Homes of Victory
Category Three:
Business / Career: This week explore what your individual goals are, and how you expect to steer your business/career looking forward? What is important to you at present and in the future?
We often joke in our marriage that my husband is the dreamer and I am the realist. To further describe it, he is the risk taker, I’m not, he is Mr Adventure, I am Mrs Risk Assessment first. After 16 years of marriage and many jokes about our personality types, I’ve come to realize, that he can see things that I can’t see and vice versa. Another way to put this is, he chooses to see things I don’t and I choose to see things he doesn’t. The next realization is – do I trust what he can see, even if I can’t? The answer is yes, but it’s always tentative, why – because I want to be able to see what he sees.
My better half will put risk into the equation because he knows / sees / believes the outcome will more than likely outweigh the risk. Can I add that he is spot on 99% of the time…
In life, what is it that you choose to see? What is it that you are encouraged to see? What is is that you may not be able to see straight up?
I’ve been really challenged by this thought lately. What is it that I don’t see – that perhaps if I did, could lead to a different outcome. As a mega organized, ahem reformed control freak, I like to plan and know how things are going to work. These last few months I’ve been testing myself in a way to see how I would cope if my comfort zone was to be pushed out – by me. The results – the kids did run out of milk one morning – not sure why running out of milk was a fear but anyway – thanks to an early morning servo run, the kids had breakfast, I applied for a dream job and was appointed in the role… I was even able to wake up with the kids on the holidays and not have the day planned. For me this is a huge achievement – for some it maybe normal – for me a huge shift
Hear me out – what you don’t see – is exactly that. When you begin to become aware that there are things unseen – things in life such as behaviors, attitudes and thought patterns that could be holding you back… why not try to see them. Why not explore a change in your comfort zone – push yourself a little. My example may not resonate with you, but think of a way to make yourself uncomfortable – I’m sure you will be fine – more fine than you give yourself credit for.
Category Two is:
Home Environment – notice here house is not the theme, rather home environment is. List 5 values that describe how you want your family to interact, how you want your family space to be for your family. This is similar to family values from week one, however more practical items will appear on your list.
I don’t know about you, but in the hustle and bustle of life, how full does your brain feel? Mine feels… overflowing. I’ve recently started a new job which is AMAZING, and our family has been adjusting fairly well to the changes with that. But one thing my husband said to me over the weekend caught my attention. You see, in taking up this new role, I went in with eyes wide open, and a mindset of not only doing the task well but making sure my family and marriage came first and remained first. All other things would flow from that. The thing he said to me was, “I didn’t tell you…… during the week, you looked like you had too many tabs open in your mind”.
Now I am a sucker for starting to read two or three books at a time, I’ve always had a busy mind. I will write shopping lists, to do lists – and exhaust those just watching me get organised. But… what I need to realise – and wish I had done so earlier was that my brain – actually needs space to be my brain and simply function. I overload it with things that really shouldn’t come anywhere near the priority list. Are you with me? I realised I worry about people and events I read about in the news, I scroll through snap shots of other peoples lives and start to grow stories in my mind of the what if’s and could be’s. All of this is unnecessary. All of this is just overwhelming – especially when we add it to our daily intake of stuff.
Not only am I trying to work out dinner for my family, and listen to the battles of their day, work out the bickering between the kids and so on, I am taking on the worries of the world – when really, I don’t need to and really, I shouldn’t. This may I add is different to empathy – empathy is great and amazing – at the right time and place. What I am talking about here is taking on the worries of the world and carrying them like a burden – a backpack of worry.
How many of us are guilty of this? Filling our minds with what isn’t ours to worry about? Filling the gaps of precious down time we have with everything else but just being still and enjoying the moment. I came across this quote which came at a very apt time, when all of these thoughts about what I take in each and every day. Augustine once said
We must empty ourselves of all that fills us so we may be filled with what we are empty of.
Augustine
Now ask yourself, what is it that fills up your brain? Work, living, chores, anxiety, worry, feeling overwhelmed? What is it that you need to take away or empty yourselves from, so that you can be filled again?
To put Augustine’s quote to the test, and to personally challenge my scrolling addiction, I jumped off the social media bandwagon for 21 days. Can I just say, it was hard at first, but it got easier and better. I filled my usual scrolling time with reading and chatting to my kids and being more present that I already was. I feel I have started a new habit of scrolling less and connecting more.
What are you going to do?
Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.
Albert Einstein
Have you forgotten how to dream? How to think big? How to think beyond this season?
Here at Homes of Victory we encourage you to spend 5 to 10 minutes a day with your loved one, asking what if, with no restrictions, no can nots, no parameters. Don’t be afraid to think big – think beyond the unknown. Have a bit of fun and get to know each other better. You never know where the conversation will take you.
We started doing this for a period of time earlier in the year, we were inspired by this book ‘ What if’ . We would fill out a page every day and leave it on each others pillow. Eventually we started to make time to talk about our answers. It’s interesting, as we began to answer more questions we realised my beloved is a dreamer and from my answers I am clearly a realist. It has taken me some time, to drop the barriers and restrictions I put on my thoughts and dreams, but these conversations certainly have helped.
Here are some what if questions to get you started.
Enjoy learning about each-other and yourself, and have a conversation that is not about the kids, or work or life for once… We would love to hear how you go.
The age old saying, rings true when raising children – it takes a village. But what if you don’t have a village, what if you are lone rangers, completely independent and don’t have family to step in when you need or want them to.
You build your own village, one person at a time.
Homes of Victory
Raising children is hard work, we cannot beat around the bush. Yes it is rewarding, yes it can be fun and all of those things, but break it all down, it is hard work: Emotionally, physically and we can’t forget financially.
If there is one thing that will make raising children easier and fun-ner (is that even a word?), is doing life with other like-minded people. You may already have your village set and be totally content. On the other hand, you may be feeling alone, and don’t know how to meet like minded people, let alone strangers.
Rest assured, as the leader in your home, as a person of influence in your home, you have all the the tools you need to build a village. It will take time and effort, but your efforts will be greatly rewarded by a sense of belonging, a sense of not doing it on your own, a sense of being able to connect. Life is better together right!
Homes of Victory is designed to be a place of support and a place of community. We are here to assist and point you in the right direction for help. Please reach out and contact us and allow up to support you in building your own village.
I caught Moe (aged three) face planting the front of the dishwasher… It looked like he was trying to kiss the stainless steel surface. As I walked past him, just to take a look, he asked in a muffled voice “ Is it a tunnel?“ No darling…
“ Ohhhhhh” a big whinge ensued while I was trying not to laugh out loud.
Stop waiting for the right answer to begin. You can start simply by asking a question and the process will bring forward more answers and guidance. For example start by simply asking – what can I do right now in my life to be just 10% happier?
Dr Caroline Leaf
If we ask the right questions, we can change the world with the right answers.”
Ogwo David Emenike
I feel like everytime I speak to my kids they give me a life lesson in return. At the moment, my four year old is giving me a run for my money. The latest phrase out of her mouth is, ” I’m four, I can do what I want”- all said with a hand on her hip. That might very well be true in her mind, but the reality is far removed from that. She pulls the phrase out in context which makes me proud and on the other hand completely frustrated.
The thing I am learning through this season is, if I direct her in a way that she doesn’t realise she is being directed in then she complies. She still feels like she is in charge and is doing ‘ what she wants’.
In leadership – at times, we need to sit back and look at challenges and issues within our teams and projects and pinpoint the RIGHT question to get to the RIGHT answer. It is great to brainstorm the issue and circle back around to parked ideas, and label something as innovative… but if the right question is not asked – the right answer will not be found.
It’s the same with my four year old – if I fight her on the issue of ‘doing what she wants’, I wouldn’t be achieving my goals of getting her to do what I want – like brushing her teeth. If I roll with the punches so to speak, I need to ask the right questions and get her to give me the ‘right’ answer which is in essence obedience. Are you following me?
The question may not be a matter of how, it may be a matter of who. The answer may not be a matter of when, it may be a matter of why. If we ask questions others are afraid to ask, if we seek the answers that others may be too meek to seek, things will start to change – for the better.
Going back to my example – my home is actually calmer because I chose to rephrase my questions to make sure I still get the ‘ right’ answer – but I only get that by asking the ‘ right’ question. She can believe what she wants in her mind – she may think she is doing what she wants – but she’s not. What the outcome is – is a calm home – a change for the greater good of my family. I know she will grow out of this, and I know we will move onto the next challenge.
If I am prepared to rephrase, I am prepared for the best outcome.
Homes of Victory
How can you rephrase your questions / directions / etc… in your home?
How could you apply this in your role as a leader in your home and sphere of influence?
Lalee at 6 years old…
I was taking Lalee for a girls shopping morning, so before we went I wrote a quick list. Thinking I had forgotten something I gave her the list and asked if she could think of anything else to add. She took her time to read the list carefully. Looking up she said ” You forgot your punctuation”.
Silence is of different kinds and breathes different meanings.
Charlotte Brontë, author of Villette
What do you think about when you hear the word silence. For me it is two fold. My first thought is my kids must be doing something sneaky – or they are asleep (which is highly unlikely). My second thought is – I really want it sometimes. Just for a moment, but it seems elusive. What do you think of when you hear the word silence?
The things is, when I do get to a place where there is silence, my thoughts fill my mind and their seems to be an outpouring of thoughts, voices, ideas etc… It almost feels noisier in my mind than in the world that surrounds me. The thing about silence that I particularly love is, it gives me a chance to thread my thoughts, learnings and ideas into a meaningful pattern, that gives me more go, when the real life noise starts again. For me silence doesn’t happen during meditation or actual physical silence, it usually occurs for me, somewhere in the early hours of the morning, as I sit on my back deck listening to the birds as they call to one another as the sun rises. For me it’s thinking time, its figuring out time, its rising and shining time.
I love it how Charlotte Bronte frames the idea of silence. Silence is different things to different people – the thing is what do you do with your silence? Are you recharged by it? Are you too busy listening to the negative that you can’t escape even in the silence? Are you refusing to stop and let the silence, take you to a place of rejuvenation? A place of working things out – of taking time to process decision, challenges and the like.
It’s a challenge – don’t get me wrong I know it. I’ve had days where I’ve just taken a walk, stepped outside and given myself time out from the dramas of the kids or the day. At lunch time at work, I go for a walk to clear my head, I change my framework for a moment – to get silence and clarity. What do you do?
I need to admit that I have taught my children the word compromise in its full definition. It’s the only way, I can get what I want without them realising… Yes, this has also backfired, as it does with most kids who learn a new word.
Turning up late and in a flurry at kindy to do the usual pick up, I was stopped by Lalee’s beautiful teacher. I feel we have a great relationship and can talk about things that occur . On this particular day, months after my ‘compromise’ technique had been implemented and was working nicely. Miss K began to tell me that she asked the whole class to start packing up the toys ready for story time. Lalee, proceeded to tell her teacher that she thought they should compromise, so she could continue to play for 5 minutes while the others packed up. ( yes , she was very specific about the whole 5 minute thing). Upon being told ‘ no… we all pack up together’. Lalee took things into her own hands. She told the teacher that the ‘ naughty boys’ in her class (who actually listen to her), to clean up her section while she proceeded to go to the other side of the room to continue playing. When she was asked to help, her response was, “ I compromised with the boys, they are packing up while I play.”… I apologise unreservedly for teaching my child the word compromise. It selfishly helps me at home, but works against the whole system outside of my home. Looks like, the next word I’ll teach her, definition and all is team work.
As we find ourselves, waking up this Good Friday, the day we remember the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made, dying on a Roman cross in order to conquer death for all of humanity. I find myself asking the question,
What if victory means surrender?
Often, we think of victory as winning, as being the best, as making the biggest sacrifice in order to make it to the top. When I think of Victory, in context of the cross, in terms of Jesus death and resurrection, the word that plays over and over in my heart is surrender. For Jesus to be Victorious He Surrendered.
Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.
Luke 22: 42 (NIV)
The humanness of surrender seems like such a difficult concept in the 21st Century. The advocacy of “me” and “what I want” seems to drown out any other social concept in humanity. Jesus was the ultimate servant leader, who put himself last, who laid down His life, the ultimate sacrifice, in doing so conquering death for all of humanity. When we gather this Easter, however that may look for you – together as a family, with friends or for those who are still only able to connect online, take some time to consider, that to be victorious – it takes surrender. Surrender to the one who is victorious over death, the one who sacrificed it all – that we might live. Jesus didn’t come to Earth, with a set of rules, nor did He come with any other intention of bringing freedom wrapped up in love, mercy, and grace.
Whatever your opinion is of church, Christians, and religion, set those thoughts aside and focus on Jesus and the victory He has over death, the surrender, the sacrifice He made for you. For all of humanity. Take a moment to pause and reflect.
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16 (NIV)
Want to know more about Jesus, more about Easter, more about the bible
Alpha: https://www.alpha.org.au/try or search for an online Easter service online.
Please contact us, if we can help you any further. Love to you all this Easter.
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Success for leadership is . . . knowing the great art of directing others without their noticing it.
Anonymous
Homes of Victory