Asking questions without fearing the answer 

” How are you?” Is such an Aussie thing to ask, as you say hi to someone – whether it’s someone we know or a complete stranger. Often, it’s said without any intention of listening to the answer and responded to with little more than ‘good’.  Take a moment to think about all the times, you say ‘How are you?’ without thinking about listening to the answer or assuming the answer will be ‘good’. How often you respond with ‘good’ – even when things are not good and the response ‘good’ hides the reality you don’t want to share. How often have you heard someone respond to you with the word ‘good’, and wonder are they really? All too often we hide behind our fear of having real conversations simply because we may feel it’s a weakness to admit we are not good, we may feel alone in our struggle, we may feel no one cares the list could go on.  Granted, strangers in our lives may not care, but we can certainly care for those around us whether they are strangers or not.

I’ve become so much more aware of my words and their sincerity, after having a conversation with a man, who was ex-army and found himself in a precariously low point in his life. On the outside he had everything, on the inside he said he had nothing. He went on to tell me that one night, he found himself alone and not really knowing what to do wondered into a church. He went on to say, someone walked up to me and said hi. They asked me how I was, they asked me how I really was… I didn’t know what to say he went on, as the person was silent, waiting for me to respond. So… I told him the truth. He said, this person took the time to listen, took the time to get my number and texted me the next day and the week after that, just to see how I was. The one thing that he went on to say that struck me was… he listened to my answer when he asked me how I was – no one does that anymore. He went on to say these words:

We need to start asking questions without fearing the answer.

This changed my whole perspective on the conversations I have – in the workplace, at home, with strangers. My awareness of others has significantly increased as I keep thinking about asking questions without fearing the answer. A few things I’ve found, as I’ve played those words over and again in my mind is:

• Asking questions without fearing and genuinely listening builds connection
• Genuinely listening and asking curious questions builds trust
• Asking curious questions leads to problem solving, encouragement and broader perspectives.

With this in mind, think about what you are really asking next time you say, “Hey how are you?” Are you wanting to know? Do you really care? The challenge is becoming more aware of the response you receive as you take the time to ask questions without fearing the answer. By listening without fear you could change someone’s life.