Not so small any more

I have so many notebooks tucked away at my place, with thoughts, ideas and little stories that it truly a time of reflection when I read these little snippets in time, written not knowing what the future held. This year has been a year of my mumma heart letting go just a little more as another baby hit high school. Not sure what it is, but this time around seemed harder than the last. When I read what I wrote seven years ago, when my son was 5 years old and only just starting school, it made me realise how fast the years fly by. With that said, it also reminded me just how much we need to treasure the now, the things that seem so routine and normal, because in time to come they will no longer be. Here is what I wrote, I hope you as a parent of a child at any age can relate.

“ Push me Mumma!” My not so small anymore but not yet big 5 year old asked. As I pulled back the swing and pushed as hard as I could – to squeals of laughter. I wondered in the depth of my heart if this could be the last time he asked me to push him on the swing. The setting was perfect and I hid it in my heart just in case. We were at a park tucked in the trees with a view of the beach between the leaves and scattered tree trunks. The wind was howling and the clouds had gathered but in that moment it all felt perfect. 

As I stood there encouraging him to swing higher while adding in my own pushes every now and then, I realised I didn’t know how long it had been since my older child had asked me to push her on the swings or to even wash her hair for that matter… I realised I was raising these little people who were creeping towards a point in time when they wouldn’t need me 

It is true raising kids is a moment by moment, day by day, week by week journey – until a year has passed and the hard, tired moments seem lost in a sea of wonderful happy memories. While the gut- wrenching moments of feeling out of your depth are replaced with the thought of “ I must have done something right” when you see how your child problem solves or shares without being asked or shows incredible kindness only found in their own hearts.

For now, that time pushing my son on the swings is tucked away in my heart. It’s been added to all of the other amazing memories and life lessons my children have taught me. In the meantime just to cement that memory I jumped on the swing next to him, I swung just as high as him and closed my eyes. Remembering in that moment how good it is to be a kid. The reward was when I opened my eyes to see my boy smiling and laughing at me, telling me he was better than me at swinging. Why? Because he was the kid… then he asked for another push. 

What do you feel is routine and normal now, that may no longer be the case in a year or more? I often wonder if I will miss making school lunches, but all the same, I need to find a way to treasure these moments. For now, I will be happy just to treasure the text messages and chats with my big kids and hang on to the hugs just a little longer. My youngest still hugs me the longest and I will forever try to soak each one up knowing she is growing older and one day mum hugs won’t be as cool as she once thought. What is one little thing you can treasure just a little bit more today?