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Victory

On the flipside

Here at Homes of Victory we are all about applying leadership and management skills to our home life – to improve it. Simon Sinek – the leadership master flips that on its head by saying 

The closest thing to leadership is parenting. You have to be an infinite student of parenting.

Simon Sinek

Here at Homes of Victory we wholeheartedly agree with this. On a practical level, I know I have used the same tactics I’ve used with my kids with difficult client..  I’ve even got to the point with one extremely difficult customer who continued to yell at me, I simply said, ‘I’m sorry sir, my children behave better than you. When you calm down, I can help you’. He stood in stunned silence in front of me, he took a step back, lowered his voice and replied ‘Really?’ All I could do was nod.

When we stop to think about what our children have taught us and how we have applied those learnings to our family and workplaces, it is amazing how intertwined the learnings are.

One thing, I’ve learnt from my children that I take into the workplace is a really positive attitude to problem solving and the ability to put issues into perspective. After having children, and learning to live life in the fast lane when it comes to scooting out the door for school. The problems I’ve solved in less than 20 seconds, astound even me. I have the ability to pack leftover breakfast, gather my children and get them walking – with shoes on – do I get an amen to that!, to the vague location of the car, while dealing with milk dropped in the fridge without even breaking a sweat. These issues are not life or death – they just require perspective.

Another thing I have learnt from my children is around expectations. I have high expectations of myself and also expect high behaviour levels from my children. I was finding in the workplace I too, placed high expectations of staff – at times – higher than necessary, higher than what was fair. By learning what are fair expectations verses unrealistic ones, I am a better parent and better leader.

What are some things your children have taught you, that you were able to use in the workplace? 

I’ll leave you with one more quote, to stir your thoughts, 

Leadership is not a title, it’s a choice. Leaders take care of those in their care.

Simon Sinek

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Freedom starts with honesty.

Judah Smith, author Jesus Is____________________: Find a New Way to Be Human
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Leadership

Leadership trait: Integrity

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year’s fashions. 

 Lillian Hellman

Being honest and having strong moral principles is what integrity is all about. Having this leadership trait means you are undivided and confident in your dealings and  decisions. Nothing sways you. This trait when applied to the home, will bring a lasting memory for your children and other half, about how over time your integrity goes before you and that is how you will be known. Having integrity is not always easy and often hard decisions need to be made. Stick to your guns and keep your integrity. It will hold you in good stead over the long term. You will never regret having integrity.

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

Oprah Winfrey
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Victory

But… I Dreamt Big and Worked Hard

Over the last few months, I’m sure you can agree, that life hasn’t been what we’ve expected. What we planned 2020 to be. What we imagined our business, our home life, our everything to look like. This week, I was talking to a friend who lives on the other side of the world with two children, she told me that although she loves to plan, and dream and plan some more, she hates being disappointed when things don’t turn out the way she expected. This isn’t a control thing, in her case, it’s a ‘ but I dreamt big, worked hard’ and it still didn’t happen. 

Another sobering conversation we had this week with some friends, was the impact COVID was having in their circle of influence, those they have built multiple companies with, those they work with closely. The impacts have ranged from being hit so hard with the unexpected that decisions based on the now are being made like divorce or worse. In comparing the conversations, the whole ‘ I dreamt big, worked hard and it didn’t happen’ feeling of disappointment resounds. It impacts everyone, from Mums and Dads, to corporate highflyers and everyone in between. I believe this season has impacted every person – somehow. How has it impacted you? Your family? Your friends? 

How often during this season, have you felt like, everything you’ve worked for, dreamt of and even at times achieved is simply gone? 

Hold that thought, now I challenge you, to write down all your achievements – go back as many years as you like, then, balance that against your dreams. Are you encouraged by what you’ve achieved? Are you still dreaming? Keep it up – look forward. 

Homes of Victory implores you during this unsettling, full to overflowing time of the unexpected that you take stock of what really matters in your life. Those plans you had, may need to go on hold, or morph into something more spectacular. Remember life is not what we own, wear, or do. We influence those around us, more than we can imagine. Seek assistance when and if you need to. We’ve been finding that although we feel we don’t need professional help at this point, we have been catching up with the encouragers and positive people in our lives, to boost us and to inspire us during this season. 

Who in your network inspires and encourages you? Who do you inspire and encourages? It may be the perfect time to catch up and talk about this season. You’ll gain perspective and hopefully a smile. 

We may feel that our world is crumbling , but one thing remains –  who we are in terms of character and integrity. It may be the time to take a long hard positive look in the mirror. This season will not last forever, this season will change us in ways we didn’t expect, let it change you for the better, learn the lessons of this season, they will not go unused in the future.

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Victory

#homesofvictory

Audacious vision never cowers in the darkness.

Steven Furtick, Author or Sun Stand Still; What Happens When you Dare to Ask God for the Impossible.
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Victory

The A team

Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him — or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.

Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night

We want to hear from you about who inspires you?

Who has had a great influence in your life?

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Leadership

consistent & persistent

To be able to lead our family and especially our children there needs to be some grounding and basis for what we do. We cannot choose to do it one day and not the next. We are being watched by our children every day – on our good days and bad days and every day in between.

A few years ago we traveled with extended family to Malaysia. I remember being in a crowded food court with my two of my children and my mother in law. One child was having an epic meltdown, and really wasn’t coping with the noise, smell and crowds. I looked at her with questioning eyes, as I didn’t know what to do. She burst out laughing, saying the melt down she was witnessing was exactly how my husband would melt down 30 years ago… . She suddenly became serious and just said,

Be consistent and persistent

Rebekah

I felt like I was on the receiving end of an old Chinese proverb. It really struck a chord with me.

Her words have resounded in my ears every time, I don’t know what to do, every time my children have a meltdown, every time I want to stay in bed and pretend it’s still night time. I love these words as they are simple yet so true. Another way to put it is, just turn up. Be available for your family – I’m not saying literally be available 24/7 – balance is vital, but be consistent in your expectations and behaviour, be persistent in your responses and attitude and reap the benefits.

Even now, years after having those pearls of wisdom dropped in my heart, I do struggle at times to be persistent in discipline and consistent in my moods, but you know what, we are all a work in progress doing the best we can.

How do the words consistent and persistent resonate with you?

How could you show your family more consistency?

Is there a way you could be more persistent in certain areas of your family life?

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Victory

Remedy

Don’t find the fault, find the remedy.

Henry Ford

I love the word remedy – it makes me think of old fashioned rest and recuperation, it makes me think of jelly beans at the doctors surgery, it also conjures up images of fixing things before they get worse.

The definition of remedy is

Something that cures or relieves a disease or bodily disorder; a healing medicine, application, or treatment, something that corrects or removes an evil of any kind.

Dictionary.com

Framing ‘ remedy’ in leadership terms strips back the meaning to something that curers or relieves. It also indicates that the remedy is known and then applied. At times we do not know the remedy to apply, we may not know the potential outcomes or risks involved. What we do know is, at times the remedy needs to go against the grain of fixing and issue and looking at preventing it. An example of an evidence based preventative model is one that stands out was developed in Iceland and is now in Australia. It successfully worked on significantly reducing drug and alcohol addiction in teens. Check out the whole story here.

This type of remedy: evidence based preventative model – is a form of remedy that I have come to understand and be impressed by. So often, the issues in our communities do not have a quick fix, seem like they will never change, or feel like the stigma will never leave. This example of a remedy is inspiring and possible. It shows by thinking outside the box and being creative, solutions to the impossible are made all the more possible. 

In your sphere of influence, how would the remedy of preventative measures change outcomes when used instead of reactionary measures? On a large scale some counties have what they call a ‘ fantasy council’ where it is their brainstorming opportunity to find solutions to the somewhat impossible. 

How do you create the opportunity for brainstorming and problem solving within your work environment and home?

Do you include your children in the problem solving?

You may be surprised by their contribution – their minds don’t see the obstacles and challenges like we do.

Encourage the positive and explore the opportunities the outcome will be far better than you expect.

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Courage

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow’.

Mary Anne Radmacher

Courage is not always about gritting your teeth and digging your heels in. Courage is not always about making a song and dance about bravery. All courage need to be at times, is just turning up. Just trying again tomorrow. Just making a decision to give it another crack.

Courage means to have the:

ability to do something that frightens one; bravery and / or strength in the face of pain or grief.

Dictionary.com

Courageous leaders are the ones, who stand in the face of adversity, and keep believing in their dream, believing in their goals, believing in their team. Courageous leaders are the ones who turn up each day for their team, not knowing what the day will bring.

Courageous parents are the ones, who get out of bed every day, are the ones who do everyday with their kids however the everyday may look.  Courage is exciting, courage is brave and courage is contagious.

You may not feel courageous when your kid drags you out of bed before sunrise, you may not feel courageous when you’re cranky running late for work, you may not feel courageous when you face the washing and household tasks, but know that you have the strength in you, the bravery in you, to face your day, to face your family – no matter the circumstances.

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Building community

In conversation with Josh and Cole

We are blessed to call Josh and Cole family. The age gap between us is also large enough for us to have experienced their first date with them, through to their marriage and where they are at now. These two are so genuine and generous of spirit we hope you are inspired by them.

Who is in your family

Josh, Cole, our 3 month old baby, Ben, and our dog, Aria. 

Give us some background to what you both do career wise.

Josh specialises in commercial and residential property acquisitions for individuals and businesses. I am a bid consultant and help businesses win work by helping them develop compelling tenders, proposals and grants. 

Are you planners or do you go with the flow?

We’re a bit of a mix. I love to plan and Josh is more relaxed and is really good at going with the flow. So we really balance each other. 

You have a new baby! What has that been like for the two of you?

It has been a really big change for us. We always knew it would be but it was difficult to genuinely understand just what that meant until it happened. Gone are the days of binge watching tv till all hours, sleeping in, and spontaneously going out but it has definitely brought us closer together. We were friends before we dated and married and that has always provided a strong foundation for our relationship. We have done so much together over the last 13 years! We can always rely on one another for support and having a baby has definitely been one of those times when we needed it!

What has changed in your relationship?

I guess the main thing is that there is a new person in it. It had been the two of us (and Aria) for a long time and now we have little Benjamin who needs most of our time, attention and energy, and he needs different things from each of us. 

Did you expect these changes? How have you managed them?

It wasn’t unexpected that life would change and that it would be ‘hard’ but it was difficult to see what life would be like with a baby until we lived it. So we expected it but weren’t fully prepared and I think it has impacted us both as a couple and as individuals. The change is also exacerbated because you have no idea what you’re doing with a brand new baby and you’re sleep deprived to boot!! The current COVID-19 crisis hasn’t made it any easier because it has physically distanced family and friends too. 

But we’re learning as we go and checking in. We’re navigating it by being really honest with each other, having a good sense of humour, and not taking ourselves too seriously. 

We’ve always been really honest with each other which makes life, and life with a new baby, a lot easier. Talking about the change doesn’t make it go away but it definitely makes it easier to manage and manage it together. As I’m sure most new parents do, we tend to concoct a lot of ideas and theories about Ben’s behaviour which are always good to try on someone else when you’re sleep deprived (although we’ve accepted we’ll never really know or have all the answers!) 

What advice would you give to a family with a new baby working through the family blueprint, designing the family life you want?

Be honest about what you need and be kind to yourself and one another. And be will to acknowledge that the blueprint may change so flexibility is really important too (think some planning and some go with the flow!) Before Ben, we would often talk about the vision we had for our family so we had a good idea of where we were headed before we became a true family. In the haze of a newborn you’re just trying to survive! So for us, we know we’ll eventually emerge on the other side together and in the general direction we planned.

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Leadership

Will of Steel

I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.

Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

I hear the strain in your voice, when you try to get your point across. I see the furrow of your brow, when the response is a blank stare. I hear your heart break, when they seem to purposely choose hurtful words, when they do the opposite of what you asked, just because they can, not because they should. I see your silent tears when they think it’s bravery but you think it’s stupidity. I hear your hearts voice saying, ‘ if only they knew’, I hear the thumping of your heart grow quicker each time they stomp down the hallway ready to tell you their opinion. I see the tiredness and I hear the exasperation, I see the walking away – so you don’t say out loud what you think.

Mumma bear, I hear the laugh in your heart, when incredible things come flowing from their mouth, the same mouth that was throwing poison darts at you only moments ago. I hear the joy, when there is no fight getting into the car, I see the silent – ‘that’s my girl’ spark in your eyes when they take matters into their own hands. I hear the kind words you speak into their hearts when the time is right, I see you snuggle in tight when the day is done. I hear you, ask without fail – how was your day – knowing the answer will be negative. I see you turn up all day, every day because she is yours.

We may never know what thoughts travel through their minds, we may indeed never know the strength of our own strong wills. What we do know is, determination is a mighty skill to have, being able to negotiate and stand your ground – is only for the brave. Being true to yourself, is rare in this world. Speak life into their hearts, and tell them they’re amazing – even when you want them to change and be compliant… we’ve all been there.

I’ve come to learn to spread the boundaries wide, give them the tools to make good decisions, based on the principles you teach them. Hold them as close as you can – they still need you, even if their behaviour says otherwise. Swallow your pride and be the one to always take the first steps to peace. Always, always, always speak life into their hearts. Use as many conversations as you can, at the right time to teach and mentor, to lead and guide them. Our babies may have more determination than their own body weight, they may have better negotiation skills, they may have more grit and more courage than we have ever witnessed, but they are ours and we get to be the only one in the world they call mum.  

So Mumma bear this is for you – I see you and I hear you. Though like Charlotte Bronte said, I am a free human being with an independent will – we need to make sure our strong willed kids are wrapped in our love almost without knowing it, wrapped in kindness and protection. They need to know we are always available and will always take the first steps to peace. Likewise, recharge yourself, take time out to take a deep breath. Think of all the billions of people in the world, who is it that you get to call daughter or son. Isn’t it an amazing thought.

Dream of who they will be one day… the achievements their strong will, will allow them to achieve. The challenges they will stroll through, the innovation they will delight in creating. The list of amazing possibilities goes on.

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Leadership

Blind Spot

A Blind Spot is the difference between intent and impact as a leader, parent,  family member. We all have them. Some are more aware that they exist than others.  

Being open to knowing what our potential blind spots are – will lead to a fuller, richer and more diverse life.

Being closed to our blind spots is like a bulldozer without direction – the impact will the their – it certainly will be there…. but what trail of offense are you leaving behind? When intent and impact are combined, that’s when true positive change occurs.  That’s when new roads are formed. That’s when eyes and hearts are opened to change and a fuller, richer life for everyone in your world.

Take a moment to think about things you may not know about yourself. How others perceive you – due to your behaviour. Do they perceive correctly, or is your well intentioned behaviour having a different kind of impact.

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Leadership

adjust the sails

The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails.

William Arthur Ward

How many times in your everyday have you had to adjust the sails? I find myself constantly juggling the pessimistic and optimistic thoughts in my mind, then finally realising I just need to adjust the sails. I’m a work in progress… aren’t we all.

In the workplace, I feel that I lead with confidence and humility… at home, I feel like my brain falls out of my body somewhere between work and home and I just have a totally different leadership style. By applying this leadership principle of adjusting the sails, to our families it would help us all navigate life just that little bit better. If I stopped complaining about who didn’t do what, and focus on going forward, dealing with it, with a smile, I am sure my home would feel like a different place, I would feel like a different person. Hands up, who has to ask their kids more than once to put shoes on or pack homework, or even pick up a dirty tissue off the floor. Hands up who complains? Hands up who adjusts the sails? It is easier to complain than adjust the sails, but how much better would it be if we were more conscious of adjusting the sails rather than complaining or hoping for change without action.

The way we lead in our home is so important. The best way to lead, is by example.  Your children will do what they see and hear. I know for myself when my kids say something the way I say it, I know they have picked it up from me – their leader. I try not to complain and I try to adjust the sails, and no one is asking me or you to be perfect, but I think it is also a gentle reminder to lead by example and take that responsibility seriously. We tell our children all the time, there is always a solution, we just need to find it.

There is always a solution, we just need to find it.

Homes of Victory

Now, after months of saying this to them, they say it to themselves and each other. It makes me smile, as they copy us, they are building resilience with and without us and are being positive about the situation they are finding difficult. We hope we can always speak into their lives and have them copy the good , quotable things we say and not the things we say out of pessimism. By the way, we will always be adjusting the sails in life and in our families, but that also means; we are a work in progress getting better and better.

How do your words lead in your home? How do you lead by example? Think about how you can adjust the sails more in your home.

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Leadership

a juggle or awesome logistics?

One thing that makes me a little cross are the words…how do you juggle work and kids – as a matter of fact any questioning along these lines… really makes me wonder why do ‘people’ think it’s a juggle. It always seems to be in a negative context with a sigh involved. I don’t know about you but I hear the word juggle and think of the circus, I think of a ball trick that is perfected over time to a point where the juggler may not even need to think about how to juggle, they just do. 

The meaning of juggle is: to continuously toss into the air and catch (a number of objects) so as to keep at least one in the air while handling the others. 

When I add myself to this scene – as the juggler – I start to chuckle. Usually I pick up any ball game easily but when it comes to juggling, no matter how many times I’ve literally tried to learn, I simply cannot conquer it. Now add children, career, family, friends etc.. into the equation and if each of these represented a ball I needed to juggle, they would all end up dropped one after the other. With all of that said, I believe I do a damn fine job of making sure my kids are loved beyond measure, where they need to be even if it’s at two places at once, friends are cared for, family is a priority and my career is given enough focus… I call it awesome logistics. Any mumma bear will tell you on any given day how many quick decisions with the potential ripple effects considered are made. 

So no I don’t agree that it’s a juggle, I chose to have kids. I chose to pursue my career and I choose everyday to make it work for everyone in my home. I may not be perfect, life may not be perfect but I give it a good crack. I also know that if I ever wanted a job in logistics I’d have some great experiences to share and skills to draw on. 

What are your thoughts on this? Does the term juggle come across as a positive or negative to you? 

In all the hustle and bustle of life do you feel like you juggle, or have awesome logistics skills? 

Take some time to ponder this. Write down the positive experiences you’ve had, making life work for your family.  We hope this makes you realise how amazing you are! 

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Leadership

Shaping leaders: Shimon Peres

I am a self-confessed people watcher. To the point when I’m out for dinner or with friends I like to sit where I can see the most action. I have been known to stop sentences abruptly, while watching someone walk past, fascinated by them. I have even been caught by my husband not paying attention to a conversation, as I am too busy wondering about the life of the person running past. To that end, I love history and learning from historical figures and making observations about the learnings or not of the past.

At times, I feel as a society we are not the best at learning and implementing positive change, from the learnings of the past, but alas we should try to.

Lately I have been engrossed in the autobiography of Shimon Peres, No room for small dreams,. He is a historical leader and important figure in the creation of Israel as the state we now know to be. While I purposely do not take political sides as I do not know enough to do so, for me it is fascinating to read about how his life was shaped and how that in turn it shaped his leadership style. I have pulled out many sections of this book and have learnt so much from such an experienced leader. Here is what I have learnt so far…

  • Trust is a key to leading. (and people are like sheep…. Just saying…)

I was assigned a job that was my first true experience as a leader – not of men but sheep. Yet there were striking similarities: a shepherd for example may have authority over his flock, but that alone does not mean he can control it. … we had to find a common language, a common understanding… I had to know their fears as if they were my own, so I could understand where they could not be led- or at least when I’d have to move with more deliberateness. I had to be both empathetic and insistent in stating my intentions – a figure they would follow, even reluctantly, if only out of trust.

Shimon Peres
  • The value robust discussions.

When he ( referring to another leader at the time) had been most frustrated, most intent on walking away, he remained open to the argument made by two young men, with a mere fraction of experience and wisdom. He had nearly given up on the larger debate, but he had not given up on his belief in debate.

Shimon Peres
  • Listening breaks down barriers.

Listening is not just a key element of good leadership, it is the key, the means to unlock doors that have been slammed shut by bitter dispute and resignation.

Shimon Peres