This is a question I love to ask, but hate to answer… We all have a unique personality, with unique skill sets and abilities. What is it about you, that firstly makes you, you and secondly, who are you to other people? The influence you have in your world – the influence you have on those around you – at home, work and play – you may never know its extent. What we do know is, we have capacity to influence those around us – whichever way we choose
Does it matter to you, what type of influence you have?
At times we don’t know what influence we have, other times we find out, other times we receive feedback that is critical or unkind. How do you respond to that?
I often respond with reflection – firstly is the criticism fair, is it true, is it partly true? Of course it hurts and at times, we need to choose not to let it affect us, other times, we need to take it on board and use it to grow.
So then, What is it about you? What makes you unique? What type of influence do you have in your world?
Please don’t move on from this question without spending a little time reflecting on who you are, the influence you have and the amazing contribution you make to those in your world.
I hold that a strongly marked personality can influence descendants for generations.
You don’t have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.
Hey just checking into see how your end of 2020 is going? Here in Australia along with other countries around the world, COVID is popping up again, and making life a little hectic and stressful. Like everyone touched by COVID, our Christmas plans are becoming more vauge as final decisions cannot be made yet. Life has it’s way of throwing curve balls at us, but at the end of the day its how we respond.
We get it that, we are sick of responding in a half hearted positive way as our energy is sapped with the trying part. We get it that so many changes to what we planned, what we dreamed of, what we are working towards – is draining. We are coming to the end of the year exhaused and wanting to nap.
During this time of uncertainty, take a moment to remember what you are thankful for. List them out. Even if it is one thing. Write it down. Remember it during this time.
Also, take time to rest, not just your body but your mind. Do something that allows you to rest – walk, sleep, exercise – whatever it is – rest.
Lastly, we want to encourage you at the end of the year – to revive your roots. The strength you have found during this year – needs to be acknowledged, the hard days you’ve got through, the unexpected fun days, the changes you’ve made to your family life, the changes to your role at work, the changes to your employment – all needs acknowledgment. These influences have contributed to foundational changes in your ability to deal with stress, change and flexibility due to cirumstances beyond your control – Hooray. See it for what it is. Your roots are going deeper, your capacity has enlarged and you’ve gained life experience that perhaps other generations will never know.
End this year, knowing you’ve grown, you’ve changed and your stronger for it.
We would love to know how your year has gone for you and what skills you have picked up along the way…
In the last post on influence and persuasion we shared about influence and how we get to choose whether it is positive or negative. Today, we are continuing the conversation about how our words have influence also.
Peggy O’Mara states that:
The way we talk to our children, becomes their inner voice
Peggy O’Mara
What words are soaking into your kids hearts as you raise them? What words will then rise up within them when they face the trials in life? What influence will spill out of them as their sphere of influence grows? I know I want my kids, to hear the words in their heart saying to them, “I am loved”, “ I am good enough”, “ I can do this”, “ I am stronger than I think I am”,“ I am safe”, “ I am cared for”, “ I can tell Mum…”, “ I can tell Dad…” the list goes on. I may not always be there but I know my words will be carried in their heart. They will hear what I have said to them, ring true when the need arises.
For years, I saw the strength of my influence over my children, as a great responsibility and it is, but it was burdensome. Deep down I am a perfectionist and I wanted more than anything to be the best type of influence I could be. The burden became so great, that I probably, no definitely let my influence slip into the negative because I was so hard on myself. After reading this quote, and doing some soul searching of the most emotional kind, I came to realise it is not a burden but rather a privilege and like all things parenting I am never going to be perfect and get it right 100% of the time.
In the end, we may not know how much influence we have, but what we will know is that we made the effort to influence for good.
I’ll leave you with this thought:
Leadership is influence
John C. Maxwell
Take time to reflect on the influence you have?
Do you see it as a responsibility or burden?
Think of times you’ve seen your kids behave in a way where you know it was your influence shining through? How does it make you feel?
As a parent I know my persuasion skills have hit a new level. I feel I am now fully qualified to get what I want, when I want… most of the time without a tantrum from the kid involved. I do think it comes down to practice and by the time I reached the third kid, they know the look in my eye, when I just need to get my own way this time for whatever reason… any one agree?
I do wonder but, what my influencing skills are like and will I ever really know my reach?
In a nutshell, there is are subtle differences between the two words:
Influence means the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behaviour of someone or something, or the effect itself.
Persuasion means the action or process of persuading someone or of being persuaded to do or believe something.
When we influence our family it may come down to our mood and how we say things – who has had a child repeat a word the same way you say it? In my home at the moment, my youngest says ‘ seriously’. I know she gets it from me, and she does a good job mimicking me. It may come down to the type of words we choose to use – encouraging or not, how we speak about other people, do we gossip?, do we uplift? The list goes on. Everything we do and say as a parent has influence.
In the workplace, I love to talk to staff about their sphere of influence. What they do and don’t have influence over – how this impacts their work and them as a person. It is really uplifting when you understand, your sphere of influence and how you can impact others for good. I’ve seen staff flourish tenfold when they get it – really get it. They may not be in positions of leadership, but they certainly lead in their sphere of influence. It’s amazing to watch whole teams transform, when individual staff realise their sphere of influence and focus on what they can do rather than what they can’t.
At times, I just love to watch my kids interact with other kids and other adults. I watch to see how the behave when they think I’m not there. The smiles and pride comes when I see them do the things I’ve taught them and come to expect of them. Like my daughter holding the door open for another family at ballet, my son collecting the cones at the end of footy training without being asked, my daughter reaching out to a sick friend in an email to see how she is, those kinds of behaviours make me feel like I’ve done something right in terms of influence.
On the flipside, I have seen behaviours in my kids, where I cringe and think, oh no…, I need to remember to behave better myself next time. Like when I get a bit cranky on the roads and call someone an idiot… or when I’ve yelled because I think no one is listening, they yell at me when they think I’m not listening. Influence works both ways, it does not differentiate between good and bad…
Influence like words, is powerful, more powerful than we give it credit for. Unlike words where we can choose to say nothing, influence never switches off. Even our silence is a type of influence. Luckily, we have a choice to make about how we influence – in a positive or negative way. No one is ever going to be perfect, but we can try little by little to bring a positive spin to our sphere of influence.
I have worked extensively in customer service roles and I can still remember some customers who walk into a space and light up the room without saying a word. This is influence of the best kind. It uplifts and it brings joy. It also shows the power of influence in all its glory.
The next generation we are raising needs us, their family to influence them in a positive way. We need to be the loudest and most positive voice in the hustle and bustle of growing up. Too much of the world relies on the negative to fuel sources of conversation, to fuel the need to feel loved, the need to feel better about themselves. The children we are raising, already have influence and as they get older, the reach of their influence will expand.
Peggy O’Mara states that:
The way we talk to our children, becomes their inner voice.
Peggy O’Mara
Stay tuned for the second part of this post tomorrow. We have more to share on this topic.
What words are soaking into your kids hearts as you raise them? What words will then rise up within them when they face the trials in life? What influence will spill out of them as their sphere of influence grows? I know I want my kids, to hear the words in their heart saying to them, ‘ I am loved”, “ I am good enough”, “ I can do this”, “ I am stronger than I think I am”,“ I am safe”, “ I am cared for”, “ I can tell Mum…”, “ I can tell Dad…” the list goes on. I may not always be there but I know my words will be carried in their heart. They will hear what I have said to them, ring true when the need arises.
For years, I saw the strength of my influence over my children, as a great responsibility and it is, but it was burdensome. Deep down I am a perfectionist and I wanted more than anything to be the best type of influence I could be. The burden became so great, that I probably, no definitely let my influence slip into the negative because I was so hard on myself. After realising this quote, and some soul searching of the most emotional kind, I came to realise it is not a burden but a rather a privilege and like all things parenting I am never going to be perfect and get it right 100% of the time.
In the end, we may not know how much influence we have, but what we will know is that we made the effort to influence for good. I’ll leave you with this thought:
Leadership is influence
John C. Maxwell
Take time to reflect on the influence you have?
Do you see it as a responsibility or burden?
Think of times you’ve seen your kids behave in a way where you know it was your influence shining through? How does it make you feel?
Working with resource allocation can be tricky, firstly working out the needs and wants, navigating the decision making process, communicating the final decisions and getting the team leaders on board to then be able to run with what they have.
During this season, creativity is entering into the most rigid of processes and encouraging ‘do more with less’ outcomes because of necessity. I have been pleasantly surprised by the significant changes, this season has almost forced upon workplaces and staff for that matter. Even though I have been personally impacted by reduced resourcing I am none the less impressed by the changes outworking during this season. The collaboration out of necessity, the shifting of mindsets,the ebbs and flows of decision making and project delivery methods. It is incredible to be apart of and also witness in the businesses around my city and the world.
In applying these creative methods to our home lives, it may be out of necessity due to reduced finances, or drastic changes in routine, it is interesting to note that out capacity seems to have adjusted and our mindsets have flexed also.
When allocating resources to projects and business as usual tasks I often visualise the game of Tetris. How should the resources fit to have the best outcomes. I must admit to needing some brain breaks lately to order my thoughts and have found myself playing Tetris. Somehow, while lining up the blocks, I am able to creatively work out the solution to the real life resourcing issue at hand. No longer, is it a game I played as a kid, competing to get the highest score, but now its gone to a whole new level of helping me work through resources allocation dilemmas.
What ways has this season forced you to be more creative?
Aside from the negative impacts of this season, what are some positive changes that have occurred?
Thank you to all the Dads, Grandpas, Dads to be, uncles and brothers.
You are all super heroes – to your loved ones.
We honor you today for the special role you play in the lives of your family and friends! It wouldn’t be the same with out you.
To those who have loved and lost, may your hearts be reminded of the big bear hugs and the joy your Dad brought to your life- be it a little or a lot.
To our Homes of Victory Dads – you have taught us so much and so generously shared your wisdom with us. May we continue your legacy in the life of our family – showing grace and patience, bringing the fun and joy while leading and mentoring the next generation.
Growing up I was obsessed with Nelson Mandela. To me, he was a hero. I’ve always had a social conscience and never understood how segregation based on colour could happen. Perhaps as a child I was naive, or perhaps I was raised learning what loving thy neighbour really meant. Either way, I loved reading about how he achieved what he did, how he never let his fervour for change diminish. He always had the greater good in mind. He was in my eyes a great example of what one person can do, with their choices, actions and words to literally change the world.
Whatever your opinion is of Nelson Mandela, his life, his journey, his sacrifice of ‘ normal’ – we can all learn a thing or two from him. Here are the top five things I’ve learnt from his life:
1. There is power in forgiveness – Nelson Mandela, didn’t let his imprisonment or how he was dreadfully treated rob him of his joy. He chose forgiveness as it would allow him peace, and allow him to continue to work tirelessly. Be the one to take the first steps towards peace, and forgive. It’s not easy, but worth it.
2. It’s not about me – Look with vision at the next generation and the ones to come after that. At times we can be so consumed with the task at hand, we forget to look at the bigger picture. What will your influence be, your legacy, your capacity to impact for good?
3. It only takes one – One man stood up, and fought for the rights of those around him, soon he was joined by more and change eventually followed, after oppression, imprisonment etc… Are you the one, to make the change, to have the passion, to have the determination to bring about improvements in your sphere of influence?
4. Influence is precious – use it for good. We may never know who we influence how, but it is our responsibility to try our best to influence those around us for the best. Set the example, make the sacrifice and never underestimate your influence.
5. No season is ever wasted – being sent to prison for standing up for what is right, for what you believe in is no easy feat for Nelson Mandela. In life, seasons good and bad, come and go use each season to learn and in time, wisdom and experience will be your fuel to get through.
I may not be able to portray the magnitude of impact this one man’s life has had on humanity. What I can do is learn from him and apply it to my sphere of influence. This world leader, has certainly shaped the kind of leader I want to be.
I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling like I have some sort of COVID fatigue. Where life is still not how it was, even though I don’t really want it to go back to exactly how it was ( read: too busy) , then at the same time, I am liking this somewhat forced down time. Even if it means less in the finances and more in the time tank.
At the beginning of COVID and our first lockdown our family embarked on a daily afternoon walk. We began to love exploring our neighbourhood one street at a time. On one street close to ours, we found written in chalk on a block wall the words,
Stay Strong…. I whispered to my Wi-Fi.
A friendly neighbour…
We loved this ‘encouragement’ and crack a smile every time we pass it. In perfect positioning, our area has terrible internet and with everyone working from home, by lunch time the internet frequently needed a siesta. So this quote is very apt.
Even though this makes us chuckle every time we pass it, and we wanted to ‘socially distant’ high five the person that cheers us up, we soberly realised that we did need to stay strong… we didn’t know how long it would last and sadly we are at the start of a second wave, where lockdowns are starting to occur again.
Here at Homes of Victory, we want to encourage you to stay strong. Tell us how you are staying strong, through this unprecedented year of change. We would love to share your story with other readers to encourage them.
How are you staying strong during this time?
What type of humor reminds you to make the most of the season, even when in all seriousness it is awful?
Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him — or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.
Homes of Victory 