Tag: connection

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communication

communication

One thing I love about applying management and leadership tools to family life is the word that keeps popping up ‘ expectation’. I feel this word sums up how the family blueprint can positively impact your family as it sets a level of expectation in many areas of life. The expectation of behaviour, expectation of good, better and best and the expectation of outcomes. Communication is key to setting expectations and navigating obstacles in life.

When writing a communication plan in a project so many elements come together to ensure all stakeholders are informed and are taken on the project journey. Elements of the plan include:

  • The purpose or goals of the communication plan
  • Information about stakeholders and their roles
  • The types of information that needed to be shared with stakeholders
  • The methods used to communicate
  • The frequency that each stakeholder would like to receive information

Breaking this down, it could read as follows for families:

  • Why we communicate
  • What we communicate
  • How we communicate and with who
  • The methods we use to communicate different sets of information
  • How often we communicate

Also other important elements of a communication plan, once again altered so it can apply to your family:

  • Creates written documentation for reference
  • Sets expectations
  • Increases transparency
  • Provides the opportunity for feedback
  • Increases productivity

When stating it creates written documentation – what I will point out is, my family doesn’t have it written down and probably never will. What we have done is talked about it a million times and neither of us will forget the Why, What and Who of our communication plan. Whether you feel your plan needs to be documented or not, remember that excellent communication is the foundation of navigating life’s obstacle course. It will determine how positive or negative the journey through an obstacle will be and how it is resolved. Communication is key.

Start thinking about and writing down the good, the bad and the ugly in your family communication?

What would you like to improve? How do you think that can happen?

Categories
Victory

Define victory will you

Here at Homes of Victory, we often encourage and talk about living with a victorious mindset in the middle of the wildest season of life: kids… The question is, how do we / you define victory. Just like the word ‘success’, having a victorious mindset can have a myriad of definitions and can even be defined differently on any given day.

Let me explain, I did a happy dance tonight because I managed to fold three baskets of washing – that is a victory! Empty washing baskets. Last night, my three year old was eating some nuts she found and sneezed at the same time – spitting crunched up nuts all over my leather chair… I raised my hands in defeat as I walked off stifling a laugh to find some cleaner. If we don’t laugh we cry right. Neither situation, when analysed, is a victory or defeat – but based on my mood and perspective they were.

That aside, I hope you are starting to see my point.

Only you and your family can define what victory looks like at any given moment.

Homes of Victory

It may be a momentous victory like beating an illness, or paying down debt or a getting that job you’ve worked so hard to get. Victory can also be in the unseen, like getting a child to sleep, learning to drive, passing an exam you were nervous about.

Defeat too can be momentous. It could look like losing a job, losing a loved one, coming second when all you wanted was to be first. It could be in the tired moments – of losing a battle with a tantruming toddler, or a moody teenager. It could simply look like another pile of washing or dinner waiting to be cooked.

Whatever victory and defeat look like to you will determine how and when you live victorious. I like to think we are fairly positive and try to see the victory, see the positive, but at times like every other human defeat creeps in.

What we are trying to say is – you need to define your own victories and own them. If my kids can define a good day by how much nintendo they play or what mountain biking adventure they’ve been on then surely we can define our victory days with similar childlike mindedness.

How will you define your victory?

How will your family measure living with victorious mindsets?

Categories
Victory

time 2

I’ve listed below a few things that have helped our family work on our time management skills in every sense of the word.

1. Boundaries of  busy

As a parent I always felt like I was juggling and only one ball away from dropping them all. I love to be busy, I love to achieve, I love to come up with projects at home to work on etc. I just love to be busy. When kids came along I was no longer just busy with what was inside my brain, but busy with what you need to do when raising a family. I had all these perceptions that I could do it all, but in reality I literally didn’t have time – that’s if I included time to sleep and eat.

Over time we have developed a few boundaries, that are still flexible but there to remind us (but mostly me), of our time management plans and the level of busy we feel is optimal for our family. At times I have found these boundaries hard to stick to, as I am sucker for punishment, and feel I can achieve more in a small space of time than what is actually possible. I think at this point I will blame my personality type… With that said, I do believe and agree with the boundaries that we have put in place as a family, as it ensures we have down time, headspace and time to enjoy each other.

 Do you have agreements in place, that are hard to stick to? Take the time to remember the benefits and why you made the decision in the first place.

Do you need to put some boundaries in place to reduce the busy in your life?

2. Quality over Quantity

How much do you value time in your family? When I say time in this context I am not talking about an amount of time but rather the quality of it. As a family we decided to prioritise dinner time as family time. Every family member knows dinner is at 6pm and they need to be at the table ready. Even my husband who has a busy job, knows that he is expected (by all of us)to be home and at the table – unless he is lets us know. My husband has an amazing capacity to switch off, spend quality time with us (as expected) and resume his work after dinner if he needs to. For us as a family this is the quality we crave. It may only be half an hour a day, but it is a chance to share, joke, laugh and even cry sometimes.

Have a think about how you could spend frequent quality time with your family? How does it fit into your routine and schedule? What changes could you make to add quality time to your routine? 

3. Bring in the help

Along the way we have started using some apps that have literally revolutionised how we communicate about logistics and it has saved us time in the process.

shared calendar

A shared calendar has revolutionised our lives and made communicating so much easier and quicker. It also gave us more freedom. We simply said when it comes to the calendar whoever has their event in first, gets it- mind you we have negotiated at times . I remembered to use the calendar fast as I am awesome at having everything in my head and not in the a calendar. ( There is more on communication tools in the communication plan posts)

money tracker

We’ve been using pocketbook for our money conversations. We can track spending and savings and also see where we are at when unexpected circumstances arise. It has been a great tool, and has saved us time and enabled more effective communication.

Other types of help that can alleviate time pressures is outsourcing some tasks, work creatively to divvy up household tasks, potentially work less hours, review how you work out the logistics of your week.

What do you currently use to help with your time management? Spend some time researching some apps that would be suitable for your situation and encourage better time management.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.

Max Lucado
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Victory

#homesofvictory

You’ll never experience progress without change and challenge

Ken Coleman
Categories
Leadership

Leadership trait: Humility

Every person that you meet knows something you don’t: learn from them.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Humility is attractive. Humility is a magnet for integrity, collaboration, appreciation, and acknowledgement.  Humility attracts staff, who will want to work with you, look forward to being around you and motivated by you. They know you will acknowledge their efforts, appreciate their hard work, and offer a human side to leadership.

Likewise, when we are humble in our homes, humble toward our children, we show them reality, the realness of life. Yes, difficulties arise, and challenges are met – not perfectly but to the best of our abilities. Granted it may take humiliation to encourage our humility but if our families witness it firsthand, how much more are they going to value us as parents. How much more are they going to value humility and being humble themselves. In turn they will begin to value integrity, want to receive our appreciation, be acknowledged, and finally behave like this towards others.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis

Never curse a fall. The ground is where humility lives. 

Yasmin Mogahed
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Victory

#homesofvictory

If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.

Maya Angelou
Categories
Blue Print

measuring success 3

I’ve worked in several workplaces, experienced and facilitated a range of performance appraisals. Apologies, I can hear you sighing already – but stay with me. At one workplace, I copied and pasted my answers to each appraisal question for seven years and no one noticed. In my current workplace, performance appraisals are taken seriously and actually contribute to motivating and encouraging staff. Performance appraisals often use stagnant criteria to measure success without taking into account the person, but rather just their output. I love conducting performance reviews as it allows me to connect with my team members, encourage them on a personal level and get to know their personal and corporate goals.

In your family, how do you measure your success? What kind of appraisal do you give your self? What motivates you? In all honesty, for several years our goals slipped by the way side and if we could bath, feed and get our kids to sleep we were winners. All too often though, we would flop into bed and ask each other if we felt defeated. Not a nice feeling.

One thing that we have started to do, is not only set goals that have easy to use success measures, but have found a way for our kids to appraise our performance as parents without them knowing. We’ve taught them to write cards to us every Christmas, birthday, Mothers and Fathers day. They need to tell us three things they like and why. At times the words out of the mouth of babes, have been a source of encouragement and joy. Its easy to be negative and think about what you could have done better but sometimes you need a little wisdom from the younger generation. Once my daughter wrote at the ending of her card that I was the best cook in the world. Hilarious, my cooking is mediocre at best – but not to her. If she sees the best in me, then maybe I should try to do the same. One time our boy wrote that his favourite time with Dad was at home. Nothing spectacular but it shows how he enjoys the every day. Another note we got was about how funny Dad’s, Dad jokes are. It showed us in the silly and the busy that we are doing okay. Our kids notice the little things and so should we.

Navigating success or the feeling of it where kids are kids, life is busy and no end seems to be in sight, it often feels like an ongoing negotiation where we just need to find a solution. I recently learnt that the reward for navigating one challenge is the next challenge. It doesn’t sound too inspiring does it, but in reality it is. The season of kids when working though what family life looks like with additional people in it, is often hard to measure let alone be seen as a success. I encourage you that as a family, learn from each challenge – look for the small wins.” I folded some washing today”, ” I was thanked for lunch today”. Once you start speaking the good, you’ll think of more good. See the good and it will flow into your feeling of success. This in turn will encourage you to keep on keeping on and setting goals and living the life you want.

Think about how your kids encourage you? What things do they say or do that really gives you an idea of how they see you?

List some things that you have learnt due to facing some challenges in the season of children.

Encourage one another as a family to talk about the good things that have come from the challenges you have faced. See the joy of overcoming challenges.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Freedom starts with honesty.

Judah Smith, author Jesus Is____________________: Find a New Way to Be Human
Categories
Leadership

consistent & persistent

To be able to lead our family and especially our children there needs to be some grounding and basis for what we do. We cannot choose to do it one day and not the next. We are being watched by our children every day – on our good days and bad days and every day in between.

A few years ago we traveled with extended family to Malaysia. I remember being in a crowded food court with my two of my children and my mother in law. One child was having an epic meltdown, and really wasn’t coping with the noise, smell and crowds. I looked at her with questioning eyes, as I didn’t know what to do. She burst out laughing, saying the melt down she was witnessing was exactly how my husband would melt down 30 years ago… . She suddenly became serious and just said,

Be consistent and persistent

Rebekah

I felt like I was on the receiving end of an old Chinese proverb. It really struck a chord with me.

Her words have resounded in my ears every time, I don’t know what to do, every time my children have a meltdown, every time I want to stay in bed and pretend it’s still night time. I love these words as they are simple yet so true. Another way to put it is, just turn up. Be available for your family – I’m not saying literally be available 24/7 – balance is vital, but be consistent in your expectations and behaviour, be persistent in your responses and attitude and reap the benefits.

Even now, years after having those pearls of wisdom dropped in my heart, I do struggle at times to be persistent in discipline and consistent in my moods, but you know what, we are all a work in progress doing the best we can.

How do the words consistent and persistent resonate with you?

How could you show your family more consistency?

Is there a way you could be more persistent in certain areas of your family life?

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes.

Mahatma Gandhi

Categories
Leadership

look for the good

I love Audrey Hepburn. When I get asked, if you could invite anyone over for dinner dead or alive, she is always at the top of my list. Her life intrigues me, her beauty inside and out is incredible, for me she is inspiring. I also love this quote of hers. It’s not only inspiring but challenging.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Audrey Hepburn

I am challenged, to make sure I have beautiful eyes, to have beautiful lips and to walk with poise. It challenges me, when my child stops to look at an ant on the footpath – do I see how late we are, or do I see the wonder in their eyes? Do I respond to my emotionally charged tween with kindness when all she is doing is spitting out words filled with misguided anger? Do I see the good in people I pass in the street?  Do I see the good in those I interact with at work? Those who pack my groceries? Those who forget to smile when the serve me because they’ve had a bad day.

The challenge for our day and every day is to lead by example and see the good in others and speak words of kindness. The kindness we speak may be the only kindness that person has had all day, week or month.

Once, when I was serving a boy who was around 12 years old at a public library, I helped him with what he wanted and he said thanks. I responded with “no worries sweetheart”. He froze and looked at me. I realised what I said and thought it may have come across inappropriately. All he could say was, “ No one has ever called me that before”. He walked away wiping his eyes. So many emotions pulsed through me in that moment, but I realised that my eyes saw the good in him and words of kindness are powerful. Likewise, when we choose kindness, we don’t go about finding fault in those around us, like so many do in our world. It becomes a habit to point out the positives and build up those around us. Oh! there is so much potential in our world, if all we did was say kind thoughtful words, rather than the first thing that pops into our heads.

How many people do you come across in a day, who may be lonely, sad, hurt, bitter… the list could go on. What kind words could you drop into their life? Will you make an effort to see the good in them, it won’t take much? There is always something good inside of everyone – at times we may just need to look harder to find it.

Categories
Leadership Victory

the notebook

I absolutely love the 2004 movie the notebook. This movie came out right before I got married and it just captured the romantic in me. It spoke to the place in my heart where I wanted to be with my beloved forever and enjoy the life story we will write together.  One thing I do know, is life is not like a movie and things don’t always pan out the way we think or see in our minds. Are you one of those people who plays movies in your mind of what a scenario is going to be like? I do. I have a wild imagination and I always dream of how things will happen, they rarely turn out how they do in my head, but none the less I still dream. Like the time, we were all involved in a wedding and I saw in my mind the kids behaving and us adults having a great time… Reality check – I ended up carrying my child who was the flower girl down the aisle (she was in tears as she wanted the brides bouquet of flowers) in a strapless dress, while trying to shush the other child who noticed the fan on the roof and wanted everyone to know…  Any way you get the point. Imagination vs Reality.

Back to the notebook – well a notebook of a different kind, although still with a romantic notion attached. On our wedding day, we received a notebook from my Dad. My Dad will not like me saying this, but he is a very wise and is extremely thoughtful (and humble) man. The notebook contained some words of wisdom from him that we cherish till this day. On each page was a tip on how to make our marriage work better. The one I love the most as I feel there is layers of wisdom in it is;

Always have a little stash of money put aside for a holiday.

Dad – Homes of Victory

Hands up, how many times you’ve said, wish we could just escape the busy even for the weekend? Exactly. The encouragement to have a little money put aside to do this has been wonderful piece of advice for us. We are definitely time people and this is what we needed to hear straight up. When life gets too busy, we plan a short cheap camping trip as a family. The return on the investment that we get in terms of family time is invaluable. It helps us recharge and get on with life again.

Another wise word from him was:

When you have a fight, YOU take the first step to peace.

Dad – Homes of Victory

We have truly benefited from the words my Dad passed onto us. It is like he has used this notebook to sow wisdom into our marriage and family without us realising.

Do not measure success by today’s harvest. Measure success by the seeds you plant today.

Robert Louis Stevenson- Author

This notebook will become something we pass onto our children when the time comes. It is something we add to as we learn things along the way. It may not be something that you have thought to do, but it may be something you could start to do, even once a year on an anniversary as you think of what advice you could give to your children in the future. We may not remember all of the things we learnt along the way, but by sowing our words as seeds along the way, in due time we will see a harvest in our children. 

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

There are only two ways to influence human behaviour: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.

Simon Sinek
Categories
Leadership

enable

Enable means to provide (someone) with adequate power, means and opportunity or authority (to do something.)

Dictionary.com

Home of Victory has been designed to enable. The platform of Homes of Victory is built from a place of encouragement and seeks to provide opportunities for families to improve things in order to live in victory.

Aside from Homes of Victory, I love to encourage. I feel like it is one of my gifts, even a talent. I love taking kind words and wrapping them up in love and giving them to someone who is unsuspecting, someone who is in need of kind words or someone who doesn’t even  know they need kind words until they receive them.. I’ve always related easily to the word encourage which like enable is a verb meaning :

Encourage means to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence

Dictionary.com

Since learning more about the words and their meaning,  I’ve come to realise enable and encourage are two very different things, although they work really well together, some may say in collaboration. Enable to me is the stronger more practical of the two words as the definition includes the words  adequate power, means, opportunity and authority. While encourage is the quiet strong emotion, as it has the words courage, spirit and confidence in its definition. While I love to encourage, I also love to enable.

What can you do this week to not only encourage someone but enable them? Who can you build up with kind words? Who can you give adequate power to, to ensure they can use their gifts and talents to their potential? Who can you give the means and opportunity to?

It may be one of your children? It may be your other half? It may be a work mate, friend or stranger. Whoever you choose make sure you enable with purpose and enjoy the giving process. This world needs more kindness and it certainly needs more encouragement. Let’s see who we can enable this week.  We can’t wait to hear your stories.