Tag: brave

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Victory

Hard…only cause we care

We found ourselves talking to our kids about having more respect towards each other and us – and indeed everyone they have a conversation with. Words are powerful right. Thanks to the teenage stage, our well-intended correctional chat was met with ” Why do you even care, it’s my choice what I say”. Oh and throw in an eye roll for good measure.

The response was valid and true… but what our teen failed to take into account in this conversation is we care because we love. Our response to this remark was ” We care because we love you. If we didn’t love you, then we honestly wouldn’t care”. Can I also add here in all honesty – sometimes it would be way easier not to care, way less effort to just let things slide, way more peaceful if we didn’t care. By the way we never say this to our kids, it’s merely a back of mind thought.

Love is often in this context the balance between emotion, fun, joy and the other end of the spectrum discipline. The tightrope us parents walk to make sure we build relationship and connection while guiding and correcting.

This response of we care because we love you, works 9 times out of 10. It stops them in their tracks. Why? It makes them think about what I call the train track of being a kid. We have a goal to grow our kids to get them to the station if you like of adulthood with the hope, they are amazing and wonderful and everything in between. However, the only way to get there – is via the track – one side is love and the other is discipline. The two tracks run parallel – sometimes we lean more into one side then the other – but to raise our kids into amazing adults – we need both sides of the track. They too need the boundaries; they need to be valued, and they need to be seen. You can’t have all of that without some form of discipline.

Tired Dad puts it this way

We don’t just raise kids. We raise future adults! who will one day reflect on how they were loved, guided and seen.

Tired Dad

So, dig deep, keep going through the hard. It will absolutely be worth caring in the end.

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Victory

Soft is strong

To the Mumma of boys who have soft hearts, I see the silent tears fall, as they tell you about their day. Afraid to ask to play, as the others seem so rough. I see your heart breaking as he navigates friends that have come and gone and friends that are still to come. The softness in his heart is not the lack of brave – but far from it. The pursuit of justice in his mind, is the making of a warrior. He will one day stand tall, undeterred by the arrows that fly by day, or the shadows that creep by night, until then precious one, take heart.

Your boy is stronger than he thinks, wiser than he knows, braver than he gives himself credit for. He can run as he chooses; he seeks truth and justice, he gives with all his might. Others may not see it, others may take advantage, but one thing is for sure- the warrior within is only just getting started. Nurture him, love him, encourage him, push him safely out of his comfort zone to prove he is capable, to show him, he can – when he thinks he can’t.

To the Mumma of boys why are soft hearted, take courage for one day, when he stands like a warrior, he will remember you, he will have the words you spoke into his life, safely tucked into his heart. He will know the value of the nurturing, the value of your patience and the value of your never-ending love.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.

Desmond Tutu
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Leadership

#homesofvictory

Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means. 

 Albert Einstein
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Leadership

Courage to put yourself first… in a good way

In the rhythms of my new workplace -of which I have now been at for 6 months – I can’t believe how time flies – the one thing I love about it, is the encouragement of self-care. We all run at a fast pace from week to week, and the first question asked at our last team meeting was – What are you going to do over the next 3 months to look after yourself? This question was asked before our planning took place, before all of the details of the next 3 months were spread out – like a clogged calendar of work… I wish to highlight at this point – this question was asked at the start of the meeting – not after all of the work was laid out and self-care was forced to slip in somewhere, maybe along the way if possible. No, it was first. It needs to be priority. We had some laughs as we went around the room, about how we all intended to self-care – answers ranged from booking annual leave to watching the Olympics – while trying to not get too tired to planning work flows better so it’s not overwhelming.

Recognizing the need for self-care in a way that you as an individual needs it– is becoming more common in the workplace – so too is empathy and all sorts of other emotional tools that we can use to relate better to each other, work better together, achieve greater goals, and ultimately become better individuals.

Bene Brown aptly states that:

It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol

Brene Brown

What status symbol are you chasing?  Have a good think about it, What is it that you are chasing? My question to you is why? After why, I’m going to ask again – why?

I’ve struggled over time with this question of:  What I am chasing and the reason behind it. I’ve struggled with the question of what am I sacrificing to chase, what am I gaining – it’s has to be more than the thrill of the chase. Keep asking yourself why – until you are satisfied with the answer. If all you are getting at the end of the day is exhaustion at the expense of rest and play – ask yourself, is it really worth it?

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Victory

# homesofvictory

 Be brave enough to suck at something new. 

unknown
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Victory

Resistance

 Nothing gets stronger without resistance.

Steven Furtick

In leadership, nothing provokes frustration like resistance. We all have ways of working around it, like change management, innovation, the like it or lump it mentality – the list goes on. May I add here, when parents face resistance from their offspring, many of these work arounds occur too… including ignoring and hoping it goes away…

When we look at resistance in term of lifting weights or exercising – resistance shines in a positive light. When we face resistance we get stronger. When we continue to face the resistance the resistance reduces – as our strength increases.

The question I pose is this – even though resistance in whatever form it comes, can be frustrating – can it also contribute to growth?

We all have that person in our lives, that makes it a little difficult, one where we try to work with them, try to collaborate with them, try to make it the relationship better- sometimes the resistance will always be there – but sometimes it will be the thing that makes us a better person.

I can’t help but put this example in here, I love my kids so much. One thing I have come to realise when I compare them to others ( we try not to but you know it happens) that my kids are not compliant. I mean, not compliant by any means. They are good kids, they do behave well but they are questioners. When I was a kid, I was satisfied when I questioned and got the answer “because I said so” – who agrees right – some times as parents we just say so.

Oh no, not my kids. They question, and negotiate, fuel the conversation with more resistance, add more curiosity and at times it never seems to end. To be honest – I love this trait, we have raised them to be curious and to question – but sometimes I just wish they would accept the answer “because I said so.” With that said, the resistance over the years – and I mean that with kindness, the curiosity we have encountered, the long into the night conversations about the name of the bone in our nose… we know we are definitely more intelligent, more prepared for conversations and know what to expect. In this instance, resistance has made us stronger.

What type of experiences have you had where resistance has made you a better leader? Better parent? Better person?

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Victory

Brave

I was out riding in the bush with my Dad leading the way. I must say after a while, I was very conscious of how much fitter he is, than me. We were having a great time, exploring, he was ahead of me, and called out to go down a different path. All I could see up ahead as I rounded the bend was a massive hill. My Dad knowing me as he does, turned around and said: “It’s not as big as you think”. I laughed… does he not remember how unfit I am… He was right, as we rode up the hill, it actually wasn’t as difficult or as steep as I first thought. What he said next, was a revelation of brave. We stopped at the top for a breather and he said:

I have to be brave to say that. Every time I see it I think it’s too big, but every time I do it I remember it’s not so bad.

Homes of Victory – Dad

It got me thinking, how often do we see challenges in life, events that happen, people around us, as something ‘ massive’ – something bigger than it is, something more daunting than it really needs to be?

Do we look at everything with defeated thinking – for me in that moment of looking at the hill, my first thought was I’ll have to hop off my bike and walk – so embarrassing next to my fitter than me Dad… The thing, is we may KNOW it, we may REMEMBER it, but when we see it we fear. At this point, we all have a choice – do we choose BRAVE or do we choose to STAND DOWN?

I don’t know about you, but I want to choose brave – in the little things and in the big things. I want to explore the mountain tops that were worth the challenge, I was the people around me to be valued, I want the events that occur in my life to be added to the lessons learnt file.

So in light of this revelation of brave – what choices will you make today – to choose brave?

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Victory

Brave Feet

At times we come across moments in our life where we need to make a decision that may seem daunting, that may seem overwhelming, but at the same time feels right. Sometimes we just need to take a step, to the point where we can’t turn back and the decision is set in motion. Then over time the decision seems less impossible, less daunting and more incredible and more satisfying as you discover it was the right decision.

In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.

Abraham Maslow

By taking that brave step into the unknown (think of Anna as she sings this song on frozen…apologies if that song is now in your head), we take ourselves out of our comfort zone and into a place of growth. Fear seems to tag along for the ride when we step out, when we take risks, when we are brave. It’s all part and parcel of becoming who we are. The choice to be brave takes us to places we never dreamed of, being brave takes us towards achievements we only dreamt of.

     Being brave doesn’t mean we have no fear – it means we refuse to be overcome by it.

 Steven Furtick

Having brave feet that set decisions in motion may look ordinary, may look like regular work boots, stilettos or sneakers. However your brave feet look, remember only you can take the step, determine its path and be responsible for your growth. Own the steps you are taking. Don’t belittle the ordinary looking feet, taking brave steps – mine are often bare feet with sand between my toes, breathing in the depth of decision, and exhaling brave.

Where will your step of bravery take you today? What exciting, challenging opportunity will you take, just by taking a deep breath and taking a brave step. It may take many brave steps to get to where you are going, but take them,one at a time. Take them fast or slow, but keep growing and keep being brave. You can do it.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

The first place we must win the victory is in our own minds. If you don’t think you can be successful, then you never will be.

Joel Osteen
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Victory

Thank you Superheroes

Here in Australia it’s Fathers Day!

Thank you to all the Dads, Grandpas, Dads to be, uncles and brothers.

You are all super heroes – to your loved ones.

We honor you today for the special role you play in the lives of your family and friends! It wouldn’t be the same with out you.

To those who have loved and lost, may your hearts be reminded of the big bear hugs and the joy your Dad brought to your life- be it a little or a lot.

To our Homes of Victory Dads – you have taught us so much and so generously shared your wisdom with us. May we continue your legacy in the life of our family – showing grace and patience, bringing the fun and joy while leading and mentoring the next generation.

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Victory

in conversation with Zafer & Erin

You know when you meet someone and you automatically know you’ll be friends for life… well Erin is that person for me. We grew up together, having sleepovers, playing sport, loving life. As we got older, our husbands came on the scene and as it happens in life, it takes you to places in ways you could never imagine. The one thing that has stayed, is our love for each other and deep rooted friendship. We’ve literally been thousands of miles apart for years, we see each other about once every three or so years, but the friendship has remained. Thank heavens for technology where we can talk anytime and be in contact when we want to be. In this conversation, Erin will show you brave in its rawest form, together they will show you love on a deep level, and show you how life doesn’t have to be what society expects. Enjoy.

Due to COVID-19 and Zafers job, he is currently away and has been for months, unable to get home. So Erin has spoken to me, on his behalf also.

Who are the members of your family?

My husband and I have twin girls who are 9 years old.

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

When he is home we love to plan, it does seem to work out most of the time as his time home is limited so we pack it in to enjoy our time together.  Although we get tired, we have made so many memories this way.

When my husband is not here, I tend to just go with the flow for my girl’s sake and not have every weekend planned, as we have school/sports/extra activities that take a lot of time.  

What does your normal week look like?

When Zafer is home we take turns getting up for school drop-offs. We spend as much time together as possible, but at the same time want to give each other space to see our own friends and have alone time.  Sounds weird?!?! 

Because I’m still learning Turkish and with the cultural inferiority of women (and then Foreign women) I leave the big jobs that need to be done around the house or with the car till when he is home.  This what tends to take up the first few weeks.  

We have many friends and family over on weekends so we can all catch up as they want to see Zafer.  Here, if you are a single parent/ person, you don’t usually get invited or included in other families plans, so when Zafer is home, there is lots of making up for lost time.  

When Zafer is home it takes a huge load off of me parenting, and the kids are happy with this balance, and love showing him how well behaved and responsible they are.

When Zafer is away with work, we all count down the days till he comes home back to us.  It’s hard with no male balance.  In Turkish culture, discipline is nearly nonexistent (no bedtime, sugar whenever the child feels like, Mums cook multiple meals to keep everyone happy, screen time all the time, no basic manners…).  So I do struggle to find a balance between my extremely strict upbringing to the other extreme, of no discipline. I have a very strong support base here of foreigners and Turkish girls who can speak good English.  We support and learn from each other.  

A typical week… school for the girls with basketball training after school 2 days a week.  I attend pottery courses, help out at school, try to see someone from my husbands family (Sister/cousin/aunty) … it’s huge, and they are very lovely warm welcoming people.  I love them.  

Weekends consist of working around basketball training and homework.  We love to go walking in the forest, trying a new breakfast place with friends, ride bikes or rollerblader by the Bosphorus, try to relax… ( but my kids love activity and action…)

Not only does your husband have a job where he is away for months at a time, you also moved to live in his home country, learnt the language and have raised your kids there. How do you ensure your relationship stays in tact?

We worked together in the same environment for three years and together lived with the girls at his workplace for another six years,  I understand the stresses he goes through with his job and I know the people he works with.  Not an easy life to live, but I understand it and he knows that.  We have to share about everything! We share happiness, frustration, stress, joy, big and little things.  This keeps us involved in each other’s lives and we both feel ‘connected’.  

We found at the beginning of him coming that he was VERY  sensitive to stress and negativity, and I was having a hard time moving over and sharing the ‘decision maker/head of the house’ role after him being away for so long.  After the realization that we were not happy when he was home and not happy at all being apart, we then made our action plans to suck it up a bit and move over to make space for the other in a real life setting TOGETHER (not a work environment or trying to tough it out on our own). It has worked!!! We talk about our concerns before he comes home and prepare ourselves so we can each try to control our frustrations.  I have really tried to learn Turkish, and become independent here.  We bought a car and got my drivers license here, so I am fully independent.  I don’t feel restricted in anyway.  I do appreciate that my husband has helped this happen and allows me to live without questioning me at all.  

What is the one thing that is most important to your family, when your Husband / their Dad is away? How do you make it work?

Talking talking talking, also a lot of prayer.We talk almost every day.  We pray for each other that God will protect the heart and eyes from what the devil may try to bring to distract and tempt us.  

The girls are not interested in talking on the phone with their Dad but they do keep a diary (most days) telling him what happened today or how they feel, or just a drawing.  We tell stories about him, reminisce on the times he was home, and what we want to do when we comes home next time.  

If you could give one piece of advice what would it be?

I had no idea THIS was going to be where I would live or how I would live without my husband half the year.  I believe life does not deal you something you are unable to deal with.  You will be pushed and stretched but not broken!! 

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Victory

The A team

Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him — or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.

Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night

We want to hear from you about who inspires you?

Who has had a great influence in your life?