While visiting a friend we decided to take the kids for a walk along a bike path near a creek. We thought they would like running free and exploring the bush.
Moe, decided that it would be much easier to be carried, and whinged and complained until I gave in. No sooner had I picked him up, he did a massive sneeze. Instead of covering his mouth, he turned aside and let out his sneeze. Which I thought was very considerate for a two year old, until… the snot landed on my foot. “Oh! That’s gross. ” I said looking at Moe. He simply replied, “I just blessed you Mummy.”
To be a true influencer is to have an impact on the behaviours, attitudes, opinions and choices of others. A leader’s ability to have influence is based on trust. The more trust there is, the more influence you have. Be careful not to confuse influence with coercion or manipulation. Just because trust is involved doesn’t mean it can be taken advantage of.
As a leader, you must constantly aware of how you influence those around you. The way you speak – will influence the culture of your workplace, the way you work will set the level of expectation, the way you carry yourself during stressful situations will set the standard for others, the way you do what you do – will influence how your staff, your family, whoever you are leading – behaves . It sets the tone of expectation, it sets the standard to which you expect tasks completed. Choose how you influence. Choose how you impact those around you.
Here are four specific areas, the skills of an influencer targets:
Organizational Intelligence: Understand how to get things done and embrace the reality of working within organizational politics. ( What I like to call sticky red tape)
Team Promotion: Leaders with influence learn how to honestly promote themselves. Bearing in mind they also promote what is good for the entire organization
Building trust: With your team, your peers and others in leadership positions.
Collaboration: No leader works alone, connect with others in you network – be empowered by this, and empower others.
These skill areas can be translated into your home and friendships. We are leaders in our home ( organisation equivalent) working within the constraints of family / income/ time etc… as parents with influence, we can learn to promote ourselves to our children – not in a selfish egotistical way, but rather in a ‘ setting the example’ type way. Trust is self-explanatory and so too is collaboration – the older you children get – there will be more ways to collaborate and empower them to make decisions, be part of the decision making process, or simply learn how to work well with others – using all strengths for the greater good.
The last thing I was add about influencing as a leadership trait is: influence must never be confused with coercion or manipulation. Being influential / being an influencer – needs to be accomplished in a positive manner – where you are setting a standard for expectations, using your influence to benefit those around you and most of all have a positive impact on behaviours, attitudes and choices.
“ Yes, her Grammy told her that she was, and if she wasn’t careful she would be thrown into the fire”
“ Well that’s not very nice..” doubting the conversation was relayed correctly.
“ No it’s not.”
Two weeks later… I’m serious she thinks about things in depth…
“ Mum where do Thorny Devils live?”
“ I don’t know sweetheart.”
“ I think they are naughty people… where do naughty people live?”
“ Naughty people can live anywhere..”
“ Oh, I’m glad there are none in Brisbane.” She sounded so relieved… as she simply decided how life is.
“ I hope you don’t call any one a Thorny Devil… it’s not a nice thing to say.”
“ Oh no I don’t, but Lucy does.”
“ Well make sure you always use kind words.”
“ Okay Mum”
A week later and it finally clicked in my mind that a thorny devil is a lizard, gee I need to scrub up on my animal species. It all makes perfect sense… now. Upon sharing my new found knowledge with Lalee, the response was:
“ What! Do naughty people get turned into lizards… Oh my goodness.”
I love it how Dads play with their kids. It is so different to how Mums play… the only thing is they get sucked in before they realise – cue the bad guy laughter…
Act1: Playing cafes in the lounge room with Dad
Dad(D): Hi can I buy some coffee?
Lalee(L): That will be one hundred million dollars
D: Do you think that’s a bit much for coffee?
L: Guess you won’t be buying coffee then.
Lalee gracefully walked off and started to play another game. Her poor Dad was left a little confused. Later he confessed, he nearly asked if that that is how you play shops… but thought better of it. He wanted to enjoy his real ‘ far cheaper’ coffee in peace.
Act 2: Another day of playing cafe’s…
L“ Dad… would you like to order a coffee?”
D“ Sure, one coffee please”
L“ That will be one million dollars.”
D“ Really?”
L“ Yes.” Was the adamant response.
D“ That’s expensive coffee, could I get a discount?”
This is a question I love to ask, but hate to answer… We all have a unique personality, with unique skill sets and abilities. What is it about you, that firstly makes you, you and secondly, who are you to other people? The influence you have in your world – the influence you have on those around you – at home, work and play – you may never know its extent. What we do know is, we have capacity to influence those around us – whichever way we choose
Does it matter to you, what type of influence you have?
At times we don’t know what influence we have, other times we find out, other times we receive feedback that is critical or unkind. How do you respond to that?
I often respond with reflection – firstly is the criticism fair, is it true, is it partly true? Of course it hurts and at times, we need to choose not to let it affect us, other times, we need to take it on board and use it to grow.
So then, What is it about you? What makes you unique? What type of influence do you have in your world?
Please don’t move on from this question without spending a little time reflecting on who you are, the influence you have and the amazing contribution you make to those in your world.
I hold that a strongly marked personality can influence descendants for generations.
You don’t have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.
Victory is about recognizing all the work that went into achieving your dream.
Tommy Hilfiger
One catch phrase that is often spoken in our home is “a little bit of help goes a long way”. Whether it is putting one dish in the dishwasher and not on the bench, whether it is getting all of the clothes into the actual clothes basket – those things as parents where we mutter, why do I have to do that, when you are old enough… any way enough of my ranting.
When we realise, a little bit and a little bit more and then some more equals achievement. Goals suddenly become achievable. Unlike goal setting when we are in charge of the goals we set and work towards, life has a way of challenging us, growing us and keeping us on our toes. When we break down what we have succeeded in – whether you got through one load of washing with your baby today, or drove your teenager to footy training without yelling, or even cooking dinner at a reasonable time – these things all add up. These things contribute to the bigger picture of family life – the victories in life.
I picked up my son from a friends house one day and the friends dad wanted to speak to me. I had this sharp split second thought of ‘on no what did he do’. He asked me if it was normal for my boy to put his dishes in the sink after dinner… I said yeah, we all do after dinner. He looked so surprised and said, I didn’t know kids did that. What I didn’t say was, every night for the last seven years we have asked him to put his dishes in the sink, the victory being he happened to remember to do it at a friends house. It’s perspective. Kids can do it – little by little, it may seem repetitive as a parent, but the little by little turns into a victory.
This is only a simple example, but what I am saying is – whatever it is that you are working towards – in your family life, in your career, in your personal journey through life – change is possible, your goals are possible – but it will be one step at a time – bit by bit. One other thing, it will be done out of sight – what we taught our boy (all of our kids) wasn’t done in public – it was in the privacy of our own home. What he learnt in here – he applied out there.
One last thing – don’t let the victory no matter how small go un- celebrated. I told my son I was proud of his behaviour at his friends house – spoke that encouragement over his life – it was a victory worth celebrating.
The great victory, which appears so simple today, was the result of a series of small victories that went unnoticed.
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
General George Smith Patton, Jr.
I love the mind of a child. I love watching and learning. At times I ask my children to do something, and the way they do it is rather surprising. As adults we can assume that children know how to do it the way we want it done, without telling them. Other times, we are perplexed why they don’t know how to do something we’ve shown them ten times over.
An example of this, is a recent three day screen ban in our home. I won’t go into why the ban was put in place, but what I will say is be prepared to follow through on a threat – even it is causes you pain! Any way, on day one, when I was told, “I’m bored”, ” I don’t know what to do”. The resounding response was go outside and play. We are very blessed with a back yard, and in that yard we have a grassed area big enough to kick a ball and gardens filled with native plants and a mature mango tree. Before I knew it, my two eldest children were designing a treehouse, they were pestering my husband for use of a drill and had called their grandpa and organised for him to bring over some items they needed to build it. Within the three days, a basic tree house was built. No screens, no fights, no tantrums, no disobedience. Plain and simple – getting along, communicating, teamwork and fun.
They surprised me no end, and I was very proud how they copped the ban on the chin, and focused on what they could do, rather than what they knew the couldn’t ( or rather were not allowed to do)
Sometimes, we need to remember in life, we don’t need to over complicate things, by adding the ‘ how’ into every conversation, but rather take a deep breath – ask, tell, direct, whatever the basic instruction maybe – and let the how take care of itself.
In leadership, nothing provokes frustration like resistance. We all have ways of working around it, like change management, innovation, the like it or lump it mentality – the list goes on. May I add here, when parents face resistance from their offspring, many of these work arounds occur too… including ignoring and hoping it goes away…
When we look at resistance in term of lifting weights or exercising – resistance shines in a positive light. When we face resistance we get stronger. When we continue to face the resistance the resistance reduces – as our strength increases.
The question I pose is this – even though resistance in whatever form it comes, can be frustrating – can it also contribute to growth?
We all have that person in our lives, that makes it a little difficult, one where we try to work with them, try to collaborate with them, try to make it the relationship better- sometimes the resistance will always be there – but sometimes it will be the thing that makes us a better person.
I can’t help but put this example in here, I love my kids so much. One thing I have come to realise when I compare them to others ( we try not to but you know it happens) that my kids are not compliant. I mean, not compliant by any means. They are good kids, they do behave well but they are questioners. When I was a kid, I was satisfied when I questioned and got the answer “because I said so” – who agrees right – some times as parents we just say so.
Oh no, not my kids. They question, and negotiate, fuel the conversation with more resistance, add more curiosity and at times it never seems to end. To be honest – I love this trait, we have raised them to be curious and to question – but sometimes I just wish they would accept the answer “because I said so.” With that said, the resistance over the years – and I mean that with kindness, the curiosity we have encountered, the long into the night conversations about the name of the bone in our nose… we know we are definitely more intelligent, more prepared for conversations and know what to expect. In this instance, resistance has made us stronger.
What type of experiences have you had where resistance has made you a better leader? Better parent? Better person?
Our words often frame who we are and how those around us see us and are influenced by us. Our words are so powerful. On my first day back at work for 2021 I was challenged by a work mate who simply asked me ” What is your word for the year?” It wasn’t something I had ever really thought about. I often think of words and their definition and how I live by them – but I have never decided upon a word for a year. My lovely work mate, shared her word for 2021- positive. She wants to see life in a positive frame, rather than the fear she felt she had during 2020. I love this concept, and the responses from other staff really encouraged me and showed me that at times we may not need a new years resolution or new year goals, but rather a new way of thinking, a simple word to hold onto.
The question I now ask, is do you have a word for the year?
I’ll share mine – although these two words have been my word of the year in a way for many years.
The two words I love most are enable and empower. These two words tucked away in my heart – determine how I see the world, how I see what I do and how I interact with those around me. These words are so powerful many ways. I’ll give you the definition here to add context to the power of these two words:
Enable: to make able; give power, means, competence, ability to // to make possible or easy // to encourage or support
dictionary.com
Empower: to give power or authority to
dictionary.com
For word nerds like me, both of these words are verbs – action words. They represent something that is done. (I’ll never forget the ROTE learning of ‘ a verb is a doing word’). I personally love these two words and aim in my home, workplace and world to enable and empower those around me. If I can give just a little encouragement, a little power through my support, increase the confidence of those around me to achieve their goals – I feel my job is done. If I can be generous in unexpected ways to enc0urage or support, if I can make a way for goals to be achieved, if I can cheer you on to give you authority over your fears – then my job is done.
I hope this encourages you and inspires you to think about a word that you would like to hold onto this year, a word that represents the year you aim to have – despite the circumstances around us.
Ler us know in the comments your word of the year – we can’t wait to hear what they are!
Happy New Year! What an exciting year 2021 is set to be. We can’t wait to see how this year unfolds.
We thought we would share, a beautiful image of summer in Australia. We have followers from all over the world, and one thing we love here at Homes of Victory is taking time out to recharge – and our choice of destination in summer is the beach. For those you in the middle of winter right now, we hope this warms your heart.
May we all remember this year to plan to recharge and include it in our family habits.
Thanks for tuning into Homes of Victory 2021, we have some exciting things in the pipeline to encourage you and support you as families.
The thing about patience is, you can only learn to be patient by being patient. Patience is a skill and an art all in one. Growing up, us kids knew when my Dad was being patient, he would clear his throat. As though he was just giving us a little time to start behaving, as we knew better, or waiting for us to say what we needed to say or a little time for him to choose his words wisely. His leadership in this area, has impacted the way I do things. Granted I am not as patient as him, but I try to allow time to pass before making decisions, before correcting my kids, before doing most things. Patience allows time – time for strategic thinking, time for clear evaluation, time for things to settle on their own, time for things to work out. Demonstrating patience in the workplace and home, shows strength. The key is to know when patience or action is required.
Homes of Victory 