Homes of Victory
Category Three:
Business / Career: This week explore what your individual goals are, and how you expect to steer your business/career looking forward? What is important to you at present and in the future?
We often joke in our marriage that my husband is the dreamer and I am the realist. To further describe it, he is the risk taker, I’m not, he is Mr Adventure, I am Mrs Risk Assessment first. After 16 years of marriage and many jokes about our personality types, I’ve come to realize, that he can see things that I can’t see and vice versa. Another way to put this is, he chooses to see things I don’t and I choose to see things he doesn’t. The next realization is – do I trust what he can see, even if I can’t? The answer is yes, but it’s always tentative, why – because I want to be able to see what he sees.
My better half will put risk into the equation because he knows / sees / believes the outcome will more than likely outweigh the risk. Can I add that he is spot on 99% of the time…
In life, what is it that you choose to see? What is it that you are encouraged to see? What is is that you may not be able to see straight up?
I’ve been really challenged by this thought lately. What is it that I don’t see – that perhaps if I did, could lead to a different outcome. As a mega organized, ahem reformed control freak, I like to plan and know how things are going to work. These last few months I’ve been testing myself in a way to see how I would cope if my comfort zone was to be pushed out – by me. The results – the kids did run out of milk one morning – not sure why running out of milk was a fear but anyway – thanks to an early morning servo run, the kids had breakfast, I applied for a dream job and was appointed in the role… I was even able to wake up with the kids on the holidays and not have the day planned. For me this is a huge achievement – for some it maybe normal – for me a huge shift
Hear me out – what you don’t see – is exactly that. When you begin to become aware that there are things unseen – things in life such as behaviors, attitudes and thought patterns that could be holding you back… why not try to see them. Why not explore a change in your comfort zone – push yourself a little. My example may not resonate with you, but think of a way to make yourself uncomfortable – I’m sure you will be fine – more fine than you give yourself credit for.
Category Two is:
Home Environment – notice here house is not the theme, rather home environment is. List 5 values that describe how you want your family to interact, how you want your family space to be for your family. This is similar to family values from week one, however more practical items will appear on your list.
Don’t find the fault, find the remedy.
Henry Ford
I don’t know about you, but in the hustle and bustle of life, how full does your brain feel? Mine feels… overflowing. I’ve recently started a new job which is AMAZING, and our family has been adjusting fairly well to the changes with that. But one thing my husband said to me over the weekend caught my attention. You see, in taking up this new role, I went in with eyes wide open, and a mindset of not only doing the task well but making sure my family and marriage came first and remained first. All other things would flow from that. The thing he said to me was, “I didn’t tell you…… during the week, you looked like you had too many tabs open in your mind”.
Now I am a sucker for starting to read two or three books at a time, I’ve always had a busy mind. I will write shopping lists, to do lists – and exhaust those just watching me get organised. But… what I need to realise – and wish I had done so earlier was that my brain – actually needs space to be my brain and simply function. I overload it with things that really shouldn’t come anywhere near the priority list. Are you with me? I realised I worry about people and events I read about in the news, I scroll through snap shots of other peoples lives and start to grow stories in my mind of the what if’s and could be’s. All of this is unnecessary. All of this is just overwhelming – especially when we add it to our daily intake of stuff.
Not only am I trying to work out dinner for my family, and listen to the battles of their day, work out the bickering between the kids and so on, I am taking on the worries of the world – when really, I don’t need to and really, I shouldn’t. This may I add is different to empathy – empathy is great and amazing – at the right time and place. What I am talking about here is taking on the worries of the world and carrying them like a burden – a backpack of worry.
How many of us are guilty of this? Filling our minds with what isn’t ours to worry about? Filling the gaps of precious down time we have with everything else but just being still and enjoying the moment. I came across this quote which came at a very apt time, when all of these thoughts about what I take in each and every day. Augustine once said
We must empty ourselves of all that fills us so we may be filled with what we are empty of.
Augustine
Now ask yourself, what is it that fills up your brain? Work, living, chores, anxiety, worry, feeling overwhelmed? What is it that you need to take away or empty yourselves from, so that you can be filled again?
To put Augustine’s quote to the test, and to personally challenge my scrolling addiction, I jumped off the social media bandwagon for 21 days. Can I just say, it was hard at first, but it got easier and better. I filled my usual scrolling time with reading and chatting to my kids and being more present that I already was. I feel I have started a new habit of scrolling less and connecting more.
What are you going to do?
Stop waiting for the right answer to begin. You can start simply by asking a question and the process will bring forward more answers and guidance. For example start by simply asking – what can I do right now in my life to be just 10% happier?
Dr Caroline Leaf
Share your dream with people who want you to succeed.
Bishop T. D Jakes
Silence is of different kinds and breathes different meanings.
Charlotte Brontë, author of Villette
What do you think about when you hear the word silence. For me it is two fold. My first thought is my kids must be doing something sneaky – or they are asleep (which is highly unlikely). My second thought is – I really want it sometimes. Just for a moment, but it seems elusive. What do you think of when you hear the word silence?
The things is, when I do get to a place where there is silence, my thoughts fill my mind and their seems to be an outpouring of thoughts, voices, ideas etc… It almost feels noisier in my mind than in the world that surrounds me. The thing about silence that I particularly love is, it gives me a chance to thread my thoughts, learnings and ideas into a meaningful pattern, that gives me more go, when the real life noise starts again. For me silence doesn’t happen during meditation or actual physical silence, it usually occurs for me, somewhere in the early hours of the morning, as I sit on my back deck listening to the birds as they call to one another as the sun rises. For me it’s thinking time, its figuring out time, its rising and shining time.
I love it how Charlotte Bronte frames the idea of silence. Silence is different things to different people – the thing is what do you do with your silence? Are you recharged by it? Are you too busy listening to the negative that you can’t escape even in the silence? Are you refusing to stop and let the silence, take you to a place of rejuvenation? A place of working things out – of taking time to process decision, challenges and the like.
It’s a challenge – don’t get me wrong I know it. I’ve had days where I’ve just taken a walk, stepped outside and given myself time out from the dramas of the kids or the day. At lunch time at work, I go for a walk to clear my head, I change my framework for a moment – to get silence and clarity. What do you do?
Don’t trade in your integrity for influence.
Richie Norton
When you feel overwhelmed, remember; A little at a time is how it gets done. One thing, one task, one moment at a time.
Author Unknown
Today’s excuses are tomorrow’s regrets dressed in disguise.
Steven Furtick
You don’t have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.
Scott Adams
Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow.
Chinese Proverb
Anytime, someone gives you advice, rethink if it will lead to personal progress.
LailahGiftyAkita, author of Think Great: Be Great!
Nothing gets stronger without resistance.
Steven Furtick
In leadership, nothing provokes frustration like resistance. We all have ways of working around it, like change management, innovation, the like it or lump it mentality – the list goes on. May I add here, when parents face resistance from their offspring, many of these work arounds occur too… including ignoring and hoping it goes away…
When we look at resistance in term of lifting weights or exercising – resistance shines in a positive light. When we face resistance we get stronger. When we continue to face the resistance the resistance reduces – as our strength increases.
The question I pose is this – even though resistance in whatever form it comes, can be frustrating – can it also contribute to growth?
We all have that person in our lives, that makes it a little difficult, one where we try to work with them, try to collaborate with them, try to make it the relationship better- sometimes the resistance will always be there – but sometimes it will be the thing that makes us a better person.
I can’t help but put this example in here, I love my kids so much. One thing I have come to realise when I compare them to others ( we try not to but you know it happens) that my kids are not compliant. I mean, not compliant by any means. They are good kids, they do behave well but they are questioners. When I was a kid, I was satisfied when I questioned and got the answer “because I said so” – who agrees right – some times as parents we just say so.
Oh no, not my kids. They question, and negotiate, fuel the conversation with more resistance, add more curiosity and at times it never seems to end. To be honest – I love this trait, we have raised them to be curious and to question – but sometimes I just wish they would accept the answer “because I said so.” With that said, the resistance over the years – and I mean that with kindness, the curiosity we have encountered, the long into the night conversations about the name of the bone in our nose… we know we are definitely more intelligent, more prepared for conversations and know what to expect. In this instance, resistance has made us stronger.
What type of experiences have you had where resistance has made you a better leader? Better parent? Better person?
Homes of Victory