Category: Victory

Categories
Victory

Compassion

I am reading the most amazing book at the moment. The Compassion Project : A case for hope and human kindness from the town that beat loneliness by Julian Abel and Lindsay Clarke. It speaks volumes of the possibilities available to us as people, if we use what we already have within it. It speaks of how we all have compassion within us – some in bucket loads, others just a cup full – but we all have it. If we activate it and use it for good, entire communities are transformed. Now I don’t use the word transformed lightly – but the way this book goes into great detail about the hope, kindness, courage and community formed out of activating compassion shows just how simple it is to reconstruct our community to be a place of belonging rather than a place filled with loneliness.

In my new role, I come across loneliness. I am not just talking about meeting people who are socially isolated, but those who have a life full of people around them – yet feel lonely. Feel like they don’t fit in. The challenge to each and every one of us, is to notice. Their are no loud blaring signs that tell us someone is lonely – in the middle of busy and hectic. Their are no arrows pointing to the homes, where some one is socially and physically isolated. Loneliness comes in different forms and attaches itself to every person differently. If we simply take time to chat to those we come across in our world – whether its a work mate, a family member, a person at a shop, another parent at school pick up – where ever your day takes you – take time to notice and include. The greatest gift we can give anyone is to include them. Ask how their day is, listen to their response – don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and encourage some one – you never know the impact you will have on their life.

Compassion is defined:
as a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

dictionary.com

Although that sounds heavy – we can paraphrase it as – simply put yourself in some one else’s shoes. To be included is what we all want – to have some one notice us on a bad day or a good day – to have some one care.

Who have you noticed today?

Who will you intentionally connect with this week?

Let’s be compassionate to a world that truly needs it.

Categories
Victory

lean into the discomfort

I posted this blog post in April 2021… I wanted to share it again as we all have a story to share, a story to encourage and a story to touch lives around you… enjoy.

Last night I was privileged to go to the graduation of a leadership development program of which my husband was part of. What amazed me – was the journey that every participant of which their was 20 went on, to get to the end of the program. The program was jam packed with leadership tools which formed a final toolkit, it involved more soul searching and personal development that you could poke a stick at the the most wonderful part of it was – the stories of victory, the stories of ‘we made it’ that shone through.

Often at a graduation ceremony we don’t get to hear – just how much blood, sweat and tears went into the achievement. We only tend to see the smile, the handshake, the certificate and camera flash. This ceremony was different. Each and every graduate had an opportunity to share a few words about their experience – in an in-conversation style presentation. My eyes brimmed with tears, as one by one the stories of transformation were explained. The stories of growing confidence, the stories of how now, they are closer to their families because of what they learnt, the stories of how they felt like they took up too much space in this world – but now realize that they as a person are amazing.

Do you have a story to tell? Have you experienced a growth journey of some kind? It may not be as intense as what these graduates experienced. It may not have been a facilitated type of personal or professional growth – but at some point, you must have lent into the discomfort and come out bigger, better and stronger for it. To the leaning in – I say thank you – thank you for wanting to be a better person, thank you for putting in the effort to change yourself and therefore your world.

Homes of Victory started out because we as a family experienced the most trying times of our lives. We made a choice to stick it out, to lean into the discomfort – even if it meant gritting our teeth and saying I love you – even when those thoughts were in our hearts but it was dreadfully hard to say Our heart for people of every stage of life and especially those with young families is to be supported and encouraged to lean into the discomfort – to grow – to influence – to live life victorious.

We know life throws us into all sorts of wild situations – ones we never imaged, ones we wouldn’t wish on any one – but you know what – you are brave, you are made for this moment. Even when it seems overwhelming and overbearing – lean into it, learn from it, grow from it. When the season changes – you’ll be able to look back and reflect. Make sure you do – reflect and reflect until you feel you have celebrated the wins, the best you can, when you have unpacked the disappointments the best you can, when you can pick up the growth in yourself and those who have experienced with you. Use each season to become a better person, to be all that you can be. Don’t be scared of expectations – what you expect of yourself or what others expect. Change your perspective and simply lean in.

After the learning, after the wild has calmed down remember to share your story. Share it with intention to encourage, share it with the intention to show others that it can be done. Your story is a powerful tool that will change the lives of those around you.

It’s a story about victory that will touch the lives of everyone… It’s powerful.  

Derek Luke

Categories
Victory

Who are your people?

Over the years I have written about us needing connection and community with others. At times we’ve probably all felt we would like it, not sure how to get it and question if we actually really do need it.

I’ve been prompted to write this after a few conversations lately that have just shown me, the spectrum of response people have to the question of if we need connection with others.

My short answer is yes. I firmly believe we are hardwired as people to live in community and connection with others. What I also believe is, we as people often ignore this and hope for the best in how we live, with others around us, but not really knowing anyone or having anyone know us. Why? Because it actually takes effort.

I’ve been reading a book called “Find your People: Building Deep Connections in a lonely world” by Jeannie Allen. She talks about in order to find our people, and they could be those few people in our inner circle, those we bump into incidentally ( our village) and then acquaintances, we need to be humble, available and vulnerable.

Can I simply ask, how hard is it to be vulnerable? How hard is it to be available? How hard can it be to be humble? When I first read this my mind ticked over, well I am available after school one day a week and I could maybe find time between sport on a Saturday and oh boy, why would some one want me to be vulnerable with them – life gets messy… In summary, building connections with others and community takes effort. Effort we may not have the energy for….

After spending some time processing these thoughts, I realized we all have messy lives and we all need to get over that and love people in their mess and importantly allow people to love us in our mess. I need to confess my hypocritical behavior here.. When I go to some one’s home I never judge the cleanliness of it. I get the mess of life, the busy, the muddy dog prints, the washing the everything. I often ask if I can help out if them seem a bit overwhelmed. But, when people come to my place I try my hardest to have it all clean. I judge myself before I judge others… Any one with me?

Last weekend, when I literally ran out of time to mop the floors before we had visitors (coming to our house for the first time), because it had rained and my dog ran her muddy paws through the house, I apologized to our friends at the front door. Their immediate response was – don’t worry, we get it. End of story, not mentioned again, we had a great meal together. It was the first time, I felt that I could just let that go.

In hindsight, it was a way of being humble and vulnerable. I had done it. Yes, it felt hard, yes it felt awkward and not normal – but none the less it happened. What I loved the most was, sharing the meal was about the people, not how clean or unclean my house was.

My challenge for you is, who are you being humble, available and vulnerable with in your sphere of influence? I’m not saying open your life up to everyone, but who can you think of, that would benefit from you loving them in the mess of life and you allowing yourself to be loved in the mess of life.

Building community takes effort we may not have the energy for.. but building community brings energy as we are all in it together.

Homes of Victory
Categories
Victory

One step of courage

All things are difficult before they are easy.

Thomas Fuller

I need to admit, that the mid year slump is a real thing for me this year. Although I still feel great, I have energy, I have motivation, I have even reviewed my goals and set new ones…. What I think I’m losing as the year is flying by is patience. We have a lovely, wonderful 5 year old, who is giving us a run for our money. I feel like every form of leading, guiding and parenting I’ve learnt in the years gone by is not even closely relevant to how I need to parent at the moment.

One thing I am learning from this and want to encourage you in, is no matter what we do, we need to start somewhere and simply give it a go. It may feel like a looming mountain in the distance, it may look like a deep lake of the unknown, but what remains is, things change when we simply start. As we step through the unknown, it becomes known, as we walk the road of difficult perspective is gained, and aspects become easier than they previously were.

I feel I am relearning to parent again, I feel like I am referring to parenting blogs for ideas, reading up on what I could do, implementing changes into my home, doing something to make the ‘difficult’ easier. What I am finding as I do this, is that I am gaining perspective, I am gaining an broader and deeper understanding of what I am experiencing. We as a family are growing and working it out together as we go. It’s never going to be perfect

Please know that you are not alone as you find things difficult. Please know that you as you find yourself in the middle of easy, that what was difficult is no longer. Be encouraged, it won’t stay difficult for long, it will take time, but you will be able to look back and see the journey to easy that you started by simply taking a step of courage.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.

Desmond Tutu
Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Frame your world with your words

Dr Caroline Leaf

Words are so powerful, choose to use words that will make your world a better place.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision.

John Maxwell
Categories
Victory

is connection what we really want?

Wow what a start to the new year we have had! I feel like the beginning of the year kick started me into June – any one with me on that?

Over my summer break – which was 3 months ago now… I had ample time to reflect and spent a lot of time reading mindless fiction, switching off from the world, and just being around my family and outdoors – my happy place. What made me contemplate life and society and the current climate we live in was how culture has changed to a point where we are crying out for connection – but we don’t even really know what that word means any more – or know if that is really what we want.

Connection in its simplest form means to:

to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind: and to establish communication between; put in communication

dictionary.com

What this word seems to leave out – is what happens after the point of connection. How we connect to others via social media, is vastly different to how we connect with a person in the park for example, to how we connect with a friend over coffee.

What I believe we are looking for is more than connection but rather fellowship – yep I said it – the old fashioned word, that is often thought of in a church context but it’s meaning is transferable to any setting:

Fellowship is friendly relationship; companionship:

dictionary.com

Fellowship, is more than connection, and points to relationship – a give and take, an openness, a vulnerability, fun, enjoyment and the list goes on.

So as we live and breathe in a culture that claims to be super connected, how do we then go deeper and build real friendships and relationships. For me it comes down to three things.

  1. Actually talk to some one. This may be a stranger you see at the park, with kids around the same age as yours, it may be some one you buy your coffee from. It may even be the person who helps you bag your click and collect groceries. ( I have a whole other story about this for another day)
  2. Be open and curious. At times we expect people to meet our friendship checklist needs, or like the same things we do. Guess what – you are you for a reason, and everyone else is good at being everyone else. Be open and curious to how others think, what they like and don’t like. Be patient, scratch the surface, their is a whole person under there who may be like you – seeking connection.
  3. Be brave. Share your phone number, suggest catching up again, step out of your comfort zone. This is one way to make friends – but make sure you feel safe etc… before doing so.

In a culture so hung up on self, and consumed by the idea of being connected, remember, it is a basic human need to feel a sense of belonging, and how do we achieve this – through having friends, and being a friend to make friends. Good old common manners, openness and bravery.

Categories
Victory

Greener grass

A few of our friends, love their grass – love making it greener, love mowing it, love the way it looks and spend time comparing their grass photo, their tips and tricks etc… We on the other hand, have grass in our yard, it gets mowed when it needs it and that’s the extent of how much we love our grass. Reading the group chats about grass, makes me smile but I also ponder how some one could love grass so much – it’s just not my jam.

How many of us have wondered about greener grass when it comes to life, where we work, our family, even our selves? I have never really gelled with the phrase, “the grass is always greener on the other side” because I love to question and generally respond to the phrase “Is it really?” I like to see the proof.

Last summer, as we spent time as a family reflecting on the year that finished and the year ahead – we started a family book club – sorry its nerdy but we love it. We started to read Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart. It has turned into a competition to see who can read it the quickest as their is so much gold in this book. It is actually hard not the highlight every word in the book as we are learning so much from it and want to remember all that we have learnt. In one chapter Brown talks about comparison. In this chapter she uses the grass is greener analogy and unpacks it. I never knew this about grass but here it is paraphrased for you (This comes from page 21 of Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown, 2021)

Due to the physics of how grass grows, when we peer over the fence at our neighbors grass it actually does look greener – even if it is truly the same lushness as our own grass. The grass actually looks greener on the other side but that means nothing comparatively its all about perspective.

My encouragement to you, when it comes to asking ourselves if things could be better – yes of course they could be… but are we saying that in light of comparison or perspective? Some times it is hard to tease these two topics apart, but we need to simplify our thinking and ask ourselves the hard questions. Would I be thinking this, if that person didn’t say that to me, if I didn’t see that in their home, if I didn’t see it on the socials. Before we act out of comparison, to change the way we do things/ to change what we have or don’t have because of… stop and check your perspective. Take stock of your own green grass so to speak. Yes we can always improve, we can always be learning and growing, but aim to do it with perspective rather than that of comparison.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

When you talk, you are only repeating something you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

Dalai Lama
Categories
Victory

In the quiet…

As a kid, my Dad would take me and my siblings to the beach almost every week. He would swim out behind the breakers with us – he would explain the tide, the current, point out the rips and show us where the best waves were breaking. He didn’t do this in a few sentences, he would do this between body surfing waves while we would be left to tread water. We never seemed to worry about Dad coming back to find us, he always did. We didn’t worry about how long he took, as we were strong swimmers.  Sure, other people worried about us; we would have other adults watch us curiously from a distance until Dad swam back to us. One time, even a lifesaver checked on us.

What this picture doesn’t tell you is, during the week we would be at swim squad, at 5.30am four days a week. We would swim lap after lap, do different training routines, even do sit ups on the side of the pool if we talked too much during training. We were being prepared and strengthened. We built resilience and became psychologically strong for the conditions of the surf. Our beach expeditions were not without dramas, we did get dumped by massive waves, we did get swept out towards the next beach, but the fear was reduced because of what we did quietly during the week, lap after lap in the pool. Building strength and resilience. 

When we look at others, and when they in turn look at us, we don’t always see the full picture. God does. You see he prepares us, in the quiet, in the stillness, in the times we draw near to Him, so that when we are taken out of our depths, taken out of our comfort zone, taken beyond the breakers, we have the strength and resilience – we have everything we need.

In this season of busy, joy, fun and for some disappointment and sadness, make sure you take the time to step out of the rush, step out of the busy and take time to be quiet. To be still, to reflect, recharge and wonder.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.

 Ken Blanchard
Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Judy Garland
Categories
Victory

It boils down to choice…

This is by no means a place where we feel we know it all, have it all together, or are any type of expert. Homes of Victory for us, is not even about sharing opinions in a world that has way too many of those being blurted out from every possible platform. What we aim to do rather is start conversations – that lead hopefully in a positive way – to a shift in the way you do things, in a way you think about yourself and how you see your family.

At the moment, I am turning over in my mind, more and more the question of being busy. The question of how did I get to this point where I can’t even seem to find time to order groceries online. Ok so its not my favorite task and I am therefore not too motivated to do it, but none the less it is a task that need to happen – in order for my family of 5 to live.

At times, I think about what I need to get done in a week, or a day as ask why… why do I feel that I need to be doing all of these things. Why have I committed to these things in the first place and why can I not just slow down. It actually comes down to choice – would you agree? I choose what I commit to – and yes it is often way to much or far more than what is reasonable. ( I have high expectations of myself!) I can choose what activities my kids are involved in… I am even blessed enough to choose my work hours – within reason. So why then, do I see the lack of time, the rush, the tiredness, the never ending to do list as something of an obligation rather than a choice…

I actually don’t have an answer for that question. But one thing I would like to highlight, mention, suggest at this point is – Does my ( yours / our) busi-ness align with our personal / family goals and values? I need to reign myself in at times, because my love of over – commitment plays havoc with the values I have for my family – the ones where I value dinner time together, and value time together, value speaking life into my children (even when I am tired), the value of time with my husband – and continually learning more about him and how we can be a better team as we lead our family…

I know when my over- committedness – I’m pretty sure that is a word – tips my family values out of sync. The one thing I haven’t nailed yet – is knowing where my line of too much starts, and where my line of it’s all good stops. For everyone this will be different according to capacity – but what this will show is your ability to make good choices. I’m not sure about you but at my kids school – they are encouraged to make good choices – this seems to be the way they are disciplined – told to make a good choice rather than a bad one. We as parents, as family leaders need to remember that the outcome for our families, our marriage, our children is the a result of the choices we make. Whether they are seen to be good or not.

The thought I want to leave with you today is, don’t let life happen to you and spend your days wondering why you are so busy – with not a lot of time for what you want to do. Think about the choices you make to commit to things and the impact it has on yourself and your family. How do those impacts then work for or against your family values?

It may take time to think all of these things through, but take the time over days even weeks – their is nothing like a slight change in your week to make a huge difference to your family life.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

C.S. Lewis