Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less.
John C. Maxwell
Who are you influencing today? Will your influence lead to confidence and bravery?
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Tag: Victory
It’s been six months since we launched Homes of Victory. We have been blown away by your support and would like to humbly thank each of you. We truly appreciate the time you take to read and absorb what we have to share.
As we are all about families – supporting and enabling you to create the home life you want – we can’t wait to continue this journey with you. If you have any topic you would like us to cover please let us know. Likewise if you would like to be a guest blogger please contact us. We would love to hear from you.
Until then, share Homes of Victory with your mates and let’s encourage each other to live in victory.
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The first place we must win the victory is in our own minds. If you don’t think you can be successful, then you never will be.
Joel Osteen
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What are you fighting for?
Do you want to learn how to fight for your marriage rather than just fight in it? Start attacking the problems that arise rather than attacking each other.
Lisa Bevere
Sometimes we get hung up on the who and what and forget about the why. We can admit, that we have been caught in the cycle of ‘ attacking’ each other rather than the problems in our marriage. We have been there… but once we made a decision to lay it all out on the table, look at the issue not the person, the real issues were laid bare and the work of problem solving began.
Only then, were we able to start attacking the problems and issues in our marriage rather than each other. The thing is, it took a conscious effort to change how we both thought, it took time and calm to lay it all out, it took steps of peace from both of us, to start working on the real issues at hand.
Don’t let the little things, build into big things, where it seems like it’s gone beyond the point of no return. If communication is a problem – work out a better way to communicate, if busy is a problem – work out a way to adjust the busy, if finances are a problem – work together on finding a solution –get professional help, be disciplined, cheer each other on – rather than tear each other apart. If we have learnt one thing, on the journey of marriage – and boy we’ve had ups and downs – is this:
There is always a solution, you just need to find it.
Homes of Victory
You may have the “I love you but don’t like you days” – you may have the I’m trying to keep loving you days, but if you both keep taking steps towards peace and resolution – you’ll take your marriage to a whole new level of wonderful. Fight for what is worth fighting for.
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Sometimes the most influential thing we can do is listen.
Bob Burg
Here at Homes of Victory we love to share thoughts and real life with you. This was written by a career woman, who has three young children. She always questioned how to balance life and work, children and career. This is shared with permission and we hope it encourages you and inspires you.
Hey my babies one, two and three.
I wonder if you’ll ever know how much I love you. When the day dawns and the crazy begins I hope you see it’s love that motivates me. When we’re all tired but we need to keep going I know you feel the warmth in my hands when I hug you, the empathy in my voice when I encourage you and the pride that radiates from my heart.
I feel the guilt of work and yet another kind of guilt if I don’t. As I pick you all up after a long day I breathe you all in – one, two, three I miss you dreadfully yet worry I won’t find the strength to make it to bed time. I know at times I’m cranky more than I should be. I know at times I’m in auto pilot. I never wish time away but some days I only want my bed. I wonder if you’ll ever see that I draw my strength from Christ and no one else. I wonder if you see the love I have for you that drives me every moment to keep on going. I’d never quit, never thought to but some days I’ve had to dig deeper than I knew possible just to get you through the day and off to sleep peacefully.
When I hear you wake during the night it is love that draws me to your side. I sleepily step towards your room saying mumma coming it’s okay. My eyes are full of sleep but my heart is always about you my one, two, three.
If it’s a bottle, nappy or cuddle I’m right there. I wonder if you’ll remember my hugs with two hands holding you tight knowing tomorrow you’ll be that little bit bigger and that little bit older.
My babies one, two, three I wonder if you ever notice my long tight hugs. They’re more than just annoying they’re me holding you close to me. One day hugs just won’t be the same so I cherish each one. So much about you is hidden in my heart. Saved and savored. Every day you remind me to laugh and find joy in the little things.
Then, when I tuck you in tight and kiss you goodnight, you whisper with your eyes closed ,”I love you Mumma”. Then, and only then, do I realise, I have wondered in vain and I realise I have been too hard on myself. Forever I will love you one, two, three. Forever you will be my motivation, my joy, my completeness. It won’t matter how big you grow or how fast the years go by – I will always know my heart belongs to you on, two and three. I know your heart too, will always have a special place for me.
Love your Mumma Bear
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blueprint strategy 2
Goals
Once you have your finalised family values statement, the real heavy lift work begins. Now, is the time to start thinking about and writing goals that correlate to the sets of values created in blueprint foundations.
The categories looked at in blueprint foundations were:
* family values
*home environment
*business / career
* children
* finances
* future dreams
The family values list links to the family values statement or mission statement., as created in the activity in the strategy post. Later on, the future dreams list will be used to create a vision statement for the years ahead.
The lists of values for each of these categories home environment, business, children and finances will be used to develop goals that feed into the family 1- 3 year operational plan. .
Activity: Write 1 – 3 goals for each category.
How to write a goal
There are many ways to write goals and no one way to achieve them. If you are unfamiliar with writing goals, need a helping hand, here are a few different ways to set goal
SMART goals
SMART goals are based on actions that form the acronym: Is the goal Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound?
In our family we use SMART goals for more strategic type goals, we sit and write out SMART goals in great detail as these generally take longer to achieve.
An example of a SMART goal is:
We are going to save $X to go on a holiday in September. To do this we will save $X per week.
S: The who, what, when is listed. The where is not listed in this goal.
M: The goal of a holiday, and the amount to save is listed clearly.
A: The dollar amount is listed
R: This goal links to our family strategic goals – add in the category it is relevant to.
T: The goal is time bound as the end date is September
WOOP goals
Another form of goal writing, that is great when the whole family is included is WOOP. I have recently come across this method of goal writing. It is great as it can be parent led and has space for child input and ownership. This type of goal writing is great for ‘ team’ type goals that are not necessarily directional strategically but functional for family life. It may be about eating healthier food options, volunteering together, working on a family project – that kind of activity. WOOP stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. It encourages the big picture dreams and then by looking at outcomes and obstacles – the specifics of the goal can be nutted out. The final step – the plan is the grand scheme of how to achieve the goal. It is also the time to take the obstacles listed and write against each one an ‘ if then’ plan to overcome the obstacles.
An example of a WOOP goal is:
W: We wish as a family we could hike for six kilometres (without the children whinging)- and enjoy it.
O: Increased fitness, ability to go on more hikes and find interesting places.
O: The youngest can’t walk that far, she decides not to…
P: Start building up fitness with shorter walks. Find ways to encourage the youngest to increase her stamina.
List:
The final example of setting a goal that I find really works for me in the busy of life is this list format of goal setting. I tend to use this for more base line goals and use this list as a reminder. I keep the monthly list on the inside of my pantry as that is where I see it the most. It’s a great reminder of what I set out to do each month, as the days fly by.
Here is an example of one of my lists:
This month __________________ I will
- Start/ Stop: organising birthday presents //
- Learn: How to cook ravioli from scratch
- Read: “and the mountains echoed” by Khaled Hosseini.
- Visit: Grandparents
- Organise: the linen cupboard and garage storage
- Improve: print photos for lounge room wall – update photos
Overall, it’s not about the method you use to write your goal, it’s the fact that you’ve set some goals that you believe are achievable for your family.
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Propel the positive
Don’t walk in my head with your dirty feet.
Leo Buscaglia, Living, Loving & Learning
I read this quote and it made me stop and me smile because of its truth. How often do we let the negative of what others say, walk right in and make themselves at home. Lounging on the couch in our minds, multiplying into more negative thoughts.
Instead, why don’t we start making a conscious effort to let our positive out into the world. Any negative comment can be flipped into a positive one. Be conscious of it, when you are speaking and connecting with others. You will never know the positive difference you can make in someone’s day.
Don’t fuel the negative – propel the positive.
Homes of Victory
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It always seems impossible until it is done
Nelson Mandela
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Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.
Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?
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communication summary
When pulling your communication plan together, remember it needs to be flexible and evolve according to the needs of your family. Communication is vital and powerful – it creates connection, it creates a sense of belonging and it can be the difference between feeling secure or not. It is not something that is static. It will take time to develop.
Over the coming months take some time to look back on all of the elements of a communication plan as below. Reassess how your family is going. Enjoy the wins and be encouraged by the learnings.
- Why we communicate
- What we communicate
- How we communicate and with who
- The methods we use to communicate different sets of information
- How often we communicate
The family landscape is always changing as kids and parents alike are always growing and changing – make sure your communication expectations align. Are you as parents demonstrating respect and language that you want your children to reflect? The children will copy you, whether you want them to or not.
Finally, in coming to a close on the communication plan, enjoy talking about and mapping out your communication plan. The value of this plan will come into play when the next conflict or stressful situation arises. It will become the backbone of agreement between family members on how to behave, that will day by day have a more positive and refreshing influence.
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Be the best you can be until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.
Maya Angelou
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communication plan 2
Fighting fair
How many of us, have had instant regret when words have been said during an argument that are either untrue of knowingly hurtful…. Who has been on the receiving end of these kind of words. Words are incredibly powerful.
…take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
James 3:4-5 – NIV version
How do we then reign in the power of words and use them for good, even when it’s game on the disagreement races towards hostility?
Most workplaces have a code of conduct where expected behaviours are laid out and clear for all staff to uphold. Likewise, in your home it would benefit the family to have the expected behaviours when conflict arises to fall back on. In our home, we call it the rules of engagement. I am not by any means stating we are perfect or fight fair every time – we are human, but what we aim to do, is communicate in a way that is fair, that tries to get to the bottom of the issue without the emotional hurt and spray of angry words. Although the aim of this section is to finish off your communication plan, it may start to look like a code of conduct document – where what is acceptable and not acceptable behaviours and communication methods will be laid out.
Start adding to your list from the communication plan 1, types of behaviors you would like to see in your family when conflict arises.
How practical and easy do you feel it would be to demonstrate those behaviours in conflict?
The aim of this is not to feel like a failure if you set the bar too high. Start working towards your desired behaviours in baby steps – map out how you want to see your family conflict resolved from the fly on the wall perspective.
Finally, don’t be afraid to try different communication tools. As we often have the kids with us and tempers flare at times, we find we sometime argue over text… so no words are actually spoken, the kids are none the wiser and we tend to work it out faster. Once we work it out, we do talk about it and have a proper conversation to make sure we are on the same page.
Make it a goal, to try a new way to communicate when conflict arises – it may just work out better than you expect.
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Define victory will you
Here at Homes of Victory, we often encourage and talk about living with a victorious mindset in the middle of the wildest season of life: kids… The question is, how do we / you define victory. Just like the word ‘success’, having a victorious mindset can have a myriad of definitions and can even be defined differently on any given day.
Let me explain, I did a happy dance tonight because I managed to fold three baskets of washing – that is a victory! Empty washing baskets. Last night, my three year old was eating some nuts she found and sneezed at the same time – spitting crunched up nuts all over my leather chair… I raised my hands in defeat as I walked off stifling a laugh to find some cleaner. If we don’t laugh we cry right. Neither situation, when analysed, is a victory or defeat – but based on my mood and perspective they were.
That aside, I hope you are starting to see my point.
Only you and your family can define what victory looks like at any given moment.
Homes of Victory
It may be a momentous victory like beating an illness, or paying down debt or a getting that job you’ve worked so hard to get. Victory can also be in the unseen, like getting a child to sleep, learning to drive, passing an exam you were nervous about.
Defeat too can be momentous. It could look like losing a job, losing a loved one, coming second when all you wanted was to be first. It could be in the tired moments – of losing a battle with a tantruming toddler, or a moody teenager. It could simply look like another pile of washing or dinner waiting to be cooked.
Whatever victory and defeat look like to you will determine how and when you live victorious. I like to think we are fairly positive and try to see the victory, see the positive, but at times like every other human defeat creeps in.
What we are trying to say is – you need to define your own victories and own them. If my kids can define a good day by how much nintendo they play or what mountain biking adventure they’ve been on then surely we can define our victory days with similar childlike mindedness.
How will you define your victory?
How will your family measure living with victorious mindsets?
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Some of the best advice I’ve been given: Never take critisim from people you would never go to for advice.
Morgan Freeman
What a wonderful reminder. In our world of keyboard warriors who seek nothing more than to destroy confidence, this advice is outstanding. Remember who you go to advice for and why. It’s never going to be the anonomys person on the other end of the wi-fi.
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