In my life I’ve been called strong and I’ve been called stubborn. I’ve called my kids strong to their faces and stubborn behind their backs. Is one trait better than the other or do they hold their own merit?
Stubbornness is a skill and an art. A person can be thought stubborn for no reason other than they have dug their heels in. Likewise a person can be thought stubborn for not giving up and being persistent until the goal is achieved.
In leadership being stubborn tends to have negative connotations, while the trait of being strong tends to imply a positive.
How then can we have the right tension between stubborn and strong. How can we still be perceived as a strong leader without the negative pull of being stubborn.
An example of this rang true in my home one afternoon. My 10 yr old approached me and asked if she could do a $10 pocket money job. Usually at my place the going rate for a pocket money job is $1 with the max of $2 for a car wash. … I suggested she could fold the washing for $2 as I was feeling generous. She asked for $3, I said $2 and the back and forth negotiation continued for some time. I finally said, it’s my final price if you want it do it, if not don’t. I was testing her resolve as I knew she wanted money to buy books. ( Side note: she is a book worm and spends every cent she gets on books) She walked off a little upset, turned around and said in a quiet voice, “Oh well you miss out….” She thought she could one up me by implying that I now needed to do the folding… when I assumed she missed out on pocket money as the task wasn’t done. By the way the folding still didn’t get done for a few days…
Can you see it – we are both stubborn and strong. We at times go toe to toe and I rarely pull out the line – “I’m just as stubborn as you, I’ve got all day….” I figure I have that privilege for want of a better word, as I am the parent. Placing this in a work environment, I would never make this type of comment, nor would I accept this level of stubborn. I would on the other hand accept this type of strong – if it was respectful. What I would also accept and action is working with staff on their stubbornness – turning it into a positive.
In our modern day and age of busy – do we take the time to look at the stubborn and see the potential? The potential determination, the strength and the tenacity? Or do we see the perceived weakness and dismiss it? I try so hard, to not tell my children they are stubborn – I’m not perfect, but I try to use the word determined or tenacious. I try to flip the perceived negativity around the word stubborn into the perceived positive of strength, tenacity and determination. These traits you will all agree are awesome to have as an adult in the real world, but when your a child – living in a family environment – stubborness is not always the most sought after skills. Likewise, when you are a parent of a stubborn child – it is not the most desirable either.
To balance the tension between strong and stubborn it is vital to connect with the character behind the stubborn, connect with the character behind the strong and you will be delighted with what you find. Draw out the positives, direct and steer them towards determination, tenacity, never giving up attitudes and leadership. They will not let you down.
Homes of Victory 