“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.
Albert Einstein
It’s clear that Albert Einstein believes that imagination is the key to real intelligence. Does real intelligence mean we only know facts? Does it mean we are creative? Does it mean we focus on solutions? Is it a mix of all three?
Whatever your position is, imagination allows to see what is not there, and therefore be builders of a new and improved reality.
I was recently challenged around the concept of adults losing their imagination and focusing too much on reality. I am so guilty of this, where I think of a fun, amazing, big blue sky concept only to shoot the thought down within seconds saying that won’t work. That’s not possible.
Who has come across a kid wanting to be a dinosaur when they grow up? It makes you smile right – knowing it’s not possbile but the kid believes it with every bone in their body. Where has that child like imagination, all things are possbile capacity gone? When does it not become a thing anymore as we grow up.
Homes of Victory is all about encouraging families, to think big, plan, grow and be all they can be. What we need more of in our families, in our parenting, is more creativity, more imagination and less barriers in our minds to what is possible. Cultivating creativity takes time, is perhaps a learnt art, of letting go and letting our imaginations run free. One thing I do know is when you do, the joy, the unpredictable and the what was once thought impossible begins to show possibility.
Take some time out to think about your dreams when you were a kid? When you were a teenager beginning to explore the world. What dreams did you have, how have they been squished, how can you revive them?
We found ourselves talking to our kids about having more respect towards each other and us – and indeed everyone they have a conversation with. Words are powerful right. Thanks to the teenage stage, our well-intended correctional chat was met with ” Why do you even care, it’s my choice what I say”. Oh and throw in an eye roll for good measure.
The response was valid and true… but what our teen failed to take into account in this conversation is we care because we love. Our response to this remark was ” We care because we love you. If we didn’t love you, then we honestly wouldn’t care”. Can I also add here in all honesty – sometimes it would be way easier not to care, way less effort to just let things slide, way more peaceful if we didn’t care. By the way we never say this to our kids, it’s merely a back of mind thought.
Love is often in this context the balance between emotion, fun, joy and the other end of the spectrum discipline. The tightrope us parents walk to make sure we build relationship and connection while guiding and correcting.
This response of we care because we love you, works 9 times out of 10. It stops them in their tracks. Why? It makes them think about what I call the train track of being a kid. We have a goal to grow our kids to get them to the station if you like of adulthood with the hope, they are amazing and wonderful and everything in between. However, the only way to get there – is via the track – one side is love and the other is discipline. The two tracks run parallel – sometimes we lean more into one side then the other – but to raise our kids into amazing adults – we need both sides of the track. They too need the boundaries; they need to be valued, and they need to be seen. You can’t have all of that without some form of discipline.
I know I am not the only one, when I say, I wish my kids listened the first time, or even the second time… I’m not sure what it is, but this is the phase we are going through, where we – as in my children and I, have different expectations of when I ask them to do something. I’m pretty sure no matter how I ask them to do something – like pop your lunch box on the bench as we walk in the door from school, they hear it and interpret it as – at any point in the future I will do it, if I remember to or feel like it, or I could just ignore the instruction and pretend I’m so tired from school that I couldn’t possibly do anything as difficult as unzip my school bag. Sorry – that rant just happened…. Does anyone else have this kind of rant? or situation in their home?
On the weekend we watched the Karate Kid – the one from 2010. Our kids loved it and we realised this was their first taste of a kung fu / karate movies- oh the can of worms we’ve now opened… The takeaway quote from the whole movie for them was – “I’m focusing”… ” No your focus needs focus”. They laughed about it, repeated it over and over to us and each other.
It raises the question – do we need to refocus our focus? Do I as a parent need to refocus my opinions and thoughts of my kids not listening the first time. Do I need to reduce how much I care about it- and focus on what really matters? I’m not saying I will now remove all responsibility and allow them to do anything they like. They’re part of my family and team so we all have a role to play – but what I will do for my own benefit, is change my focus. I need to give them room to breathe, room to be obedient and take responsibly. The only person upset about the situation is me. Why – because of what I am focusing on.
In our homes, in our workplaces, in our sphere of influence what do we need to focus our focus on? Are we currently looking at what really matters and do it well?
I say, not yet to this question, but I want to. I’m not sure how I will personally get there, time will tell. It’s up to each of us to decide how that will work – but set that goal – have a laugh about how ‘ your focus needs focus’ and work out the best way to refocus on what really matters.
To the Mumma of boys who have soft hearts, I see the silent tears fall, as they tell you about their day. Afraid to ask to play, as the others seem so rough. I see your heart breaking as he navigates friends that have come and gone and friends that are still to come. The softness in his heart is not the lack of brave – but far from it. The pursuit of justice in his mind, is the making of a warrior. He will one day stand tall, undeterred by the arrows that fly by day, or the shadows that creep by night, until then precious one, take heart.
Your boy is stronger than he thinks, wiser than he knows, braver than he gives himself credit for. He can run as he chooses; he seeks truth and justice, he gives with all his might. Others may not see it, others may take advantage, but one thing is for sure- the warrior within is only just getting started. Nurture him, love him, encourage him, push him safely out of his comfort zone to prove he is capable, to show him, he can – when he thinks he can’t.
To the Mumma of boys why are soft hearted, take courage for one day, when he stands like a warrior, he will remember you, he will have the words you spoke into his life, safely tucked into his heart. He will know the value of the nurturing, the value of your patience and the value of your never-ending love.
In the last post, hang ups and bang ups we looked at how hang ups and bang ups happen, and how we respond is our choice. As hard as that may be at times, to choose the right response, the integrity filled response, the unexpectedly kind response. After one particular hang up and bang up, I was sent this quote.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
Charles R Swindoll
What I’m interested to hear is what is your first response to this quote?
My first response when reading this quote with a stream of thoughts starting with yes, I can see how that is true, then I moved onto, wait I have no control over what happens to me and how could I possibly try to respond positively all the time to ‘ what happens’… the reality is, there is no real answer. But what we do have in this quote, which is very thought provoking, is once again a choice, we need to step back and make every time we need to respond to something that happens -whether it’s negative or positive. What happens to us, as per the quote, isn’t what we are in control of, what we are in control of is our response. A little daunting isn’t it. Yet, with a little perspective though, it’s easier to see what we do have control of and how our response matters the most.
I am for want of a better word and avid people watcher. I love to observe, I love to chat, and I love to listen to people’s stories. What amazes me, is how different people respond to trauma, how different people celebrate milestones and how people admit to strangers their deepest darkest secrets. Part of my amazement is the learnings and growth in my own life that come from listening and gleaning during these conversations.
What I want to encourage you with, is how you navigate the hang ups and bang ups in life, can inspire others to see their own hang ups and bang ups differently. Sharing your story in the right context with the right person at the right time can make such a huge difference and truly inspire others to live in victory and rethink how they respond to what happens in life.
I am reading the most amazing book at the moment. The Compassion Project : A case for hope and human kindness from the town that beat loneliness by Julian Abel and Lindsay Clarke. It speaks volumes of the possibilities available to us as people, if we use what we already have within it. It speaks of how we all have compassion within us – some in bucket loads, others just a cup full – but we all have it. If we activate it and use it for good, entire communities are transformed. Now I don’t use the word transformed lightly – but the way this book goes into great detail about the hope, kindness, courage and community formed out of activating compassion shows just how simple it is to reconstruct our community to be a place of belonging rather than a place filled with loneliness.
In my new role, I come across loneliness. I am not just talking about meeting people who are socially isolated, but those who have a life full of people around them – yet feel lonely. Feel like they don’t fit in. The challenge to each and every one of us, is to notice. Their are no loud blaring signs that tell us someone is lonely – in the middle of busy and hectic. Their are no arrows pointing to the homes, where some one is socially and physically isolated. Loneliness comes in different forms and attaches itself to every person differently. If we simply take time to chat to those we come across in our world – whether its a work mate, a family member, a person at a shop, another parent at school pick up – where ever your day takes you – take time to notice and include. The greatest gift we can give anyone is to include them. Ask how their day is, listen to their response – don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and encourage some one – you never know the impact you will have on their life.
Compassion is defined: as a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
dictionary.com
Although that sounds heavy – we can paraphrase it as – simply put yourself in some one else’s shoes. To be included is what we all want – to have some one notice us on a bad day or a good day – to have some one care.
Who have you noticed today?
Who will you intentionally connect with this week?
Let’s be compassionate to a world that truly needs it.
I posted this blog post in April 2021… I wanted to share it again as we all have a story to share, a story to encourage and a story to touch lives around you… enjoy.
Last night I was privileged to go to the graduation of a leadership development program of which my husband was part of. What amazed me – was the journey that every participant of which their was 20 went on, to get to the end of the program. The program was jam packed with leadership tools which formed a final toolkit, it involved more soul searching and personal development that you could poke a stick at the the most wonderful part of it was – the stories of victory, the stories of ‘we made it’ that shone through.
Often at a graduation ceremony we don’t get to hear – just how much blood, sweat and tears went into the achievement. We only tend to see the smile, the handshake, the certificate and camera flash. This ceremony was different. Each and every graduate had an opportunity to share a few words about their experience – in an in-conversation style presentation. My eyes brimmed with tears, as one by one the stories of transformation were explained. The stories of growing confidence, the stories of how now, they are closer to their families because of what they learnt, the stories of how they felt like they took up too much space in this world – but now realize that they as a person are amazing.
Do you have a story to tell? Have you experienced a growth journey of some kind? It may not be as intense as what these graduates experienced. It may not have been a facilitated type of personal or professional growth – but at some point, you must have lent into the discomfort and come out bigger, better and stronger for it. To the leaning in – I say thank you – thank you for wanting to be a better person, thank you for putting in the effort to change yourself and therefore your world.
Homes of Victory started out because we as a family experienced the most trying times of our lives. We made a choice to stick it out, to lean into the discomfort – even if it meant gritting our teeth and saying I love you – even when those thoughts were in our hearts but it was dreadfully hard to say Our heart for people of every stage of life and especially those with young families is to be supported and encouraged to lean into the discomfort – to grow – to influence – to live life victorious.
We know life throws us into all sorts of wild situations – ones we never imaged, ones we wouldn’t wish on any one – but you know what – you are brave, you are made for this moment. Even when it seems overwhelming and overbearing – lean into it, learn from it, grow from it. When the season changes – you’ll be able to look back and reflect. Make sure you do – reflect and reflect until you feel you have celebrated the wins, the best you can, when you have unpacked the disappointments the best you can, when you can pick up the growth in yourself and those who have experienced with you. Use each season to become a better person, to be all that you can be. Don’t be scared of expectations – what you expect of yourself or what others expect. Change your perspective and simply lean in.
After the learning, after the wild has calmed down remember to share your story. Share it with intention to encourage, share it with the intention to show others that it can be done. Your story is a powerful tool that will change the lives of those around you.
It’s a story about victory that will touch the lives of everyone… It’s powerful.
Homes of Victory is a platform for families using leadership and management tools to create a family blueprint going forward. It is designed to support and enable you to create the home life you want, while living with a victorious mindset in the middle of the wildest season of life; kids.
Each week we will post an activity for you and your loved one / ones to complete. The activities are aimed at the adults in your home, but children of all ages can contribute. All of the activities will combine to create a family blueprint – perfect for your family. If you miss a week, simply select the ‘blueprint tag’ for all of the family blueprint activities.
I need to admit, that the mid year slump is a real thing for me this year. Although I still feel great, I have energy, I have motivation, I have even reviewed my goals and set new ones…. What I think I’m losing as the year is flying by is patience. We have a lovely, wonderful 5 year old, who is giving us a run for our money. I feel like every form of leading, guiding and parenting I’ve learnt in the years gone by is not even closely relevant to how I need to parent at the moment.
One thing I am learning from this and want to encourage you in, is no matter what we do, we need to start somewhere and simply give it a go. It may feel like a looming mountain in the distance, it may look like a deep lake of the unknown, but what remains is, things change when we simply start. As we step through the unknown, it becomes known, as we walk the road of difficult perspective is gained, and aspects become easier than they previously were.
I feel I am relearning to parent again, I feel like I am referring to parenting blogs for ideas, reading up on what I could do, implementing changes into my home, doing something to make the ‘difficult’ easier. What I am finding as I do this, is that I am gaining perspective, I am gaining an broader and deeper understanding of what I am experiencing. We as a family are growing and working it out together as we go. It’s never going to be perfect
Please know that you are not alone as you find things difficult. Please know that you as you find yourself in the middle of easy, that what was difficult is no longer. Be encouraged, it won’t stay difficult for long, it will take time, but you will be able to look back and see the journey to easy that you started by simply taking a step of courage.
In our last post we talked about how consistency is powerful when it came to our behaviour and choices we make as we navigate an unprecedented time of disappointments and seemingly lack of control in most areas of our life.
Another aspect to consistency is how we deal with stress and what feels like blow after blow of COVID related frustrations and disappointments. When we went through an incredibly stressful time in our lives about 4 years ago, my Dad made a comment that I’ve never forgotten. He simply said “beware the of the layers”. After that comment we talked about how stress and external pressures sometimes are a bit onion like layers upon layers.
What I am hearing more and more in this COVID season, is mental health across our nation is in sharp decline and in all honesty I am not surprised. When we start to talk to anyone around us, it seems the layers of worry, stress and anxiety comes out in both words and facial expressions.
I was listening to a pod cast yesterday where the speaker said, the 18 months to 2 years of COVID gives us what scientists call pandemic brain. The amount of decisions and stress our brains have dealt with over this time period is equivalent to 10 years – no wonder we feel tired. (Podcast: Miracle in the Mismatch)
So, how do we stay consistent in the middle of this unprecedented time?
Talk
Talk about what measures you can take as an individual and family to bring the stress and anxiety down. This may also be a conversation to have in the workplace also. Think about the stressors in your life, write them down – acknowledge them – then talk about how it could be changed from a stressor to neutral or even better from a stress to a source of strength and motivation. Talking is not easy – but it will get you thinking out loud, you’ll be processing it with some one else and brainstorming together.
Talk to someone who can help you make sense of your stress – whether it is a friend, family member or professional – just start talking – get support and the help you need. Their is no shame in dealing with stress, pressures and anxieties.
Talk about bringing back the fun. COVID has dampened many plans and exciting things we thought we might be able to do but can’t. At the moment I am lamenting travelling but as a family we brought back the fun and started listing places we could go based on our names. Sounds kind of not fun and a bit silly, but we enjoyed looking up places, dreaming about what some places would be like etc… It is a list we could never afford to fulfill but it gave us some fun and allowed us to dream.
Do
Now that you’ve talked about the serious stuff and everything in between – it is time to take action. Make a list of actions – plan your actions – motivate yourself to fulfil your actions. To give you an idea – as a family we talked about how we are talking to each other could be improved. Our action was to learn about left and right brain and how we flick sides in the use of our brain when we are angry for example. We learnt ways to flick back to calm ( at least calm-ish) and have been practicing that. It has reduced a layer of stress in our home. It was just one way we could remove a stress from the stress column in our minds and move it to neutral.
Keep Going
You’ve got this. None of us were prepared back in 2019 for what 2020 to now would bring – to ourselves, our families, our city, our nation and world. All of us have been touched some how, impacted some how by COVID.
Once you have talked and started to do – keep going. Keep finding ways to bring back the fun, to turn stressors into neutral. Give yourself some grace, allow your self to be sad, be tired, be hurting – but remember to pick yourself up and keep going. One step in front of the other is all it takes. Just take one step at a time. You’ve got this.
What are some ways you are trying to keep yourself even keeled? How are you working towards being consistent?
In what feels like a long and never ending COVID season – the impacts of change, are being felt far and wide. I’ve spoken to people this week – who are anxious about keeping up with the ever changing restrictions – wanting to do the right thing, but are unsure about the restrictions that are in place. I’ve spoken to people who are locked down to the point, where the only way the teenagers in the home have ‘fun’ is swap the room they are working in at lunch time. I’ve spoken to families who are doing it really tough and those who are making the most of lockdowns and changing restrictions.
Though we face a season of let downs, changing landscapes, a need to keep going, their is a glimmer of hope – a silver lining. We have a choice to make when it comes to our behavior and consistency. We hold control over that. We are responsible for that. We essentially hold the gaming control when it comes to who we are and how we behave.
I must admit aside from everything COVID I am not as disciplined as I would like to be or imagine I should be. The idea of doing the same thing every day – like go for a walk, sounds nice in my head in theory, but when I do it, I get bored pretty quick and try to change it up. I grew up with my Dad being so consistent, and disciplined in his routines that I wondered if he found it boring… what I did learn after observing him year after year, is the progress he made, the slow and steady pace of consistency paying off over time, time and time again. He is now – still a very fit man, enjoying early retirement ( less the travel plans), he has a wide range of hobbies and interests because over time, he was consistent in his learning – consistent in expanding his interests.
One thing I would like to challenge you with, is – what is your consistency like? I am always trying to work on being more consistent with the simple things. Like taking the time to have dinner as a family – carving out that time daily. I am trying to develop a routine that works with my new flexible hours at work. What is it that you have control over, in this time of seemingly lack of control.
Think about how you can be more consistent ? How you can harness control over the things that you can control – like consistency and behavior. While not thinking about the things you / me / us no longer have control over – like when borders will reopen, and when can I plan a holiday that won’t get cancelled by lockdowns.
A week ago my beautiful Nana went home to be with the Lord. It wasn’t expected but equally not unexpected. The shock has slightly worn off, the practical thoughts have kicked aside the lingering sadness for now, while the fun memories and good times have trickled through my mind like a refreshing stream. Apple pie, peanut biscuit’s, chocolate slice, the sewing, the tea cups, the roast lunches, the love of flowers the list goes on.
She was a lovely person, a kind person, never said a bad word – kind of person. She was resourceful and stoic in her strength. She faced every season with a smile. Her heart full of kindness was shared with those around her through cups of tea, her baking and her love for her family and everyone she met. My Nana always dressed immaculately but it wasn’t her clothing that made her stand out, it was her kindness and loveliness.
If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
Roald Dahl
Like my Nana, I try to focus on the good so I am like sunshine to those around me. Although she isn’t with us any more, the warmth that comes when we think of her is more than enough. It encourages me to live a life warm to those around me, to be present and aware, to be kind and unwavering, to be even and thoughtful through every season life throws at me. It saddens me to think, that it has taken this experience of losing someone precious to realize, just how important it is to be who you are – to let the sunshine and goodness in us shine into the lives of those around us.
I may not be able to bake like my Nana, but I sure can encourage those around me with kind words and thoughtfulness.
In my workplace it is strongly suggested that we have a retreat day every quarter. Time where we step out of the office and into nature to regroup, reflect and reset. This is such a foreign concept to me who pretty much doesn’t know how to have down time, as I am always doing something.
To be honest I have been researching what a personal retreat day is – so I can plan one, confidently knowing I will make the most of the retreat day. Anyone laughing at me yet? I’ve been asking my team mates -what do you even do on a retreat day? How do you make it work with your family? All of the logistical questions that I think of.
The crux of it is, is to reboot and enjoy the process. So in my planning of my retreat day – which at the moment has a schedule… includes good food, some time in nature, a time of reflecting and a time of writing. I have decided to purposely leave my computer at home and not check any work emails. I am determined to be completely switched off for a whole day. I am literally hoping I can do it.
Do you take the time to have a personal retreat day? Have you even considered doing one? In our hustle and bustle – not just in our workplaces, but families, and even our minds – I am beginning to look forward to this day of difference. Where I can step out of the normal, step into the slow and still ‘feel’ productive, while knowing I am setting time aside for me to reboot and reset.
What are somethings you do to reboot, reflect and reset?
Homes of Victory 