Freedom starts with honesty.
Judah Smith, author Jesus Is____________________: Find a New Way to Be Human
Categories
#homesofvictory
Tag: success
Categories
Leadership trait: Integrity
I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year’s fashions.
Lillian Hellman
Being honest and having strong moral principles is what integrity is all about. Having this leadership trait means you are undivided and confident in your dealings and decisions. Nothing sways you. This trait when applied to the home, will bring a lasting memory for your children and other half, about how over time your integrity goes before you and that is how you will be known. Having integrity is not always easy and often hard decisions need to be made. Stick to your guns and keep your integrity. It will hold you in good stead over the long term. You will never regret having integrity.
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.
Oprah Winfrey
Categories
But… I Dreamt Big and Worked Hard
Over the last few months, I’m sure you can agree, that life hasn’t been what we’ve expected. What we planned 2020 to be. What we imagined our business, our home life, our everything to look like. This week, I was talking to a friend who lives on the other side of the world with two children, she told me that although she loves to plan, and dream and plan some more, she hates being disappointed when things don’t turn out the way she expected. This isn’t a control thing, in her case, it’s a ‘ but I dreamt big, worked hard’ and it still didn’t happen.
Another sobering conversation we had this week with some friends, was the impact COVID was having in their circle of influence, those they have built multiple companies with, those they work with closely. The impacts have ranged from being hit so hard with the unexpected that decisions based on the now are being made like divorce or worse. In comparing the conversations, the whole ‘ I dreamt big, worked hard and it didn’t happen’ feeling of disappointment resounds. It impacts everyone, from Mums and Dads, to corporate highflyers and everyone in between. I believe this season has impacted every person – somehow. How has it impacted you? Your family? Your friends?
How often during this season, have you felt like, everything you’ve worked for, dreamt of and even at times achieved is simply gone?
Hold that thought, now I challenge you, to write down all your achievements – go back as many years as you like, then, balance that against your dreams. Are you encouraged by what you’ve achieved? Are you still dreaming? Keep it up – look forward.
Homes of Victory implores you during this unsettling, full to overflowing time of the unexpected that you take stock of what really matters in your life. Those plans you had, may need to go on hold, or morph into something more spectacular. Remember life is not what we own, wear, or do. We influence those around us, more than we can imagine. Seek assistance when and if you need to. We’ve been finding that although we feel we don’t need professional help at this point, we have been catching up with the encouragers and positive people in our lives, to boost us and to inspire us during this season.
Who in your network inspires and encourages you? Who do you inspire and encourages? It may be the perfect time to catch up and talk about this season. You’ll gain perspective and hopefully a smile.
We may feel that our world is crumbling , but one thing remains – who we are in terms of character and integrity. It may be the time to take a long hard positive look in the mirror. This season will not last forever, this season will change us in ways we didn’t expect, let it change you for the better, learn the lessons of this season, they will not go unused in the future.
Categories
#homesofvictory
Audacious vision never cowers in the darkness.
Steven Furtick, Author or Sun Stand Still; What Happens When you Dare to Ask God for the Impossible.
Categories
The A team
Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him — or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.
Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night
We want to hear from you about who inspires you?
Who has had a great influence in your life?
Don’t find the fault, find the remedy.
Henry Ford
I love the word remedy – it makes me think of old fashioned rest and recuperation, it makes me think of jelly beans at the doctors surgery, it also conjures up images of fixing things before they get worse.
The definition of remedy is
Something that cures or relieves a disease or bodily disorder; a healing medicine, application, or treatment, something that corrects or removes an evil of any kind.
Dictionary.com
Framing ‘ remedy’ in leadership terms strips back the meaning to something that curers or relieves. It also indicates that the remedy is known and then applied. At times we do not know the remedy to apply, we may not know the potential outcomes or risks involved. What we do know is, at times the remedy needs to go against the grain of fixing and issue and looking at preventing it. An example of an evidence based preventative model is one that stands out was developed in Iceland and is now in Australia. It successfully worked on significantly reducing drug and alcohol addiction in teens. Check out the whole story here.
This type of remedy: evidence based preventative model – is a form of remedy that I have come to understand and be impressed by. So often, the issues in our communities do not have a quick fix, seem like they will never change, or feel like the stigma will never leave. This example of a remedy is inspiring and possible. It shows by thinking outside the box and being creative, solutions to the impossible are made all the more possible.
In your sphere of influence, how would the remedy of preventative measures change outcomes when used instead of reactionary measures? On a large scale some counties have what they call a ‘ fantasy council’ where it is their brainstorming opportunity to find solutions to the somewhat impossible.
How do you create the opportunity for brainstorming and problem solving within your work environment and home?
Do you include your children in the problem solving?
You may be surprised by their contribution – their minds don’t see the obstacles and challenges like we do.
Encourage the positive and explore the opportunities the outcome will be far better than you expect.
Categories
Leadership trait: Courage
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow’.
Mary Anne Radmacher
Courage is not always about gritting your teeth and digging your heels in. Courage is not always about making a song and dance about bravery. All courage need to be at times, is just turning up. Just trying again tomorrow. Just making a decision to give it another crack.
Courage means to have the:
ability to do something that frightens one; bravery and / or strength in the face of pain or grief.
Dictionary.com
Courageous leaders are the ones, who stand in the face of adversity, and keep believing in their dream, believing in their goals, believing in their team. Courageous leaders are the ones who turn up each day for their team, not knowing what the day will bring.
Courageous parents are the ones, who get out of bed every day, are the ones who do everyday with their kids however the everyday may look. Courage is exciting, courage is brave and courage is contagious.
You may not feel courageous when your kid drags you out of bed before sunrise, you may not feel courageous when you’re cranky running late for work, you may not feel courageous when you face the washing and household tasks, but know that you have the strength in you, the bravery in you, to face your day, to face your family – no matter the circumstances.
We are blessed to call Josh and Cole family. The age gap between us is also large enough for us to have experienced their first date with them, through to their marriage and where they are at now. These two are so genuine and generous of spirit we hope you are inspired by them.
Who is in your family
Josh, Cole, our 3 month old baby, Ben, and our dog, Aria.
Give us some background to what you both do career wise.
Josh specialises in commercial and residential property acquisitions for individuals and businesses. I am a bid consultant and help businesses win work by helping them develop compelling tenders, proposals and grants.
Are you planners or do you go with the flow?
We’re a bit of a mix. I love to plan and Josh is more relaxed and is really good at going with the flow. So we really balance each other.
You have a new baby! What has that been like for the two of you?
It has been a really big change for us. We always knew it would be but it was difficult to genuinely understand just what that meant until it happened. Gone are the days of binge watching tv till all hours, sleeping in, and spontaneously going out but it has definitely brought us closer together. We were friends before we dated and married and that has always provided a strong foundation for our relationship. We have done so much together over the last 13 years! We can always rely on one another for support and having a baby has definitely been one of those times when we needed it!
What has changed in your relationship?
I guess the main thing is that there is a new person in it. It had been the two of us (and Aria) for a long time and now we have little Benjamin who needs most of our time, attention and energy, and he needs different things from each of us.
Did you expect these changes? How have you managed them?
It wasn’t unexpected that life would change and that it would be ‘hard’ but it was difficult to see what life would be like with a baby until we lived it. So we expected it but weren’t fully prepared and I think it has impacted us both as a couple and as individuals. The change is also exacerbated because you have no idea what you’re doing with a brand new baby and you’re sleep deprived to boot!! The current COVID-19 crisis hasn’t made it any easier because it has physically distanced family and friends too.
But we’re learning as we go and checking in. We’re navigating it by being really honest with each other, having a good sense of humour, and not taking ourselves too seriously.
We’ve always been really honest with each other which makes life, and life with a new baby, a lot easier. Talking about the change doesn’t make it go away but it definitely makes it easier to manage and manage it together. As I’m sure most new parents do, we tend to concoct a lot of ideas and theories about Ben’s behaviour which are always good to try on someone else when you’re sleep deprived (although we’ve accepted we’ll never really know or have all the answers!)
What advice would you give to a family with a new baby working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?
Be honest about what you need and be kind to yourself and one another. And be will to acknowledge that the blueprint may change so flexibility is really important too (think some planning and some go with the flow!) Before Ben, we would often talk about the vision we had for our family so we had a good idea of where we were headed before we became a true family. In the haze of a newborn you’re just trying to survive! So for us, we know we’ll eventually emerge on the other side together and in the general direction we planned.
Categories
Blind Spot
A Blind Spot is the difference between intent and impact as a leader, parent, family member. We all have them. Some are more aware that they exist than others.
Being open to knowing what our potential blind spots are – will lead to a fuller, richer and more diverse life.
Being closed to our blind spots is like a bulldozer without direction – the impact will the their – it certainly will be there…. but what trail of offense are you leaving behind? When intent and impact are combined, that’s when true positive change occurs. That’s when new roads are formed. That’s when eyes and hearts are opened to change and a fuller, richer life for everyone in your world.
Take a moment to think about things you may not know about yourself. How others perceive you – due to your behaviour. Do they perceive correctly, or is your well intentioned behaviour having a different kind of impact.
Categories
Shaping leaders: Shimon Peres
I am a self-confessed people watcher. To the point when I’m out for dinner or with friends I like to sit where I can see the most action. I have been known to stop sentences abruptly, while watching someone walk past, fascinated by them. I have even been caught by my husband not paying attention to a conversation, as I am too busy wondering about the life of the person running past. To that end, I love history and learning from historical figures and making observations about the learnings or not of the past.
At times, I feel as a society we are not the best at learning and implementing positive change, from the learnings of the past, but alas we should try to.
Lately I have been engrossed in the autobiography of Shimon Peres, No room for small dreams,. He is a historical leader and important figure in the creation of Israel as the state we now know to be. While I purposely do not take political sides as I do not know enough to do so, for me it is fascinating to read about how his life was shaped and how that in turn it shaped his leadership style. I have pulled out many sections of this book and have learnt so much from such an experienced leader. Here is what I have learnt so far…
- Trust is a key to leading. (and people are like sheep…. Just saying…)
I was assigned a job that was my first true experience as a leader – not of men but sheep. Yet there were striking similarities: a shepherd for example may have authority over his flock, but that alone does not mean he can control it. … we had to find a common language, a common understanding… I had to know their fears as if they were my own, so I could understand where they could not be led- or at least when I’d have to move with more deliberateness. I had to be both empathetic and insistent in stating my intentions – a figure they would follow, even reluctantly, if only out of trust.
Shimon Peres
- The value robust discussions.
When he ( referring to another leader at the time) had been most frustrated, most intent on walking away, he remained open to the argument made by two young men, with a mere fraction of experience and wisdom. He had nearly given up on the larger debate, but he had not given up on his belief in debate.
Shimon Peres
- Listening breaks down barriers.
Listening is not just a key element of good leadership, it is the key, the means to unlock doors that have been slammed shut by bitter dispute and resignation.
Shimon Peres
Categories
#homesofvictory
A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes.
Mahatma Gandhi
Categories
look for the good
I love Audrey Hepburn. When I get asked, if you could invite anyone over for dinner dead or alive, she is always at the top of my list. Her life intrigues me, her beauty inside and out is incredible, for me she is inspiring. I also love this quote of hers. It’s not only inspiring but challenging.
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
Audrey Hepburn
I am challenged, to make sure I have beautiful eyes, to have beautiful lips and to walk with poise. It challenges me, when my child stops to look at an ant on the footpath – do I see how late we are, or do I see the wonder in their eyes? Do I respond to my emotionally charged tween with kindness when all she is doing is spitting out words filled with misguided anger? Do I see the good in people I pass in the street? Do I see the good in those I interact with at work? Those who pack my groceries? Those who forget to smile when the serve me because they’ve had a bad day.
The challenge for our day and every day is to lead by example and see the good in others and speak words of kindness. The kindness we speak may be the only kindness that person has had all day, week or month.
Once, when I was serving a boy who was around 12 years old at a public library, I helped him with what he wanted and he said thanks. I responded with “no worries sweetheart”. He froze and looked at me. I realised what I said and thought it may have come across inappropriately. All he could say was, “ No one has ever called me that before”. He walked away wiping his eyes. So many emotions pulsed through me in that moment, but I realised that my eyes saw the good in him and words of kindness are powerful. Likewise, when we choose kindness, we don’t go about finding fault in those around us, like so many do in our world. It becomes a habit to point out the positives and build up those around us. Oh! there is so much potential in our world, if all we did was say kind thoughtful words, rather than the first thing that pops into our heads.
How many people do you come across in a day, who may be lonely, sad, hurt, bitter… the list could go on. What kind words could you drop into their life? Will you make an effort to see the good in them, it won’t take much? There is always something good inside of everyone – at times we may just need to look harder to find it.
Categories
the notebook
I absolutely love the 2004 movie the notebook. This movie came out right before I got married and it just captured the romantic in me. It spoke to the place in my heart where I wanted to be with my beloved forever and enjoy the life story we will write together. One thing I do know, is life is not like a movie and things don’t always pan out the way we think or see in our minds. Are you one of those people who plays movies in your mind of what a scenario is going to be like? I do. I have a wild imagination and I always dream of how things will happen, they rarely turn out how they do in my head, but none the less I still dream. Like the time, we were all involved in a wedding and I saw in my mind the kids behaving and us adults having a great time… Reality check – I ended up carrying my child who was the flower girl down the aisle (she was in tears as she wanted the brides bouquet of flowers) in a strapless dress, while trying to shush the other child who noticed the fan on the roof and wanted everyone to know… Any way you get the point. Imagination vs Reality.
Back to the notebook – well a notebook of a different kind, although still with a romantic notion attached. On our wedding day, we received a notebook from my Dad. My Dad will not like me saying this, but he is a very wise and is extremely thoughtful (and humble) man. The notebook contained some words of wisdom from him that we cherish till this day. On each page was a tip on how to make our marriage work better. The one I love the most as I feel there is layers of wisdom in it is;
Always have a little stash of money put aside for a holiday.
Dad – Homes of Victory
Hands up, how many times you’ve said, wish we could just escape the busy even for the weekend? Exactly. The encouragement to have a little money put aside to do this has been wonderful piece of advice for us. We are definitely time people and this is what we needed to hear straight up. When life gets too busy, we plan a short cheap camping trip as a family. The return on the investment that we get in terms of family time is invaluable. It helps us recharge and get on with life again.
Another wise word from him was:
When you have a fight, YOU take the first step to peace.
Dad – Homes of Victory
We have truly benefited from the words my Dad passed onto us. It is like he has used this notebook to sow wisdom into our marriage and family without us realising.
Do not measure success by today’s harvest. Measure success by the seeds you plant today.
Robert Louis Stevenson- Author
This notebook will become something we pass onto our children when the time comes. It is something we add to as we learn things along the way. It may not be something that you have thought to do, but it may be something you could start to do, even once a year on an anniversary as you think of what advice you could give to your children in the future. We may not remember all of the things we learnt along the way, but by sowing our words as seeds along the way, in due time we will see a harvest in our children.
Categories
Being Planted
In life we often celebrate the start, a birth, a business launch, a wedding – the start of something. In time we also celebrate an ending – a graduation, a promotion, a pay rise, final test results, a funeral. Just thought I’d ask, when do we celebrate the hard yakka that going on in between the start and the end?
The end though, is often the result of staying, of working through the challenge, of knuckling down and doing the long hours and hard work. The end is often determined by the ‘ being planted’ in the situation and sticking it out. Are we simply too busy or too occupied with ‘staying’ or ‘being planted’ that we forget to celebrate?
My father- in -law will often crack open a bottle of wine on a Friday night, saying, ” It’s Friday!”. No other reason, other than it’s Friday and in his mind, every week is a great week no matter what has happened or not. Lessons can be learnt from this. The positive thinking, celebrating the small things the list could go on.
What I am trying to say is, if you are in the middle of the ‘ being planted’ , or the ‘ staying’, the digging your heels in because you need to type moment, no matter how good or bad it is, remember to celebrate the good, celebrate your capacity to ride it out and work hard. Celebrate that this is only the middle and not the end. The end will come and a real celebration will happen, but don’t forget the now, don’t forget to see the good in the now. At times it feels like the good is hard to find, but it is there. Use this moment to remain firm in your challenge, to remain committed to seeing the challenge through.
Another way to look at it is, to value the courage it takes to do what you’re doing. You’ve celebrated the launch of a new business, and now it’s crunch time, the workload is increasing or you’re finding a way to increase the workload – celebrate it. Celebrate the courage you are using. Celebrate being brave when you’re not sure of the outcome. Value it. Hold it and use it to spur you on. Their is value in being planted, in staying in the hard times and good times.
On a personal level, project work suits me just fine, as I get bored and move on fairly quickly. In the season of now, in the season of lockdowns and the change of normal, I am learning the value of being planted. The value of seeing a challenge through. I am learning to like it, can’t say I love it, but I’m learning to value my courage and my staying power. I am learning that it is a good thing. (Even though I don’t really have a choice).
Categories
The value of rest
At the best of times, I am not good at stopping to rest. I am always thinking, planning, or doing. My other half is great at resting. On the weekend I may find him asleep on our outdoor couch, sitting on the deck, admiring nature etc.… I’m the one that bustles over and starts a conversation with “What do you think about…” He often answers with comments like, are you resting, have you stopped today… can you turn your brain off for 5 minutes. It’s not that I don’t value rest, I just don’t prioritise it, until it’s too late and I sleep for a whole day to catch up.
During the recent lockdown and changes to normal, I believe I have started to learn the value of rest. I was stood down from work for seven weeks – which I chose to see as a blessing in disguise, as it is the leave I never take. Although the first thing I did write a list of all the house jobs I wanted to do that never had time to do. With that said, I did focus on my kids and their schoolwork, we developed a closer relationship, we worked together as a team and did get all the house jobs done together. We had no routine, nowhere to be, almost nothing to think about, because there was nowhere to go and no commitments.
I truly have valued this time of together and slowing down. A time to choose what we did at home when we wanted to. Yes, we watched a lot of TV and played far too much Nintendo, we argued over neat writing in schoolbooks and how to show the process for the maths questions. We stayed up late and went to bed early if we felt like it. It was a true unwind and change from the busy of life. I even got to the point where, I didn’t know what day it was, and we missed several zoom ballet classes because of it. Although, I was annoyed at myself for forgetting, but realized that it was a good thing as I had truly stopped and rested.
Now we have returned to normal. I need to learn how to continue to value rest, find it in the busy and take it easier – and go easier on myself. Allow myself to rest.
Through this time, have you learnt to rest, how to value it or use it to recharge? We would love to know what you think.
Homes of Victory 