On a family holiday in 2019 my husband took the time to take each kid out for a treat – just one on one time. His ulterior motive was to chat to the kids about our family values and how they were tracking. We often use our kids responses in these moments to see how we are tracking as a team. We take stock of how my husband and I can work better as a team and lead our kids… this treat time becomes almost like a performance appraisal without the kids really knowing… wanna know how it went??
Miss 9 went first. The conversation was going well with many positives and a chat about how we as parents can be silly but also strict – when we need to. My husband asked Miss 9 if she had any other questions… “ Yes, why do you behave like a moody teenager?”. A little stunned my husband responded with – “I like to be silly and have fun… “ no Dad, the times you get moody”…. The silence was followed by a nearby stranger stifling a laugh… Looking around to find the source of the laugh, the kind stranger looked at Miss 9 and said, “you need to listen to your Daddy, he is saying some very wise things”. Miss 9 smiled and said “I know.”
A great conversation with the stranger ensued and it turned out that he missed these kinds of opportunities with his kids and wife who now live in another country. He recently left his high flying corporate job to work with families in this space… connecting and thriving – while enabling parents to also thrive under the stress of the season of kids.
Now to Mister 7… he was up next. While eating ice cream… the planned conversation began … his response “ Look at that bird Dad, if he doesn’t move he will be smashed by the tram…”
Trying again, the conversation continued about how in the family it’s okay to be silly and at times we need to be strict… “I don’t think that bird values his life Dad”… not one to give up easily, my husband tried again… “ yes Dad I love you and everything is good”… sweet… performance appraisal complete… although we both think the bird was more thoroughly analysed.
Next was Miss 3… she arrived home after her walk with Dad yelling,” I did dancing and (jump) and(jump) and (jump) I touched a dine-saur (deep breath while jumping) and it tried to eat my body”… so there you have it success all round….
On a serious note, we can sometimes sail through the routine of life and forget to take stock of how the kids are feeling. Are they enjoying family life, are they getting the rest they need, the attention they need. Why are we mentioning this when the focus of this blog is parents in this season.
We believe the kids will reflect the reality of the family. If as parents you’re stressed it will be reflected. If you’re moody and tired… it will be noticed… the list goes on. The next conversation on my husbands list is a with me… even though they can be tough at times the outcome is always amazing. New goals are set, clearer values are developed and it’s like the whole team is now set for the next year.
Who’s next on your ‘to have conversation with’ list?
Homes of Victory 