Author: Admin

Categories
Victory

One step of courage

All things are difficult before they are easy.

Thomas Fuller

I need to admit, that the mid year slump is a real thing for me this year. Although I still feel great, I have energy, I have motivation, I have even reviewed my goals and set new ones…. What I think I’m losing as the year is flying by is patience. We have a lovely, wonderful 5 year old, who is giving us a run for our money. I feel like every form of leading, guiding and parenting I’ve learnt in the years gone by is not even closely relevant to how I need to parent at the moment.

One thing I am learning from this and want to encourage you in, is no matter what we do, we need to start somewhere and simply give it a go. It may feel like a looming mountain in the distance, it may look like a deep lake of the unknown, but what remains is, things change when we simply start. As we step through the unknown, it becomes known, as we walk the road of difficult perspective is gained, and aspects become easier than they previously were.

I feel I am relearning to parent again, I feel like I am referring to parenting blogs for ideas, reading up on what I could do, implementing changes into my home, doing something to make the ‘difficult’ easier. What I am finding as I do this, is that I am gaining perspective, I am gaining an broader and deeper understanding of what I am experiencing. We as a family are growing and working it out together as we go. It’s never going to be perfect

Please know that you are not alone as you find things difficult. Please know that you as you find yourself in the middle of easy, that what was difficult is no longer. Be encouraged, it won’t stay difficult for long, it will take time, but you will be able to look back and see the journey to easy that you started by simply taking a step of courage.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.

Desmond Tutu
Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

Frame your world with your words

Dr Caroline Leaf

Words are so powerful, choose to use words that will make your world a better place.

Categories
Blue Print communication

The Whiteboard

Some times as a leader ahem parent, leading multiple people whether they are three years old or thirty three it can be a difficult task. Different opinions, different values, conflicting behavior standards the list goes on. At times we need to stop and as a leader take our team back to the drawing board so to speak and nut out the issues.

In our home, we now have a whiteboard, as we needed to introduce something subtle that would stop the lack of listening and the lack of -not-admitting emotions. ” I’m not tired!”, ” I’m NOT angry!”. You know how it goes, with tired and emotional children… and at times parents.

So how is a whiteboard helping the family with listening to each other? It actually isn’t. What it does do is, it stops us from speaking ( read repeating questions multiple times) and allows us to communicate through the board. It is an additional communication tool, one that has taken away our frustrations and enabled the kids to vent theirs by allowing their creativity to flow. No longer is it the kids trying to articulate words about how they feel, they know they can draw, write or talk to us in the moment of cranky, tired, hangry the list goes on.

When we installed the board we all sat and talked about how it will be used and why we felt we needed it as a family. Needless to say the two older kids love it and use it for its purpose – most of the time, the five year old has now finally lost interest in drawing all over it. Although we have enjoyed looking at the attempts made to draw multiple minions…

We have drawn icons for who is doing what task- an easy visual reminder of allocated chores, we have a table for feelings – happy, sad and tired. We can all tick off how we feel at the end of the day and chat about it at dinner time. One day I even wrote on the board, ” stop fighting” – aimed at the kids. They ran over to see what I had written and within minutes were writing funny responses and the tension had dissipated. We use respectful language on the board, we write quotes that inspire us, we write ” to do” lists and we leave love notes for each other. It has been a welcome addition to our kitchen and the family response has been amazing.

This may or may not work in your family life, but this brain wave from my husband has certainly made an incredibly positive difference in our home.

Take some time this week, to think about how you could adjust or add something small to your family home, that you believe will make a positive difference to your family life.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision.

John Maxwell
Categories
Victory

is connection what we really want?

Wow what a start to the new year we have had! I feel like the beginning of the year kick started me into June – any one with me on that?

Over my summer break – which was 3 months ago now… I had ample time to reflect and spent a lot of time reading mindless fiction, switching off from the world, and just being around my family and outdoors – my happy place. What made me contemplate life and society and the current climate we live in was how culture has changed to a point where we are crying out for connection – but we don’t even really know what that word means any more – or know if that is really what we want.

Connection in its simplest form means to:

to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind: and to establish communication between; put in communication

dictionary.com

What this word seems to leave out – is what happens after the point of connection. How we connect to others via social media, is vastly different to how we connect with a person in the park for example, to how we connect with a friend over coffee.

What I believe we are looking for is more than connection but rather fellowship – yep I said it – the old fashioned word, that is often thought of in a church context but it’s meaning is transferable to any setting:

Fellowship is friendly relationship; companionship:

dictionary.com

Fellowship, is more than connection, and points to relationship – a give and take, an openness, a vulnerability, fun, enjoyment and the list goes on.

So as we live and breathe in a culture that claims to be super connected, how do we then go deeper and build real friendships and relationships. For me it comes down to three things.

  1. Actually talk to some one. This may be a stranger you see at the park, with kids around the same age as yours, it may be some one you buy your coffee from. It may even be the person who helps you bag your click and collect groceries. ( I have a whole other story about this for another day)
  2. Be open and curious. At times we expect people to meet our friendship checklist needs, or like the same things we do. Guess what – you are you for a reason, and everyone else is good at being everyone else. Be open and curious to how others think, what they like and don’t like. Be patient, scratch the surface, their is a whole person under there who may be like you – seeking connection.
  3. Be brave. Share your phone number, suggest catching up again, step out of your comfort zone. This is one way to make friends – but make sure you feel safe etc… before doing so.

In a culture so hung up on self, and consumed by the idea of being connected, remember, it is a basic human need to feel a sense of belonging, and how do we achieve this – through having friends, and being a friend to make friends. Good old common manners, openness and bravery.

Categories
Victory

Greener grass

A few of our friends, love their grass – love making it greener, love mowing it, love the way it looks and spend time comparing their grass photo, their tips and tricks etc… We on the other hand, have grass in our yard, it gets mowed when it needs it and that’s the extent of how much we love our grass. Reading the group chats about grass, makes me smile but I also ponder how some one could love grass so much – it’s just not my jam.

How many of us have wondered about greener grass when it comes to life, where we work, our family, even our selves? I have never really gelled with the phrase, “the grass is always greener on the other side” because I love to question and generally respond to the phrase “Is it really?” I like to see the proof.

Last summer, as we spent time as a family reflecting on the year that finished and the year ahead – we started a family book club – sorry its nerdy but we love it. We started to read Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart. It has turned into a competition to see who can read it the quickest as their is so much gold in this book. It is actually hard not the highlight every word in the book as we are learning so much from it and want to remember all that we have learnt. In one chapter Brown talks about comparison. In this chapter she uses the grass is greener analogy and unpacks it. I never knew this about grass but here it is paraphrased for you (This comes from page 21 of Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown, 2021)

Due to the physics of how grass grows, when we peer over the fence at our neighbors grass it actually does look greener – even if it is truly the same lushness as our own grass. The grass actually looks greener on the other side but that means nothing comparatively its all about perspective.

My encouragement to you, when it comes to asking ourselves if things could be better – yes of course they could be… but are we saying that in light of comparison or perspective? Some times it is hard to tease these two topics apart, but we need to simplify our thinking and ask ourselves the hard questions. Would I be thinking this, if that person didn’t say that to me, if I didn’t see that in their home, if I didn’t see it on the socials. Before we act out of comparison, to change the way we do things/ to change what we have or don’t have because of… stop and check your perspective. Take stock of your own green grass so to speak. Yes we can always improve, we can always be learning and growing, but aim to do it with perspective rather than that of comparison.

Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

When you talk, you are only repeating something you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

Dalai Lama
Categories
Victory

In the quiet…

As a kid, my Dad would take me and my siblings to the beach almost every week. He would swim out behind the breakers with us – he would explain the tide, the current, point out the rips and show us where the best waves were breaking. He didn’t do this in a few sentences, he would do this between body surfing waves while we would be left to tread water. We never seemed to worry about Dad coming back to find us, he always did. We didn’t worry about how long he took, as we were strong swimmers.  Sure, other people worried about us; we would have other adults watch us curiously from a distance until Dad swam back to us. One time, even a lifesaver checked on us.

What this picture doesn’t tell you is, during the week we would be at swim squad, at 5.30am four days a week. We would swim lap after lap, do different training routines, even do sit ups on the side of the pool if we talked too much during training. We were being prepared and strengthened. We built resilience and became psychologically strong for the conditions of the surf. Our beach expeditions were not without dramas, we did get dumped by massive waves, we did get swept out towards the next beach, but the fear was reduced because of what we did quietly during the week, lap after lap in the pool. Building strength and resilience. 

When we look at others, and when they in turn look at us, we don’t always see the full picture. God does. You see he prepares us, in the quiet, in the stillness, in the times we draw near to Him, so that when we are taken out of our depths, taken out of our comfort zone, taken beyond the breakers, we have the strength and resilience – we have everything we need.

In this season of busy, joy, fun and for some disappointment and sadness, make sure you take the time to step out of the rush, step out of the busy and take time to be quiet. To be still, to reflect, recharge and wonder.

Categories
Leadership

#homesofvictory

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

Epictetus
Categories
Victory

#homesofvictory

The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.

 Ken Blanchard
Categories
Leadership

#homesofvictory

“I am not an angel,” I asserted; “and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself.”

Charlotte Bronte – Jane Eyre
Categories
Leadership

#homesofvictory

When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.

Abraham Joshua Heschel
Categories
Leadership

#homesofvictory

Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.

H. Jackson Brown
Categories
Leadership

#homesofvictory

Influencers are not leaders, but leaders are influencers.

Richie Norton