Category: Victory

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Victory

is connection what we really want?

Wow what a start to the new year we have had! I feel like the beginning of the year kick started me into June – any one with me on that?

Over my summer break – which was 3 months ago now… I had ample time to reflect and spent a lot of time reading mindless fiction, switching off from the world, and just being around my family and outdoors – my happy place. What made me contemplate life and society and the current climate we live in was how culture has changed to a point where we are crying out for connection – but we don’t even really know what that word means any more – or know if that is really what we want.

Connection in its simplest form means to:

to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind: and to establish communication between; put in communication

dictionary.com

What this word seems to leave out – is what happens after the point of connection. How we connect to others via social media, is vastly different to how we connect with a person in the park for example, to how we connect with a friend over coffee.

What I believe we are looking for is more than connection but rather fellowship – yep I said it – the old fashioned word, that is often thought of in a church context but it’s meaning is transferable to any setting:

Fellowship is friendly relationship; companionship:

dictionary.com

Fellowship, is more than connection, and points to relationship – a give and take, an openness, a vulnerability, fun, enjoyment and the list goes on.

So as we live and breathe in a culture that claims to be super connected, how do we then go deeper and build real friendships and relationships. For me it comes down to three things.

  1. Actually talk to some one. This may be a stranger you see at the park, with kids around the same age as yours, it may be some one you buy your coffee from. It may even be the person who helps you bag your click and collect groceries. ( I have a whole other story about this for another day)
  2. Be open and curious. At times we expect people to meet our friendship checklist needs, or like the same things we do. Guess what – you are you for a reason, and everyone else is good at being everyone else. Be open and curious to how others think, what they like and don’t like. Be patient, scratch the surface, their is a whole person under there who may be like you – seeking connection.
  3. Be brave. Share your phone number, suggest catching up again, step out of your comfort zone. This is one way to make friends – but make sure you feel safe etc… before doing so.

In a culture so hung up on self, and consumed by the idea of being connected, remember, it is a basic human need to feel a sense of belonging, and how do we achieve this – through having friends, and being a friend to make friends. Good old common manners, openness and bravery.

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Victory

Greener grass

A few of our friends, love their grass – love making it greener, love mowing it, love the way it looks and spend time comparing their grass photo, their tips and tricks etc… We on the other hand, have grass in our yard, it gets mowed when it needs it and that’s the extent of how much we love our grass. Reading the group chats about grass, makes me smile but I also ponder how some one could love grass so much – it’s just not my jam.

How many of us have wondered about greener grass when it comes to life, where we work, our family, even our selves? I have never really gelled with the phrase, “the grass is always greener on the other side” because I love to question and generally respond to the phrase “Is it really?” I like to see the proof.

Last summer, as we spent time as a family reflecting on the year that finished and the year ahead – we started a family book club – sorry its nerdy but we love it. We started to read Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart. It has turned into a competition to see who can read it the quickest as their is so much gold in this book. It is actually hard not the highlight every word in the book as we are learning so much from it and want to remember all that we have learnt. In one chapter Brown talks about comparison. In this chapter she uses the grass is greener analogy and unpacks it. I never knew this about grass but here it is paraphrased for you (This comes from page 21 of Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown, 2021)

Due to the physics of how grass grows, when we peer over the fence at our neighbors grass it actually does look greener – even if it is truly the same lushness as our own grass. The grass actually looks greener on the other side but that means nothing comparatively its all about perspective.

My encouragement to you, when it comes to asking ourselves if things could be better – yes of course they could be… but are we saying that in light of comparison or perspective? Some times it is hard to tease these two topics apart, but we need to simplify our thinking and ask ourselves the hard questions. Would I be thinking this, if that person didn’t say that to me, if I didn’t see that in their home, if I didn’t see it on the socials. Before we act out of comparison, to change the way we do things/ to change what we have or don’t have because of… stop and check your perspective. Take stock of your own green grass so to speak. Yes we can always improve, we can always be learning and growing, but aim to do it with perspective rather than that of comparison.

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Victory

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When you talk, you are only repeating something you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

Dalai Lama
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Victory

In the quiet…

As a kid, my Dad would take me and my siblings to the beach almost every week. He would swim out behind the breakers with us – he would explain the tide, the current, point out the rips and show us where the best waves were breaking. He didn’t do this in a few sentences, he would do this between body surfing waves while we would be left to tread water. We never seemed to worry about Dad coming back to find us, he always did. We didn’t worry about how long he took, as we were strong swimmers.  Sure, other people worried about us; we would have other adults watch us curiously from a distance until Dad swam back to us. One time, even a lifesaver checked on us.

What this picture doesn’t tell you is, during the week we would be at swim squad, at 5.30am four days a week. We would swim lap after lap, do different training routines, even do sit ups on the side of the pool if we talked too much during training. We were being prepared and strengthened. We built resilience and became psychologically strong for the conditions of the surf. Our beach expeditions were not without dramas, we did get dumped by massive waves, we did get swept out towards the next beach, but the fear was reduced because of what we did quietly during the week, lap after lap in the pool. Building strength and resilience. 

When we look at others, and when they in turn look at us, we don’t always see the full picture. God does. You see he prepares us, in the quiet, in the stillness, in the times we draw near to Him, so that when we are taken out of our depths, taken out of our comfort zone, taken beyond the breakers, we have the strength and resilience – we have everything we need.

In this season of busy, joy, fun and for some disappointment and sadness, make sure you take the time to step out of the rush, step out of the busy and take time to be quiet. To be still, to reflect, recharge and wonder.

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Victory

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The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.

 Ken Blanchard
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Victory

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Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Judy Garland
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Victory

It boils down to choice…

This is by no means a place where we feel we know it all, have it all together, or are any type of expert. Homes of Victory for us, is not even about sharing opinions in a world that has way too many of those being blurted out from every possible platform. What we aim to do rather is start conversations – that lead hopefully in a positive way – to a shift in the way you do things, in a way you think about yourself and how you see your family.

At the moment, I am turning over in my mind, more and more the question of being busy. The question of how did I get to this point where I can’t even seem to find time to order groceries online. Ok so its not my favorite task and I am therefore not too motivated to do it, but none the less it is a task that need to happen – in order for my family of 5 to live.

At times, I think about what I need to get done in a week, or a day as ask why… why do I feel that I need to be doing all of these things. Why have I committed to these things in the first place and why can I not just slow down. It actually comes down to choice – would you agree? I choose what I commit to – and yes it is often way to much or far more than what is reasonable. ( I have high expectations of myself!) I can choose what activities my kids are involved in… I am even blessed enough to choose my work hours – within reason. So why then, do I see the lack of time, the rush, the tiredness, the never ending to do list as something of an obligation rather than a choice…

I actually don’t have an answer for that question. But one thing I would like to highlight, mention, suggest at this point is – Does my ( yours / our) busi-ness align with our personal / family goals and values? I need to reign myself in at times, because my love of over – commitment plays havoc with the values I have for my family – the ones where I value dinner time together, and value time together, value speaking life into my children (even when I am tired), the value of time with my husband – and continually learning more about him and how we can be a better team as we lead our family…

I know when my over- committedness – I’m pretty sure that is a word – tips my family values out of sync. The one thing I haven’t nailed yet – is knowing where my line of too much starts, and where my line of it’s all good stops. For everyone this will be different according to capacity – but what this will show is your ability to make good choices. I’m not sure about you but at my kids school – they are encouraged to make good choices – this seems to be the way they are disciplined – told to make a good choice rather than a bad one. We as parents, as family leaders need to remember that the outcome for our families, our marriage, our children is the a result of the choices we make. Whether they are seen to be good or not.

The thought I want to leave with you today is, don’t let life happen to you and spend your days wondering why you are so busy – with not a lot of time for what you want to do. Think about the choices you make to commit to things and the impact it has on yourself and your family. How do those impacts then work for or against your family values?

It may take time to think all of these things through, but take the time over days even weeks – their is nothing like a slight change in your week to make a huge difference to your family life.

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Victory

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There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

C.S. Lewis
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Victory

Consistency is in the doing

In our last post we talked about how consistency is powerful when it came to our behaviour and choices we make as we navigate an unprecedented time of disappointments and seemingly lack of control in most areas of our life.

Another aspect to consistency is how we deal with stress and what feels like blow after blow of COVID related frustrations and disappointments. When we went through an incredibly stressful time in our lives about 4 years ago, my Dad made a comment that I’ve never forgotten. He simply said “beware the of the layers”. After that comment we talked about how stress and external pressures sometimes are a bit onion like layers upon layers.

What I am hearing more and more in this COVID season, is mental health across our nation is in sharp decline and in all honesty I am not surprised. When we start to talk to anyone around us, it seems the layers of worry, stress and anxiety comes out in both words and facial expressions.

I was listening to a pod cast yesterday where the speaker said, the 18 months to 2 years of COVID gives us what scientists call pandemic brain. The amount of decisions and stress our brains have dealt with over this time period is equivalent to 10 years – no wonder we feel tired. (Podcast: Miracle in the Mismatch)

So, how do we stay consistent in the middle of this unprecedented time?

Talk

  • Talk about what measures you can take as an individual and family to bring the stress and anxiety down. This may also be a conversation to have in the workplace also. Think about the stressors in your life, write them down – acknowledge them – then talk about how it could be changed from a stressor to neutral or even better from a stress to a source of strength and motivation. Talking is not easy – but it will get you thinking out loud, you’ll be processing it with some one else and brainstorming together.
  • Talk to someone who can help you make sense of your stress – whether it is a friend, family member or professional – just start talking – get support and the help you need. Their is no shame in dealing with stress, pressures and anxieties.
  • Talk about bringing back the fun. COVID has dampened many plans and exciting things we thought we might be able to do but can’t. At the moment I am lamenting travelling but as a family we brought back the fun and started listing places we could go based on our names. Sounds kind of not fun and a bit silly, but we enjoyed looking up places, dreaming about what some places would be like etc… It is a list we could never afford to fulfill but it gave us some fun and allowed us to dream.

Do

Now that you’ve talked about the serious stuff and everything in between – it is time to take action. Make a list of actions – plan your actions – motivate yourself to fulfil your actions. To give you an idea – as a family we talked about how we are talking to each other could be improved. Our action was to learn about left and right brain and how we flick sides in the use of our brain when we are angry for example. We learnt ways to flick back to calm ( at least calm-ish) and have been practicing that. It has reduced a layer of stress in our home. It was just one way we could remove a stress from the stress column in our minds and move it to neutral.

Keep Going

You’ve got this. None of us were prepared back in 2019 for what 2020 to now would bring – to ourselves, our families, our city, our nation and world. All of us have been touched some how, impacted some how by COVID.

Once you have talked and started to do – keep going. Keep finding ways to bring back the fun, to turn stressors into neutral. Give yourself some grace, allow your self to be sad, be tired, be hurting – but remember to pick yourself up and keep going. One step in front of the other is all it takes. Just take one step at a time. You’ve got this.

What are some ways you are trying to keep yourself even keeled? How are you working towards being consistent?

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Victory

Consistency is powerful

In what feels like a long and never ending COVID season – the impacts of change, are being felt far and wide. I’ve spoken to people this week – who are anxious about keeping up with the ever changing restrictions – wanting to do the right thing, but are unsure about the restrictions that are in place. I’ve spoken to people who are locked down to the point, where the only way the teenagers in the home have ‘fun’ is swap the room they are working in at lunch time. I’ve spoken to families who are doing it really tough and those who are making the most of lockdowns and changing restrictions.

Though we face a season of let downs, changing landscapes, a need to keep going, their is a glimmer of hope – a silver lining. We have a choice to make when it comes to our behavior and consistency. We hold control over that. We are responsible for that. We essentially hold the gaming control when it comes to who we are and how we behave.

I must admit aside from everything COVID I am not as disciplined as I would like to be or imagine I should be. The idea of doing the same thing every day – like go for a walk, sounds nice in my head in theory, but when I do it, I get bored pretty quick and try to change it up. I grew up with my Dad being so consistent, and disciplined in his routines that I wondered if he found it boring… what I did learn after observing him year after year, is the progress he made, the slow and steady pace of consistency paying off over time, time and time again. He is now – still a very fit man, enjoying early retirement ( less the travel plans), he has a wide range of hobbies and interests because over time, he was consistent in his learning – consistent in expanding his interests.

One thing I would like to challenge you with, is – what is your consistency like? I am always trying to work on being more consistent with the simple things. Like taking the time to have dinner as a family – carving out that time daily. I am trying to develop a routine that works with my new flexible hours at work. What is it that you have control over, in this time of seemingly lack of control.

Think about how you can be more consistent ? How you can harness control over the things that you can control – like consistency and behavior. While not thinking about the things you / me / us no longer have control over – like when borders will reopen, and when can I plan a holiday that won’t get cancelled by lockdowns.

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Victory

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A dream is a picture, a vision is a plan

Pastor Brian Houston

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Victory

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Well done is better than well said

Benjamin Franklin

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Victory

personal retreat

In my workplace it is strongly suggested that we have a retreat day every quarter. Time where we step out of the office and into nature to regroup, reflect and reset. This is such a foreign concept to me who pretty much doesn’t know how to have down time, as I am always doing something.

To be honest I have been researching what a personal retreat day is – so I can plan one, confidently knowing I will make the most of the retreat day. Anyone laughing at me yet? I’ve been asking my team mates -what do you even do on a retreat day? How do you make it work with your family? All of the logistical questions that I think of.

The crux of it is, is to reboot and enjoy the process. So in my planning of my retreat day – which at the moment has a schedule… includes good food, some time in nature, a time of reflecting and a time of writing. I have decided to purposely leave my computer at home and not check any work emails. I am determined to be completely switched off for a whole day. I am literally hoping I can do it.

Do you take the time to have a personal retreat day? Have you even considered doing one? In our hustle and bustle – not just in our workplaces, but families, and even our minds – I am beginning to look forward to this day of difference. Where I can step out of the normal, step into the slow and still ‘feel’ productive, while knowing I am setting time aside for me to reboot and reset.

What are somethings you do to reboot, reflect and reset?

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Victory

here we go again

I’m sitting here at 9:30am in my PJ’s – one of my kids is painting – the other two are playing Ring Fit – with the argument of it is technically exercise so it doesn’t count as screen time. My husband is sitting next to me working… I should be working – and in all honesty I have been working hard through this latest round of lockdowns… but not in my usual rhythm. For one thing, I am never in my PJ’s at this time of day, I am never normally this unmotivated nor willing to allow myself some grace and work according to my motivation levels. After four days of lockdown with three to go … I know I am blessed – we’ve been relatively lucky in terms of how many lockdowns we’ve experienced and generally they are not too long…. I am realizing my motivation to be productive is sliding lower by the day.

Usually I take the challenge of changing life rhythms and run with it, but this time, my motivation has been hit big time. The routine of life changes the instant lockdown announcements are made, the kids think its school holidays again – rather than thinking about school work from home, my mind goes into ‘how will we do this mode’ and the puppy well she is just super excited to have us all around all the time. The change and the thought of here we go again seems bigger this time – have you ever felt that? You’re not alone. The thing is, we need to give ourselves more grace – even when it’s hard to.

In our ever change landscape of life – be kind to yourself. Listen to the words you tell yourself – are they kind or critical? Check yourself – when you’re feeling it – when the down times come – what is the language you use? Flip it into a positive- allow yourself the time to do it.

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Leadership Victory

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Winning doesn’t always mean being first. Winning means you’re doing better than you’ve done before.

Bonnie Blair