Tag: goals

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Victory

Thank you Superheroes

Here in Australia it’s Fathers Day!

Thank you to all the Dads, Grandpas, Dads to be, uncles and brothers.

You are all super heroes – to your loved ones.

We honor you today for the special role you play in the lives of your family and friends! It wouldn’t be the same with out you.

To those who have loved and lost, may your hearts be reminded of the big bear hugs and the joy your Dad brought to your life- be it a little or a lot.

To our Homes of Victory Dads – you have taught us so much and so generously shared your wisdom with us. May we continue your legacy in the life of our family – showing grace and patience, bringing the fun and joy while leading and mentoring the next generation.

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Resilience

Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.

Nelson Mandela

The road is getting tougher and tougher – yet you keep on walking. Life is getting to you, yet you keep going – finding strength you didn’t know you had. You get through it – stronger and more victorious that you expected. Hello increased resilience. Face the battle with your weapons of determination and perseverance, standing fast knowing when you succeed and you will, you will be stronger and better for it.

The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.

Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper 
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Blue Print

time summary

Getting a grip on time management in family life can be challenging. I often hear parents say, “how to I make time when I have none – I can’t even shower alone”, “how can I work on my relationship when we are like ships in the night”. Here are some final thoughts on time – in family life.

Be intentional

Block out time in your calendar for family time. Nothing can override that time and it needs to be a priority.

Also, block out time for each other. Even if it’s one hour a week – to just stop and chat, play a game, discuss a book, learn about each other. This is not a time to watch TV or look at a screen, but time to really invest into your relationship.

One on one time

This may be at home or out and about – but make sure every family member gets a chance to feel special, feel listened to and feel encouraged. It could be a matter of taking a child with you to get petrol, it could be taking one of them to do groceries, it could be a parent / child date night – whatever it is, there is great value in one on one time – even if it’s squeezed into the busy of life.

One change

What is one thing that can be changed to make a big difference? Is it a matter of adjusting work hours, could it be changing a child’s music lesson to another day, is it deciding that take out is in order on a particular night of the week, so everyone gets to bed on time?

However you make time management work for your family, take heart you are doing the best you can. Be encouraged that the investment you make now in your family, will never return to you void.

Do not fool yourself into thinking it’s about the amount of time, or how you managed it, it will be about the quality time you carved out in the busy that will make all the difference.   

Homes of victory

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Victory

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Beware of destination addiction. The idea that happiness is the next place, the next job or even with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it’ll never be where you are.

Robert Holden
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Victory

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If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.

Simon Sinek

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Humility

Every person that you meet knows something you don’t: learn from them.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Humility is attractive. Humility is a magnet for integrity, collaboration, appreciation, and acknowledgement.  Humility attracts staff, who will want to work with you, look forward to being around you and motivated by you. They know you will acknowledge their efforts, appreciate their hard work, and offer a human side to leadership.

Likewise, when we are humble in our homes, humble toward our children, we show them reality, the realness of life. Yes, difficulties arise, and challenges are met – not perfectly but to the best of our abilities. Granted it may take humiliation to encourage our humility but if our families witness it firsthand, how much more are they going to value us as parents. How much more are they going to value humility and being humble themselves. In turn they will begin to value integrity, want to receive our appreciation, be acknowledged, and finally behave like this towards others.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis

Never curse a fall. The ground is where humility lives. 

Yasmin Mogahed
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Victory

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If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.

Maya Angelou
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Blue Print

measuring success 3

I’ve worked in several workplaces, experienced and facilitated a range of performance appraisals. Apologies, I can hear you sighing already – but stay with me. At one workplace, I copied and pasted my answers to each appraisal question for seven years and no one noticed. In my current workplace, performance appraisals are taken seriously and actually contribute to motivating and encouraging staff. Performance appraisals often use stagnant criteria to measure success without taking into account the person, but rather just their output. I love conducting performance reviews as it allows me to connect with my team members, encourage them on a personal level and get to know their personal and corporate goals.

In your family, how do you measure your success? What kind of appraisal do you give your self? What motivates you? In all honesty, for several years our goals slipped by the way side and if we could bath, feed and get our kids to sleep we were winners. All too often though, we would flop into bed and ask each other if we felt defeated. Not a nice feeling.

One thing that we have started to do, is not only set goals that have easy to use success measures, but have found a way for our kids to appraise our performance as parents without them knowing. We’ve taught them to write cards to us every Christmas, birthday, Mothers and Fathers day. They need to tell us three things they like and why. At times the words out of the mouth of babes, have been a source of encouragement and joy. Its easy to be negative and think about what you could have done better but sometimes you need a little wisdom from the younger generation. Once my daughter wrote at the ending of her card that I was the best cook in the world. Hilarious, my cooking is mediocre at best – but not to her. If she sees the best in me, then maybe I should try to do the same. One time our boy wrote that his favourite time with Dad was at home. Nothing spectacular but it shows how he enjoys the every day. Another note we got was about how funny Dad’s, Dad jokes are. It showed us in the silly and the busy that we are doing okay. Our kids notice the little things and so should we.

Navigating success or the feeling of it where kids are kids, life is busy and no end seems to be in sight, it often feels like an ongoing negotiation where we just need to find a solution. I recently learnt that the reward for navigating one challenge is the next challenge. It doesn’t sound too inspiring does it, but in reality it is. The season of kids when working though what family life looks like with additional people in it, is often hard to measure let alone be seen as a success. I encourage you that as a family, learn from each challenge – look for the small wins.” I folded some washing today”, ” I was thanked for lunch today”. Once you start speaking the good, you’ll think of more good. See the good and it will flow into your feeling of success. This in turn will encourage you to keep on keeping on and setting goals and living the life you want.

Think about how your kids encourage you? What things do they say or do that really gives you an idea of how they see you?

List some things that you have learnt due to facing some challenges in the season of children.

Encourage one another as a family to talk about the good things that have come from the challenges you have faced. See the joy of overcoming challenges.

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Victory

On the flipside

Here at Homes of Victory we are all about applying leadership and management skills to our home life – to improve it. Simon Sinek – the leadership master flips that on its head by saying 

The closest thing to leadership is parenting. You have to be an infinite student of parenting.

Simon Sinek

Here at Homes of Victory we wholeheartedly agree with this. On a practical level, I know I have used the same tactics I’ve used with my kids with difficult client..  I’ve even got to the point with one extremely difficult customer who continued to yell at me, I simply said, ‘I’m sorry sir, my children behave better than you. When you calm down, I can help you’. He stood in stunned silence in front of me, he took a step back, lowered his voice and replied ‘Really?’ All I could do was nod.

When we stop to think about what our children have taught us and how we have applied those learnings to our family and workplaces, it is amazing how intertwined the learnings are.

One thing, I’ve learnt from my children that I take into the workplace is a really positive attitude to problem solving and the ability to put issues into perspective. After having children, and learning to live life in the fast lane when it comes to scooting out the door for school. The problems I’ve solved in less than 20 seconds, astound even me. I have the ability to pack leftover breakfast, gather my children and get them walking – with shoes on – do I get an amen to that!, to the vague location of the car, while dealing with milk dropped in the fridge without even breaking a sweat. These issues are not life or death – they just require perspective.

Another thing I have learnt from my children is around expectations. I have high expectations of myself and also expect high behaviour levels from my children. I was finding in the workplace I too, placed high expectations of staff – at times – higher than necessary, higher than what was fair. By learning what are fair expectations verses unrealistic ones, I am a better parent and better leader.

What are some things your children have taught you, that you were able to use in the workplace? 

I’ll leave you with one more quote, to stir your thoughts, 

Leadership is not a title, it’s a choice. Leaders take care of those in their care.

Simon Sinek

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Victory

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Freedom starts with honesty.

Judah Smith, author Jesus Is____________________: Find a New Way to Be Human
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Leadership

Leadership trait: Integrity

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year’s fashions. 

 Lillian Hellman

Being honest and having strong moral principles is what integrity is all about. Having this leadership trait means you are undivided and confident in your dealings and  decisions. Nothing sways you. This trait when applied to the home, will bring a lasting memory for your children and other half, about how over time your integrity goes before you and that is how you will be known. Having integrity is not always easy and often hard decisions need to be made. Stick to your guns and keep your integrity. It will hold you in good stead over the long term. You will never regret having integrity.

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

Oprah Winfrey
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Victory

#homesofvictory

Audacious vision never cowers in the darkness.

Steven Furtick, Author or Sun Stand Still; What Happens When you Dare to Ask God for the Impossible.
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Building community

In conversation with Josh and Cole

We are blessed to call Josh and Cole family. The age gap between us is also large enough for us to have experienced their first date with them, through to their marriage and where they are at now. These two are so genuine and generous of spirit we hope you are inspired by them.

Who is in your family

Josh, Cole, our 3 month old baby, Ben, and our dog, Aria. 

Give us some background to what you both do career wise.

Josh specialises in commercial and residential property acquisitions for individuals and businesses. I am a bid consultant and help businesses win work by helping them develop compelling tenders, proposals and grants. 

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

We’re a bit of a mix. I love to plan and Josh is more relaxed and is really good at going with the flow. So we really balance each other. 

You have a new baby! What has that been like for the two of you?

It has been a really big change for us. We always knew it would be but it was difficult to genuinely understand just what that meant until it happened. Gone are the days of binge watching tv till all hours, sleeping in, and spontaneously going out but it has definitely brought us closer together. We were friends before we dated and married and that has always provided a strong foundation for our relationship. We have done so much together over the last 13 years! We can always rely on one another for support and having a baby has definitely been one of those times when we needed it!

What has changed in your relationship?

I guess the main thing is that there is a new person in it. It had been the two of us (and Aria) for a long time and now we have little Benjamin who needs most of our time, attention and energy, and he needs different things from each of us. 

Did you expect these changes? How have you managed them?

It wasn’t unexpected that life would change and that it would be ‘hard’ but it was difficult to see what life would be like with a baby until we lived it. So we expected it but weren’t fully prepared and I think it has impacted us both as a couple and as individuals. The change is also exacerbated because you have no idea what you’re doing with a brand new baby and you’re sleep deprived to boot!! The current COVID-19 crisis hasn’t made it any easier because it has physically distanced family and friends too. 

But we’re learning as we go and checking in. We’re navigating it by being really honest with each other, having a good sense of humour, and not taking ourselves too seriously. 

We’ve always been really honest with each other which makes life, and life with a new baby, a lot easier. Talking about the change doesn’t make it go away but it definitely makes it easier to manage and manage it together. As I’m sure most new parents do, we tend to concoct a lot of ideas and theories about Ben’s behaviour which are always good to try on someone else when you’re sleep deprived (although we’ve accepted we’ll never really know or have all the answers!) 

What advice would you give to a family with a new baby working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Be honest about what you need and be kind to yourself and one another. And be will to acknowledge that the blueprint may change so flexibility is really important too (think some planning and some go with the flow!) Before Ben, we would often talk about the vision we had for our family so we had a good idea of where we were headed before we became a true family. In the haze of a newborn you’re just trying to survive! So for us, we know we’ll eventually emerge on the other side together and in the general direction we planned.

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Leadership

look for the good

I love Audrey Hepburn. When I get asked, if you could invite anyone over for dinner dead or alive, she is always at the top of my list. Her life intrigues me, her beauty inside and out is incredible, for me she is inspiring. I also love this quote of hers. It’s not only inspiring but challenging.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Audrey Hepburn

I am challenged, to make sure I have beautiful eyes, to have beautiful lips and to walk with poise. It challenges me, when my child stops to look at an ant on the footpath – do I see how late we are, or do I see the wonder in their eyes? Do I respond to my emotionally charged tween with kindness when all she is doing is spitting out words filled with misguided anger? Do I see the good in people I pass in the street?  Do I see the good in those I interact with at work? Those who pack my groceries? Those who forget to smile when the serve me because they’ve had a bad day.

The challenge for our day and every day is to lead by example and see the good in others and speak words of kindness. The kindness we speak may be the only kindness that person has had all day, week or month.

Once, when I was serving a boy who was around 12 years old at a public library, I helped him with what he wanted and he said thanks. I responded with “no worries sweetheart”. He froze and looked at me. I realised what I said and thought it may have come across inappropriately. All he could say was, “ No one has ever called me that before”. He walked away wiping his eyes. So many emotions pulsed through me in that moment, but I realised that my eyes saw the good in him and words of kindness are powerful. Likewise, when we choose kindness, we don’t go about finding fault in those around us, like so many do in our world. It becomes a habit to point out the positives and build up those around us. Oh! there is so much potential in our world, if all we did was say kind thoughtful words, rather than the first thing that pops into our heads.

How many people do you come across in a day, who may be lonely, sad, hurt, bitter… the list could go on. What kind words could you drop into their life? Will you make an effort to see the good in them, it won’t take much? There is always something good inside of everyone – at times we may just need to look harder to find it.

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Leadership Victory

the notebook

I absolutely love the 2004 movie the notebook. This movie came out right before I got married and it just captured the romantic in me. It spoke to the place in my heart where I wanted to be with my beloved forever and enjoy the life story we will write together.  One thing I do know, is life is not like a movie and things don’t always pan out the way we think or see in our minds. Are you one of those people who plays movies in your mind of what a scenario is going to be like? I do. I have a wild imagination and I always dream of how things will happen, they rarely turn out how they do in my head, but none the less I still dream. Like the time, we were all involved in a wedding and I saw in my mind the kids behaving and us adults having a great time… Reality check – I ended up carrying my child who was the flower girl down the aisle (she was in tears as she wanted the brides bouquet of flowers) in a strapless dress, while trying to shush the other child who noticed the fan on the roof and wanted everyone to know…  Any way you get the point. Imagination vs Reality.

Back to the notebook – well a notebook of a different kind, although still with a romantic notion attached. On our wedding day, we received a notebook from my Dad. My Dad will not like me saying this, but he is a very wise and is extremely thoughtful (and humble) man. The notebook contained some words of wisdom from him that we cherish till this day. On each page was a tip on how to make our marriage work better. The one I love the most as I feel there is layers of wisdom in it is;

Always have a little stash of money put aside for a holiday.

Dad – Homes of Victory

Hands up, how many times you’ve said, wish we could just escape the busy even for the weekend? Exactly. The encouragement to have a little money put aside to do this has been wonderful piece of advice for us. We are definitely time people and this is what we needed to hear straight up. When life gets too busy, we plan a short cheap camping trip as a family. The return on the investment that we get in terms of family time is invaluable. It helps us recharge and get on with life again.

Another wise word from him was:

When you have a fight, YOU take the first step to peace.

Dad – Homes of Victory

We have truly benefited from the words my Dad passed onto us. It is like he has used this notebook to sow wisdom into our marriage and family without us realising.

Do not measure success by today’s harvest. Measure success by the seeds you plant today.

Robert Louis Stevenson- Author

This notebook will become something we pass onto our children when the time comes. It is something we add to as we learn things along the way. It may not be something that you have thought to do, but it may be something you could start to do, even once a year on an anniversary as you think of what advice you could give to your children in the future. We may not remember all of the things we learnt along the way, but by sowing our words as seeds along the way, in due time we will see a harvest in our children.