Recently, I was lucky enough to be in New York on a study tour, where I had the opportunity to interview some truly incredible people working in roles similar to mine.
One conversation in particular has stayed with me.
She spoke about the changes she’s witnessed in her community over time especially the visible and alarming rise in mental health concerns. Increasingly, frontline staff are encountering difficult and negative interactions linked directly to people experiencing crisis. While she remained hopeful and deeply committed to the role she and her team play in supporting community members in need, the emotional toll was unmistakable.
So, I asked her a question that many of us quietly hold: How do you lead a frontline team through incidents involving people in crisis, especially when you simply can’t fix the situation?
Her response was both honest and powerful.
She shared that when situations feel heartbreaking and gut‑wrenching, she asks her team one simple grounding question:
Is this a problem we can solve within our scope of work, something within our control or is this a broader societal issue?
She said, “I can’t give unhoused people a home. But my team and I can treat them with dignity, respect, and refer them appropriately. I can’t change the cost‑of‑living crisis. But I can continue to offer our free service with kindness, clear boundaries, and an understanding of the pressures impacting our community.”
I’ve mulled over this response many times since. At its heart, it’s about control and influence. What we can and can’t control, and where our influence truly lies.
Bringing this perspective into our homes can help us make sense of everything happening in the world around us. When something feels overwhelming, we can pause and ask: Is this something my family and I can control or influence? Or is this something we need to navigate together as part of a wider social, economic, or global challenge?
We absolutely have a say in how we teach our children to behave what we don’t control is how every other child behaves.
We absolutely have control over how we manage our household budget, even if we don’t like the external pressures of rising costs. I can’t change the cost of living, but I can change how I approach it, plan for it, and move through it.
And perhaps most importantly, we absolutely have control over our own actions, thoughts, and emotions. We can notice them before we tip into anger, frustration, or impatience. We can pause, reset, and choose differently. And when joy bubbles over, we can share it freely, because positivity, when offered generously, becomes wonderfully contagious.
What I can’t control is how others respond.
What I can do is show up with kindness, clarity, and compassion and trust that small, intentional choices still make a meaningful difference.
And sometimes, that’s more than enough.
Homes of Victory 