Tag: Leadership

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Blue Print

obstacle course 3

We’ve looked at who we are and now we are going to look at what we need. In this post, we will look at being aware of the needs of our relationship, children and family as a whole.

What we perceive as a need and want can often be confused. To set the scene I’ve gone back to the definitions of both words.

A need is defined as, we require something as it is essential rather than just desirable.

Dictionary.com

A want is defined as have a desire to possess, or do something, wish.

Dictionary.com

Often in leadership we look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. As employers and employees we too have needs that need to be met in order for us to feel purposeful and fulfilled in our role. In a family situation, I believe individuals and families have a hierarchy of needs that need to be met.

Part of figuring out what our family hierarchy of needs are, was taking a close look at the five languages of love. Reading the book for adults (and there is one for children), has completely changed how we view each other and our kids. It taught us so many things it was incredible. If you haven’t heard of the five languages of love before or need a refresher, check it out here.

Layering our family hierarchy of needs on top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs looks a bit like this:

Time is our large base layer – this is what we as a family need the most. Time together. Without it we all  feel like we are all falling apart. After a busy weekend of kids birthdays, sport and socialising, I find my kids are far more snugly and less likely to go to bed on their own. They prefer to go into our bed all together with us, chat and fall asleep together. They need their family time hit. Other needs I feel our family has in order of hierarchy is words of affirmation and acts of service. It’s just who we are.

What are the things that you feel make up your family hierarchy of needs? 

The individuals who make up our family have varying needs in terms of their own hierarchy of needs. For example one child pretty much lives for physical affection. If I was given a dollar for every time I was asked for a cuddle, I would be a billionaire – no joke. Another child, is a words of affirmation and a love letter under the pillow works wonders for the soul. My third child is completely a time person. Asking them, what their favourite thing to do is and the response will be, at home with everyone. Ask them what they want to do and its always an activity with the word ‘ together’ tacked onto it.

It is important to learn the needs your family has both as individuals and as a whole – it’s not just a personality thing, I believe it’s layered on top of it. So often we can assume, the family needs this or that, so let’s do it. Then we wonder why the whining and complaining starts. I’m not saying change your family activities in light of the whining but take time to listen to the needs of your family and be responsive to them.

Small changes make big differences.

Homes of Victory

For example I am not a words of affirmation person, but my husband is. I’ve had to learn, to say out loud what I think about him, as he loves to hear it. Likewise, I am not a touchy feely person, and having a child who is, has really tested my patience and character. I will always cuddle as  I know that’s what they need and love. But I’ve really had to check my attitude – when I am giving the cuddle. Am I rushing, am I rolling my eyes, am I really giving them what they need, which is a big bear hug with two arms. I love it that I’ve learnt to pay attention and respond accordingly, as it is a way of filling up their love tank, but also giving each person in my family what they need. Likewise, my husband knows that since kids have come on the scene I am an acts of service person. Recently, I snuck off to have a nap, which I only do if I am desperately tired. He, kept the kids quiet, unpacked the dishwasher, cleaned it and cleaned the entire kitchen while I was asleep. I know a million brownie points right there. He woke me up as we needed to go out, but as he did, he mentioned he had a love gift for me. Leading me to the kitchen, I nearly cried. Not only had I had an hour of uninterrupted sleep, the kitchen was ready for the next round of cooking. He knew it was something I would appreciate and so he did it with purpose.

By knowing the needs of your family members, it will go a long way to knowing who they are, and what they need, not only in times of calm but when the obstacles of life come.

Think about what your families hierarchy of needs looks like. How do the five languages of love fit into the equation.

Draw your own triangle and add in your family needs. Create a separate triangle for each family member and see what you think there needs are. If your kids are old enough they may want to join in this activity.

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Blue Print

Measuring success

In a day and age when products are built to only last a short amount of time, when marketing and promotions are becoming more subtle yet more in your face, how do we move beyond having the latest and greatest and measure success in real terms. Rather than always wanting more, how do we become satisfied and dare I say content with who we are and what we have? 

This year our family is embarking on an adventure of not buying anything new. Before your mind wanders, we do have a list of exceptions that includes undies, socks, school books and food. As a family, if we want / need to buy new we will first work on finding a solution that involves recycling, reusing or refusing. If it falls into the want category it is automatically refused. Tough hey.

We have worked through the differences between need and want, the need for discipline when wanting to simply wander the shops for the sake of it, not adding things to our home just because and becoming more creative and slowing down to appreciate what we already have. In all honestly, we have more than enough and I instigated this adventure initially to save money. The kids became excited about the sustainability aspect as we all jumped on board. My excitement I do admit dissipated fairly quickly as I realised I couldn’t buy any new plants… With that said, seven months in and all family members are still on the bandwagon and we have been more creative and thoughtful with our purchases.

Taking time to think about a success criteria for our family project, got us thinking in broader terms of what type of criteria makes up, how successful we feel in life. It is easy for us to list the things that make us feel more successful – like career, car, home, kids, education. Digging a bit deeper and asking ‘Do these things really make us successful?’ revealed some interesting things, some things we weren’t prepared for and likewise things that have made us become more deliberate in how we rate our family success and how achieving our criteria makes us feel.

Think about what factors contribute to how you measure success in your family.

Be sure to read the next post on measuring success to find out what three things we learnt.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realisation that this is what the child will always need can be hard.

Sloan Wilson

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Victory

The hard question

I’ve worked in various roles that have always involved at one time or another – asking a hard question. It could be asking staff if they feel their behavior is appropriate, it could be asking a customer if how they are speaking is beneficial to the situation, it could be asking management to reconsider their decision… but when I get asked a hard question it’s a whole other level of feeling uncomfortable.

You see what I find the hardest question to answer is – what are you afraid of…How did you react to reading that? Is it a hard question for you to answer?

I used to think it was easy… snakes was always my first response. I know I’ve grown up in Australia where snakes are just a thing, to be honest I’ve only ever come across about 5 in their natural habitat. None of which were aggressive – but that fear still exists in my psyche.

Now… I feel it is such a reflective question – where at times we can bury our greatest fears in our goals and ambitions, our actions and thoughts. When I drill down past my fear of snakes – I get to a point where I fear failure – I still see it as negative… brushing past that – I fear that I won’t raise my kids well… do you see where I’m going with this??

We need to ask ourselves the hard question – not wait for someone else to challenge us – but really take time and take an honest look at what we fear? Why – so we can conquer it and look forward without fear and without any anchor dragging behind us.

As a leader it’s so important to lead your team – whether in the workplace or as a family on this journey as fear holds us all back in some form. With that said as a leader it is so valuable to be vulnerable and answer that question for yourself. Not with a 10 second answer like my snake answer – but a well thought out reflective answer. It may just change the way you lead for the better.

Ask the hard question in your home and in your sphere of influence. You may not get to hear the answer – or you may – but remember that fear is like an anchor dropped in the ocean – dragging behind you, slowing you down every time you reach up towards that goal. Don’t be held back. Name the fear – learn from it – grow from it and use it to fuel your motivation rather than hold you back.

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Blue Print

the obstacle course

part two of creating a family blueprint

I am a very visual person and I feel that the words ‘obstacle course’ aptly describe how life feels some times. At time we just need to grit our teeth and keep going, it may feel like we are crawling through mud, or climbing a never ending ladder, but one thing that always remains is change. Change is guaranteed to be a constant in our lives, so too are the ups and downs, most of which we have no control over.

One thing we can do is build a firm foundation on how to deal with what life throws our way before it happens so we are prepared and we limit the impact where possible. Before you ask, this foundation does need to be flexible and created with an open mind, otherwise it won’t work. If the following sets of conversations occur before further obstacles come our way, they will be more manageable and easier to navigate. The aim is to come out of life’s obstacles stronger and better for it, rather than defeated So lets get working on creating our obstacle course foundations.

Over the next six weeks we will be looking at the following:

part one: Who we are?

part two: What we need?

part three: Success factors

part four: Communication plan

part five: Time management plan

part six: Disaster management plan

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Blue Print

blueprint summary

Congratulations, you made it through the first part of creating a family blueprint. we hope you enjoyed the conversations and spending time doing so with the one you do life with.

How do you feel you went coming up with your blueprint foundations? Were you able to come up with a list of five priorities for each category? We found it hard and at times we both got a bit offended, a little bit cranky, but at the same time we laughed and dreamed and really enjoyed having a conversation that didn’t center around our kids.

Which was the easiest topic for you to talk about? The hardest?

For us, the money talk was easier than expected. It was the conversation about kids that took us weeks to muddle through. I must say though, it was an interesting conversation that needed to happen, as it changed the course of our future, as it was when we decided to have a third child. It almost came down to I would love a third child, if you don’t we don’t do it, but we need to reach a decision. ( For us time was ticking…)

Did you use any of these conversations to make any life changing decisions?

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Victory

#homesofvictory

How many times have we caused ourselves pain because we failed to pause and think. ‘How would my best self view and respond to this situation?’

Brendon Burchard
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Victory

work vs deed

When have we as a society stopped doing deeds for others and thought of generosity, acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, as work?


Is it just me or do you feel our culture in general is becoming more inward focused, selfish, and unkind? Is the rush of life, the desire to be somewhere, the overbooking of calendars etc… making us weary, without a capacity to think of others?


I’ve been mulling over these two words deed and work for some time, as the meaning of both words has ‘ accomplish’ in both definitions. I would argue although the definition of work has the terms ‘ exertion’ and ‘ effort’ in the definition, at times, when we carry out a deed towards someone else ( I am referring to this in a positive sense) it also does take ‘ exertion’ and ‘effort’.


work – noun: exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something. (labor/toil)

dictionary.com

deed- noun something that is done, performed or accomplished; an act… often deeds, an act or gesture, especially as illustrative of intentions, one’s character.

dictionary.com


What are your thoughts on this? I find as a leader, we can easily set the example by doing random acts of kindness that don’t often take much effort or exertion – but make a huge difference to the day of someone else. When was the last time you send a word of encouragement? When was the last time you thanked someone at work for organizing an event or meeting? When was the last time you noticed something your kids did well or did without being asked?

Don’t see kindness as work. See kindness for what it is – intentionally making some ones day that bit better. It may not take a lot of time, it may not take too much effort but what it does is brightens the world, encourages the ripple effect of smiles and kindness in a world that truly needs more kind in it.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

There is a difference between offering a service and being willing to serve. They may both include giving but only one is generous.

Simon Sinek
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Victory

# homesofvictory

A strong woman looks a challenge in the eye and gives a wink

Gina Carey

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Victory

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One minute of anger weakens the immune system for 4 to 5 hours. One minute of laughter boosts the immune system for 24 hours.

Robyn Pryor

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Victory

Can you see it?

We often joke in our marriage that my husband is the dreamer and I am the realist. To further describe it, he is the risk taker, I’m not, he is Mr Adventure, I am Mrs Risk Assessment first. After 16 years of marriage and many jokes about our personality types, I’ve come to realize, that he can see things that I can’t see and vice versa. Another way to put this is, he chooses to see things I don’t and I choose to see things he doesn’t. The next realization is – do I trust what he can see, even if I can’t? The answer is yes, but it’s always tentative, why – because I want to be able to see what he sees.

My better half will put risk into the equation because he knows / sees / believes the outcome will more than likely outweigh the risk. Can I add that he is spot on 99% of the time…

In life, what is it that you choose to see? What is it that you are encouraged to see? What is is that you may not be able to see straight up?

I’ve been really challenged by this thought lately. What is it that I don’t see – that perhaps if I did, could lead to a different outcome. As a mega organized, ahem reformed control freak, I like to plan and know how things are going to work. These last few months I’ve been testing myself in a way to see how I would cope if my comfort zone was to be pushed out – by me. The results – the kids did run out of milk one morning – not sure why running out of milk was a fear but anyway – thanks to an early morning servo run, the kids had breakfast, I applied for a dream job and was appointed in the role… I was even able to wake up with the kids on the holidays and not have the day planned. For me this is a huge achievement – for some it maybe normal – for me a huge shift

Hear me out – what you don’t see – is exactly that. When you begin to become aware that there are things unseen – things in life such as behaviors, attitudes and thought patterns that could be holding you back… why not try to see them. Why not explore a change in your comfort zone – push yourself a little. My example may not resonate with you, but think of a way to make yourself uncomfortable – I’m sure you will be fine – more fine than you give yourself credit for.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Leaders instill in their people a hope for success and a belief in themselves. Positive leaders empower people to accomplish their goals.

unknown

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Don’t find the fault, find the remedy.

Henry Ford
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Victory

What are you empty of?

I don’t know about you, but in the hustle and bustle of life, how full does your brain feel? Mine feels… overflowing. I’ve recently started a new job which is AMAZING, and our family has been adjusting fairly well to the changes with that. But one thing my husband said to me over the weekend caught my attention. You see, in taking up this new role, I went in with eyes wide open, and a mindset of not only doing the task well but making sure my family and marriage came first and remained first. All other things would flow from that. The thing he said to me was, “I didn’t tell you…… during the week, you looked like you had too many tabs open in your mind”.

Now I am a sucker for starting to read two or three books at a time, I’ve always had a busy mind. I will write shopping lists, to do lists – and exhaust those just watching me get organised. But… what I need to realise – and wish I had done so earlier was that my brain – actually needs space to be my brain and simply function. I overload it with things that really shouldn’t come anywhere near the priority list. Are you with me? I realised I worry about people and events I read about in the news, I scroll through snap shots of other peoples lives and start to grow stories in my mind of the what if’s and could be’s. All of this is unnecessary. All of this is just overwhelming – especially when we add it to our daily intake of stuff.

Not only am I trying to work out dinner for my family, and listen to the battles of their day, work out the bickering between the kids and so on, I am taking on the worries of the world – when really, I don’t need to and really, I shouldn’t. This may I add is different to empathy – empathy is great and amazing – at the right time and place. What I am talking about here is taking on the worries of the world and carrying them like a burden – a backpack of worry.

How many of us are guilty of this? Filling our minds with what isn’t ours to worry about? Filling the gaps of precious down time we have with everything else but just being still and enjoying the moment. I came across this quote which came at a very apt time, when all of these thoughts about what I take in each and every day. Augustine once said

We must empty ourselves of all that fills us so we may be filled with what we are empty of. 

Augustine

Now ask yourself, what is it that fills up your brain? Work, living, chores, anxiety, worry, feeling overwhelmed? What is it that you need to take away or empty yourselves from, so that you can be filled again?

To put Augustine’s quote to the test, and to personally challenge my scrolling addiction, I jumped off the social media bandwagon for 21 days. Can I just say, it was hard at first, but it got easier and better. I filled my usual scrolling time with reading and chatting to my kids and being more present that I already was. I feel I have started a new habit of scrolling less and connecting more.

What are you going to do?