Tag: Leadership

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Victory

let me rephrase that…

If we ask the right questions, we can change the world with the right answers.”

Ogwo David Emenike

I feel like everytime I speak to my kids they give me a life lesson in return. At the moment, my four year old is giving me a run for my money. The latest phrase out of her mouth is, ” I’m four, I can do what I want”- all said with a hand on her hip. That might very well be true in her mind, but the reality is far removed from that. She pulls the phrase out in context which makes me proud and on the other hand completely frustrated.

The thing I am learning through this season is, if I direct her in a way that she doesn’t realise she is being directed in then she complies. She still feels like she is in charge and is doing ‘ what she wants’.

In leadership – at times, we need to sit back and look at challenges and issues within our teams and projects and pinpoint the RIGHT question to get to the RIGHT answer. It is great to brainstorm the issue and circle back around to parked ideas, and label something as innovative… but if the right question is not asked – the right answer will not be found.

It’s the same with my four year old – if I fight her on the issue of ‘doing what she wants’, I wouldn’t be achieving my goals of getting her to do what I want – like brushing her teeth. If I roll with the punches so to speak, I need to ask the right questions and get her to give me the ‘right’ answer which is in essence obedience. Are you following me?

The question may not be a matter of how, it may be a matter of who. The answer may not be a matter of when, it may be a matter of why. If we ask questions others are afraid to ask, if we seek the answers that others may be too meek to seek, things will start to change – for the better.

Going back to my example – my home is actually calmer because I chose to rephrase my questions to make sure I still get the ‘ right’ answer – but I only get that by asking the ‘ right’ question. She can believe what she wants in her mind – she may think she is doing what she wants – but she’s not. What the outcome is – is a calm home – a change for the greater good of my family. I know she will grow out of this, and I know we will move onto the next challenge.

If I am prepared to rephrase, I am prepared for the best outcome.

Homes of Victory

How can you rephrase your questions / directions / etc… in your home?

How could you apply this in your role as a leader in your home and sphere of influence?

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Share your dream with people who want you to succeed.

Bishop T. D Jakes
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Victory

#kidlogic: compromise

I need to admit that I have taught my children the word compromise in its full definition. It’s the only way, I can get what I want without them realising… Yes, this has also backfired, as it does with most kids who learn a new word.

Turning up late and in a flurry at kindy to do the usual pick up, I was stopped by Lalee’s beautiful teacher. I feel we have a great relationship and can talk about things that occur . On this particular day, months after my ‘compromise’ technique had been implemented and was working nicely. Miss K began to tell me that she asked the whole class to start packing up the toys ready for story time. Lalee, proceeded to tell her teacher that she thought they should compromise, so she could continue to play  for 5 minutes while the others packed up. ( yes , she was very specific about the whole 5 minute thing). Upon being told ‘ no… we all pack up together’. Lalee took things into her own hands. She told the teacher that the ‘ naughty boys’ in her class (who actually listen to her), to clean up her section while she proceeded to go to the other side of the room to continue playing. When she was asked to help, her response was, “ I compromised with the boys, they are packing up while I play.”… I apologise unreservedly for teaching my child the word compromise. It selfishly helps me at home, but works against the whole system outside of my home. Looks like, the next word I’ll teach her, definition and all is team work.

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Victory

Leadership Trait: Influence

To be a true influencer is to have an impact on the behaviours, attitudes, opinions and choices of others. A leader’s ability to have influence is based on trust. The more trust there is, the more influence you have. Be careful not to confuse influence with coercion or manipulation. Just because trust is involved doesn’t mean it can be taken advantage of.

As a leader, you must constantly aware of how you influence those around you. The way you speak – will influence the culture of your workplace, the way you work will set the level of expectation, the way you carry yourself during stressful situations will set the standard for others, the way you do what you do – will influence how your staff, your family, whoever you are leading – behaves . It sets the tone of expectation, it sets the standard to which you expect tasks completed. Choose how you influence. Choose how you impact those around you.

Here are four specific areas, the skills of an influencer targets:

  1. Organizational Intelligence: Understand how to get things done and embrace the reality of working within organizational politics. ( What I like to call sticky red tape)
  2. Team Promotion: Leaders with influence learn how to honestly promote themselves. Bearing in mind they also promote what is good for the entire organization
  3. Building trust: With your team, your peers and others in leadership positions.
  4. Collaboration: No leader works alone, connect with others in you network – be empowered by this, and empower others.

These skill areas can be translated into your home and friendships. We are leaders in our home ( organisation equivalent) working within the constraints of family / income/ time etc… as parents with influence, we can learn to promote ourselves to our children – not in a selfish egotistical way, but rather in a ‘ setting the example’ type way. Trust is self-explanatory and so too is collaboration – the older you children get – there will be more ways to collaborate and empower them to make decisions, be part of the decision making process, or simply learn how to work well with others – using all strengths for the greater good.

The last thing I was add about influencing as a leadership trait is: influence must never be confused with coercion or manipulation. Being influential / being an influencer  – needs to be accomplished in a positive manner – where you are setting a standard for expectations, using your influence to benefit those around you and most of all have a positive impact on behaviours, attitudes and choices.

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Victory

#kidlogic: lizards

“ Mum… my friend Lucy is a thorny devil.”

“A what?”

“ A thorny devil”

“ Really”

“ Yes, her Grammy told her that she was, and if she wasn’t careful she would be thrown into the fire”

“ Well that’s not very nice..” doubting the conversation was relayed correctly.

“ No it’s not.”

Two weeks later… I’m serious she thinks about things in depth…

“ Mum where do Thorny Devils live?”

“ I don’t know sweetheart.”

“ I think they are naughty people… where do naughty people live?”

“ Naughty people can live anywhere..”

“ Oh, I’m glad there are none in Brisbane.” She sounded so relieved… as she simply decided how life is.

“ I hope you don’t call any one a Thorny Devil… it’s not a nice thing to say.”

“ Oh no I don’t, but Lucy does.”

“ Well make sure you always use kind words.”

“ Okay Mum”

A week later and it finally clicked in my mind that a thorny devil is a lizard, gee I need to scrub up on my animal species. It all makes perfect sense… now. Upon sharing my new found knowledge with Lalee, the response was:

“ What! Do naughty people get turned into lizards… Oh my goodness.”

Sigh…. This is going to be a long conversation.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

   Don’t trade in your integrity for influence.

Richie Norton
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Victory

#kidlogic: home

Lalee:“ Mum why do houses stay in the one place ALL day?”

Try answering that questions when your 3 year old asks you in all seriousness… I decided to take the, because they have deep foundations in the ground and don’t have legs route…

Lalee: “ Well that’s boring”…

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Victory

#homesofvictory

When you feel overwhelmed, remember; A little at a time is how it gets done. One thing, one task, one moment at a time.

Author Unknown

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Victory

#kidlogic: animals

Sparkie@4yrs old (S): Hey Mum I really want to ride a flamingo

Mum(M): Oh darling, I don’t think they would like that

S: Why?

M: They’re not that big and you are heavy

S: I’m four, it should be okay

M: Maybe think of another animal to ride, like a horse

S: Hey Mum, can I touch a sloth

M: Probably not, I don’t think they like being touched.

S: Can you go tell the zoo I want to touch a sloth, quietly when its asleep

M: Oh the zoo is a long way away and I can’t do that now

S: Ok Mum, tomorrow?

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Victory

#homesofvictory

You don’t have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me. 

Scott Adams
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Victory

#kidlogic: fractions

Every year we celebrate Chinese New Year as my husband and his family are from a Malaysian / Chinese heritage. Upon explaining to Lalee who had just turned 4  why we celebrate Chinese New Year… she asked Why… My response was because Daddy is Chinese, and you and your brother are half Chinese.

“ What about you?” she replied

“ I’m Australian” I said.

After taking some time to think about it… Lalee finally said, “ You can be my half… So, I’ll be half Chinese and so can you”… aww sweetness.

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Victory

it’s the little things

Victory is about recognizing all the work that went into achieving your dream. 

Tommy Hilfiger

One catch phrase that is often spoken in our home is “a little bit of help goes a long way”. Whether it is putting one dish in the dishwasher and not on the bench, whether it is getting all of the clothes into the actual clothes basket – those things as parents where we mutter, why do I have to do that, when you are old enough… any way enough of my ranting.

When we realise, a little bit and a little bit more and then some more equals achievement. Goals suddenly become achievable. Unlike goal setting when we are in charge of the goals we set and work towards, life has a way of challenging us, growing us and keeping us on our toes. When we break down what we have succeeded in – whether you got through one load of washing with your baby today, or drove your teenager to footy training without yelling, or even cooking dinner at a reasonable time – these things all add up. These things contribute to the bigger picture of family life – the victories in life.

I picked up my son from a friends house one day and the friends dad wanted to speak to me. I had this sharp split second thought of ‘on no what did he do’. He asked me if it was normal for my boy to put his dishes in the sink after dinner… I said yeah, we all do after dinner. He looked so surprised and said, I didn’t know kids did that. What I didn’t say was, every night for the last seven years we have asked him to put his dishes in the sink, the victory being he happened to remember to do it at a friends house. It’s perspective. Kids can do it – little by little, it may seem repetitive as a parent, but the little by little turns into a victory.

This is only a simple example, but what I am saying is – whatever it is that you are working towards – in your family life, in your career, in your personal journey through life – change is possible, your goals are possible – but it will be one step at a time – bit by bit. One other thing, it will be done out of sight – what we taught our boy (all of our kids) wasn’t done in public – it was in the privacy of our own home. What he learnt in here – he applied out there.

One last thing – don’t let the victory no matter how small go un- celebrated. I told my son I was proud of his behaviour at his friends house – spoke that encouragement over his life – it was a victory worth celebrating.

The great victory, which appears so simple today, was the result of a series of small victories that went unnoticed.

Paulo Coelho
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Victory

#kidlogic: kangaroo

This conversation happened in the car and I am so thankful the kids couldn’t see my face…

Lalee(L):“ Mum can I ride a kangaroo?”

Mum(M): No darling you can’t”

L :“ Can I when I’m bigger?”

M:“ No darling,  no one rides Kangaroos”

Moe (M):“ I bigger”.

L:“ Can babies?”

M:“ No – kangaroo’s backs are not strong enough to have people ride them”

L:“ Oh…. I know who can?”

M:“ Who?”
L:“ God can”

Trying not to laugh I asked why…

L: “He has no bottom.”

M” I bottom”.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

   Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive.

Charlotte Brontë, author of Jane Eyre
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Victory

Resistance

 Nothing gets stronger without resistance.

Steven Furtick

In leadership, nothing provokes frustration like resistance. We all have ways of working around it, like change management, innovation, the like it or lump it mentality – the list goes on. May I add here, when parents face resistance from their offspring, many of these work arounds occur too… including ignoring and hoping it goes away…

When we look at resistance in term of lifting weights or exercising – resistance shines in a positive light. When we face resistance we get stronger. When we continue to face the resistance the resistance reduces – as our strength increases.

The question I pose is this – even though resistance in whatever form it comes, can be frustrating – can it also contribute to growth?

We all have that person in our lives, that makes it a little difficult, one where we try to work with them, try to collaborate with them, try to make it the relationship better- sometimes the resistance will always be there – but sometimes it will be the thing that makes us a better person.

I can’t help but put this example in here, I love my kids so much. One thing I have come to realise when I compare them to others ( we try not to but you know it happens) that my kids are not compliant. I mean, not compliant by any means. They are good kids, they do behave well but they are questioners. When I was a kid, I was satisfied when I questioned and got the answer “because I said so” – who agrees right – some times as parents we just say so.

Oh no, not my kids. They question, and negotiate, fuel the conversation with more resistance, add more curiosity and at times it never seems to end. To be honest – I love this trait, we have raised them to be curious and to question – but sometimes I just wish they would accept the answer “because I said so.” With that said, the resistance over the years – and I mean that with kindness, the curiosity we have encountered, the long into the night conversations about the name of the bone in our nose… we know we are definitely more intelligent, more prepared for conversations and know what to expect. In this instance, resistance has made us stronger.

What type of experiences have you had where resistance has made you a better leader? Better parent? Better person?