Don’t find the fault, find the remedy.
Henry Ford
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Tag: family
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What are you empty of?
I don’t know about you, but in the hustle and bustle of life, how full does your brain feel? Mine feels… overflowing. I’ve recently started a new job which is AMAZING, and our family has been adjusting fairly well to the changes with that. But one thing my husband said to me over the weekend caught my attention. You see, in taking up this new role, I went in with eyes wide open, and a mindset of not only doing the task well but making sure my family and marriage came first and remained first. All other things would flow from that. The thing he said to me was, “I didn’t tell you…… during the week, you looked like you had too many tabs open in your mind”.
Now I am a sucker for starting to read two or three books at a time, I’ve always had a busy mind. I will write shopping lists, to do lists – and exhaust those just watching me get organised. But… what I need to realise – and wish I had done so earlier was that my brain – actually needs space to be my brain and simply function. I overload it with things that really shouldn’t come anywhere near the priority list. Are you with me? I realised I worry about people and events I read about in the news, I scroll through snap shots of other peoples lives and start to grow stories in my mind of the what if’s and could be’s. All of this is unnecessary. All of this is just overwhelming – especially when we add it to our daily intake of stuff.
Not only am I trying to work out dinner for my family, and listen to the battles of their day, work out the bickering between the kids and so on, I am taking on the worries of the world – when really, I don’t need to and really, I shouldn’t. This may I add is different to empathy – empathy is great and amazing – at the right time and place. What I am talking about here is taking on the worries of the world and carrying them like a burden – a backpack of worry.
How many of us are guilty of this? Filling our minds with what isn’t ours to worry about? Filling the gaps of precious down time we have with everything else but just being still and enjoying the moment. I came across this quote which came at a very apt time, when all of these thoughts about what I take in each and every day. Augustine once said
We must empty ourselves of all that fills us so we may be filled with what we are empty of.
Augustine
Now ask yourself, what is it that fills up your brain? Work, living, chores, anxiety, worry, feeling overwhelmed? What is it that you need to take away or empty yourselves from, so that you can be filled again?
To put Augustine’s quote to the test, and to personally challenge my scrolling addiction, I jumped off the social media bandwagon for 21 days. Can I just say, it was hard at first, but it got easier and better. I filled my usual scrolling time with reading and chatting to my kids and being more present that I already was. I feel I have started a new habit of scrolling less and connecting more.
What are you going to do?
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I’m not raising my kids to survive the world. I’m raising them to change it.
Steven Furtick, author of Sun Stand Still
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Village building
The age old saying, rings true when raising children – it takes a village. But what if you don’t have a village, what if you are lone rangers, completely independent and don’t have family to step in when you need or want them to.
You build your own village, one person at a time.
Homes of Victory
Raising children is hard work, we cannot beat around the bush. Yes it is rewarding, yes it can be fun and all of those things, but break it all down, it is hard work: Emotionally, physically and we can’t forget financially.
If there is one thing that will make raising children easier and fun-ner (is that even a word?), is doing life with other like-minded people. You may already have your village set and be totally content. On the other hand, you may be feeling alone, and don’t know how to meet like minded people, let alone strangers.
Rest assured, as the leader in your home, as a person of influence in your home, you have all the the tools you need to build a village. It will take time and effort, but your efforts will be greatly rewarded by a sense of belonging, a sense of not doing it on your own, a sense of being able to connect. Life is better together right!
Homes of Victory is designed to be a place of support and a place of community. We are here to assist and point you in the right direction for help. Please reach out and contact us and allow up to support you in building your own village.
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#kidlogic:tunnels
I caught Moe (aged three) face planting the front of the dishwasher… It looked like he was trying to kiss the stainless steel surface. As I walked past him, just to take a look, he asked in a muffled voice “ Is it a tunnel?“ No darling…
“ Ohhhhhh” a big whinge ensued while I was trying not to laugh out loud.
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Stop waiting for the right answer to begin. You can start simply by asking a question and the process will bring forward more answers and guidance. For example start by simply asking – what can I do right now in my life to be just 10% happier?
Dr Caroline Leaf
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#kid logic: forget something
Lalee at 6 years old…
I was taking Lalee for a girls shopping morning, so before we went I wrote a quick list. Thinking I had forgotten something I gave her the list and asked if she could think of anything else to add. She took her time to read the list carefully. Looking up she said ” You forgot your punctuation”.
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Share your dream with people who want you to succeed.
Bishop T. D Jakes
Silence is of different kinds and breathes different meanings.
Charlotte Brontë, author of Villette
What do you think about when you hear the word silence. For me it is two fold. My first thought is my kids must be doing something sneaky – or they are asleep (which is highly unlikely). My second thought is – I really want it sometimes. Just for a moment, but it seems elusive. What do you think of when you hear the word silence?
The things is, when I do get to a place where there is silence, my thoughts fill my mind and their seems to be an outpouring of thoughts, voices, ideas etc… It almost feels noisier in my mind than in the world that surrounds me. The thing about silence that I particularly love is, it gives me a chance to thread my thoughts, learnings and ideas into a meaningful pattern, that gives me more go, when the real life noise starts again. For me silence doesn’t happen during meditation or actual physical silence, it usually occurs for me, somewhere in the early hours of the morning, as I sit on my back deck listening to the birds as they call to one another as the sun rises. For me it’s thinking time, its figuring out time, its rising and shining time.
I love it how Charlotte Bronte frames the idea of silence. Silence is different things to different people – the thing is what do you do with your silence? Are you recharged by it? Are you too busy listening to the negative that you can’t escape even in the silence? Are you refusing to stop and let the silence, take you to a place of rejuvenation? A place of working things out – of taking time to process decision, challenges and the like.
It’s a challenge – don’t get me wrong I know it. I’ve had days where I’ve just taken a walk, stepped outside and given myself time out from the dramas of the kids or the day. At lunch time at work, I go for a walk to clear my head, I change my framework for a moment – to get silence and clarity. What do you do?
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#kidlogic: compromise
I need to admit that I have taught my children the word compromise in its full definition. It’s the only way, I can get what I want without them realising… Yes, this has also backfired, as it does with most kids who learn a new word.
Turning up late and in a flurry at kindy to do the usual pick up, I was stopped by Lalee’s beautiful teacher. I feel we have a great relationship and can talk about things that occur . On this particular day, months after my ‘compromise’ technique had been implemented and was working nicely. Miss K began to tell me that she asked the whole class to start packing up the toys ready for story time. Lalee, proceeded to tell her teacher that she thought they should compromise, so she could continue to play for 5 minutes while the others packed up. ( yes , she was very specific about the whole 5 minute thing). Upon being told ‘ no… we all pack up together’. Lalee took things into her own hands. She told the teacher that the ‘ naughty boys’ in her class (who actually listen to her), to clean up her section while she proceeded to go to the other side of the room to continue playing. When she was asked to help, her response was, “ I compromised with the boys, they are packing up while I play.”… I apologise unreservedly for teaching my child the word compromise. It selfishly helps me at home, but works against the whole system outside of my home. Looks like, the next word I’ll teach her, definition and all is team work.
As we find ourselves, waking up this Good Friday, the day we remember the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made, dying on a Roman cross in order to conquer death for all of humanity. I find myself asking the question,
What if victory means surrender?
Often, we think of victory as winning, as being the best, as making the biggest sacrifice in order to make it to the top. When I think of Victory, in context of the cross, in terms of Jesus death and resurrection, the word that plays over and over in my heart is surrender. For Jesus to be Victorious He Surrendered.
Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.
Luke 22: 42 (NIV)
The humanness of surrender seems like such a difficult concept in the 21st Century. The advocacy of “me” and “what I want” seems to drown out any other social concept in humanity. Jesus was the ultimate servant leader, who put himself last, who laid down His life, the ultimate sacrifice, in doing so conquering death for all of humanity. When we gather this Easter, however that may look for you – together as a family, with friends or for those who are still only able to connect online, take some time to consider, that to be victorious – it takes surrender. Surrender to the one who is victorious over death, the one who sacrificed it all – that we might live. Jesus didn’t come to Earth, with a set of rules, nor did He come with any other intention of bringing freedom wrapped up in love, mercy, and grace.
Whatever your opinion is of church, Christians, and religion, set those thoughts aside and focus on Jesus and the victory He has over death, the surrender, the sacrifice He made for you. For all of humanity. Take a moment to pause and reflect.
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16 (NIV)
Want to know more about Jesus, more about Easter, more about the bible
Alpha: https://www.alpha.org.au/try or search for an online Easter service online.
Please contact us, if we can help you any further. Love to you all this Easter.
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Success for leadership is . . . knowing the great art of directing others without their noticing it.
Anonymous
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#kidlogic: thankyou
While visiting a friend we decided to take the kids for a walk along a bike path near a creek. We thought they would like running free and exploring the bush.
Moe, decided that it would be much easier to be carried, and whinged and complained until I gave in. No sooner had I picked him up, he did a massive sneeze. Instead of covering his mouth, he turned aside and let out his sneeze. Which I thought was very considerate for a two year old, until… the snot landed on my foot. “Oh! That’s gross. ” I said looking at Moe. He simply replied, “I just blessed you Mummy.”
What else could I say other than thank you…
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Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.
John Maxwell
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Leadership Trait: Influence
To be a true influencer is to have an impact on the behaviours, attitudes, opinions and choices of others. A leader’s ability to have influence is based on trust. The more trust there is, the more influence you have. Be careful not to confuse influence with coercion or manipulation. Just because trust is involved doesn’t mean it can be taken advantage of.
As a leader, you must constantly aware of how you influence those around you. The way you speak – will influence the culture of your workplace, the way you work will set the level of expectation, the way you carry yourself during stressful situations will set the standard for others, the way you do what you do – will influence how your staff, your family, whoever you are leading – behaves . It sets the tone of expectation, it sets the standard to which you expect tasks completed. Choose how you influence. Choose how you impact those around you.
Here are four specific areas, the skills of an influencer targets:
- Organizational Intelligence: Understand how to get things done and embrace the reality of working within organizational politics. ( What I like to call sticky red tape)
- Team Promotion: Leaders with influence learn how to honestly promote themselves. Bearing in mind they also promote what is good for the entire organization
- Building trust: With your team, your peers and others in leadership positions.
- Collaboration: No leader works alone, connect with others in you network – be empowered by this, and empower others.
These skill areas can be translated into your home and friendships. We are leaders in our home ( organisation equivalent) working within the constraints of family / income/ time etc… as parents with influence, we can learn to promote ourselves to our children – not in a selfish egotistical way, but rather in a ‘ setting the example’ type way. Trust is self-explanatory and so too is collaboration – the older you children get – there will be more ways to collaborate and empower them to make decisions, be part of the decision making process, or simply learn how to work well with others – using all strengths for the greater good.
The last thing I was add about influencing as a leadership trait is: influence must never be confused with coercion or manipulation. Being influential / being an influencer – needs to be accomplished in a positive manner – where you are setting a standard for expectations, using your influence to benefit those around you and most of all have a positive impact on behaviours, attitudes and choices.
Homes of Victory 