Category: Blue Print

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Blue Print

blueprint finale

Hooray! Congratulations! Well Done!  

Here at Homes of Victory we are genuinely so excited for you and your family. We hope you feel more equipped, have grown closer together as a family and most of all had fun.

You should be so proud of yourselves that you worked through creating a family values statement, learnt more about yourselves and each other, set goals  and created a family action plan. We would love to hear how it works for you and your family so drop us a line, you never know who else you will encourage to create a family blueprint.

Once again – whooo hoooo! You are amazing!

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Blue Print

blueprint strategy 3

Action plan

By now, you should have five or more goals written down, that you are both or all happy about and agreed upon. How do you feel? Excited? Daunted?

For those of you who are not planners, and setting goals seems so foreign, please do not feel that this is not for you. It is, as much as it is for a planner. The action plan that you will create, can be as detailed as you like, it can be at the forefront of all family decisions or not. It can be what you want it to be for your family situation. For us, we are half- half planners. We love to have goals ticking over in the background, while we get on with it and have fun along the way. At times we get really distracted and need to remind ourselves of the goals we set and why, but day to day, we are not dictated by our goals. We know what they are and how much of them we have achieved, but we still like to have an element of flexibility and improvisation.

To put everything in perspective, a strategic plan (which we call the family blueprint) gives you a place to record your vision, purpose and values (which is your family values statement), as well as your long-term goals (the goals you’ve written) and the action plans you’ll use to reach them (what we will now do).

As overwhelming as an action plan can sound, you will get your groove on, once you get started. We found the easiest thing to do, was ask a set of questions, write down our answers and then tweak it as we go along.  We’ve added in the questions we asked to form our family action plan. For this we didn’t include our children, but if they have been involved in the process of developing goals or even your family values statement, it may be good to include them in some if not all of the action plan creation.

Activity: Answer the following questions according to each individual goal set.

  1. What: (The goal – as per family values list)
  2. When: (Time frame)
  3. Why: (motivations and how does it link to your family values statement)
  4. Actions required: Include when you plan to complete each task
  5. Measure of success: What criteria will be used, how will failure be dealt with
  6. Link to family budget: Estimated cost and savings plan

Creating an action plan will take time. Work through each goal at your own pace, work together to come up with an action plan for each one.

Once you’ve completed your action plan, take some time to let the goals and outcomes sink in.

Ask, is the plan as a whole realistic for your family?

What adjustments could I make, to ensure every goal is achieved?

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Blue Print

blueprint strategy 2

Goals

Once you have your finalised family values statement, the real heavy lift work begins. Now, is the time to start thinking about and writing goals that correlate to the sets of values created in blueprint foundations.

The categories looked at in blueprint foundations were:

* family values

*home environment

*business / career

* children

* finances

* future dreams

The family values list links to the family values statement or mission statement., as created in the activity in the strategy post. Later on, the future dreams list will be used to create a vision statement for the years ahead.

 The lists of values for each of these categories home environment, business, children and finances will be used to develop goals that feed into the family 1- 3 year operational plan. .

Activity: Write 1 – 3 goals for each category.

How to write a goal

There are many ways to write goals and no one way to achieve them. If you are unfamiliar with writing goals, need a helping hand, here are a few different ways to set goal

SMART goals

SMART goals are based on actions that form the acronym: Is the goal Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound?

In our family we use SMART goals for more strategic type goals, we sit and write out SMART goals in great detail as these generally take longer to achieve.

An example of a SMART goal is:

We are going to save $X to go on a holiday in September. To do this we will save $X per week.

S: The who, what, when is listed. The where is not listed in this goal.

M: The goal of a holiday, and the amount to save is listed clearly.

A: The dollar amount is listed

R: This goal links to our family strategic goals – add in the category it is relevant to.

T: The goal is time bound as the end date is September

WOOP goals

Another form of goal writing, that is great when the whole family is included is WOOP. I have recently come across this method of goal writing. It is great as it can be parent led and has space for child input and ownership. This type of goal writing is great for ‘ team’ type goals that are not necessarily directional strategically but functional for family life. It may be about eating healthier food options, volunteering together, working on a family project – that kind of activity. WOOP stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. It encourages the big picture dreams and then by looking at outcomes and obstacles – the specifics of the goal can be nutted out. The final step – the plan is the grand scheme of how to achieve the goal. It is also the time to take the obstacles listed and write against each one an ‘ if then’ plan to overcome the obstacles. 

An example of a WOOP goal is:

W: We wish as a family we could hike for six kilometres (without the children whinging)- and enjoy it.

O: Increased fitness, ability to go on more hikes and find interesting places.

O: The youngest can’t walk that far, she decides not to…

P: Start building up fitness with shorter walks. Find ways to encourage the youngest to increase her stamina.

List:

The final example of setting a goal that I find really works for me in the busy of life is this list format of goal setting. I tend to use this for more base line goals and use this list as a reminder. I keep the monthly list on the inside of my pantry as that is where I see it the most. It’s a great reminder of what I set out to do each month, as the days fly by. 

Here is an example of one of my lists:

This month __________________ I will

  • Start/ Stop: organising birthday presents //
  • Learn: How to cook ravioli from scratch
  • Read:  “and the mountains echoed” by Khaled Hosseini.
  • Visit:  Grandparents
  • Organise:  the linen cupboard and garage storage
  • Improve:  print photos for lounge room wall – update photos

Overall, it’s not about the method you use to write your goal, it’s the fact that you’ve set some goals that you believe are achievable for your family.

Categories
Blue Print

blueprint strategy

part three of creating a family blueprint

Congratulations you’ve made it through the foundation building stages. Now for the real fun – the strategy and action plan, the part that makes the foundation essentially a reality.

The outcome for this set of activities is to creation a family mission statement with a set of outcomes, with identified measurable actions. Easy… ???

Home of Victory will step you through this, to create the final pieces of your family blueprint.

Strategy part one: Family Values Statement = Vision Statement

A mission statement is generally 1 – 2 sentences that sums up: what you do and who you do it for.

Activity: Take your final set of family values from blueprint foundations 1 – and start forming sentences around those words. This will take time to perfect, but it will happen. Let it sit for a period of time and make changes as you see fit.

When you have both finalised the family values statement, share it with your children if they are an appropriate age… ours were more than willing to ask questions and agree. Their involvement will encourage you all as a family to work towards a common goal and use this statement as a foundation for future decisions.

If you feel comfortable please share your family values statements – you never know what encouragement you can provide others.

Here is our family values statement. We started with the words, We see… As we are speaking into the future of what our family will become, as we are certainly not there yet.

We see a family that seeks to draw out the best from each other and in our community giving all the glory to God. We see a family that understands our imperfections and are willing to work through them together. We see a family that travels the world, learning and sharing with people from all over the planet. We see a family that impacts local and global communities to experience true joy, peace and health.

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Blue Print

obstacle course summary

Congratulations, you made it through the second part of creating a family blueprint. We hope you enjoyed the conversations and spending time doing so with the one you do life with. Did you find it interesting to learn about personality types, and figure out what the needs of your family are? How did you go putting your crisis management and stress management plan together?

What area did you find the most beneficial?

We would love to hear your feedback.

We found the who we are? section to be the most eye-opening. Even now, a few years after we decided to learn more about who we are, we are still learning more about each other’s personality. We have found ourselves talking often about this topic how our personality types clash and how they work together. We have been identifying more of our strengths and weaknesses – in order to learn how to compromise just a little more, in order to be more considerate and aware of each other. We must say, so far so good. We feel that we have grown closer together and have more knowledge and understanding of each other.

How do you feel since you’ve worked together on your obstacle course responses?

Did you use any of these conversation lead to big changes in your family?

Categories
Blue Print

crisis management plan

To be honest crisis management is something that we don’t often come into contact with in a formal sense. From a business perspective, there is always one ticking over in the background and pending the type of business the frequency of its activation is determined. Applying this to home life, is more than a financial contingency plan which I find most common – the suggested saving of three months wages for the just in case – for more info read The Barefoot Investor for families by Scott Pape.  A crisis management plan is not so much a plan as a process that can be divided into three sections pre – crisis, crisis response and post crisis.

By building this into your family blueprint, as a family you will be prepared to an extent for a crisis, emergency or disaster. The idea behind having this type of plan, even briefly mapped out is to reduce the fear involved and enable the navigation of it to be the focus.

To lay it all out on the table crisis, disaster and emergency are defined as: 

A crisis is a time of intense difficulty or danger.

dictionary.com

An emergency is a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.

dictionary.com

A disaster is a sudden accident or a natural catastrophe that causes great damage or loss of life.

dictionary.com

As you can see, it is a sliding scale of impact on your family and community. None are ideal, but in life these types of situations are not an ‘if’ but ‘ when’ scenario. No one is immune from unkind situations. Here at Homes of Victory we are going to give you some framework to create a crisis management plan to enable you to navigate these seasons in life and hopefully feel more equipped.

Pre-crisis plan

First up, we have the pre-crisis plan. The following series of questions will assist you in creating a list of actions regarding the contents of your family a pre-crisis plan. We have included the basics of what we believe will contribute effectively to your family blueprint. You and your family may have other aspects to add to this part of the plan. 

Red Cross have a great online plan that lists everything you need to consider in an emergency or disaster type situation for example bushfires and floods.

When it comes to other life situations such as a crisis like an injury or illness with financial impacts there are other aspects to consider.

Documentation & medication information:

The Red Cross has a great plan for these details. This is a great template to use, for listing important documents and medication information.

Insurance:

  • Do you have an up to date will?
  • Is your superannuation up to date? Do you know how much insurance you have under your superannuation?
  • Are all of your insurance policies up to date – home, car etc… ?
  • Do you have all medicare and medical insurance up to date?

Financial:

  • Do you have a savings plan in place, in case of loss of employment or unexpected expenses?
  • Do you have other investments you could rely on?
  • Do you have plans for multiple income streams?

Education:

  • What tools are you going to use in your family life, to keep the crisis in perspective?
  • Is  there any education you need to invest in? e.g. first aid training, financial management, resilience, stress management etc…
  • Are you aware of each other’s personality types?  Keeping in mind we generally revert to this personality type under stress.
  • Look for ways to be able to talk to your children about particular situations. Check out your local library for books that explain the experience.
  • Do your children know how to phone emergency services? Relay their address?

Assistance:

  • Do you have family you could call on for help when needed? Who is it, and do you need to have a conversation about it?
  • Do you have a network of friends you could call on for help with the children.

By having a pre-crisis plan available to you and your family, it enables a level of organisation to be available for when life gets tricky.

Crisis Response

I feel this is one thing that is hard to define. For business it is all about making the crisis look minimal on the outside, while on the inside the business scrambles to mitigate the impact. From a family perspective this is far harder to do. I know for us, at time we do go quiet while dealing with issues that pop up in life, we take in a sense time out to deal, and then resurface. We are quite independent and over time have learnt to share what is happening in life and to accept support from friends and family. We tend to be the support rather than the supported. With all of that said, over time, we have also learnt to put measures in place, like what was discussed in the pre-crisis plan to enable us to navigate the obstacle as best we can. In the post – beware the layers, we share how we went through a hectic season of one crisis after another which brought us to our knees. One thing that pulled us through was our determination to continue to communicate, to continue building on the foundations of our relationship we had set, and deal the best with could with the layers of stress. These experiences have shown us how tough we are and we realised we are way stronger than we have ever given ourselves credit for. It also showed us, that in the end, we could be proud of how we managed it, as we did our best and that is all we can ask of ourselves. It wasn’t a fun experience, nor was it exciting. It was hard work, day in / day out – to stay afloat while staying grounded and keeping it all in perspective.

Take some time to think about situations that your family have faced. How did you pull through?

Were you proud of the way the crisis was handled?

What changes in your behaviour or thinking could you make to reduce the impact of it on your family?

Keep some space in your notebook, for the next crisis – take note of how you handled it and what improvements you’ve made. It does sound a little gloomy, but it is something to celebrate when you can see improvements on how you and your family deal with the not so nice situations in life.

Post crisis

When things settle down, and life carries on, it is important to look in retrospect at the situation or season and take some time to let the learnings sink in. When you are ready, take some time to look at:

What are your learnings?

How will what you’ve learnt equip you for the next crisis?

Who can you share your learnings with? Who will benefit from them?

What could you do to be more prepared next time?

We do acknowledge that we can never be prepared for everything in life but the more we learn as life goes on, the better we can deal with unexpected situations together.

Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted. 

Christine Caine – co-founder of A21

This absolutely represents what I believe should happen through our experiences in life – even the dark places, we can learn and grow, and something good will come out of it. It may take time, but eventually we will see the good.  

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Blue Print communication

communication summary

When pulling your communication plan together, remember it needs to be flexible and evolve according to the needs of your family. Communication is vital and powerful – it creates connection, it creates a sense of belonging and it can be the difference between feeling secure or not. It is not something that is static. It will take time to develop.

Over the coming months take some time to look back on all of the elements of a communication plan as below. Reassess how your family is going. Enjoy the wins and be encouraged by the learnings.

  • Why we communicate
  • What we communicate
  • How we communicate and with who
  • The methods we use to communicate different sets of information
  • How often we communicate

The family landscape is always changing as kids and parents alike are always growing and changing – make sure your communication expectations align. Are you as parents demonstrating respect and language that you want your children to reflect? The children will copy you, whether you want them to or not.

Finally, in coming to a close on the communication plan, enjoy talking about and mapping out your communication plan. The value of this plan will come into play when the next conflict or stressful situation arises. It will become the backbone of agreement between family members on how to behave, that will day by day have a more positive and refreshing influence.

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communication

communication plan 2

Fighting fair

How many of us, have had instant regret when words have been said during an argument that are either untrue of knowingly hurtful…. Who has been on the receiving end of these kind of words. Words are incredibly powerful.

…take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.

James 3:4-5 – NIV version

How do we then reign in the power of words and use them for good, even when it’s game on the disagreement races towards hostility?

Most workplaces have a code of conduct where expected behaviours are laid out and clear for all staff to uphold. Likewise, in your home it would benefit the family to have the expected behaviours when conflict arises to fall back on. In our home, we call it the rules of engagement. I am not by any means stating we are perfect or fight fair every time – we are human, but what we aim to do, is communicate in a way that is fair, that tries to get to the bottom of the issue without the emotional hurt and spray of angry words. Although the aim of this section is to finish off your communication plan, it may start to look like a code of conduct document – where what is acceptable and not acceptable behaviours and communication methods will be laid out.

Start adding to your list from the communication plan 1, types of behaviors you would like to see in your family when conflict arises.

How practical and easy do you feel it would be to demonstrate those behaviours in conflict?

The aim of this is not to feel like a failure if you set the bar too high. Start working towards your desired behaviours in baby steps – map out how you want to see your family conflict resolved from the fly on the wall perspective.

Finally, don’t be afraid to try different communication tools. As we often have the kids with us and tempers flare at times, we find we sometime argue over text… so no words are actually spoken, the kids are none the wiser and we tend to work it out faster. Once we work it out, we do talk about it and have a proper conversation to make sure we are on the same page.

Make it a goal, to try a new way to communicate when conflict arises – it may just work out better than you expect.

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Blue Print communication

communication plan 1

A family communication plan is not something that is black and white and formally written out and used to gauge performance. Rather, it is informal and flexible, it has ground rules and clear expectations.

Let’s look at how we are going to lay the groundwork for a family communication plan. First up, work through the next six points together. It will get you thinking about what is working and what is not. Write down your answers in your notebook, to keep a record of the beginnings of your plan.

  1. Assess together how your communication is generally going?
  2. What are some of the things that annoy you the most about your current level of communication? 
  3.  What are some ways you could improve your level of communication?
  4. Write down some changes you are going to make in your home to communicate better? Be it with each other or your kids as well.
  5. What simple tools could you use to make life hum along just that little bit better?
  6. What communication expectations do you have?

As you start to implement these improvements and expectations, document how you feel the change is working. It may take some time, to realise the extent of the improvement, but be patient. Every family member will adjust in due time.

  1. Reassess your communication plan after one month.
  2. Ask the question – what improvements have been made?
  3. What improvements are there still to make?
  4. Would you add anything to your list of expectations or improvements?

As communication is ever evolving in family life, make sure you always have clear expectations of each family member and ensure encouragement personal growth is at the forefront. You can do this!

Next we will look at the fun part: communicating during conflict.

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Blue Print communication

communication 3

The value of free

Ever since I can remember we’ve done this in our home, I don’t even know how it started and I hope it doesn’t end. It doesn’t happen often and it doesn’t happen always but when a Love Gift is given, it often surprises and makes the recipient feel special, it communicates encouragement and love. What is a Love Gift you ask? It can be whatever we want it to be, as long as when it is given, we say “ Love Gift”. It can be the last piece of chocolate, the first pick of the roast pork crackling, it can be I love you written on the mirror, a post it note somewhere in the house. A Love Gift can be anything and for anyone in our home– it is often free – but the value of free in this case far exceeds any other monetary value. You see, it is the thought that counts, it’s the ‘ want to give’ attitude behind it. Love Gifts actually work the best, when they’re hard to give. When we’ve had a disagreement or when the kids have been playing up, it’s at those moments Love Gifts seem to have the most value.

A friend came to me the other day telling me about her relationship and where they were at.. she was so sad it had got to this point and at the same time all four of them were sick and tired and over it. I encouraged her to give a Love Gift. Her first response was why? My response was, because he won’t expect it. The simple act of kindness when all you want to do is stay in a slump, can make a giant difference to everyone in your home. She messaged me a few days later to say that Love Gifts work! Sometimes all it takes is for someone to be the bigger person and show love in the most unexpected way to make unexpected changes to the situation.

My daughter now, even writes little notes to her friends, as a Love Gift. If she notices someone upset she will come home, write and note and give it to them the next day. She said she loves to make people smile and sometimes all it takes is for someone to notice.

Whether in our homes or out in the world, the value of free – goes along way. The thought behind the Love Gift also speaks louder than words, and communicates kindness at the deepest level – something I feel our world needs more of.

Take some time this week to give a Love Gift to someone in your home. Think about who you would cheer up or show love to, outside your home – you never know what difference you will make in someone’s life.

Categories
Blue Print communication

communication 2

In the digital day and age, communication seems easier and harder at the same time. Communication nonetheless is the number one most important thing in a relationship and family. How it occurs, when it occurs, where it occurs and the depth of it all impacts the foundations of the relationships and the building of a family. In the season of being a parent, communication can be hard. Sleep deprivation, forgetfulness, overwhelmed-ness – everything contributes to diminished communication. Your communication style may have changed, your capacity has changes so too has the needs behind communicating.

I know for us we often find in our busy that we remember to ask the other person something in the middle of the night when the other is asleep, or when they are in a meeting and we can’t talk. Then adding, when we do see each other face to face, the kids interrupt in a multitude of ways that we often forget what we were trying to say, ask or tell. Are you smiling yet, because it’s true?

I must admit at the moment, I am guilty of saying before the kids bedtime, after they go to bed, let’s hang and chat, I need to ask you about… I then proceed to fall asleep with one of the kids, and stumble into bed around midnight, remembering that we needed to talk about something. The conversation then happens in a rush before work the next morning sometimes even before caffeine. We all know that, that time of day is absolutely not productive. So to overcome these challenges, some self-inflicted of course we have started using a few communication tools and methods to help us.

1. yes / no text

As the main, social organiser/ child logistics queen in the family, I often need to ask my other half questions that have a simple yes / no answer. At the moment I am sending at least one text a week with a short list of yes/ no questions. He knows, to respond! Not because it’s a ‘ yes dear’ moment, but because he knows that I am running the logistics past him to make sure he is included and that it works for him too. At other times the yes/ no texts become an email, as I’ve waited so long and the list is too much for a text. This may or may not work in your situation, but it has taken the pressure off both of us when we are with the kids and working out the logistics of life. Since we’ve started doing this, I have been receiving yes / no texts too – I love it, as it keeps life humming along and we are both on the same page with what is happening with the kids and other things in life.

Would yes/no texts work in your family? What other tools could work to take the pressure off working out the logistics of life?

2. shared calendar

My husband introduced a shared digital calendar into our lives about a year ago. It was the best thing. If you don’t already have a shared calendar – you need one! It is our go to when we get asked to do something out of hours, rather than saying ‘I need to ask my wife’ – which sounds like he’s asking for permission, my husband checks the calendar and has autonomy over his decisions. Likewise, I am the same. Our simple parameter around the calendar is, whoever has it in first gets it. So if I plan a girls night on a particular date and add it to the calendar I go… if he forgets to put something in for that same date – he loses out and vice versa. It may sound a bit black and white but don’t worry we are kind and negotiate. We put that simple parameter around our calendar so we use it to its capacity so it benefits us the most. It is a communication tool, that we use to minimise issues in logistics and awareness. We got tired of saying to each other – I didn’t know you were going out/ but I already planned something –  all of those unavoidable conversations have now been avoided.

Research some apps that could contribute to enabling more communication in your relationship.

One additional app may make a huge difference.

3. screen time

I thought I would add in, screen time and parameters at this point. So much is being written about screens and their positive and negative effects on kids and adults. I was looking for some stats and quotes to add strength to what I am about to write, but the information online seemed overwhelming. All articles pointed to the same type of issue – more screen time = lower quality relationships. We know this to be true, just looking at our own lives. It is amazing how quickly addiction can take over. Not just for kids but adults alike. Who sits on the couch after the kids go to bed, watching TV, flicking through their phone, sitting with their loved one. It’s not spending time together, but rather just being in the same room.

Our kids are still young enough to not have their own device, but the time is coming soon when they will need to for school. In order to pre-empt the screen time dramas to come, we have started modelling screen savvy behaviours to them. We want them, when the time comes to be able to self-regulate their own screen use when the time comes. We need to set the example, and use our own devices in moderation in front of them. What they see is what they will do. In response to our kids behaviour and I know your family will be different and have other measures in place, we now have the following parameters in our home that include all members of the family:

  • No screens in bedrooms – this is hard for us as parents but we are trying to work according to this rule too – how easy is it to lie in bed scrolling through your phone at the end of the day…
  • 30 mins screen time on a school day and;
  • one hour on weekends ( this includes TV, computers, gaming devices, e-readers)
  • whole family time is in addition on weekends – this could be a movie night etc…
  • Parents don’t have a TV time limit. (Can you tell our kids are detailed.)

In addition to this, as parents we aim to put our phones out of sight from 4 – 8pm – if we are home. The only phone calls we answer are from family and text messages can wait. Although we are not perfect, we try. We know, what we are aiming for and that is quality relationships and those can only be built with communication at the forefront of our minds. Since implementing these parameters, our kids do communicate with us more, they read more, they play more, they even help around the house a bit more. Teamwork is gaining momentum as we have put this emphasis on communication and togetherness.

Think about how many times you’ve had a device in your hand, when someone else has been trying to talk to you? How do you feel when it is you trying to talk?    

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communication

communication

One thing I love about applying management and leadership tools to family life is the word that keeps popping up ‘ expectation’. I feel this word sums up how the family blueprint can positively impact your family as it sets a level of expectation in many areas of life. The expectation of behaviour, expectation of good, better and best and the expectation of outcomes. Communication is key to setting expectations and navigating obstacles in life.

When writing a communication plan in a project so many elements come together to ensure all stakeholders are informed and are taken on the project journey. Elements of the plan include:

  • The purpose or goals of the communication plan
  • Information about stakeholders and their roles
  • The types of information that needed to be shared with stakeholders
  • The methods used to communicate
  • The frequency that each stakeholder would like to receive information

Breaking this down, it could read as follows for families:

  • Why we communicate
  • What we communicate
  • How we communicate and with who
  • The methods we use to communicate different sets of information
  • How often we communicate

Also other important elements of a communication plan, once again altered so it can apply to your family:

  • Creates written documentation for reference
  • Sets expectations
  • Increases transparency
  • Provides the opportunity for feedback
  • Increases productivity

When stating it creates written documentation – what I will point out is, my family doesn’t have it written down and probably never will. What we have done is talked about it a million times and neither of us will forget the Why, What and Who of our communication plan. Whether you feel your plan needs to be documented or not, remember that excellent communication is the foundation of navigating life’s obstacle course. It will determine how positive or negative the journey through an obstacle will be and how it is resolved. Communication is key.

Start thinking about and writing down the good, the bad and the ugly in your family communication?

What would you like to improve? How do you think that can happen?

Categories
Blue Print

time summary

Getting a grip on time management in family life can be challenging. I often hear parents say, “how to I make time when I have none – I can’t even shower alone”, “how can I work on my relationship when we are like ships in the night”. Here are some final thoughts on time – in family life.

Be intentional

Block out time in your calendar for family time. Nothing can override that time and it needs to be a priority.

Also, block out time for each other. Even if it’s one hour a week – to just stop and chat, play a game, discuss a book, learn about each other. This is not a time to watch TV or look at a screen, but time to really invest into your relationship.

One on one time

This may be at home or out and about – but make sure every family member gets a chance to feel special, feel listened to and feel encouraged. It could be a matter of taking a child with you to get petrol, it could be taking one of them to do groceries, it could be a parent / child date night – whatever it is, there is great value in one on one time – even if it’s squeezed into the busy of life.

One change

What is one thing that can be changed to make a big difference? Is it a matter of adjusting work hours, could it be changing a child’s music lesson to another day, is it deciding that take out is in order on a particular night of the week, so everyone gets to bed on time?

However you make time management work for your family, take heart you are doing the best you can. Be encouraged that the investment you make now in your family, will never return to you void.

Do not fool yourself into thinking it’s about the amount of time, or how you managed it, it will be about the quality time you carved out in the busy that will make all the difference.   

Homes of victory

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Blue Print

time

We all have the same amount of time in a day, our choice is how we use it. At times I expect too much from time and try and squeeze too many tasks into a short spaces of time. I also get frustrated when I don’t get everything done, when I want it done. This idiosyncrasy is one thing that really tends to bother my husband, who is laid back, productive in his work, but laid back all the same. For us time, has been an issue, time and time again ( pardon the pun). I absolutely hate being late, he doesn’t mind being late, so we are often late – defined as later than I want to be.. this has been cause of tension, added to as we have three children, with their own perception of time – you get what I mean, leaving in half an hour really means in an hour and a half. You say ‘ were leaving’ and they hear… change your socks to cleaner ones, swap the things in your lunch box with each other and fight about where to sit in the car.

Time management is the process of planning and controlling how much time you spend on a specific activity

On a serious note, time is one thing that needs to be managed in a way that works for every member of your family. My husband and I over time have worked it out, it is still a work in progress but nonetheless, parameters have been put in place to ensure big blow ups don’t occur over time.

Some key skills in time management are as follows:

  • organisation
  • planning
  • prioritisation
  • goal setting
  • delegation
  • stress management

Sound familiar? A friend once asked if the definition of freedom, is having a toilet trained child. How much effort and planning and strategising goes into toilet training. This is just one example of what parents do on a constant (note I didn’t say regular), constant basis. We are all probably better at time management than we give ourselves credit for.

In terms of applying time management skills to family life I came across an excellent list of what to include in creating a time management plan. I have altered it slightly to make it relevant to family life.

1. Pick two or three tasks at a time

2. Review the tasks – what outcome are you trying to achieve?

3. You can’t do it all by yourself

4. Use tools

Use the above list to start mapping out some tasks that you can review and make changes to, to improve your time management and level of busy in your family.

In the next post about time, I will share a few things that have helped our family work on our time management.

Categories
Blue Print

measuring success 3

I’ve worked in several workplaces, experienced and facilitated a range of performance appraisals. Apologies, I can hear you sighing already – but stay with me. At one workplace, I copied and pasted my answers to each appraisal question for seven years and no one noticed. In my current workplace, performance appraisals are taken seriously and actually contribute to motivating and encouraging staff. Performance appraisals often use stagnant criteria to measure success without taking into account the person, but rather just their output. I love conducting performance reviews as it allows me to connect with my team members, encourage them on a personal level and get to know their personal and corporate goals.

In your family, how do you measure your success? What kind of appraisal do you give your self? What motivates you? In all honesty, for several years our goals slipped by the way side and if we could bath, feed and get our kids to sleep we were winners. All too often though, we would flop into bed and ask each other if we felt defeated. Not a nice feeling.

One thing that we have started to do, is not only set goals that have easy to use success measures, but have found a way for our kids to appraise our performance as parents without them knowing. We’ve taught them to write cards to us every Christmas, birthday, Mothers and Fathers day. They need to tell us three things they like and why. At times the words out of the mouth of babes, have been a source of encouragement and joy. Its easy to be negative and think about what you could have done better but sometimes you need a little wisdom from the younger generation. Once my daughter wrote at the ending of her card that I was the best cook in the world. Hilarious, my cooking is mediocre at best – but not to her. If she sees the best in me, then maybe I should try to do the same. One time our boy wrote that his favourite time with Dad was at home. Nothing spectacular but it shows how he enjoys the every day. Another note we got was about how funny Dad’s, Dad jokes are. It showed us in the silly and the busy that we are doing okay. Our kids notice the little things and so should we.

Navigating success or the feeling of it where kids are kids, life is busy and no end seems to be in sight, it often feels like an ongoing negotiation where we just need to find a solution. I recently learnt that the reward for navigating one challenge is the next challenge. It doesn’t sound too inspiring does it, but in reality it is. The season of kids when working though what family life looks like with additional people in it, is often hard to measure let alone be seen as a success. I encourage you that as a family, learn from each challenge – look for the small wins.” I folded some washing today”, ” I was thanked for lunch today”. Once you start speaking the good, you’ll think of more good. See the good and it will flow into your feeling of success. This in turn will encourage you to keep on keeping on and setting goals and living the life you want.

Think about how your kids encourage you? What things do they say or do that really gives you an idea of how they see you?

List some things that you have learnt due to facing some challenges in the season of children.

Encourage one another as a family to talk about the good things that have come from the challenges you have faced. See the joy of overcoming challenges.