at resilience, and why it is necessary, important, and critical to our home life, workplace and community. 

Resilience is defined as:

1.    The power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched, elasticity.

2.    Ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like, buoyancy.

In your home, resilience is vital for several reasons as it enables us to develop ways to protect against experiences that could be overwhelming. Resilience helps us maintain balance in our lives during stressful periods and protects us to a degree from developing mental health difficulties and issues.

In the workplace, resilience is a key strategy to enable us to tackle stress, competitive job markets, workplace conflicts and address challenges and change. Learning to be resilient in the workplace is so important as we often identify work as the number one stressor in our lives.

In community, resilience becomes all about the recovery from adversity and how individuals / families contribute to that.In Australia over the past few years we’ve had our share of devastating fires and floods along with the rest of the world weathering coronavirus– it has been a mix of grief at the loss and devastation but also a joy to see how the communities affected rally together and inspire the recovery efforts.

So, how do we go about building resilience, staying resilient and teaching those around us how to be resilient? To answer this question, we need to look at the types of resilience and where our strengths and weaknesses lie. Once an awareness of our current capacity of resilience, we can then build on this foundation.

We all experience ebbs and flows of resilience pending the circumstances around us and its severity – we are a work in progress on this too. The idea behind building resilience and staying resilient is reducing the difference between the ebbs and flows.

Start to think about what impacts on your resilience? This will become a key factor when increasing your resilience and staying resilient through the long haul.

I know when my kids were little, lack of sleep played a huge role in how resilient I felt. I remember one night, making a sandwich for my eldest, my husband innocently asked what I was doing, and I burst into tears…. Not very resilient hey – the reality was I was living on four hours of sleep a night and his lovely well intended question pushed me to tears… it’s funny now, but when I look back, all I wanted was the strength to get through each day. Have you been there? Are you living this now?

Here at HOV we are not experts in this field, nor claim to be, what we are interested in doing is giving you some pointers to get you started and support and encourage you on the adventure of building resilience. 

Before we get into the how to build resilience, it is important to note that there are four different types of resilience we can build:

  1. Physical
  2. Mental
  3. Emotional and;
  4. Social

All four areas in our lives require some level of resilience, as we face major life problems, situational problems, daily problems and what we like to call micro stresses. The little annoyances that build up, or the ones we see when we are in a negative head-space.

Think for a moment and rate your level of resilience for each area?  Use a scale of 1 – 10. Where do you feel your strength areas? Where are your weaker areas?

If you are doing this with someone you are close to and feel comfortable – rate each other and talk about your answers. This is about growing and supporting each other.

Keep an eye out for the next post of under the microscope: resilience – in reality. In this post we will be looking at practical ways to increase your resilience and how to stay resilient.