Tag: humility

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Victory

Leadership trait: Imperfection

It’s been a while since we’ve shared about leadership traits and what makes a leader a leader. We’ve shared about a wide range of leadership traits, like courage, integrity, resilience and adaptability… what we haven’t really shared about is the deeper leadership traits that are sometimes easier to ignore, make us feel uncomfortable and to an extent believe we don’t possess.

Often, we look to those in leadership positions with the expectation of perfection. We place often unrealistic assumptions on their behaviour that they will make the best decisions (that matches ours of course), that always takes into account the greater good, that never faulters, that always leads well under pressure, always, always, always…

I want to flip that narrative and ask the question, in your family, in your sphere of influence who do you lead perhaps without realising? Who looks to you to lead? How close to perfection do you get?

There are two positives I wish to pull out of this somewhat gloomy leadership trait of imperfection:

  1. Humility is key. Humility is one of those words that can be misrepresented and misinterpreted. This definition spells it out so clearly, humility is “Modesty, lacking pretence, not believing that you are superior to others.” We lead whether we like it or not and at times, we do get it wrong. You can lead, be in a position of leadership and / or authority but still have humility. It is knowing that you are not superior to others, that you like everyone else, makes mistakes, perhaps to the detriment of your team or not… either way, when we lead with imperfection – we also need to lead with humility. To be able to admit when we are wrong, to be able to say I wasn’t my best that day, to be able to reflect on what can we learn.
  2. Growth is the goal. When we can admit, even in our own minds, that we are imperfect, we can use it as an opportunity to grow. I am not saying strive for perfection, that just isn’t possible. What is possible, is growing in knowledge, growing in capacity, growing in understanding, growing in your leadership abilities, once we grasp that it is 100% okay to lead with imperfection. The freedom that comes with this understanding will transform you and impact the influence you have.

We can take these positives with us into our home and friendships. We can share our learnings, we can keep each other accountable, and we can be human together.

The last thing I want to add about imperfection as a leadership trait is, that there is no use, using the excuse as imperfect to beat ourselves up about the mistakes we make. It is all about acknowledging that imperfection is simply once facet to leadership that exists.

What we choose to do with our imperfection, how we grow and how we process our learnings has the capacity to contribute to an atmosphere of positivity and encourage those around us to have growth mindsets.

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Victory

Who are your people?

Over the years I have written about us needing connection and community with others. At times we’ve probably all felt we would like it, not sure how to get it and question if we actually really do need it.

I’ve been prompted to write this after a few conversations lately that have just shown me, the spectrum of response people have to the question of if we need connection with others.

My short answer is yes. I firmly believe we are hardwired as people to live in community and connection with others. What I also believe is, we as people often ignore this and hope for the best in how we live, with others around us, but not really knowing anyone or having anyone know us. Why? Because it actually takes effort.

I’ve been reading a book called “Find your People: Building Deep Connections in a lonely world” by Jeannie Allen. She talks about in order to find our people, and they could be those few people in our inner circle, those we bump into incidentally ( our village) and then acquaintances, we need to be humble, available and vulnerable.

Can I simply ask, how hard is it to be vulnerable? How hard is it to be available? How hard can it be to be humble? When I first read this my mind ticked over, well I am available after school one day a week and I could maybe find time between sport on a Saturday and oh boy, why would some one want me to be vulnerable with them – life gets messy… In summary, building connections with others and community takes effort. Effort we may not have the energy for….

After spending some time processing these thoughts, I realized we all have messy lives and we all need to get over that and love people in their mess and importantly allow people to love us in our mess. I need to confess my hypocritical behavior here.. When I go to some one’s home I never judge the cleanliness of it. I get the mess of life, the busy, the muddy dog prints, the washing the everything. I often ask if I can help out if them seem a bit overwhelmed. But, when people come to my place I try my hardest to have it all clean. I judge myself before I judge others… Any one with me?

Last weekend, when I literally ran out of time to mop the floors before we had visitors (coming to our house for the first time), because it had rained and my dog ran her muddy paws through the house, I apologized to our friends at the front door. Their immediate response was – don’t worry, we get it. End of story, not mentioned again, we had a great meal together. It was the first time, I felt that I could just let that go.

In hindsight, it was a way of being humble and vulnerable. I had done it. Yes, it felt hard, yes it felt awkward and not normal – but none the less it happened. What I loved the most was, sharing the meal was about the people, not how clean or unclean my house was.

My challenge for you is, who are you being humble, available and vulnerable with in your sphere of influence? I’m not saying open your life up to everyone, but who can you think of, that would benefit from you loving them in the mess of life and you allowing yourself to be loved in the mess of life.

Building community takes effort we may not have the energy for.. but building community brings energy as we are all in it together.

Homes of Victory
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Victory

Thank you Superheroes

Here in Australia it’s Fathers Day!

Thank you to all the Dads, Grandpas, Dads to be, uncles and brothers.

You are all super heroes – to your loved ones.

We honor you today for the special role you play in the lives of your family and friends! It wouldn’t be the same with out you.

To those who have loved and lost, may your hearts be reminded of the big bear hugs and the joy your Dad brought to your life- be it a little or a lot.

To our Homes of Victory Dads – you have taught us so much and so generously shared your wisdom with us. May we continue your legacy in the life of our family – showing grace and patience, bringing the fun and joy while leading and mentoring the next generation.

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Victory

All – rounder…

I was flicking through a book titled 50 leaders who changed history, by Charles Philips and came across the list of what the author identified as leadership qualities. Some of which I have not really considered prior, as I have only worked in the social science field. I am used to traits such as open mindedness, collaborative and leading by example – these are the softer (yet strong qualities) that do get things done. Adding to the list of leadership traits listed include being disruptors, combative and defiant type leaders. After reading through the short bios of each leader, it became clearer to me that their type of leadership whether with the hindsight of history, whether they were right or wrong, on most occasions their leadership style befitted the change in history they contributed to.

Mother Teresa for example – was a ‘lead by example’ leader, Margaret Thatcher was considered a ‘combative’ leader. Pablo Picasso was mentioned for his ‘innovative’ leadership style – he was credited with challenging the limits of art and bringing art into mainstream culture. This book is a fascinating read of leaders throughout the generations.

Reading about the various types of leaders and the particular style they were known for, I was challenged about my own leadership style, both in the workplace and at home. You see, we may know what type of leader we are in our own situation, but do we have in us, some of the opposite qualities to enable us to truly lead in all situations?

With that said, I am more aware of making sure the leader, I have worked hard to be, is not done growing yet. I need the capacity to be a disruptor – at the right time. I also need to learn more combative traits – to pull out at the right time. What about you?

When was the last time, you were challenged to adapt your leadership style? Did you have the tools at hand?

Take some time to give some thought to how you can become more well-rounded. There is nothing like being prepared for all situations…

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Leadership

Leadership trait: Humility

Every person that you meet knows something you don’t: learn from them.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Humility is attractive. Humility is a magnet for integrity, collaboration, appreciation, and acknowledgement.  Humility attracts staff, who will want to work with you, look forward to being around you and motivated by you. They know you will acknowledge their efforts, appreciate their hard work, and offer a human side to leadership.

Likewise, when we are humble in our homes, humble toward our children, we show them reality, the realness of life. Yes, difficulties arise, and challenges are met – not perfectly but to the best of our abilities. Granted it may take humiliation to encourage our humility but if our families witness it firsthand, how much more are they going to value us as parents. How much more are they going to value humility and being humble themselves. In turn they will begin to value integrity, want to receive our appreciation, be acknowledged, and finally behave like this towards others.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis

Never curse a fall. The ground is where humility lives. 

Yasmin Mogahed
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Leadership

adjust the sails

The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails.

William Arthur Ward

How many times in your everyday have you had to adjust the sails? I find myself constantly juggling the pessimistic and optimistic thoughts in my mind, then finally realising I just need to adjust the sails. I’m a work in progress… aren’t we all.

In the workplace, I feel that I lead with confidence and humility… at home, I feel like my brain falls out of my body somewhere between work and home and I just have a totally different leadership style. By applying this leadership principle of adjusting the sails, to our families it would help us all navigate life just that little bit better. If I stopped complaining about who didn’t do what, and focus on going forward, dealing with it, with a smile, I am sure my home would feel like a different place, I would feel like a different person. Hands up, who has to ask their kids more than once to put shoes on or pack homework, or even pick up a dirty tissue off the floor. Hands up who complains? Hands up who adjusts the sails? It is easier to complain than adjust the sails, but how much better would it be if we were more conscious of adjusting the sails rather than complaining or hoping for change without action.

The way we lead in our home is so important. The best way to lead, is by example.  Your children will do what they see and hear. I know for myself when my kids say something the way I say it, I know they have picked it up from me – their leader. I try not to complain and I try to adjust the sails, and no one is asking me or you to be perfect, but I think it is also a gentle reminder to lead by example and take that responsibility seriously. We tell our children all the time, there is always a solution, we just need to find it.

There is always a solution, we just need to find it.

Homes of Victory

Now, after months of saying this to them, they say it to themselves and each other. It makes me smile, as they copy us, they are building resilience with and without us and are being positive about the situation they are finding difficult. We hope we can always speak into their lives and have them copy the good , quotable things we say and not the things we say out of pessimism. By the way, we will always be adjusting the sails in life and in our families, but that also means; we are a work in progress getting better and better.

How do your words lead in your home? How do you lead by example? Think about how you can adjust the sails more in your home.