Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.
Albert Einstein
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Tag: Management
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forget for 15
Have you forgotten how to dream? How to think big? How to think beyond this season?
Here at Homes of Victory we encourage you to spend 5 to 10 minutes a day with your loved one, asking what if, with no restrictions, no can nots, no parameters. Don’t be afraid to think big – think beyond the unknown. Have a bit of fun and get to know each other better. You never know where the conversation will take you.
We started doing this for a period of time earlier in the year, we were inspired by this book ‘ What if’ . We would fill out a page every day and leave it on each others pillow. Eventually we started to make time to talk about our answers. It’s interesting, as we began to answer more questions we realised my beloved is a dreamer and from my answers I am clearly a realist. It has taken me some time, to drop the barriers and restrictions I put on my thoughts and dreams, but these conversations certainly have helped.
Here are some what if questions to get you started.
- If you could design a building what would it house?
- What if you were given a million dollars and had to spend it today what would you buy?
- If you could have any hairstyle what would it be?
Enjoy learning about each-other and yourself, and have a conversation that is not about the kids, or work or life for once… We would love to hear how you go.
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Village building
The age old saying, rings true when raising children – it takes a village. But what if you don’t have a village, what if you are lone rangers, completely independent and don’t have family to step in when you need or want them to.
You build your own village, one person at a time.
Homes of Victory
Raising children is hard work, we cannot beat around the bush. Yes it is rewarding, yes it can be fun and all of those things, but break it all down, it is hard work: Emotionally, physically and we can’t forget financially.
If there is one thing that will make raising children easier and fun-ner (is that even a word?), is doing life with other like-minded people. You may already have your village set and be totally content. On the other hand, you may be feeling alone, and don’t know how to meet like minded people, let alone strangers.
Rest assured, as the leader in your home, as a person of influence in your home, you have all the the tools you need to build a village. It will take time and effort, but your efforts will be greatly rewarded by a sense of belonging, a sense of not doing it on your own, a sense of being able to connect. Life is better together right!
Homes of Victory is designed to be a place of support and a place of community. We are here to assist and point you in the right direction for help. Please reach out and contact us and allow up to support you in building your own village.
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#kidlogic:tunnels
I caught Moe (aged three) face planting the front of the dishwasher… It looked like he was trying to kiss the stainless steel surface. As I walked past him, just to take a look, he asked in a muffled voice “ Is it a tunnel?“ No darling…
“ Ohhhhhh” a big whinge ensued while I was trying not to laugh out loud.
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Stop waiting for the right answer to begin. You can start simply by asking a question and the process will bring forward more answers and guidance. For example start by simply asking – what can I do right now in my life to be just 10% happier?
Dr Caroline Leaf
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let me rephrase that…
If we ask the right questions, we can change the world with the right answers.”
Ogwo David Emenike
I feel like everytime I speak to my kids they give me a life lesson in return. At the moment, my four year old is giving me a run for my money. The latest phrase out of her mouth is, ” I’m four, I can do what I want”- all said with a hand on her hip. That might very well be true in her mind, but the reality is far removed from that. She pulls the phrase out in context which makes me proud and on the other hand completely frustrated.
The thing I am learning through this season is, if I direct her in a way that she doesn’t realise she is being directed in then she complies. She still feels like she is in charge and is doing ‘ what she wants’.
In leadership – at times, we need to sit back and look at challenges and issues within our teams and projects and pinpoint the RIGHT question to get to the RIGHT answer. It is great to brainstorm the issue and circle back around to parked ideas, and label something as innovative… but if the right question is not asked – the right answer will not be found.
It’s the same with my four year old – if I fight her on the issue of ‘doing what she wants’, I wouldn’t be achieving my goals of getting her to do what I want – like brushing her teeth. If I roll with the punches so to speak, I need to ask the right questions and get her to give me the ‘right’ answer which is in essence obedience. Are you following me?
The question may not be a matter of how, it may be a matter of who. The answer may not be a matter of when, it may be a matter of why. If we ask questions others are afraid to ask, if we seek the answers that others may be too meek to seek, things will start to change – for the better.
Going back to my example – my home is actually calmer because I chose to rephrase my questions to make sure I still get the ‘ right’ answer – but I only get that by asking the ‘ right’ question. She can believe what she wants in her mind – she may think she is doing what she wants – but she’s not. What the outcome is – is a calm home – a change for the greater good of my family. I know she will grow out of this, and I know we will move onto the next challenge.
If I am prepared to rephrase, I am prepared for the best outcome.
Homes of Victory
How can you rephrase your questions / directions / etc… in your home?
How could you apply this in your role as a leader in your home and sphere of influence?
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Share your dream with people who want you to succeed.
Bishop T. D Jakes
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#kidlogic: compromise
I need to admit that I have taught my children the word compromise in its full definition. It’s the only way, I can get what I want without them realising… Yes, this has also backfired, as it does with most kids who learn a new word.
Turning up late and in a flurry at kindy to do the usual pick up, I was stopped by Lalee’s beautiful teacher. I feel we have a great relationship and can talk about things that occur . On this particular day, months after my ‘compromise’ technique had been implemented and was working nicely. Miss K began to tell me that she asked the whole class to start packing up the toys ready for story time. Lalee, proceeded to tell her teacher that she thought they should compromise, so she could continue to play for 5 minutes while the others packed up. ( yes , she was very specific about the whole 5 minute thing). Upon being told ‘ no… we all pack up together’. Lalee took things into her own hands. She told the teacher that the ‘ naughty boys’ in her class (who actually listen to her), to clean up her section while she proceeded to go to the other side of the room to continue playing. When she was asked to help, her response was, “ I compromised with the boys, they are packing up while I play.”… I apologise unreservedly for teaching my child the word compromise. It selfishly helps me at home, but works against the whole system outside of my home. Looks like, the next word I’ll teach her, definition and all is team work.
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Success for leadership is . . . knowing the great art of directing others without their noticing it.
Anonymous
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Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.
John Maxwell
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Leadership Trait: Influence
To be a true influencer is to have an impact on the behaviours, attitudes, opinions and choices of others. A leader’s ability to have influence is based on trust. The more trust there is, the more influence you have. Be careful not to confuse influence with coercion or manipulation. Just because trust is involved doesn’t mean it can be taken advantage of.
As a leader, you must constantly aware of how you influence those around you. The way you speak – will influence the culture of your workplace, the way you work will set the level of expectation, the way you carry yourself during stressful situations will set the standard for others, the way you do what you do – will influence how your staff, your family, whoever you are leading – behaves . It sets the tone of expectation, it sets the standard to which you expect tasks completed. Choose how you influence. Choose how you impact those around you.
Here are four specific areas, the skills of an influencer targets:
- Organizational Intelligence: Understand how to get things done and embrace the reality of working within organizational politics. ( What I like to call sticky red tape)
- Team Promotion: Leaders with influence learn how to honestly promote themselves. Bearing in mind they also promote what is good for the entire organization
- Building trust: With your team, your peers and others in leadership positions.
- Collaboration: No leader works alone, connect with others in you network – be empowered by this, and empower others.
These skill areas can be translated into your home and friendships. We are leaders in our home ( organisation equivalent) working within the constraints of family / income/ time etc… as parents with influence, we can learn to promote ourselves to our children – not in a selfish egotistical way, but rather in a ‘ setting the example’ type way. Trust is self-explanatory and so too is collaboration – the older you children get – there will be more ways to collaborate and empower them to make decisions, be part of the decision making process, or simply learn how to work well with others – using all strengths for the greater good.
The last thing I was add about influencing as a leadership trait is: influence must never be confused with coercion or manipulation. Being influential / being an influencer – needs to be accomplished in a positive manner – where you are setting a standard for expectations, using your influence to benefit those around you and most of all have a positive impact on behaviours, attitudes and choices.
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#kidlogic: lizards
“ Mum… my friend Lucy is a thorny devil.”
“A what?”
“ A thorny devil”
“ Really”
“ Yes, her Grammy told her that she was, and if she wasn’t careful she would be thrown into the fire”
“ Well that’s not very nice..” doubting the conversation was relayed correctly.
“ No it’s not.”
Two weeks later… I’m serious she thinks about things in depth…
“ Mum where do Thorny Devils live?”
“ I don’t know sweetheart.”
“ I think they are naughty people… where do naughty people live?”
“ Naughty people can live anywhere..”
“ Oh, I’m glad there are none in Brisbane.” She sounded so relieved… as she simply decided how life is.
“ I hope you don’t call any one a Thorny Devil… it’s not a nice thing to say.”
“ Oh no I don’t, but Lucy does.”
“ Well make sure you always use kind words.”
“ Okay Mum”
A week later and it finally clicked in my mind that a thorny devil is a lizard, gee I need to scrub up on my animal species. It all makes perfect sense… now. Upon sharing my new found knowledge with Lalee, the response was:
“ What! Do naughty people get turned into lizards… Oh my goodness.”
Sigh…. This is going to be a long conversation.
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Don’t trade in your integrity for influence.
Richie Norton
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When you feel overwhelmed, remember; A little at a time is how it gets done. One thing, one task, one moment at a time.
Author Unknown
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#kidlogic: animals
Sparkie@4yrs old (S): Hey Mum I really want to ride a flamingo
Mum(M): Oh darling, I don’t think they would like that
S: Why?
M: They’re not that big and you are heavy
S: I’m four, it should be okay
M: Maybe think of another animal to ride, like a horse
S: Hey Mum, can I touch a sloth
M: Probably not, I don’t think they like being touched.
S: Can you go tell the zoo I want to touch a sloth, quietly when its asleep
M: Oh the zoo is a long way away and I can’t do that now
S: Ok Mum, tomorrow?
Homes of Victory 