Tag: homes of victory

Categories
Victory

The hard truth

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how both thinking too highly or not highly enough of yourself can be your own worst enemy. Yet at times it is really difficult to have an honest idea of who you are while realistically understanding your gifts and talents along with your weaknesses that need to be worked on.

As I was reflecting on how to have a healthy view of yourself, I remembered something that happened a number of years ago that puts this topic into perspective.

One thing we’ve taught our kids from a young age is to think about three things you love about someone and add those things to their birthday and Christmas card. My eldest daughter decided one year to write each person in her class a detailed Christmas card, using this method. During the last week of school, one mum grabbed me on my way to pick up. She asked if I had read the Christmas cards my daughter wrote before she gave them out… I realized I hadn’t as I slowly shook my head. She smiled a huge smile and pulled a Christmas card out of her bag. My child wrote… thank you for being such a great friend. I love playing with you. Over the holidays maybe try to talk less so next year you don’t get into trouble in class….

I can’t even put into words my response – this was like a grade 3 version of a performance appraisal. The mums grin put me at ease as I profusely apologized. She said, her child cried after reading it out to her. I still didn’t know what to say. I was shocked, sad and completely at a loss of what to say.. she then went on to say, the card made her laugh, as it was true and her daughter simply couldn’t handle the truth…

I’m not saying we should go to bed crying because of what others think of us or even bluntly tell people what we think of them… rather listen to those around us, like this mum who knew the truth about her daughter, and hear how we can grow our weaknesses rather than hide from them.

Who do you have in your life that is prepared to tell you the truth?

Who do you speak life into, as you let others know the truth?

Categories
Victory

Let your light shine

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

quote by Marianne Williamson

Categories
Victory

Pause

I’ve been reading a book called Get your life back by John Eldredge, can I say, it has been one of the most inspiring and truth hitting books I have read in a long time. I wanted to pull a quote out of this book to encourage you.

Saint Augustine said, “ We must empty ourselves of all that fills us so that we may be filled with what we are empty of”.

This is such a beautiful quote and although it was written in the 1800’s before the world was busy and full as we know it know, the truth to this rings loud. It is such a great reminder in our every day – when we are bombarded with news, with advertising and everything else that is available on our screens it is so important to get back to the basics and be still. Even only for a moment. Being still, lets us re-center, enables us to focus on what is important and lastly, good for our health.

Take a moment today to pause, re- group and then get on with your day.

Book referenced: Get your Life Back – Every day practices for a world gone mad by John Eldredge (2020)

Categories
Victory

Cultivating creativity

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.

Albert Einstein

It’s clear that Albert Einstein believes that imagination is the key to real intelligence. Does real intelligence mean we only know facts? Does it mean we are creative? Does it mean we focus on solutions? Is it a mix of all three?

Whatever your position is, imagination allows to see what is not there, and therefore be builders of a new and improved reality.

I was recently challenged around the concept of adults losing their imagination and focusing too much on reality. I am so guilty of this, where I think of a fun, amazing, big blue sky concept only to shoot the thought down within seconds saying that won’t work. That’s not possible.

Who has come across a kid wanting to be a dinosaur when they grow up? It makes you smile right – knowing it’s not possbile but the kid believes it with every bone in their body. Where has that child like imagination, all things are possbile capacity gone? When does it not become a thing anymore as we grow up.

Homes of Victory is all about encouraging families, to think big, plan, grow and be all they can be. What we need more of in our families, in our parenting, is more creativity, more imagination and less barriers in our minds to what is possible. Cultivating creativity takes time, is perhaps a learnt art, of letting go and letting our imaginations run free. One thing I do know is when you do, the joy, the unpredictable and the what was once thought impossible begins to show possibility.

Take some time out to think about your dreams when you were a kid? When you were a teenager beginning to explore the world. What dreams did you have, how have they been squished, how can you revive them?

Categories
Victory

Hard…only cause we care

We found ourselves talking to our kids about having more respect towards each other and us – and indeed everyone they have a conversation with. Words are powerful right. Thanks to the teenage stage, our well-intended correctional chat was met with ” Why do you even care, it’s my choice what I say”. Oh and throw in an eye roll for good measure.

The response was valid and true… but what our teen failed to take into account in this conversation is we care because we love. Our response to this remark was ” We care because we love you. If we didn’t love you, then we honestly wouldn’t care”. Can I also add here in all honesty – sometimes it would be way easier not to care, way less effort to just let things slide, way more peaceful if we didn’t care. By the way we never say this to our kids, it’s merely a back of mind thought.

Love is often in this context the balance between emotion, fun, joy and the other end of the spectrum discipline. The tightrope us parents walk to make sure we build relationship and connection while guiding and correcting.

This response of we care because we love you, works 9 times out of 10. It stops them in their tracks. Why? It makes them think about what I call the train track of being a kid. We have a goal to grow our kids to get them to the station if you like of adulthood with the hope, they are amazing and wonderful and everything in between. However, the only way to get there – is via the track – one side is love and the other is discipline. The two tracks run parallel – sometimes we lean more into one side then the other – but to raise our kids into amazing adults – we need both sides of the track. They too need the boundaries; they need to be valued, and they need to be seen. You can’t have all of that without some form of discipline.

Tired Dad puts it this way

We don’t just raise kids. We raise future adults! who will one day reflect on how they were loved, guided and seen.

Tired Dad

So, dig deep, keep going through the hard. It will absolutely be worth caring in the end.

Categories
Victory

Turning Up

Sometimes I need to pinch myself; I feel like I have the best team in the world. As a team, we face many challenges not with each other but due to the roles we perform. As a team we are strong, but the challenges of the task at hand often wears us down. To combat this, we’ve recently started doing weekly check ins, that are not process focused team meetings but rather some time carved out each week to debrief, reflect, brainstorm and process the week.

One thing we’ve discussed openly, is the question of ‘How do we turn up?’ How do we want to turn up to our day verses how our day unfolds can be two very different things in terms of emotions and challenges. In my team, it’s easy to get frustrated, emotional and honestly not be our best by the time Friday comes around. I love it, that we can openly say, this made me angry, this made be anxious – name an emotion and someone in my team has probably felt it. What we’ve also asked ourselves as a team is, once we recognise how we are turning up, what are we going to do about it. I can admit some days, the contents of my emails get to me within the first 5 minutes, and I’m grumpy. That’s not how I planned to turn up to my day, but that is the emotional reality. The key is what I do next. The choice I make, influences my team, influences the stakeholders I engage with and ultimately impacts me. It takes courage and bravery to step out of your emotion and choose to turn up how you predetermined you would. My goal is to turn up, positive, open minded and ready to go. I don’t always turn up like this, but it’s my goal.

How we turn up, comes down to the choice we make, not circumstances, not experiences but an intrinsic choice. What we choose to do when we find ourselves not at our best is significant. It determines the influence we have, the atmosphere we generate around us and how much we allow circumstance and experience to control us. Victor Frankl a survivor of the holocaust says it rather eloquently.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

Viktor Frankl

We have an unwritten rule in my team, that we can call each other out, if we feel someone is not admitting to being their best self. We not only call it out, but then ask, what can I do for you? As a team we’ve chosen to aim to turn up – courageous, positive and supportive. We may not always get there, and I absolutely do not expect this of my team every day in every way, but I love it that it’s a goal, and that is what we aim for.

Do you need to assess how you show up? This applies to every aspect of our lives- work, home and play. How you allow circumstances and experiences to control you? Once you decide on a goal of how you want to show up, even when it’s hard. You will notice the freedom and the positive influence you have on those around you.

To summarise, ask the following questions:

  1. How do I want to turn up?
  2. If I’m not turning up how I planned, what can I do about it?
  3. If someone else isn’t turning up how they planned, what can I do to help?
Categories
Victory

Soft is strong

To the Mumma of boys who have soft hearts, I see the silent tears fall, as they tell you about their day. Afraid to ask to play, as the others seem so rough. I see your heart breaking as he navigates friends that have come and gone and friends that are still to come. The softness in his heart is not the lack of brave – but far from it. The pursuit of justice in his mind, is the making of a warrior. He will one day stand tall, undeterred by the arrows that fly by day, or the shadows that creep by night, until then precious one, take heart.

Your boy is stronger than he thinks, wiser than he knows, braver than he gives himself credit for. He can run as he chooses; he seeks truth and justice, he gives with all his might. Others may not see it, others may take advantage, but one thing is for sure- the warrior within is only just getting started. Nurture him, love him, encourage him, push him safely out of his comfort zone to prove he is capable, to show him, he can – when he thinks he can’t.

To the Mumma of boys why are soft hearted, take courage for one day, when he stands like a warrior, he will remember you, he will have the words you spoke into his life, safely tucked into his heart. He will know the value of the nurturing, the value of your patience and the value of your never-ending love.

Categories
Victory

Perspective

I was recently reminded of how important having the right perspective is. When we walk through a city with towering skyscrapers – how intimidating are they, yet when we see it from a bird’s eye view – that intimidation dissipates. Here is a repost from 2021 when we first took a look at perspective and just how influential it can be when we change it.

Here is our original Perspective post:

Perspective is one of those things that’s in the eyes of the beholder. How we see things is exactly that – how we see it. At times we can become so consumed with the perspective we see, it is difficult to change our perspective and see the bigger or smaller picture.

Last summer I’ve was blessed to spend some time at the beach both in a tent (read a week of rain…) and a little time in an apartment. When watching the rolling waves with people swimming and playing on the beach from both perspectives – I realized how different it is standing on the beach compared to watching from 19 levels up.

Stay with me here- when standing on the beach the waves were about 4 foot tall, crashing and sloshing and the undercurrent was strong. When standing on the balcony at 19 stories high the waves didn’t look so big and the people swimming looked really close to the shore. Sometimes we just need to zoom out a little. Yes, the waves of life come in their perfect form or messy crash but if we zoom out a little, we still see the wave, but we see the expanse of the ocean and all its wonder.

Another thing to add here is… at times I would much rather be in the waves at the beach – other times I would way rather be watching from a distance – like 19 stories high.

Whatever you are facing today – take a minute to check your perspective. Zoom out a little, take time to see the wonder in the moment – whether it’s a learning opportunity, a tough it out moment or simply one where the bigger picture helps to calm the whole situation.

Categories
Victory

Navigating hang ups and bang ups

In the last post, hang ups and bang ups we looked at how hang ups and bang ups happen, and how we respond is our choice. As hard as that may be at times, to choose the right response, the integrity filled response, the unexpectedly kind response. After one particular hang up and bang up, I was sent this quote.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

Charles R Swindoll

What I’m interested to hear is what is your first response to this quote?

My first response when reading this quote with a stream of thoughts starting with yes, I can see how that is true, then I moved onto, wait I have no control over what happens to me and how could I possibly try to respond positively all the time to ‘ what happens’… the reality is, there is no real answer. But what we do have in this quote, which is very thought provoking, is once again a choice, we need to step back and make every time we need to respond to something that happens -whether it’s negative or positive. What happens to us, as per the quote, isn’t what we are in control of, what we are in control of is our response. A little daunting isn’t it. Yet, with a little perspective though, it’s easier to see what we do have control of and how our response matters the most.

I am for want of a better word and avid people watcher. I love to observe, I love to chat, and I love to listen to people’s stories. What amazes me, is how different people respond to trauma, how different people celebrate milestones and how people admit to strangers their deepest darkest secrets. Part of my amazement is the learnings and growth in my own life that come from listening and gleaning during these conversations.

What I want to encourage you with, is how you navigate the hang ups and bang ups in life, can inspire others to see their own hang ups and bang ups differently. Sharing your story in the right context with the right person at the right time can make such a huge difference and truly inspire others to live in victory and rethink how they respond to what happens in life.

Categories
Victory

Bang ups and Hang ups

Recently, we visited our niece and all she wanted to do was read books. Reading is my favourite thing to do, encouraging kids to read is a close second, and reading to kids is one of my love languages. The joy that comes from exploring the pages, the pictures, and the words – fills my tank.

At one and a half my niece picked Oh the places you’ll go by Dr Seuss. She wasn’t really interested in the words but the beautifully wild, colourful images. We flicked to the page where it starts…

I’m sorry to say so, but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

Dr Seuss, Oh the Places You’ll go

She just loved the images, she pointed and squealed, and tried to keep turning the pages…I realized in that split second, that’s exactly how I was feeling – that some hang-ups and bang-ups have happened in the last little while. I realized I felt battered in a mental sense, tired from thinking way too much and giving too much credit to the hang-ups and bang-ups that I thought I left in 2023.

Reading on it’s incredible, the joyful spin that Dr. Seuss puts on the bang-ups and hang-ups, he really puts it in perspective. In reality yes, they are not nice, they will happen, but also, in reality, we can move on from the hang-ups and from the bang-ups and into the wonder that is the adventure of life.

So, taking the squealing advice from my niece – keep flicking the pages, to see what happens at the end… zoom out and give your hang-ups and bang-ups some perspective.

When we gain that perspective, we then have a choice to make on how we navigate the hang-ups and bang-ups – because often, these occur thanks to those in our world and it often makes it all the more hurtful – our family, friends, work colleagues, and at times strangers. The choice we have is to process our hurt absolutely, but we have a choice to make in terms of our own behaviour and response.

How will we react, respond, and move on? Often what is harder than experiencing the hang-ups or bang-ups, is choosing to do the right thing, choosing to take the moral high ground, continue to ensure we behave with integrity, and stick to the values we have foundationally in our lives. What we do after the hang-ups and the bang-ups is the most important part of the equation.

The question that now hangs in the air is, what are you going to do next time you have a hang-up or bang-up happen to you? How are you going to approach the situation, knowing at the end of the day you are responsible for your own behaviour and response?

Categories
Victory

Who are your people?

Over the years I have written about us needing connection and community with others. At times we’ve probably all felt we would like it, not sure how to get it and question if we actually really do need it.

I’ve been prompted to write this after a few conversations lately that have just shown me, the spectrum of response people have to the question of if we need connection with others.

My short answer is yes. I firmly believe we are hardwired as people to live in community and connection with others. What I also believe is, we as people often ignore this and hope for the best in how we live, with others around us, but not really knowing anyone or having anyone know us. Why? Because it actually takes effort.

I’ve been reading a book called “Find your People: Building Deep Connections in a lonely world” by Jeannie Allen. She talks about in order to find our people, and they could be those few people in our inner circle, those we bump into incidentally ( our village) and then acquaintances, we need to be humble, available and vulnerable.

Can I simply ask, how hard is it to be vulnerable? How hard is it to be available? How hard can it be to be humble? When I first read this my mind ticked over, well I am available after school one day a week and I could maybe find time between sport on a Saturday and oh boy, why would some one want me to be vulnerable with them – life gets messy… In summary, building connections with others and community takes effort. Effort we may not have the energy for….

After spending some time processing these thoughts, I realized we all have messy lives and we all need to get over that and love people in their mess and importantly allow people to love us in our mess. I need to confess my hypocritical behavior here.. When I go to some one’s home I never judge the cleanliness of it. I get the mess of life, the busy, the muddy dog prints, the washing the everything. I often ask if I can help out if them seem a bit overwhelmed. But, when people come to my place I try my hardest to have it all clean. I judge myself before I judge others… Any one with me?

Last weekend, when I literally ran out of time to mop the floors before we had visitors (coming to our house for the first time), because it had rained and my dog ran her muddy paws through the house, I apologized to our friends at the front door. Their immediate response was – don’t worry, we get it. End of story, not mentioned again, we had a great meal together. It was the first time, I felt that I could just let that go.

In hindsight, it was a way of being humble and vulnerable. I had done it. Yes, it felt hard, yes it felt awkward and not normal – but none the less it happened. What I loved the most was, sharing the meal was about the people, not how clean or unclean my house was.

My challenge for you is, who are you being humble, available and vulnerable with in your sphere of influence? I’m not saying open your life up to everyone, but who can you think of, that would benefit from you loving them in the mess of life and you allowing yourself to be loved in the mess of life.

Building community takes effort we may not have the energy for.. but building community brings energy as we are all in it together.

Homes of Victory
Categories
Blue Print

blueprint foundations

The outcome of this set of activities is to piece together the top five things you value under six categories that combine to make up family life. The six categories are broad enough to make this activity work for your situation. The commitment for this activity to be of most use is a regular, respectful, truthful and open minded conversation. Set a regular time to stop, relax and chat. Approaching this positively will enable the best outcome of creating a blueprint foundation, but also bring clarity and closeness to your relationship. Be prepared to talk about everything and be open about your feelings. The more transparent you are now, the more relevant and beneficial the final blueprint will be for your family.

How the activity works:
1. Take a notebook and label a page with each relevant category.

2. Write down seperately 5 or more things that are of most value to you under that topic.

3. Reveal your answers to eachother.

4. If some of your responses are the same that’s awesome! They will form the final list of 5 values.

5. Spend some time talking about the other answers that don’t match. Share why and how much you value each point.

6. The aim of the conversation is to have a final list of 5 points that you both agree on to be your priority for now.

To note: Other items on the list that don’t make it to the top 5 or cannot be agreed upon, need to first and foremost respected and then kept in mind. These values will become a piece of the blue print later on. The top five priorities listed here for each theme will feed into an operational plan that looks at the short term ( 1 – 3 years). It is important at this stage to limit the list as only so much can be achieved successfully in a short space of time.

One last thing to note is, some topics may be easier that others to discuss. If the need arises dont’ be afraid to stop the conversation and start again another time, this will make the conversation more worth while and fruitful. You may be surprised by what you find easy or hard to discuss – either way it will be worth it. Stay focused on the outcome and the reasons why you started this activity.

So lets go…

Category One is:

Family Values – What are the core things you value? What do you want your family to be like behaviour wise?  

Categories
Blue Print

Creating a family blueprint

Homes of Victory is a platform for families using leadership and management tools to create a family blueprint going forward. It is designed to support and enable you to create the home life you want, while living with a victorious mindset in the middle of the wildest season of life; kids.

Each week we will post an activity for you and your loved one / ones to complete. The activities are aimed at the adults in your home, but children of all ages can contribute. All of the activities will combine to create a family blueprint – perfect for your family. If you miss a week, simply select the ‘blueprint tag’ for all of the family blueprint activities.

Categories
Victory

One step of courage

All things are difficult before they are easy.

Thomas Fuller

I need to admit, that the mid year slump is a real thing for me this year. Although I still feel great, I have energy, I have motivation, I have even reviewed my goals and set new ones…. What I think I’m losing as the year is flying by is patience. We have a lovely, wonderful 5 year old, who is giving us a run for our money. I feel like every form of leading, guiding and parenting I’ve learnt in the years gone by is not even closely relevant to how I need to parent at the moment.

One thing I am learning from this and want to encourage you in, is no matter what we do, we need to start somewhere and simply give it a go. It may feel like a looming mountain in the distance, it may look like a deep lake of the unknown, but what remains is, things change when we simply start. As we step through the unknown, it becomes known, as we walk the road of difficult perspective is gained, and aspects become easier than they previously were.

I feel I am relearning to parent again, I feel like I am referring to parenting blogs for ideas, reading up on what I could do, implementing changes into my home, doing something to make the ‘difficult’ easier. What I am finding as I do this, is that I am gaining perspective, I am gaining an broader and deeper understanding of what I am experiencing. We as a family are growing and working it out together as we go. It’s never going to be perfect

Please know that you are not alone as you find things difficult. Please know that you as you find yourself in the middle of easy, that what was difficult is no longer. Be encouraged, it won’t stay difficult for long, it will take time, but you will be able to look back and see the journey to easy that you started by simply taking a step of courage.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.

Desmond Tutu